The One Who Got Away
by Racheli
Summary: Bella met Edward just before their senior year and fell madly in love. But when life after high school pulls them apart, can Bella move on and find love again? Or will she always be in love with the one who got away? AH
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing, I'm just playing around with someone else's stuff. This is not the first thing I've written but it is the first thing I've dared share and I'm scared to death. See you on the other side. **

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Chapter 1

August 2002

_Only one more hour. Could time move any slower? _ I was overcome with boredom as I flipped through an issue of Backpacker Magazine. I had absolutely no real interest in backpacking of any sort but working at Newton's Sporting Goods meant I had a very limited selection of reading material. It was better than staring at the wall again and besides, the knowledge of how to survive a bear attack might possibly come in handy someday.

I'd been working here for a month and, being summer in Washington, the store was usually pretty busy all day. However, in anticipation of school starting, Mrs. Newton had switched me to the closing shift and I rapidly found out that no one really buys tents and sleeping bags in the evening. I'm sure they do in bigger cities but in the tiny town of Forks, Washington everything all but shut down after dinner on weeknights. The locals aren't in need of camping gear and the out of towners really only stop by on the weekends or in the mornings before heading into the woods.

I didn't understand why they kept the store open till eight when hardly anyone came in after six but I needed the money and it was an easy job so I wasn't going to rock the boat. Instead I fought the boredom and flipped through the various issues of Camping Weekly and Field & Stream as I kicked myself for once again forgetting to bring a book with me. When school started in one week, I could bring in my homework and get it done while I worked. Kill two birds and all that jazz.

_School. Ugh. _I was not looking forward to starting my senior year at Forks High School. I was the new kid in town, the oddity, bound to be inundated with questions and curious stares. Being the center of attention was not my cup of tea.

I desperately longed to be back in the sweltering summer heat of Phoenix where I'd spent most of my life. My mom had moved us there when I was little, after she'd left my dad. I spent my childhood being shuttled back and forth until I was twelve and finally put my foot down. Dad started using his vacation time to come down and spend a week or two with me in Phoenix instead.

During his visit last summer I noticed mom was tagging along on all our outings which was unusual. Most of the times mom would step back and busy herself with little projects or nights out with friends letting dad and I spend our time together. Then one night I came home from a friend's birthday party to find the two of them sitting far too close to each other. Dad had his arm over mom's shoulder and the two of them were laughing over a couple bottles of beer. They didn't even notice that I'd come home or when I slunk into my room as quickly as I could.

They spent the next few months trying to hide their calls to each other but I wasn't an idiot. Mom was spending lots of time giggling and flirting on the phone and the only numbers on the caller id was dad and telemarketers. Then dad decided to 'surprise' me and came out to spend Thanksgiving with us and they chose to disclose their renewed love for each other to me over turkey.

"_Bella, we'd like to share some news with you." My mom started, cautiously. "Your father and I have been talking a lot lately and…" she stalled for a moment and glanced at my dad for reassurance. He looked at her adoringly and nodded his head in support. "Well, we're.."_

"_Is this where you finally tell me that you're dating again?" I interrupted. "Because you could have saved all this dramatic Thanksgiving family meeting bullshit, I knew months ago." _

"_You did?" she was astounded. They actually thought they'd been so sneaky. She and dad were giving each other looks of surprise and concern. They were worried about my reaction. I had to stifle a laugh and it ended up coming out more like a snort. _

"_Honestly you guys! I'm seventeen not seven and you two have been hardly stealthy about this whole thing. I'm old enough to check the caller id and you sure weren't talking to me that much, old man!" _

"_Hey, who's old?" Dad asked with a laugh. "You really ok with this?" _

"_I'm fine with it, dad. You two were in love once; it's not that big a stretch to believe you could fall in love again. Maybe you won't screw it up this time." _

_They both smiled at me and dad put his hand on top of moms, squeezing it lightly. "You always were too smart for your own good Bells." _

_They started making sappy faces at each other, which I took as my cue to get the hell out of there. I was ok with them falling back in love, but I didn't need to witness just how in love they were. _

We came up to spend Christmas with dad here in Forks and he managed to surprise both me and mom by proposing, again, on Christmas Eve. Dad offered to move to Phoenix, knowing mom hated Forks and all the rain, but mom wouldn't hear of it. She claimed she was sick of the heat but I knew that was a lie. Dad was the police chief of Forks and took great pride in his job. Mom was sacrificing her worship of the sun so dad could stay at a job he loved and the two of them were happier than I'd ever seen them. It was reassuring really, proof that second chances really do exist.

After New Years, mom and I went back to Phoenix and planned our move. Mom and dad agreed to let me finish out the school year before the big move giving us plenty of time to sell the house, say good-byes to friends and pack up our things. During those five months, Mom had nearly driven me crazy planning the wedding. Their first had been a courthouse affair right after high school because mom had been knocked up with me at the time and she'd been determined to have everything perfect this time around. By the last day of school, the house was empty, the U-haul was packed and we began the drive up to Washington the very next day.

There was two months of settling in and finalizing details before Mom and dad finally had the big white wedding a week ago and took off on a cruise for their honeymoon leaving me alone for ten whole days. After the planning and running around mom had me do for the wedding I was loving the quiet, well, except for at work where it was too quiet and I had nothing better to do than stare at fishing poles.

I glanced at the clock. Ten minutes. I had only wasted ten minutes with my little trip down recent memory lane. I sighed loudly to myself and walked around the counter, placing the Backpacker magazine back on the rack and grabbing something new to read not bothering to pay attention to the titles since they were basically all the same. I walked back behind the register and resumed my perch on the stool I'd pulled from the back room earlier. I was skimming through an article about hiking boots when the bell over the front door chimed.

"Jesus Fucking Christ!" I shrieked. It had been so quiet that the sudden noise caused me to jump, which sent me flying backwards to the floor with a thump and brought the stool down on top of me. _Shit! Way to humiliate yourself and offend the customer at the same time Bella!_

I disentangled myself from the stool and jumped to my feet. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry, you scared the shit out of me!" _Christ Bella, quit swearing, you are at work! _I could feel the flames of embarrassment spread across my face as I dropped it into my hands. I was aware that someone was standing on the other side of the counter but I couldn't bring myself to look at them. "Sorry, I'm so sorry! That was inappropriate. I apologize for my offensive language."

"Are you ok?" a deep male voice asked. "You went down pretty hard. If anyone should apologize it should be me. I didn't mean to frighten you." _Oh great! He sounds attractive. Just my luck._

I was fairly certain it would be rude of me to help this customer with my hands covering my face so I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and dropped my hands. I lifted my head slowly until I found the source of the sexy voice. What I found was the most gorgeous guy I'd ever seen. He was tall, appeared to be close to my age, and looked way too good in his perfectly fit t-shirt. My eyes drifted further to a strong jaw line with a perfect face topped with unruly bronze hair. He had piercing deep green eyes and I was struck speechless by the intensity in those eyes. We stood silent, staring at each other for just a few seconds but it felt like hours until I finally mustered up the ability to speak.

"Uh, I'm fine, just a little clumsy. No one ever comes in this late so you surprised me. Is there something I can help you with?" I asked, willing myself to stay calm. I'd humiliated myself enough for one day.

"Yeah I, uh, I came here to get something but I can't quite remember what now" he laughed. "Are you new here? I think I would have noticed you before"

I laughed. "Of course you would have noticed someone who can't even stand up without falling all over herself." My clumsy nature tended to attract a lot of unwanted attention.

"No, not that, they've just never had anyone as beautiful as you working here before," he smiled a perfect, crooked smile and I stopped breathing. _Oh good God! I've fallen asleep, I'm the only one working and I'm sleeping. I'm so getting fired. Wake up, Bella!_

"My name is Edward Cullen and you are?"

"Um I'm Bella, Bella Swan. I just moved here a few months ago."

"Oh so you're Chief Swan's daughter. I heard about you."

"All good I hope" I said with a shy smile. _Am I flirting? Fuck, I really am sleeping. _There was no way I'd be flirting with a guy this hot while awake.

"Not good enough or I would have come looking for you sooner." There he goes with that damn, sexy, smile again.

"So Edward Cullen," I asked, trying to sound coy but more likely sounding like a complete idiot, "is this what you do in your spare time? Scare the hell out of, and then flirt with random girls in sporting goods stores?"

"Not exactly. You took me by surprise as well. This may be a little forward but would you like to go get some coffee or something with me?"

_Was he serious? "_Well, I'd really like to" I gestured to the empty store. "But someone has to man the store."

"Oh, right, of course, I meant when you get off. Maybe I could go pick up the coffee while you finish up here and we could take a walk, get to know each other."

"Is that the part where you lure me to the woods and I'm never seen again?" I laughed, only half joking. I was a little suspicious of a random gorgeous stranger flirting with me. I rarely flirted with anyone and had surely never been hit on by someone I was actually attracted to. The common sense part of my brain was screaming, reminding me that Tend Bundy was handsome and charming as well but the rest of my brain told her to keep her thoughts to herself. I was still sure this was a dream and, damn it, if I was going to get fired for it I might as well enjoy it.

He pulled out his wallet and handed me his driver's license. "Here, this proves I am who I say I am." I peeked at the name on the card but was more interested in the age. He had just turned eighteen, only a few months older than I was. I handed it back as he continued, "My father is Carlisle Cullen, he's the chief of surgery at Forks hospital and he knows your dad. If you're worried, call and let your parents know you're out with me so I have incentive to bring you back in one piece." He winked at me and smiled. "What do you say?"

"Um, sure, why not?" If this was a dream I may as well make it a good one. "I'll be done here around eight fifteen. Want to meet me out front?"

He held his hand out to me and I placed mine in his slowly. He lifted it to his lips and placed a small kiss on the back of my hand. "Until then, Miss Swan." It was all I could do not to pass out.

He turned and walked out, glancing over his shoulder to smile at me one more time before walking out the door. I stood, frozen in shock, for several minutes. _What the hell just happened?_ _Did an insanely cute guy my age really just ask me out and kiss my hand? Do guys still kiss hands? Further proof this is a dream. _

I finally managed to snap out of my incredulous haze and slapped myself a few times hoping to wake myself up before I got into trouble. When that didn't work and I had to accept that I was really and truly awake, I decided to get as much work done as humanly possible before eight so I could have a few minutes to compose myself and wash my face before the beautiful one returned.

I flitted about the store making sure the displays were arranged and that everything was in its proper place. No one else came in the rest of the night so I was completely done by closing time. The second the clock hit eight I locked the doors, cashed out my register and finished the last of my tasks in record time.

I borrowed the brush that Mrs. Newton kept in her desk to fix my flat, working all day, hair and washed my face in the employee bathroom. I took a minute to stare at myself in the mirror, silently giving myself a little pep talk. I've never had this reaction to a guy before, never even held much interest in dating and I couldn't believe how worked up I was. I was on the verge of a panic attack over some guy I'd spent less than five minutes with and who probably wouldn't even show up. Maybe this was some kind of strange small town idea of a good time, flatter the new girl and then watch her face from afar as she realizes she's been stood up.

By eight-ten, I managed to calm down, make myself fairly presentable and even popped a mint into my mouth in a fit of wishful thinking, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he really would show up. I turned off all the lights, made my way to the front of the store and stepped outside. The sun was just beginning to set and the pinkish-orange hue was peaceful and felt almost magical. I was locking the doors when I felt a funny tingle of electricity course through my body. I turned to find Edward standing right in front of me holding two steaming cups of coffee. I had to stifle the gasp of surprise that threaten to bubble out of me.

"I didn't think to ask what you liked so I played it safe and got both a mocha and a latte, hoping one of them would be acceptable." He held my two choices out in front of him with a small smile. He looked almost as nervous as I felt, which helped to calm my nerves considerably.

"Well, I am a woman so chocolate is always a safe bet."

"Ah, the mocha it is." He smirked as he handed me one of the warm cups.

"So, local boy, where to?" I asked as I took a long sip of my coffee.

"Well, I thought we could just wander down the road a little bit and get to know each other. I find you very intriguing, new girl."

"I fear that I am not as interesting as you may believe. In fact I'm quite boring. I think you are the more intriguing one. I mean, who walks into a store and then leaves without even looking at anything?" I questioned.

"Oh, new girl, I was indeed looking at something," he replied, giving me a sideways glance.

"Is that so? See anything you were interested in?"

"As a matter of fact I did" he leaned into me and whispered into my ear. "I'm just praying it's as available."

The feel of his breath on my ear sent a feeling through me like nothing I'd ever experienced. My breath caught in my chest and I momentarily forgot how to walk, tripping over my own feet and sending my drink flying. I inwardly cursed my clumsy nature and braced myself for my date with the sidewalk.

Except the impact never came. Instead of cold concrete I felt strong arms wrap around my waist, steadying me. I regained my balance but he didn't let go, he actually pulled me closer. We stood there for a minute or so, tangled in each other before he pulled away.

"I'm sorry! That was inappropriate" he muttered.

"Yeah, you should have let my clumsy ass hit the pavement."

"No, not catching you, I meant the other part. That was really too forward, I mean, we just met. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable. I wasn't even thinking about it and…"

His nervous, rambling apology was actually quite adorable but I couldn't let him keep berating himself. "Edward, stop."

"But…" I placed my index finger over his lips and shushed him before he could start up again.

"But, nothing!" I kept my finger over his lips, partially to keep him quiet but mostly I just liked touching him. "You saved me from falling on my ass, again, and complete mortification, again. Now, drop it so we can continue our walk"

"Ok, I'm sorry for…"

"Shush! No apologizing for apologizing! I mean it. Now walk!"

He laughed and started walking again. "You're a little bossy aren't you?"

"Not usually. Maybe you just bring out the worst in me."

He bent over and picked up my mangled and empty coffee cup and tossed it into a nearby garbage can along with his own. "So this interrupting thing you do, is that my fault too or are you like that all the time."

I thought he was serious for a second until he stifled a laugh. "Oh that's totally your fault. If I hadn't interrupted you'd probably still be groveling over something stupid."

"Fair enough. So, Bella Swan, where did you live before coming to this fine city?"

"Phoenix" I replied as we turned a corner. I spotted a small park just down the street and my inner child took over. "Oooh swings!" Without thinking I grabbed his hand and pulled on it. "Come on local boy, let's go to the park."

He nodded his agreement and we headed down the street but neither of us made a move to pull our hand away from the other. As we got closer he shifted his hand in mine so our fingers interlocked. He gave me a cautious sideways glance and gently squeezed my hand as if asking if this was ok with me. I reassuringly squeezed it back and he smiled at me as we reached the entrance of the park. My brain was in overdrive. _Was I really flirting and holding the hand of a hot guy I'd just met?_ I suddenly didn't know who I was anymore because Bella Swan from Phoenix would have never even smiled at this guy let alone grab his hand.

I let him lead me over to the swing set and reluctantly let go of his hand so I could sit down as he took a seat in the other swing. We lazily glided back and forth, not really putting any effort into the act as he asked me about Phoenix, my parents, and other getting-to know-you topics. I asked him about life here and the same general questions he'd asked me. I found out he had a younger sister named Alice, who he could only describe as a tiny, fourteen year old pain in the ass. We talked about his dad being a doctor, and he mentioned that his mom was a stay at home mom but spent most of her free time restoring antique furniture and redecorating or something like that.

We fell into such easy conversation that I didn't notice that the sun had completely set and it had become full dark. That common sense side of my brain said thought this whole scenario was insane. I was sitting in the dark, alone, with a guy who was, by all rights, a perfect stranger. I was sure that if I checked the time I would find that it was getting to be very late. However, the rest of my brain once again told the common sense side to 'shut the fuck up' and just enjoy the moment. Common sense retreated to her corner, muttering things like 'stupid', 'dangerous' and something about becoming a statistic.

I'd become so wrapped up in my internal debate that I didn't notice when Edward stopped swinging, or even when he stood up from his swing and walked towards mine. He put his hand on the chain of my swing, over my right hand and steadied it until I came to a completely stop. I looked up at him as he stepped in front of me, placing his other hand over my left in the same fashion. My heart stopped as I realized this gorgeous creature was just inches away from me.

We were locking in that position for a minute or two, just staring at each other before he finally spoke. "I just want to try one thing. Please tell me if I'm completely out of line."

I stopped breathing and found that I couldn't speak so I nodded my agreement. My heart began pounding as he dipped his head closer to mine, agonizingly slow as if he was waiting for me to protest. When I didn't, he'd move a little closer until finally his lips were just a fraction away from my own.

"Is this ok?" he whispered. I nodded again, quite certain that I was on the verge of a massive heart attack based on the now deafening beat of my heart. "Tell me" he whispered again. "Tell me this is ok with you, Bella. I need to hear it."

I tried to form the words but my brain just couldn't manage the task. He pulled away, just a tiny bit, and I began screaming at myself. _You silly, stupid girl! Do something or you'll miss your chance. Now, NOW! _In an instant I crossed the miniscule distance between us and then my lips were on his. It was clear that my action was enough confirmation for him as he deepened the kiss, moved one hand to the back of my neck, and pulled me closer to him.

It quickly became apparent that this position was not ideal for making out. Edward broke from the kiss and pulled me to my feet. Immediately, his perfect plump lips were back on mine and his hands snaked around my back, crushing me to him. I slid one of my hands around his back while the other buried itself in his unruly bronze locks.

I have no idea how long we stood there, wrapped up in each other before a passer-by hollered some suggestive comments about us and we reluctantly pulled away laughing. Edward glanced at his watch and let out a barely audible "Shit!" He reached out and took my hand, leading me away from the park.

"It's getting really late, I should get you back to your car so you can get home." He sounded unhappy and I was thrilled that he seemed as hesitant to end this night as I was.

"I'll see you again right?" I dared to ask.

"Are you kidding? Here, let me see your phone." He held out his hand and I fished my cell out of my pocket and handed it to him. I watched him store his number into my contacts and then heard his own phone ring from his pocket. "Now I have yours as well," he said, handing me back my phone.

We walked back to the store, hand in hand, quietly. I was deep in thought, afraid that I would wake up momentarily to find myself still at work, passed out on my little stool, drooling on the countertop. Surely, tonight's entire series of events had been concocted by a wickedly bored and overactive imagination. Meeting, flirting and subsequently making out with cute boys I'd just met was just not something I did. Ever.

We reached the parking lot and I led Edward to where my old truck was parked. Dad had bought it off an old friend for me shortly after Mom and I decided to move here. He laughed when he realized that the big red beast actually belonged to me.

"I should have known this thing was yours."

"Hey, it works and it was free, for me at least." I scowled at him.

"No, it's probably perfect for you, given your obvious penchant for accidents. That thing could take on a tank." He smirked and stepped closer as I unlocked the door. I turned to say goodbye and found him directly in front of me. He placed his hand on the truck on either side of me, trapping me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me until I was sandwiched between his warmth and the cool of the truck.

"Well this was definitely not the evening I had planned for myself earlier." he chuckled, running his fingers through my hair. "But I think it ended up being much, much better."

"Ditto," was all I could manage to squeak out but it was an improvement over my previous bout of speechlessness.

His hand slid a lock of hair behind my ear as he leaned closer. "Can I keep you, new girl?" he whispered into my ear.

"Please do, local boy."

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**A/N: If you're still with me, a thousand thanks. We've sort of jumped in head first but my story is not about meeting that great love, it's about everything that comes after. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who has stopped by! It means a ton to me. As always, I own nothing but a little girl who won't clean her room. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer and I'm just playing around with it. **

Chapter 2

My phone rang just as I pulled into my driveway. Just seeing his name on the caller id made my heart pound though I knew I was being ridiculous. I started repeating a mantra of 'calm down, you barely know this guy' silently in my head as I answered my phone.

"Couldn't wait more than five minutes, local boy?"

There was a deep chuckle on the other end of the line_. "Nope. Have you made it home yet?"_

"Just walking to the door now."

"_Good, so listen, I just needed to apologize for tonight. I was way too forward. I just don't want you to get the impression that this is something I do often, you know, kiss girls I hardly know in random parks,"_ he rambled nervously.

"Neither do I," I added quickly, afraid he was getting the wrong impression of me. "I mean with guys, of course. I don't kiss guys I don't know," I clarified. "I don't really kiss guys at all." _Shit! _ Now I was rambling and hinting at my complete lack of experience with the opposite sex.

"_Glad to hear that," _he said with what sounded like a smile._ "No boyfriend back in Phoenix you forgot to mention?" _

"Definitely not."

"_Good, I'd hate to have to feel guilty for stealing some poor guy's girlfriend." _

"Aren't we confident, local boy," I teased.

"_Well, you did kiss me and you did say you wanted to see me again. I'd say that allows me a little confidence. Speaking of which, when can I see you again?" _

"I'm off tomorrow." I blurted out, fighting the urge to ask if he could come over now. "Do you want to come over, watch a movie or something?" 'Something' being code for 'make out with me'.

"_Your parents won't mind some strange guy coming over?" _

"My parents won't be here. They're on a cruise."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Uh, Edward, you still there?" I asked quietly.

"_Yeah, sorry. Fighting the urge to get back in my car and find your house." _

Common sense told me it was a bad idea to tell someone I barely knew that I was home alone. Another part of me, a part I didn't know existed until tonight, wanted to give him my address and a detailed set of directions that led straight up to my bedroom. The warring factions of my brain struck a compromise.

"How about I call you in the morning with my address? If you bring the movies, I'll supply the assorted munchies."

"_I'll be waiting by the phone." _

A wave of anticipation sent a shiver through my body. "Well then, goodnight Edward."

"_Good night, Bella." _

I shoved my phone back into my pocket and set about double-checking all the locks as I promised my dad I would do every night. He'd been apprehensive about leaving me home alone for more than a week but mom managed to convince him that I was more than responsible enough to handle it. Dad didn't realize that living with a single mother meant I'd spent more time home alone in the last few years than I could possibly count.

Once the house was sufficiently locked down for the evening, I took a long hot shower, making sure to shave my legs and underarms in a fit of hopeful excitement. My common sense was shaking her head at me once again. I couldn't blame her. My experience with boys was limited to sloppy first kisses that were never anything more than awkward. The idea that suddenly I was not just ready but actively preparing to go further with a guy I'd known for just a few hours was ludicrous.

Yet, here I was making sure my legs were silky smooth, that my hair was clean and going to sleep with it slightly damp so it would be beautifully wavy in the morning. I toweled off and rubbed lotion into my skin. My common Sense once again made an exasperated sigh and hung her head but I ignored her. This was all just merely a precaution. I didn't plan on actually sleeping with Edward right away but I wasn't exactly ruling it out. I had to stop for a moment and wonder what had come over me.

I wasn't the type to get gaga over a guy. Even as a hormonal preteen, I hadn't been the kind to obsess over the cutest guys or plaster my walls with pictures of the most popular actors and singers. So, I didn't understand how one evening with a guy could make me completely lose my head. I could count the things I knew about him on one hand and yet I was inexplicably drawn to him. His being gorgeous helped for sure but I knew deep down that it was something more than that. I wasn't so shallow that a pretty face was all that was needed to keep my attention.

I pulled on some pajamas and slipped in between the covers of my bed but my brain refused to shut off. I couldn't get Edward out of my mind and replayed our interaction over and over again. I allowed my mind to wander to tomorrow and everything it may bring which only made it harder to sleep. My excitement was palpable and I could help but wonder if Edward was as excited to see me. Probably not. I imagined this was all probably quite normal for him.

I slammed my head back against the pillow and willed myself to fall asleep but failed once again. Then before I could stop myself, my hands reached for the nightstand and grabbed my cell. Before I could think better of it, I scrolled to his name and hit send. As soon as it began ringing, I mentally berated myself for being so stupid. I was going to wake him up and he was going to think I was some crazy stalker. I considered hanging up but remembered that he would still know it was me. Thanks a lot caller id.

The phone only rang twice before he picked up, _"Bella?"_

"Uh, hey, I'm sorry, I, um, I just couldn't sleep. Sorry for waking you up. I'm just, ugh, I'm just an idiot," I rambled as every part of my brain screamed at me to just shut the fuck up. I was seconds away from a full blown panic attack since I'd easily just ruined any chance I ever had with this perfect slice of man.

"_Whoa, Bella, stop. It's alright. I'm actually glad you called." _

"What? Really?"

I could hear him chuckling on the other end of the line. _"Yes really. I couldn't sleep either and I wanted to call you but I thought you would be sleeping."_

"Really?" I asked again, incredulously.

"_Yes Bella, really." _

I breathed a sigh of relief and my heart rate lowered just a bit. "So, why can't you sleep?" I asked, wanting to take the focus off of myself if just for a second.

"_You,"_ he breathed in a tone that went straight through the phone and sent a shiver through my body. _"Can't stop thinking about you."_

My heart rate skyrocketed once again and I struggled to come up with a coherent reply. "I was thinking of you too," I finally managed to whisper into the phone.

"_Good,"_ he replied and another shiver went through me. How did he manage to sound so damn sexy over the phone?

There was a brief silence as a question popped into my head. "Edward, is this normal?" I knew I shouldn't ask it but it was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"_Normal?"_ he asked, confused, and now I had no choice but to elaborate.

"Well, I don't really have much, ok, I don't have any experience with this type of thing and I just don't know what to make of it. I mean, I don't really know you and yet I kissed you after just an hour or two and now I can't stop thinking of you. It just seems to be moving so fast and I just don't know if this is normal."

"_Well, I don't know about normal. I've never felt like this with someone I just met."_

My heart sank. "With someone you just met? But, you have with someone you knew." I knew it was stupid to be upset. By eighteen, most people have had at least one relationship but the idea that he'd already been through this with someone else when it was all new to me felt like a knife in my heart.

"_Bella, I didn't mean it like that. I won't lie to you, I have had girlfriends but I can't say that I've ever felt so strongly about anyone before now, and definitely not so quickly. If we are moving too fast for you just let me know. We can slow down. I'll understand. I don't have to come over tomorrow." _

"NO!" I almost yelled. "I mean, I do want you to come over tomorrow." I sighed loudly and then whispered, "If I had my way, I'd have you come over now."

"_Don't tempt me," _he said with a laugh.

"This is just so unlike me. I over think everything but when it comes to you it's like my brain shuts off and I'm ruled by something else entirely. My brain tells me that I don't know you at all and at the same time I feel like I've known you forever. I'm just so confused."

"_Believe me, this is new to me too. I say we don't worry too much about what we should be doing and just go with what feels right. For us."_

"Alright," I agreed, stifling a yawn at the same time.

"_You sound tired baby, I should let you get to sleep." _

"Baby?" I asked with a small smile.

"_Is that ok? It just sort of slipped out,"_ he said, sounding entirely too apologetic.

I couldn't help but laugh. "It's fine, just caught me by surprise but I like it."

There was another yawn and I could feel my eyes beginning to droop. Just talking to him and hearing his voice had calmed me so much, I could tell sleep was not so far away anymore.

Edward could tell as well. _"Ok, time for bed. I'll be there in the morning."_

"I'll call you when I wake up."

"_Good night again, Bella."_

"Good night," I replied and reluctantly ended the call before setting the phone back down on the nightstand and pulled the covers up around my shoulders as I snuggled into the pillow. I closed my eyes and fell asleep happy and content.

I woke to sunlight streaming through the windows. My eyes fell to the phone lying on my nightstand and my fingers twitched with the urge to call Edward right away but I held back. I needed to make myself presentable first, as well as pick up a few things around the house. I tidied up with lightning speed and headed back up to my room. A few flips through my closet and I found myself cursing my boring and completely un-alluring wardrobe. It was pathetic.

I settled on a pair of jeans that fit me just right and a simple black tank top. I ran a brush through my hair and teased it a little until I was satisfied with the way it looked. I wasn't one to wear a lot of makeup but I took the time to throw on a bit of mascara so I wouldn't look like I'd just woken up. After meticulously brushing my teeth, I was more than ready to call Edward.

"_Hey baby." _

"Good morning," I replied with a smile. I wondered if the mere sound of his voice would always make me so happy.

"_So, can I come see you now?"_

"Only if you want to."

He let out a small laugh. _"Oh Bella, if I knew where you lived I'd have been there by now."_

After giving him directions, I headed back downstairs and started a pot of coffee, mostly to keep myself from pacing like a crazy person in front of the window. Of course, once the coffee was in the pot and percolating I was free to start pacing like the aforementioned crazy person.

After a few minutes, I spied a small silver car pull into my driveway. My heart began to pound and my stomach began to flutter but I willed myself not to throw open the door and run out to him like an obsessed and desperate loser. I stepped away from the window and forced myself to wait for him to knock.

My pulse quickened as I heard him step onto the porch and knock quietly on the door. I attempted to count to ten before answering but only made it to five before rushing over and pulling open the door. Edward was standing there looking even better than I'd remembered and holding a handful of DVD's in one hand and a gorgeous bouquet of assorted flowers in the other.

"Are those for me?" I asked excitedly. It was a stupid question. Who else would they be for?

"Of course." He held the flowers out for me and I took them in my hands, inhaling the sweet smell.

"Well thank you," I replied, feeling a blush creep slowly across my face. "I'm just going to put these in some water real quick," I said, turning and heading for the kitchen. "Come on in."

I set the flowers on the counter as I searched the cupboards for something to put them in. I lucked out and found a vase buried behind some dishes as Edward entered the kitchen.

"They are beautiful. Where did you get them?"

"My mother's garden," he said with a mischievous grin.

"You didn't!" I spun around, sloshing water from the newly filled vase onto the floor.

He laughed as he mopped up the spilled liquid with a paper towel. "Relax, she was ok with it. In fact, she helped. Flower arranging is definitely not a talent of mine."

I set the vase on the kitchen table and gingerly placed the bouquet into the water. "So, did she ask who they were for?" I asked shyly, focusing on the flowers.

"She did." I heard his footsteps coming closer and with each step my heart beat a little faster until I could feel him right behind me. "But I don't want to talk about my mother right now," he whispered in my ear and my entire body began to tingle.

I willed myself to turn and face him. His eyes were dark and full of wanting. One look and all conscious thought shut down. I raised myself up on the balls of my feet and pressed my lips to his hungrily. His hands buried in my hair as he deepened the kiss causing me to stumble backwards until my back hit the wall. Edward's hands slid down the sides of my body until they landed on my waist. My legs wrapped around him as he lifted me off my feet, never breaking our kiss.

As I clung to him, Edward walked us into the living room and we stumbled onto the couch. The weight of Edward's body on mine felt delicious and filled my body with intense heat. His lips broke from mine and began kissing a fevered trail along my jaw. My hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt until he was able to shrug out of it. I tugged at the t-shirt he wore underneath, desperate to get him out of it but Edward stilled and lifted his head from my neck, his eyes staring into mine.

"Bella, maybe we should slow down."

"What?" I asked, stunned by the sudden change in direction.

Edward sat back and I slid out from underneath him curling myself into the corner of the couch. I was confused. _Did I do something wrong? _

Edward seemed to read my mind. "It's not that I wasn't enjoying myself. I was. A lot. It's just that you said last night that you don't have any experience and that's cool. Not to mention we really just met and I don't want to get into anything you're not ready for."

"Edward, I'm a big girl."

He reached out and clutched my hand. "I know that, Bella. I also know how easy it is to get caught up in the moment and do something you might regret."

"I may not have a lot of experience but I'm not naïve. I know you don't know me well but trust that I am capable of making informed decisions."

"That's just it. We don't know each other well. Not really. We have this intense connection and yet, I don't even know your favorite color, or food, or when your birthday is. Hell baby, I don't even know your middle name."

I couldn't deny that he had a point. I only knew his birthday because he'd shown me his license but I didn't know any of those other things about him either. "Ok, my middle name is Marie. My birthday is September thirteenth. I like Italian food and my favorite color changes depending on my mood, right now it's green." I blurted out, staring into those amazing eyes.

"September thirteenth?" he asked with grin. Of course, that would be what he focused on. I was not a fan of birthdays or anything where I was the center of attention. "That's only a few weeks away."

"I'm aware and let me add that I don't really like celebrating my birthday."

"We'll see," he said with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes, needing to change the subject. "Well, I don't know those things about you either, so it's your turn."

"Fair enough. My full name is Edward Anthony Cullen and my birthday is June twentieth. I'm a typical guy so I'll eat almost anything and my favorite color is blue though brown is beginning to grow on me." He brought a hand up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and my body shivered in response.

"Ok, so now what?"

We decided on a movie and I pointed Edward towards the TV before heading back to the kitchen and pouring two cups of coffee. We settled in to watch a silly comedy and attempted to keep our hands to ourselves. I stuck to my little corner of the couch and Edward settled in about a foot away. As the movie progressed, we began to unconsciously inch closer to one another until Edward finally put him arm around me and pulled me into him.

We sat innocently entwined for quite awhile but the movie wasn't great and as our interest in it faded our hands began to wander. I found myself drawing lazy circles along Edward's chest and his hands danced up and down my bare arms. I lifted my gaze and pressed my lips to his, expecting only a small chaste kiss but Edward cupped my face and ran the tip of his tongue along my bottom lip, begging for entrance, which I happily granted.

I threw one leg over his so I was straddling his lap and buried my hands in his deliciously disheveled hair. Edward's lips broke from mine and he let out a low groan as I ground my hips against him. His hands were on my waist, teasing the small strip of exposed skin between my jeans and tank top. I gasped as they slipped ever so slightly under the thin fabric. Just as his hands began to creep higher, a loud noise from the movie snapped us both back into reality.

"Fuck, baby, I just can't keep my hands off of you," he moaned, nuzzling his nose against my cheek.

"Then don't," I begged. "Don't stop."

"I have to, Bella. If I don't stop now, I'm not sure I'll be able to later."

I groaned and dropped my head onto his shoulder. How could it be that when I'm finally ready to get physical with a guy, I fall for the only one that seems to have a moral compass?

"Edward, I don't want you to stop. I want this."

"And if we do this, I want for it to be special for you. Not here on your parent's couch, less than twenty-four hours after meeting, with a bad movie serving as the soundtrack."

It was hard to be frustrated when he was being so sweet but my entire body ached for his touch. "My room is upstairs," I murmured into his neck, just below his ear.

"You're killing me," he groaned, letting his head fall back against the couch as I drew his earlobe into my mouth and sucked on it softly. "Seriously, Bella, you deserve better."

I released his earlobe and lifted my head to look him in the eyes. "Edward, I may be a virgin but not because I am waiting for anyone or anything. I'm not looking for a lifelong commitment or anything like that. I've just never met anyone I wanted to be physical with but I want this. Don't you want this?"

He pulled me into his arms and lifted his hips slightly so I could feel his hardened length straining against his jeans. "Baby, can you feel how much I want this. How much I want you. I've wanted it from the minute you fell off that stool yesterday, but trust me when I tell you that your first time will stay with you for a long time. I just want it to be perfect for you." He took my face in his hands, cradling it gently as his eyes pierced into mine. "Bella, will you please let me make this special for you?"

His sweet plea was overwhelming and my eyes began to moisten as a lump formed in my throat making speech impossible. Somehow, Edward managed to own me completely in less than twenty-four hours. When he looked at me like that, I knew I would give him whatever he wanted. It seemed entirely too early but I knew my heart was already in danger of becoming his forever. I agreed to his request with a simple nod before allowing him to pull me into a tight hug.

After several moments, Edward finally broke the silence. "I think we need to get out of here. Can I take you to lunch?"

"Lunch?"

"Yeah," he said with a smile, "I'm starving. I seem to have worked up quite an appetite. So, let's go grab a bite to eat and after that, I'd love to introduce you to my mother."

**A/N:** **Ahh to be young again. Nothing quite like that first major crush is there. Thank you again for stopping by. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I still own nothing. I just like to play with Stephenie Meyer's toys. **

Chapter 3

After a quick lunch at the local diner, Edward drove us to his house, which lay just on the outskirts of town set back from the main road and surrounded by trees.

"Wow," I exclaimed as the house came into sight, "this is beautiful."

"It's all my mom's doing," he said with a laugh. "When we moved here, she picked everything from the location to the builder to the landscaping. She was almost impossible to live with until it was perfect."

As he parked the car, my nervousness grew exponentially. I was terrified about what this perfectionist woman would think of me. I was just a silly, run of the mill girl who'd become obsessed with her son at first sight. She wasn't going to like me, I just knew it. Looking around at this large beautiful house and the tall, perfect guy at my side, I just knew I was never going to be good enough. Not according to his mother, I was sure.

The interior of the Cullen house was even more beautiful that the exterior. The back wall was made entirely of glass, which bathed the home in soft natural light. Everything was white or very light wood with small accents of color interspersed throughout. It was immaculate and yet warm and inviting.

Edward gripped my hand and pulled me through the living room towards the back of the house calling out for his mom. We found her in the kitchen mixing up a batch of what appeared to be cookies. She was wearing an apron over a simple short sleeved button down blouse and a pair of jeans. Her light brown hair was pulled off her face in a messy bun and she was wearing little or no makeup. I was completely stunned. Judging by the house and what Edward had told me of her, I had expected a statuesque, perfectly coifed and manicured display of housewife perfection. This woman just looked like an average, down to earth mother.

She turned when we entered and her face broke into a warm, loving smile putting me instantly at ease. She flicked off her mixer and wiped her hands on her apron as she walked towards us. "You must be the girl who has completely bewitched my son here. He wouldn't stop talking about you this morning but I wasn't sure when he would let me meet you."

She pulled off her apron before pulling me into a huge hug. I was taken aback by the gesture but I couldn't help but hug her back. I was just too happy that she didn't seem to hate me yet.

"It's so nice to meet you Mrs. Cullen," I said as she released me from her embrace.

"Call me Esme, dear. Mrs. Cullen was my mother-in-law and she didn't approve of me," she said with a laugh. "I wasn't good enough for her perfect son," she added in a conspiratorial whisper before giving me a sly wink. "Anyways, Edward tells me that you're new in town."

"Yeah sorta. I was actually born here but my mom and I moved away when my parents split up. Then they decided to get back together so now we're back."

Recognition immediately filled her face. "Oh, you're Chief Swan's daughter! Carlisle and I were actually invited to the wedding last week but we were out of town and couldn't make it."

"You know my parents?" I asked in surprise.

"Personally? No. I think I've met your father once or twice but through his work in the ER, Carlisle interacts with him quite a bit."

"Oh, that makes sense," I said trying to hide the relief in my voice. I'm not sure why but the idea of my parents being friends with Edward's parents weirded me out a bit.

"So, how are your parents enjoying marriage the second time around? I just think it's so sweet that they rekindled their love. It's like a cheesy movie and I mean that in a good way," she said with a laugh.

"Mom loves her cheesy romances," Edward said with a grin, earning him a little elbow jab from his mother.

"Oh, well I wouldn't know," I admitted. "I haven't seen them in almost a week. They went on a cruise for their honeymoon."

"Your parents are out of town?" Esme asked, her face turning suddenly serious as she turned to look at Edward. "You didn't mention that when you told me you hoped to spend most of the day over there. I'm not sure the police chief would appreciate you and his only teenage daughter cooped up in his house all day unsupervised."

Edward's gaze was focused on the floor, his face looking thoroughly abashed and I quickly jumped to his defense. "Nothing happened. Edward was a perfect gentleman."

"Mmhmm," she said, her eyes still narrowed at Edward but the ringing of the oven alarm saved us both from further lecture. "Alright, well I have more to do, so why don't you two go make yourself comfortable and I'll bring you in some cookies when they've cooled."

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me down a few steps to their sunken family room. The room held a massive, plush sectional couch in the middle of the room with a large fireplace against the side wall. Opposite the wall of floor to ceiling windows was a big screen television framed by a light wood entertainment center.

Edward settled into the corner of the couch and pulled me down next to him, wrapping his arm around me as I laid my head against his shoulder. I couldn't help but feel self-conscious of our closeness when his mother was only feet away.

"Is this ok?" I whispered.

He let out a low chuckle and pulled me closer. "Of course. We're not doing anything inappropriate. Speaking of, I would hardly call my actions this morning that of a perfect gentleman."

"Well you did insist on protecting my virtue," I teased back.

He clicked on the TV and we settled in to watch a movie that had just started. After a few minutes, Esme brought in a plate of fresh baked cookies and two glasses of lemonade just as she'd promised. I was in awe. I had no idea that mothers actually did that sort of thing outside of old TV shows. My own mother couldn't even be trusted to put store bought cookies on a plate let alone bake them. Mom's only talent in the kitchen was ruining that which should be foolproof.

Ever aware of his mother's proximity, Edward and I kept our touching strictly PG. Every once in awhile, he would tilt my face up to his to plant a perfectly chaste kiss on my lips but neither of us pushed it any further.

Just as our movie was ending, Esme announced that she was stepping out to pick up Edward's sister from a friend's house. As soon as she was out the door, his lips were on mine greedily. I didn't realize how much I had been craving his touch until I lay back on the couch, pulling him down on top of me. I hitched a leg around his and pulled him even closer, clinging to him. I didn't understand what is was about him but I was consumed with him. I couldn't get seem to get close enough to him.

We lay intertwined, grinding against each other and kissing furiously until the sound of a throat clearing pulled us apart. Edward immediately jumped off of me and settled back into his corner of the couch as I took notice of a tiny dark haired girl standing in the doorway.

"Bro, you're ridiculously lucky that mom has a trunk full of groceries and sent me in to ask for your help," she said looking at Edward and grinning mischievously, "but now the question is do I tell mom that you and your new friend were going at it like rabbits on her new couch? Or will I keep my mouth shut?"

"What do you want, Alice?" he asked, glaring at her. My gaze bounced from one to the other as though I were watching a tennis match.

"Hmm, I think I'm feeling nice today. I only want the same consideration should you encounter me in a similar situation," she said with a glint her eye that told me she planned to make this situation a reality in the near future.

"You're only fourteen, Alice!" he roared, the protective older brother instinct rising to the surface.

Alice merely smiled. "How old were you when…"

"Fine," he snapped cutting her off, "but my silence only covers kissing. I catch you groping, grinding or anything worse and all bets are off."

"Deal. Now go help mom before she gets pissed and comes looking for you."

Edward jumped off the couch and headed out to what I guessed was the garage, grumbling something about annoying sisters. I expected Alice would head out to her room or anywhere else but she surprised me by plopping herself right down on the couch just a few feet from myself.

"I don't know you," she stated rather bluntly.

"I don't know you either," I replied a little too tartly but I was now completely sexually frustrated and just not in the mood to deal with snotty teenage girls.

"I'm Alice."

"I figured that much out."

She laughed loudly and smiled. "Wow, then you're already smarter than ninety-nine percent of the girls Edward usually hangs out with."

The idea that Edward usually preferred airheads struck a nerve. Did he think that way of me? It was true that we'd done more kissing than talking but I hoped we'd spoken enough to convey the fact that I actually had a brain and liked to use it.

"I'm Bella," I finally replied, hoping to get off the subject of Edward and other girls.

"So, I guess you're new in town," she asked.

I nodded. "Moved here at the beginning of summer."

"How'd you meet my brother?"

"I work at Newton's and he came in to the store."

Another smile crossed her face. "That was last night! I wondered why it took him hours to look for hiking boots. Especially when he came home all goofy happy and empty handed. You sure move quick."

It was obvious she believed I was some kind of a slut. Based on what she knew about me I couldn't' be surprised but I didn't want anyone to think that way of me. "What? No! I mean, I, uh, we…"

"Relax," she said with a light laugh, "it's cool. I get it. I mean, I don't see it but according to my friends my brother is hot and our dad is a doctor. Why wouldn't you jump at the opportunity?"

"It's not like that," I insisted, trying not to let this tiny girl's inquisition get under my skin. "I mean, yeah he's hot, but there is something else about him and that's more important than his looks and he's not an opportunity. He's just a guy I was drawn to and that I'd like to get to know more. I don't know what kind of girls he usually dates but I'm not an airhead or a slut and I don't really give a damn what your dad does for a living. I just like spending time with Edward."

She eyed me for a moment until the door to the garage opened and Edward appeared, his hands loaded down with grocery sacks. He paused in the doorway, looking from Alice to me and then back to Alice, his eyes narrowing.

"Alice?" he asked with a mixture of questioning and suspicion.

"Seriously, calm down big bro. I was just getting to know your friend, Bella. I think I actually like this one," she said with a smile before hoping off the couch. She gave me a small smile and a wave before she flitted out of the room.

"What was that about?" Edward asked.

It seemed I'd gotten on his terror of a little sister's good side and I wasn't going to screw it up by spilling all the details of our conversation to her brother, even if she was a bit of a terror. "She just introduced herself and asked how we met. Perfectly harmless."

"First thing you need to learn is that Alice is never harmless," he laughed and headed into the kitchen to set down the bags.

I chuckled and rose off the couch to follow him. Esme entered with the last of the bags. "What's so funny?"

"Bella met Alice," Edward said and a knowing smiled crept across Esme's face.

"Ah, did she give you the Alice interrogation?" she asked.

"The what?"

"Did she ask you a bunch of questions and then twist your answers to make her own assumptions?" Esme asked as Edward chuckled to himself as he began putting groceries away.

"No, well, maybe a little but I think I set her straight."

"Good for you dear," she said with a smile, handing a box of cereal to Edward. "Alice is at that age where she thinks she knows everything and she can be a real pain in the ass."

I could stop the laugh that bubbled from my lips though I was grateful that the two of them laughed along with me. Our laughter subsided and Edward quickly helped his mother put the groceries as I sat in a barstool at the counter. Esme wasted no time in insisting that I stay for dinner. She was worried that I was not eating well with both parents out of town and was quite surprised when I informed her that I'd been in charge of cooking dinner for my mother and I since I'd been able to safely work the stove, as my mother was completely hopeless in the kitchen.

"Well, it's nice to know that some young people still know their way around a kitchen. It'll just be the four of us, Carlisle is working late at the hospital again today so it won't be anything fancy but I can't in good conscience send you home to eat alone," she said offering me a motherly smile.

When Edward was finished helping his mother in the kitchen, he took me by the hand and offered to show me the rest of the house. His tour was short and, of course, ended in his bedroom. I barely had the chance to look around when Edward pulled me into his arms.

"I love that my mother loves you already," he whispered into my ear, "and Alice seems to approve which is huge, I'll have you know. They never like anyone I bring home."

I pulled back and gave him a serious look. "Just how many girls have you brought home?" I asked, trying not to sound as jealous as I felt but failed miserably.

"A handful, but I already told you there were some girls in my past, none of them very serious. Honestly, they were just a good time."

"And I am…?

"Definitely more than just a good time," he said, nestling back against my neck and cradling me against him.

"Am I? What are we? What are we doing?" I blurted without thinking. He was silent for a minute and I immediately went into damage control mode. "I'm sorry. I know it seems way too soon to ask that question and yet…"

"It feels like we known each other longer than just one day?" he finished for me and I nodded in agreement. "Well, as soon as it may be, I'd like to consider you my girlfriend, if that's alright with you, of course. It's just that one day or one hundred days, I'm not interested in seeing anyone else anymore and I'll just come out and say that I'm very much against the idea of you dating anyone else. Not that I can stop you if that's what you want. I'm just letting you know that I'm against it."

He flashed me a perfect crooked smile and my heart nearly exploded. "No, I'm definitely against it. I don't want to see anyone and I'm not a fan of sharing you with anyone either. It's just so fast."

He pulled me back against his chest, securing me in his arms as he placed a sweet kiss on the top of my head. "It's like I said last night, baby, let's just move at a pace that feels right for us. Fuck what everyone else thinks or what is supposedly normal and we'll just do what's right for you and me."

I lifted my eyes to his, finding a peace in his gaze that I'd never known before and which put me instantly at ease yet again. "Well," I teased, "I think it feels right for you to kiss me."

"How funny," he laughed, "I feel the same."

He lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine chastely. However, our innocent embrace didn't last for long. In no time, our kiss deepened and I felt myself backed against the bedroom door with Edward's body pressed firmly against mine. His hands slid to my hips and then slipped under the thin material of my tank top.

My flesh tingled at his touch but he'd just reached the bottom of my rib cage when a loud pounding on the other side of the door made us leap apart.

"Mom said to remind you of the open door rule." Alice's muffled voice gloated from the hallway.

"I hate you so much," he called loudly as we heard her footsteps move away from the door.

"You love me," she replied with a laugh.

I moved away from the door so Edward could open it and comply with his mother's rules and began a circuit of the room, inspecting the pictures, books and knickknacks that occupied Edward's personal space. I noticed immediately that we held similar tastes in books and that he listened to a wide variety of musical genres. There were pictures of him with his mother, sister and a very handsome older man, who I presumed to be his father, during holidays and on vacations. There were also many photos of him with a handful of teenage guys who I could only assume were his group of friends. It was a fascinating look into his life but also served to remind me once again how little about him I knew.

As if he could read my mind, Edward immediately came to stand behind me, placing his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder as he explained when and where each photo had been taken. He filled me in on the details of his closest friends Liam and Garrett. Liam was going to be a senior like the two of us and was away on vacation with his family but Garrett was a year older and had already graduated. He'd just gone off to the University of Washington a few weeks ago so it was unlikely I'd have the chance to meet him until Christmas break.

During the course of our discussion, we had migrated to his bed where he sat with his back against the headboard and I sat between his legs, laying my head back against his chest. As he recounted endless stories of his and his friend's mischief, he would stroke my hair softly as I ran my fingers lazily along his leg.

For such a seemingly innocent situation, it seemed more intimate than anything we'd done so far. I was taken aback at just how comfortable we both were in each other's presence. For the first time with anyone outside of my parents, I wasn't worried about what I said or accidentally making a fool of myself. I could just be myself with him and that meant more to me than his face, his body or the way his kisses lit me on fire.

It wasn't until his mother sent Alice up to call us down for dinner that we realized how long we'd been lost in conversation. We pulled ourselves off the bed and followed a delicious smell back down to the kitchen.

"It's just spaghetti," Esme offered apologetically though I didn't understand why. At my house spaghetti was a jar of sauce and overcooked noodles. Esme's spaghetti was perfectly cooked and covered with homemade tomato sauce, served with a freshly tossed green salad and warm breadsticks.

"Esme, this looks amazing and it smells even better! Thank you for having me over. I'm sure this is much better than the canned soup I would have made myself." I gushed, taking a seat at the table next to Edward.

"Well, anyone who makes my son smile like you do can come for dinner anytime."

She took a seat next to Alice opposite Edward and I rather than at the head of the table as I'd expected and we settled in to eat one of the best plates of spaghetti I'd ever had. Alice remained quiet but she seemed to have less hostility towards me and I could only hope she'd actually been sincere when she'd told Edward she liked me. It's not that I necessarily needed the approval of my new boyfriend's moody younger sister, but it would make our relationship that much easier if his entire family liked me at least. Of course, there was still his dad to worry about but from what Edward had told me, his dad pretty much liked any and everyone so I wasn't as nervous about him as I had been about meeting his mother.

Now, introducing Edward to my parents was another story completely. I had no doubt my mother would adore Edward. He was handsome and charming and mom would eat it up. Dad, however, would feel compelled to pull the intimidating, protective, father and police chief card. I'd already warned Edward that his bark would be far worse than his bite but I still wasn't looking forward to their introduction.

After dinner, the four of us settled on the couch and watched a movie. Being the only male present, Edward was sadly outvoted and forced to watch the newest romantic comedy which he did with surprisingly little objection. He and I cuddled in the corner of the couch under a large afghan and throughout the movie, Edward traced his fingers along my leg or my arm keeping me permanently ramped up until I felt I might combust.

Once the movie had finished, I said my good-byes to Esme and even received a kind word from Alice before she ascended the stairs to her room. Edward informed me was that was basically unheard of as we headed out to his car and I smiled in triumph.

The drive home was thankfully short because every nerve I owned was on edge from Edward's teasing throughout the movie. I was all but tingling as he walked me to my door, his hand in mine. I just managed to unlock the door before launching myself at him.

"Do you. Have any idea. What you've been doing to me?" I asked in frantic gasps between kisses.

"No," he replied with a laugh, "but I'll make sure to do it more often."

"Only if you're willing to make good on it."

"Bella," he moaned against my neck. "I know you think you're ready but you deserve better than this."

"Better than you?" I asked.

He sighed and pulled me closer. "Definitely, but I'm not strong enough to say no forever. However, if we do this, it's going to be better than a hormonal impulse. I want it to mean something."

He cradled my face and kissed me sweetly before pulling back and moving towards the still open door. "I'll call you when I get home, ok? I want your voice to be the last thing I hear before I fall asleep."

"Same here."

He moved in for one last kiss before quickly heading to his car. My heart clenched as I watched him back out of the driveway and I realized that in less than twenty four hours, Edward Cullen had stolen my heart and taken it with him.

**A/N: Just a little side note. Most of this story is already written. I think I'm just a handful of chapters from the end and it's all pretty mapped out. So, barring any major RL complications, posting should be fairly regular and consistent. **

**Thank you all for stopping by. Much Love!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**The characters belong to someone else but the storyline is mine. No infringement intended.**

Chapter 4

True to his word, Edward called me the second he was back home in the privacy of his room. Like the night before, we stayed up late, lying in our beds, deep in conversation, except this time it was about the future and not our pasts. I found out that Edward was planning to attend Dartmouth like his father. His dad wanted him to study medicine but Edward didn't think he was cut out for medical school and was considering business instead.

When it came time to confess my own hopes and dreams, I was ashamed to tell him that I truly didn't know. I'd considered many career paths but there was nothing that I was really passionate about. It bothered me to admit to my lack of direction when he was so sure of his path. When I told him as much, Edward scoffed and insisted that I had plenty of time to discover my bliss.

Before hanging up I asked if I could see him in the morning. Unfortunately, his parents already made plans to have their family portrait taken but he was sure they'd be done by midafternoon. As fate would have it, that was about the time I was due at work. He promised he would stop by and see me at work before he said goodnight and hung up the phone. For the second night in a row, I went to sleep consumed with thoughts of Edward Cullen.

I attempted to sleep late, having no real reason for waking early but my telephone had other plans. The shrill ring cut through the silence and permeated the excellent dream I was having. My heart began to race as I lunged for the telephone, hoping that Edward's plans had changed and he'd be able to see me this morning.

"Hey there," I sighed into the phone attempting to sound seductive but likely just coming off as still half asleep, which of course, I was.

_"Good morning darling,"_ my mother's chipper voice rang out. _"You're not still in bed I hope, it's almost eleven o'clock."_

"It's summer, mom. What is there to get up early for? Especially here."

_"Well I don't know but I hope you haven't been just moping about and sleeping all day while we're away."_

"I'm not," I promised, "I've been working a bit, have to go in today actually, in a few hours."

I briefly considered mentioning the fact that I'd met someone but I knew she'd press for details and then she'd report everything I said back to my dad. I wasn't quite ready for him to know yet and so I kept my mouth shut.

_"Good,"_ she said, sounding relieved, _"I'm glad you're keeping busy. Your dad and I miss you. You know that right?"_

"Of course I do." It was a weird question for her to ask and I couldn't help but wonder what she meant by it.

_"Well, we're having just a wonderful time and, uh, well…" she trailed off._

I sighed impatiently, too tired for guess what she was getting at. "Spit it out ma, or put dad on so he can tell me what's up."

_"Alright, we were wondering if it would bother you if we extended our vacation a bit. We were thinking it would be nice to do a bit of sightseeing in Los Angeles after the ship docks and maybe drive up the coast instead of flying back. Your dad has a lot of time off saved up and we travel so rarely."_

She was babbling, hoping to convince me to tell her it was ok. She had no idea just how OK with the idea I was. In fact, I was thrilled. I could put off telling them about my new boyfriend and Edward and I could spend much more time together away from prying parental eyes.

"Mom, chill. It's totally cool with me. I'm just fine here." I said, trying not to sound too eager.

_"Are you sure? It means we might miss your first day of school."_

I stifled a laugh. "It's not in kindergarten, mom. I'm a big girl and I think I can handle it. I'm already registered so all I have to do is show up."

_"So you're really ok with it?"_

"Yes, I'm really ok. Take your time, have fun."

_"Alright, as long as you're sure. We'll call and check in with you often."_

She talked a little more about their trip and all the fun things they'd been up to and dad took a moment to make sure I was keeping the doors locked and bolted. When they finally let me go, I pulled the covers back over my head and attempted to fall back asleep. However, sleep wouldn't come and so I rolled out of bed and reluctantly began my day.

The hours ticked by slowly despite my best efforts to stay busy and catch up on all the things I'd been neglecting. I threw in a bit of laundry and tidied up before heading to the grocery store to restock the fridge. Just as I was dressing for work, my phone rang once more and my heart leapt when I saw Edward's name flash across the screen.

"I miss you already," I blurted into the phone.

"_I miss you too,"_ he said quietly. There was a sadness in his voice and the happiness in my heart that his phone call had brought me quickly turned to worry.

"What's the matter?"

There was a pause before I heard him exhale loudly. _"Something's come up, Bella. We were taking the family photos and then dad went and surprised us with an end-of-summer family vacation. He managed to take a couple days off and wants us to go camping one more time before school starts." _

"So, does this mean you can't come see me tonight?"

"_No, we're packing up now and heading out pretty soon. I'm sorry baby, if I'd known…"_

"Stop," I cut him off, "it's fine. I'm a little bummed but it's not like you can help it. Go have fun with your family; I'll still be here when you get back. How long do you think you'll be gone anyways?"

"_Dad has to work Sunday night so not too long. We'll probably come back Sunday morning, maybe even Saturday night but I'm not sure." _

It was already Wednesday so I only had to make it through a couple of days without him. I could do that, right? When I realized I was worried about missing him for a period of time that was longer than the amount of time I'd known him, it made me chuckle lightly to myself. I tried to suppress the laughter, which only served to make it sound like a cross between cough and a snort.

"_You ok?" _

"Uh, yeah, my drink just went down the wrong pipe," I lied, not really wanting to explain. He'd already dealt with enough of my neurosis about the length of our acquaintanceship. "I'm really going to miss you."

"_I know, I'm going to miss you like crazy but I'll call as soon we get back into town, I promise." _

"You better," I teased and I swear I could hear him smile through the phone.

"_Well, you better not meet and fall for some other guy while I'm gone,"_ he teased back.

"What? In only four days? That's not possible." There was a pause and then I realized what I was saying. "Not again anyways."

He laughed a bit but then there was the sound of muffled voices on his end. _"Alright, I gotta go babe. I'll call you as soon as I get back." _

"I'll be waiting,"

I hung up the phone and allowed myself just a few seconds to wallow in disappointment before getting along with my day. I had to hurry to finish getting ready for work, remembering at just the last second, to grab a book to read and then headed out of the house.

At work, Mrs. Newton stuck around a bit later than usual, keeping me occupied with setting up new displays and filling me in on the local town gossip. Normally, her incessant and inane chatter would drive me crazy but today I welcomed the distraction and it wasn't long before it was time to head home again.

I spent the next several days sleeping, reading or watching whatever awful made-for-TV movie was playing at the time. I had to work again on Saturday night but since it was Labor Day weekend, the store was a bit busier than usual as several out-of-towners came in for information and supplies. As the hours ticked by that night, I found myself checking my phone with increased frequency, hoping Edward had come home early. But, the call never came and by the time I headed home and climbed into my bed I had to accept that fact that he wouldn't be home until the next day.

My sleep was fitful and hard to come by as I was about as excited as a kid on Christmas Eve. I couldn't wait to see Edward again but I was also worried that during our time away from each other, he had realized that he was no longer interested in me. I tossed and turned until I was finally too exhausted to stress anymore and succumbed to sleep.

The ringing of the phone caused my eyes to snap open and I was instantly as awake as I'd ever been. With the reflexes of a ninja, my hand snatched the phone off the nightstand as I sat up in bed, heart pounding.

"Edward?" I asked, having not taken the time to check the name on the display first.

"_Are your parents home?"_ he asked, sounding breathless.

"No, not yet."

"_Thank God,"_ he replied and I could just make out the sound of a car engine in the background. _"Come down and let me in."_

I was up and at the window before he finished the sentence, just in time to see his silver car pull into the driveway behind my truck. I didn't even reply, just snapped my phone shut and threw it on the bed as I sprinted out of the room and down the stairs. He'd just reached the porch steps when I flung open the door and threw myself into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist. He kissed me furiously for several minutes until we were both forced to come up for air.

He set me back on my feet and as his eyes traveled up and down the length of my body, I suddenly realized I was still in my pajamas, which consisted of a very small pair of shorts and a tank top, no bra.

"Fuck baby," he breathed, "we gotta get you in the house."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house as I apologized, my face flushing with embarrassment. "Sorry, I was still sleeping when you called.

I had just stepped over the threshold when he kicked the door shut and I found myself up pinned up against it with Edward's body pressed against mine. "Never apologize for greeting me like this," he growled, "I just don't want the whole neighborhood to see."

His hands ghosted down the side of my body, barely touching me yet lighting my skin on fire. "Mine," he whispered softly into my ear and then pulled my earlobe into his mouth, sucking on it gently. The feminist in me wanted to be offended by his possessive claim but a much bigger part of me was so incredibly turned on. My stomach clenched and my knees began to buckle, forcing me to wrap my arms around Edward's neck for support. His hands were on my hips and as I clung to him, he lifted me off my feet until once again, I had my legs wrapped tightly around his waist.

"Your room is upstairs?"

"Yeah," I panted, my breath coming in shallow gasps, "on the left.

I buried my face in his neck as he navigated the two of us up the stairs and into my bedroom. Once inside, we fell back onto the bed with me on my back and Edward hovering over me. His lips crashed onto mine as I pulled him flush against me. He was afraid of hurting me but I needed to feel him. I needed to feel the weight of his body against mine. It was a need greater than anything I'd ever experienced. In that moment, I needed him more than oxygen.

His lips broke from mine and once again began kissing a trail along my jaw to the base of my ear and down my neck. To my surprise, he continued lower, allowing his tongue to dip into the hollow between my breasts.

"Is this ok?" he asked, looking up at me, concern in his eyes. "I need you to tell me that this is ok."

"More than ok," I gasped.

"And you'll tell me if it becomes not ok?"

I nodded, knowing there was very little he could to me right now that would not be ok with me. He lowered his face and placed a tender kiss on the swell of my breast before sitting up slightly. His hands slid up my arms and under the thin straps of my tank top, pausing momentarily as he looked to me for permission. I nodded in agreement and he slid the delicate straps off my shoulders and down my arm until my breasts were exposed.

"Fucking perfect," he breathed, cupping them in his hands gently, rubbing his thumbs, ever so gently over my pebbled nipples. He brought one hardened nub to his lips, flicking the tender skin with the tip of his tongue before taking the entire thing into his mouth, sucking gently.

"Oh my God!" I gasped, my back arching off the bed. The sensation like nothing I'd ever experienced. My reaction spurred Edward on and he began sucking with even more vigor, rolling one nipple tenderly between his teeth as he continued to rub his thumb over the other.

I needed desperately to feel his skin against mine and began tugging at the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up towards his head. He quickly caught on to what I was trying to achieve and sat up briefly pulling the offending garment off in one sweeping motion. I had only a second to marvel at the perfectness of his chest before he turned his attention back to mine but the delicious heat of his body against mine more than made up for that.

I allowed my hands to roam along his back and shoulders as Edward began to kiss his way lower, along my ribcage and down towards my stomach. He had just placed one sweet kiss against my belly when the sound of a car just outside pulled me from my bliss.

"Shit, what was that?"

Edward sat up quickly and looked at me in alarm. "What?"

I became suddenly self-conscience of my near nakedness and tugged on my tank top to cover myself as I leapt from the bed and hurried to the window.

A blue car I didn't recognize had parked in front of the house. I watched in horror as the passenger door opened and my mother stepped out.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cried, turning to face Edward. "My parents are home."

"Now?"

"Yes, now. Quick, get your shirt on and get downstairs." I snatched the bra I'd left over the back of my desk chair and struggled to get it on as fast as I could.

"Downstairs? And do what?" He was up and pulling his own shirt over his head.

"Tell them we're going out and you were just waiting for me to finish getting ready. I just need you to buy me a second to get dressed and I'll be right down."

"Bella?" he questioned, clearly not a fan of the idea of meeting my parents alone and unexpected.

"Please," I begged, looking out the window to see both my parents pulling luggage out of the trunk. "We don't have much time. My dad's a cop, he has guns. Plural. More than one. Would you rather he find us both up here with me half dressed?"

That did the trick. Edward turned on his heel and was out the door in a flash. I pulled a t-shirt from my closet and threw it over my head before stepping into the first pair of jeans I came across, pulling them up and over the shorts I was still wearing. I stepped into a pair of flip flops and snatched a hair tie from my desk. I was at the top of the stairs pulling my hair into a messy bun when I heard the front door open.

"Who the hell are you?" my dad's gruff voice boomed through the house.

"You must be a friend of Bella?" my mother's voice followed, kindly but with a hint of amusement. Knowing my mother, I'd never hear the end of this.

I saw Edward rise from the couch and turn to face my father as I hurried down the steps, racing to save him any further awkwardness.

"Dad, this is Edward Cullen. He's a friend of mine and we were going to go get some breakfast but I was running late so he was just waiting down here while I finished getting ready."

Edward smiled at my slyly, clearly as impressed as I was with the ease that lie had spewed out.

"You're home early," I added, trying to mask the irritation in my voice.

"Mark broke his leg hiking yesterday. I had to come home and cover his shift tonight." Dad said brusquely, still staring at Edward with narrowed eyes.

"I was going to call you dear, but I thought it would be more fun to surprise you." Mom had set her bags down and pulled me into a tight hug.

"A little late for breakfast, isn't it?" Dad asked, turning to look at me for the first time. "It's almost noon."

"I slept in," I replied curtly.

Mom cut the tension with a light laugh. "Oh, don't mind your father. He's just tired. We got the call last night and drove all night to get back. You two go get some breakfast or lunch or whatever and let your dad get in a nap before work. We'll catch up later."

"Cullen?" Dad asked, returning his attention to Edward. "You Dr. Cullen's boy?"

"Uh, yeah, I am." Edward replied nervously.

Dad considered this information for a second before speaking. "Your father's a good man; I expect he raised you to be a gentleman?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright then," he said with a resigned nod and then turned back to me. "Be home in time for dinner."

"Sure thing dad," I said, breathing a silent sigh of relief and stepped forward to give my dad a hug. "I missed you," I added, hoping to lighten his mood a little.

"Missed you too Bells," he said but before letting me go he whispered, "we'll be having a chat later, you and I."

Wanting to get Edward out of the house before dad changed his mind, I tugged on his arm and pulled him out the door, waving goodbye to my mother as we went. Her face was lit up with a knowing smile and I just knew she was going to assault me with questions about Edward as soon as we were alone. Mom was never very good at the whole parenting thing, she was always more of a girlfriend than a mother and it was clear this would be no exception.

We were in the car and driving towards the nearest fast food joint before I finally spoke, breaking the silence between us. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect them home for a few days."

"It's fine, baby. I had to meet them eventually right?" he said, shooting me a smile. "besides, maybe it's for the best."

"For the best?" I failed to see how any part of this scenario was for the best.

He sighed and pulled the car into a parking stall outside of the McDonald's. "It's just that we were both really caught up in the moment and I don't think either of us were thinking clearly. I doubt we would have slowed down if they hadn't come home."

"Who says we needed to slow down?"

"Bella," he began, but the frustration in his voice set me off and I refused to hear any more.

"No! Is this about waiting for the right time or me not being ready? Why are you the one who gets to make that decision for me? I'm a big girl and I'm capable of saying 'no' if I want to. I told you I was ready and I meant it. Each day that I know you only serves to solidify my decision. I'm not expecting a lifelong commitment from you if that's what you're afraid of. If we'd gone any further this morning, I wouldn't have regretted it because I would have experienced that with someone that I'm really beginning to care for deeply."

"That's just it," he interrupted. "You're only just beginning to care for me but you don't yet.

"That's not what I meant!" I cried.

"I know. I know that and it's ok but you deserve to have that experience with someone you love, not someone you just met who you think you might really like. I know you think it's no big deal but it is."

"And did you have this great magical first time with someone you love or are you just a hypocrite?" I snapped, sick of the double standard. I knew he was not a virgin and I was sick of it being ok for him but not for me.

"No!" he roared, "my first time was while I was shitfaced in the backroom at a party with a girl I not only didn't like but who I absolutely can't stand. I know I'm a guy and I shouldn't be so sentimental but it true that your first time will stick with you and I wish I had a first time worth remembering and that it had been with someone I loved. That's all I want for you."

I tried really hard to stay mad at him but the sincerity in his voice touched me even more than his words and melted my anger. "Well, you're going to give a girl a complex if you keep shutting me down and rejecting me."

"Rejecting you? Is that what you think I was doing back there in your room?" he laughed and I playfully smacked his arm."

"You know what I mean."

"I do and trust me, I fully intend to make you fall in love with me and then we'll have a night worth remembering."

He ended the argument with a kiss and then we made our way inside to eat. We spent the rest of the afternoon at the same park we'd gone to on that first night. The weather was warm and dry as we sat in the shade of a large tree talking and laughing until it was time for me to head home.

I watched him carefully as he drove me home and I thought about what he'd said earlier about making me love him but he didn't realize that I was already more than halfway there. Though I knew it was unlikely, I could only hope that he felt the same.

**A/N:** **Ok, how many of you have been thisclose to getting busted by the folks? **

**Thank you all for reading. Means more than words can say.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Time to break these two out of their summer love-bubble and get them back to school. I still own nothing except three crazy kids driving me crazy during their summer break. Everything still belongs to Stephenie Meyer and I'm just playing around. **

Chapter 5

The parental inquisition was not nearly as bad as I had expected. Dad was actually quite pleased that his little girl had the good sense to keep the boy downstairs and out of her room. I nearly choked on the sip of water I'd just taken when he said that but I managed to recover and dad seemed none the wiser. He remarked that Edward seemed like a perfectly respectable young man and since I was nearly eighteen he wouldn't presume to tell me who I could or couldn't see as long as I was being safe. He also promised he'd keep his gun in its holster as long as Edward was treating me well. I insisted that he was and that was the end of that. Dad seemed as eager to get the uncomfortable talk out of the way as I was and I changed the subject as soon as I could by asking about their vacation.

Mom was another story. She was happy to play along at dinner and stick to the subject of their cruise as long as dad was still around but when he left to get ready for work she pounced like a jungle cat, insisting on as many details as I would willingly give to her which wasn't many. I told her that I'd met him at work, that we'd spent a little time together in the last week and that I'd already met his mother but nothing else. She didn't need to know the depth of my feeling for him or that I spent almost every waking moment fantasizing about his touch. As close as she believed us to be, we just weren't that close.

Monday was Labor Day and I spent the morning preparing to go back to school. Edward and I drove the hour to Port Angeles to pick up a few supplies at the Walmart out there. After we were loaded down with notebooks, pens and everything else we needed, Edward suggested a movie and dinner, which I heartily agreed to. It was our first official date unless you count diner or fast food lunches and I don't.

Edward drove me home directly after dinner despite being an hour and a half before my curfew. He claimed it was so I got plenty of rest for the first day of school but I could see right through him. It was clear he was just trying to earn a few brownie points with my dad. I called him out on it and he didn't deny that it had crossed his mind but he had a good point that it was better to be on my dad's good side than his bad.

Before he left I made him promise that school wouldn't change our relationship. He already knew everyone and I would be the outsider. I couldn't help but worry that his interest in me would fade when he was back around his friends again, especially if they didn't like me. He pulled me into his arms and swore that everything would be ok and that his friends would accept me without question but even if they didn't it wouldn't change the way he felt. I went to bed that night scared, anxious, and praying that everything would be ok.

Edward picked me up Tuesday morning and drove me to school early so he could show me around and make sure I knew where all my classes were. It wasn't nearly as big as my school in Phoenix and it didn't take me long to learn my way around. Unfortunately, Edward and I didn't have any classes together so I wouldn't get a chance to see him again until lunch. He walked me to my first class, kissed me good-bye and promised to meet up with me in the lunch room.

My first class was English and I found a seat next to a slightly heavy-set blonde girl. She looked up from the book she was reading in surprise when I set my bag down and pulled the chair out to sit down.

"Is it cool if I sit here? It's not taken is it?" I asked, not wanting to intrude.

She eyed me suspiciously for a moment before opening her mouth to answer but before she could, there was a snort from behind me.

"Yeah right, as if anyone would willingly sit next to fat ass here." I whirled around to find another blonde, this one tall and super thin with boobs too big to be real. Considering their unevenness and the fact that we were still in high school, I could only assume they were the result of an overly padded bra as opposed to surgery. Her face was pinched and unpleasant and the blond in her hair clearly came from a bottle. I was having a hard time finding anything on her that didn't look fake.

"I don't believe I asked you," I snapped.

"Well you should. You're dating Edward Cullen aren't you?"

"How would you know that?" I asked, stunned that the news was out before first period even began.

"I saw you kissing him in the hall just now and I heard you were new, so I just wanted to let you know that being Edward's girlfriend gives you enough social standing that you don't have to resort to sitting with people like Rosie-tons of fun- Hale. You can join me and Jessica over at our table."

I was taken aback. I couldn't believe this bitch had the nerve to say such a thing especially right in front of the person in question. I turned back to look at Rosie who'd gone back to reading her book as if she hadn't heard anything though I knew she had. I admired her for not dignifying this bitch with a response and for the first time since we met, I began to seriously question my relationship with Edward. If this was the kind of people he was friends with, I wasn't sure we were as compatible as I'd thought we were. I seriously needed to find out if this was the way he and his friends treated other people. I couldn't be with him if he did without losing all self respect I had for myself.

"I believe that Edward could give a rat's ass who I sit with, not that it would stop me if he did," I snapped. "And, I'd rather sit here with her than look at your lumpy, toilet paper stuffed tits for the rest of class since, unlike you and your little clone over there; she seems like a normal, decent, human being." I pulled out the chair and sat down defiantly. The fake bitch continued to stand there, her mouth hanging open. "Good-bye now," I added, waving her away with my hand.

The classroom was filling up now but the teacher still hadn't arrived yet and it was clear this girl wasn't used to being talked to like this.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she shrieked.

"Nope," I replied, "and I'll thank you to kindly fuck off now. I'm done talking to you."

She gasped loudly and her face turned a funny shade of purple as the people within earshot began to snicker to themselves. She opened her mouth to say something but didn't get the chance.

"Lauren, find your seat, please. Let's get started people." The teacher called out, walking through the door with a handful of papers.

Lauren huffed and stomped across the room and took her seat next to Jessica. The two promptly began whispering to each other and shooting dirty looks my way. I'd hoped to make friends on my first day but so far, it seemed I was doing the opposite.

As the teacher began passing out the packets I turned to Rosie who was staring at me with a strange expression.

"Sorry 'bout that," I whispered, "I'm Bella. You're Rosie I assume?"

"Rosalie or Rose. Only they call me Rosie because they know I hate it," she said motioning towards Lauren and Jessica with the tilt of her head.

"Why do you let them talk to you like that?" I asked, knowing I was probably overstepping my bounds but I just didn't understand it. "You should stick up for yourself."

"I use to and that just seemed to feed it so I quit. I don't really give a fuck what they say or what they think. Honestly, they're just jealous I have more money than they do and when I graduate I'll have access to my trust fun and I'll be out of this shitty town, unlike them. Then, I'm going to become successful, hire the best physical trainer, lose this extra weight, come back and fuck their husbands."

"You're assuming they'll find someone stupid enough to marry them," I pointed out and she stifled a laugh.

"Good point. Hey, thanks for sticking up for me. Everyone hates them but most people are afraid to say anything to their faces. The girls are afraid they'll turn on them next and the guys don't want to piss them off and screw up their chance at fucking them but whatever. Like I said, I really don't give a fuck."

I glanced at the teacher who was still passing out a seemingly endless stream of papers before deciding I still had time to ask my next question.

"So, do you know Edward Cullen?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile. "Way to go on that one. I'm not into high school guys but that one is super fine."

"He isn't like them is he? I mean, he's not a jerk right? I haven't met his friends yet and I'm just hoping that's not them."

This time she couldn't stifle the laugh that erupted out of her. The teacher glanced at the two of us and Rosalie muttered a quiet apology. Jessica and Lauren continued to glare with an increased intensity.

"Those two? God no. Edward is a decent guy. He's popular, of course, because he's hot but he's not an asshole like those twats."

"Oh thank God," I sighed in relief. "I'd hate to have to break up with him because of that."

The teacher had finished passing out her papers by that time and delved into the syllabus, effectively putting our conversation on hold. However, as luck would have it we actually ended up having a handful of classes together so by the time lunch had come around I was confident that I'd found a new friend in Rosalie Hale.

Rose declined my invitation to eat lunch with Edward and I, insisting that she's rather spend the time sneaking a smoke in her car but I think she was also trying to give the two of us a little alone time. Especially since I'd spent a good portion of the morning complaining about not seeing him enough at school.

So, I made my way to the lunch room alone and found Edward waiting for me near the lunch line, a tray of food in his hands. "Hey baby, I already grabbed us something to eat. Hope that's ok. I just thought it would save some time."

I was about to respond when we were interrupted by a tall dark haired boy who I recognized from his pictures as Edward's best friend Liam. "This your new lady friend, Edward?" he asked, beaming at me.

"Bella, this is Liam, Liam meet my Bella."

"Nice to meet you Bella," Liam responded sticking his hand out. I took it and he brought it to his lips, placing a small kiss on the back of my hand. "Seems my man here is a lucky guy. Now I see why he couldn't shut up about you all damn morning."

"Alright," Edward cut in, "that's enough. Don't you have a girl to stalk or something?"

"Sure do," Liam said with a laugh. "Her resistance is weakening. I tell ya, I'm gonna get her this year."

"Yeah we'll see." Edward replied, looking at me and shaking his head 'no'. "He's been chasing this girl Siobhan for the last three years. He's hopelessly in love and she won't give him the time of day."

"Whatever man. Oh look, there's Maggie. She'll know where Siobhan is. I gotta go. Take good care of my boy, Bella."

"Will do," I replied but he was already gone, chasing after the girl he'd called Maggie.

Edward and I found and empty table in the corner and slid our chairs as close as we could. Immediately he put one arm around my shoulders and pulled me close against him.

"God, I missed you so much," he breathed into my ear, nuzzling my cheek with his nose.

"I missed you too but you do realize we are on display for the entire student body right?"

He lifted his gaze, noticed the many sets of eyes watching our every move, and laughed. "Alright alright, I'll tone down the PDA, though it's hard when you're so damn delectable. I think I'd much rather eat you for lunch."

Warmth flooded my body and my cheeks flushed. "Edward!" I swatted his chest playfully.

"What? It's true." He said, snatching a french fry off the tray and popping it into his mouth. "Oh by the way, is it true that you called Jessica Stanley a clone and told Lauren Mallory to fuck off?"

My cheeks flushed again, giving me away and I quickly dropped my face into my hands. "You heard about that?" I mumbled.

"Of course I did. Small school, Bella. You'll learn that gossip here travels at the speed of light but I'm proud of you baby. Those bitches had it coming, I'm sure, but I'd love to hear the rest of the story."

I recounted the events of the morning, pausing occasionally when Edward burst out laughing. "That's my girl," he said proudly when I'd finished and kissed me on the cheek. "I know they gave Rosalie a hard time back in junior high but I thought everyone had grown out of that shit by now. Guess I should have known better considering who we're talking about."

"So they're not friends of yours?" I'd heard it from Rosalie but I needed to hear it from his own lips now.

"Those two? Fuck no," he cried vehemently but that was followed by a deep sigh that told me there was more to the story.

"What?" I asked, afraid to press the issue but also afraid not to.

"I really didn't want to tell you this, not here and now but I can't have you hearing it from someone else and you probably will, especially now but you remember that girl I was telling you about?"

"The one you slept with? Oh God, please don't tell me it was Lauren?"

"No, not her. Ugh, my dick would have shriveled up and fallen off first. No, it wasn't Lauren but it was Jessica."

I wasn't sure what to think. I was in shock. Sure, I hadn't actually had the displeasure of meeting Jessica yet but from what I'd gathered, I was better off. "Why?" I meant it as a serious question but it came off more judgmental than I'd meant.

"I told you I was completely shitfaced and she just happened to be there, half-naked and making it hard for my drunk ass to say no. Like I told you before, I didn't like her then and I like her even less now though she was a little less vile then. That was in ninth grade and she didn't start hanging out with Lauren until tenth but still, it is what it is. Do you hate me now?"

"No, of course not, I'm more curious than anything." I said, trying to lighten the mood. I hated the fact that he'd shared that part of him with others, but I couldn't very well hold something against him that he'd done long before we met.

"Curious?"

"Yeah, like how did you pull that off? Physically I mean. I just can't believe you were able to stay hard while fucking that." I teased.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head before he broke into laughter once again. "You know, I've been trying to figure that out for years now and I still have no clue." He leaned forward until his lips were at the base of my ear and placed a small kiss there before adding in a whisper, "but it is a major turn on to hear you talking like that. Though next time you talk about me being hard it better be about you and me."

A shiver of excitement rippled through my body as I turned my lips to his ear. "I'd like to do more than talk about your hard on but you keep shutting me down."

"And now you know why. I just want your first time to be better than mine."

This bitch was really starting to piss me off. First, she and her little friend had been grade A cunts to Rosalie but now she was the one that had scared Edward away from sleeping with me. I needed to do something to overpower this horrible association he had thanks to her and it seemed he responded to dirty talk so I was going to go with that. He could make me wait as long as he wanted but I wasn't going to make it easy on him.

"You and I will be nothing like it was with you and Jessica." I whispered, cupping his face in my hands, "I may be an inexperienced virgin but I bet I can still fuck away any and all memories you have of her."

As he sat there stunned, I dropped my hands and moved away, plucking a french fry off the table and biting into it seductively, silently thanking Samantha and Sex and the City for teaching me a thing or two about teasing a man since I had no practical experience with it.

"You're going to kill me," he moaned. "How am I supposed to go to my next class now?"

As if on cue, the bell rang and the lunch room began to empty. "Sucks doesn't it, when someone gets you all hot and leaves you hanging?"

"Baby," he whined, "don't be mean."

"I'm not being mean. I'd be happy to help you out but you don't want to so I guess you're on your own. Just think of Lauren, and that should do it. I gotta go to class. See you after school?"

He was still pouting and I began to feel bad about teasing him so I leaned in to kiss his cheek before leaving. He grabbed my face and kissed me firmly on the lips. "I'll get you back for this," he whispered against them, "just you wait."

Then just as quickly, he released my face, winked and waved good-bye. "I'll see you later baby." And with that I lost my upper hand just as quickly as I had gained it. I couldn't be upset about it though as I had a feeling I'd just started a game with no real loser.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and most of the week in a bit of a haze, imagining all the ways Edward may choose to pay me back for the stunt in the cafeteria. Even Rosalie began to notice when my mind began to wander. She teased me mercilessly about it because she said my face took on a goofy sort of smile every time.

As the days went on, Rose and I developed a fast friendship and I was soon confiding everything in her. During our first meeting I'd thought she was fairly quiet and withdrawn but that couldn't be further from the truth. She was funny, outspoken, and quite snarky once you got to know her but she wasn't willing to put forth the effort for people, who as she put it, weren't worth the energy. She also had a stunningly beautiful face, which I suspected was the real reason Jessica and Lauren gave her a hard time. Despite having a few more pounds on her than the average girl, Rosalie was easily one of the prettiest girls in the school and I expected that the other girls worried about her stealing their boyfriends. They needn't have worried, Rose had zero interest in boys our age. She told me she'd yet to meet one who wasn't a complete waste of time.

Rose confessed to me that her father had been some business big wig but died of a heart attack when she was only twelve and left her a large trust fund. Her mother was a freelance journalist and never home. Rose suspected that her mother had never gotten over the death of her husband and had been running from it ever since. As a result, Rose was home alone more often than not anymore and since she was a self-proclaimed failure in the kitchen, she ended up eating out more often than not and that had resulted in an expanded waistline.

Now as we were on the cusp of adulthood, she was ready to make a change and had begun working out and trying to eat healthier, all part of the master plan she'd told me about on the first day we met. Being no stranger to the kitchen, I agreed to teach her how to cook for herself and we spent our time together researching and trying out healthy recipes. I thought she was beautiful the way she was but if she was insistent on making a change, I would do what I could to help her.

Between school, work and my new friendship with Rosalie, Edward and I had less and less time to spend together. That didn't stop us from continuing the game we'd begun in the cafeteria, each of us attempting to get the other hot and bothered in the worst possible scenario. He would come up behind me when I was at my locker and whisper dirty things in my ear to which I would step back slightly and grind my ass against his hips, delighting in the moan that slipped from his lips each and every time. At night when we spoke on the phone, I would whisper to him the fantasies I had of the two of us, helped along by the slew of filthy words and phrases I'd picked up from Rosalie.

By Saturday I felt like I might spontaneously combust though unfortunately, I had to work the early shift that day. Edward promised to pick me up after work and sure enough he was there waiting for me when stepped out of the store. I practically threw myself into his arms and begged him to take me somewhere we could be alone together. He laughed and told me he was more than one step ahead of me as we got into the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

Edward drove us away from the city and towards the woods until we came to a small turnoff off the highway. I was terribly confused until he pulled a blanket and a bag of food from the trunk and suggested we take a little walk. Thankfully, the day was a dry one though I don't believe the rain would have deterred me even a tiny bit.

Edward refused to tell me where we were going, except that he'd stumbled upon this place once when out hiking with his family. I expected a clearing of some sort but after several minutes of walking, we stepped into a gorgeous meadow filled with sunlight gleaming on a field of late summer wildflowers.

"Wow," I breathed. "This is amazing!"

"Isn't it?" he replied. "I've wanted to show you this since we first met. Not sure what took me so long."

He set down the bag and unfurled the blanket onto a soft patch of grass before unloading several containers of food from the bag. "I wasn't sure when you'd eaten last and I didn't want you to go hungry." He remarked quietly.

I took a seat next to him and let him pull me into his arms. The food went untouched as I was more hungry for his kiss than anything else. I pushed him onto his back and straddled him as my tongue danced greedily against his. He held me close and flipped us so that I was now the one on my back with his warmth anchoring me to the ground when I felt I might otherwise float away.

"Bella, my Bella," he whispered against my lips, his hand running along the side of my face, smoothing away an errant strand of hair. He looked deep into my eyes and I saw in him something I'd never imagined. Here in this beautiful boy was the other half of my soul. "I, I…"

"Edward, I love you," I sighed, unable to contain the sentiment for one second longer, not even to let him finish his sentence.

He smiled broadly and pressed his lips to mine sweetly. "And I love you. I think I've loved you from the moment I saw you. I was about to tell you but…"

"I know," I interrupted, "I could feel it but I needed to say it first. I needed you to know that I meant it. That I wasn't just saying it because you had."

He finally stopped my rambling with a kiss. It was a different kiss than we'd previously shared. It was a kiss full of meaning and passion and I couldn't get enough. I wanted to drown in him. I wanted him to drown in me.

We lay entwined, kissing and reiterating our declarations of love for hours, never going any further and for the first time, I didn't need to. We were perfectly content as we were and may have stayed out there forever had the light not begun to fade. Reluctantly I allowed him to pull me to my feet and we headed back to the car and back to reality though my world had been forever changed.

**A/N: Thanks again for reading. Feel free to leave a little love :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer and no infringement is intended. The rest is mine. **

**So, they've said those three little words. Now what?  
**

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Chapter 6

Sunday, Edward had a familial obligation to attend and so I spent the day with Rosalie. I had no sooner stepped over the threshold of her home before she noticed something different about me and called me out on it.

"What's up with you? You're all glowy and you have this shit-eatin' grin on your face. You finally get him to pop your cherry?"

"Rose!" I cried, still getting used to her bluntness.

"Well?"

"No," I sighed, knowing she wouldn't give up until she'd dragged every last detail out of me. "We haven't done that yet."

She eyed me suspiciously, attempting to discern my truthfulness. "So why can't you stop smiling?"

Not able to contain my happiness any longer, I quickly delved into the story of Edward and I and our day in the meadow. Rose listened patiently, waiting for me to finish gushing about the perfectness of that afternoon before peppering me with questions.

"I don't get it?" she asked immediately, taking me by surprise. "You told me he wouldn't sleep with you until you were in love, right?" I nodded and she continued, "And he wanted it to be perfect for your first time?" I nodded again, trying to figure out where she was going with this line of questioning.

"Ok, so you two are lying in this beautiful, perfect meadow, enjoying a beautiful, perfect day and confessing this beautiful, perfect love you have for each other and neither of you thinks 'hey, maybe this is a beautiful, perfect time to do the dirty'?"

"No, Rose. It wasn't about sex, it was about those feelings we wanted to share."

She faked a gag and crinkled her nose in disgust. "Who knew you were such a sap, Swan? You sound like an episode of Oprah."

We laughed and thankfully, Rose was happy to drop the interrogation to spill her own news. She'd met a very hot, albeit slightly dim-witted, freshman from Port Angeles Community College last week and was looking forward to their eventual hookup. I pressed her about his relationship possibilities but she quickly blew that off. This guy, she assured me, was not boyfriend material in the least. She claimed he could barely hold a conversation but he was an amazing kisser and he loved her full figure so she'd keep him around to scratch her occasional itch. We spent the rest of the day laughing at campy Lifetime movies while finishing up homework until it was time for me to head home.

Monday continued as expected, that is until Rose cornered me at my locker after class. "So, I hear it's your birthday on Friday," she said with a smile.

"Edward?" I said with a scowl. He was the only one in town besides my parents who knew my birthdate.

"Yup, and he said you don't like to celebrate. Unfortunately, I don't buy into that shit. Everyone likes to do something on their birthday. So, here's the deal. My mom's out of town so how about you spend the weekend at my place. It'll be fun and we'll keep it low-key. We can watch movies and break into my mom's liquor cabinet."

"Sounds fun," I replied, "but I'm not sure if Edward has anything planned."

"Planned for what?" a deep voice asked from behind me as strong arms wrapped around my waist.

"Her birthday," Rose answered for me. "I want her to spend the weekend with me but apparently she needs to run it past you first. She's worried you made plans."

"Go for it, babe. No plans here. A little bird told me you don't celebrate birthdays so I'm just honoring your wishes. I was hoping to take you out for a nice dinner on Saturday since technically, that's not your birthday but it can wait. You and Rose have fun."

I whipped around to face him, completely surprised. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Liam's been giving me shit about not having time for my boys so I'll go hang with the guys and you and Rose do your thing."

I was a little hurt at how eager he seemed to send me off with Rosalie. I couldn't show it though because I didn't want to be the clingy girlfriend and I also didn't want to offend Rose. The last thing I wanted was to be the kind of friend who blows off her friends for her man but it was my birthday and despite my normal dislike for big parties and hoopla, I still really wanted to spend it with Edward. However, instead of saying anything, I smiled at the two of them and bobbed my head in agreement, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

For the rest of the week, I tried to resign myself to spending the weekend away from Edward but a bitter seed had been planted. By Friday, I was completely frustrated in Edward's complete lack of interest in spending my birthday with me. It was true that I'd told him that I didn't celebrate the day but it has always been the presents, parties and unwanted attention that I disliked. That doesn't mean that I didn't want to spend the day with the man I love. It was my own doing and I felt a bit ridiculous for letting it bother me, but it still hurt. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out with Rosalie. I was actually really looking forward to having a girl's weekend with Rose but I was increasingly bothered by Edward's total disinterest.

I wasn't sure I could even face him without blowing up and so I headed straight to my locker. I'd driven myself to school for the first time so I could head right over to Rose's house after school and hoped I would miss him. I wanted to avoid any interaction as long as I could. When I got to my locker, however, he was waiting for me with a bouquet of gorgeous red roses. He spotted me in the crowd and his face lit up as he flashed me that smile of his and for a second I forgot entirely why I was upset with him.

"Happy Birthday, beautiful," he whispered in my ear as his arms enveloped me.

"I see you finally remembered," I snapped, a little harsher that I'd meant to sound.

He released me and pulled back, his face a mixture of hurt and surprise. "I never forgot."

"No, you just didn't care." I had no idea what had gotten into me. He'd just brought me flowers and I was being a complete bitch. I did a quick mental calendar check, wondering if maybe I was PMS'ing but my period had ended a week before so that couldn't be it. No, I was just being a bitch.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, truly confused. "Wait, is this about tonight?"

I remained silent, finally realizing what a silly emotional girl I'd been acting like all week and I hung my head in shame.

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. You said you didn't like to celebrate so I was trying to honor that. Though I couldn't let the day go by without a little recognition, hence, the flowers." He held the bouquet out for me and I cradled them in my arms feeling like a horrible person and an even worse girlfriend.

"I just thought you'd want to spend tonight with me. I didn't expect you to be so quick to give me up to Rosalie and it kinda hurt." With that, I crumpled against his chest, too ashamed of my ridiculous behavior to even look him in the eye.

"What's wrong, B?" I heard Rosalie ask as she placed a hand on my shoulder.

_Oh this is just great._ I had no idea how to explain without making it sound like I didn't want to hang out with her which just wasn't true. Fortunately, Edward fielded that question for me.

"I hurt her feelings by not making plans tonight and I guess it's been building all week."

"You don't want to sleepover?" Rose asked, the hurt evident in her voice. _Fuck my life!_ Now I was a horrible girlfriend and a shitty friend. I pulled away from Edward and turned to face Rosalie.

"No!" I insisted. "I mean, yes, I do, I do want to spend the weekend with you. I'm really looking forward to it, actually. I was just hurt that he didn't want to spend my birthday with me. Fuck! I'm just an idiot. That's really all it boils down to. This is all my fault. I told him not to celebrate my birthday and now I'm mad because he listened to me."

I leaned back against my locker and slid to the floor, burying my face into the fragrant bouquet of roses. It was oddly quiet for a minute and when I looked up again I found Rose and Edward engaged in a kind of silent argument of raised eyebrows, pointed looks and shaking heads. They noticed me watching and abruptly quit their quiet exchange and looked away from each other.

"Come on B, we're going to be late to class." Rose said as Edward helped me to my feet and into his arms.

"I do care," he whispered. "Please don't think otherwise." +

"I'm sorry for going a little crazy," I replied and he placed a kiss against my forehead.

"Just talk to me next time ok?"

I nodded and pulled open my locker, grabbing my English book and setting the roses inside before slamming it shut and heading to class.

Edward spent the rest of the school day promising to make it up to me while in return, I promised to try and be less of a hormonal, emotional girl. I also spent a good portion of the day assuring Rosalie that I was truly looking forward to the weekend. She'd gone so far as to call Mrs. Newton and get me off of work for the weekend which only made me feel worse. Thankfully, she understood where I was coming from but it didn't stop her from giving me a hard time about it.

After school I headed back to my locker and found a small note nestled on top of the roses. I smiled broadly as I unfolded it, knowing it was from Edward as he was the only one who knew my locker combo.

_Bella, my love_

_I hope you have a wonderful time. I will be missing you every moment that we're apart and I promise to show you just how much I do care when I get you back in my arms._

_I love you,_

_Edward_

My body filled with warmth as I read and re-read the note until Rose appeared and herded me out the door. I followed her red BMW to her house, my big rusted truck looking as out of place as ever in the driveway of Rosalie's big, lavish home. Just as soon as I'd dropped my bags in her room, Rose pulled on my arm and led me back outside to her car.

"We're on a schedule, let's go," she insisted, practically shoving me into the passenger seat of her car.

"Go where?" I asked as she peeled out of the driveway.

"Oh, your boy may honor your bullshit, 'no celebrating' rule but I sure as hell won't. I have plans and you'll go along with it and you'll like it."

I knew better than to argue with Rose and kept my mouth shut. I decided to give in and just go along for the ride since it was clear that people doing things my way had already blown up in my face once this week. That was, of course until the ride ended in front of a fancy looking salon in Port Angeles.

"What the fuck?"

"It's not a real girl's night without a little pampering. Nothing crazy," she added quickly, "just some mani-pedis, maybe wax the brows and get our hair done."

"Alright," I sighed, "as long as eyebrows are the only thing we're waxing. I'm not letting anyone near my chacha with hot wax."

Rose burst into laughter. "Tempting. I'm sure Edward would thank me, but I think I'll allow you to handle that bit of personal hygiene on your own."

It was obvious as soon as we entered that Rosalie frequented this particular salon quite often. The girl working the counter smiled brightly when we entered and came around the counter to embrace Rose tightly.

"I thought I saw your name in the appointment book but you usually come in on Sunday so I was confused," she said.

Rose motioned to me and explained to the bubbly girl that it was my birthday and that we needed something ominously called 'The Works' before introducing me to Heidi who led us back to a small room in the back of the salon, her impossibly high heels clicking along the tile floor as she walked. I couldn't help but wonder how much her feet hurt at the end of the day spending several hours in those things.

Once in the tiny room, Rose pushed me onto a long padded table where a tiny woman waxed my eyebrows into submission. I was stunned that someone so small, armed only with a few strips of fabric and a bit of wax could inflict so much pain. Thankfully, the pain was fleeting and by the time Rose was finished getting her brows done, my own no longer hurt.

Next up were the pedicures which were my favorite by far. We sat in cushy chairs and soaked our feet as we thumbed through magazines and gossiped about Lauren, Jessica and who they were rumored to be sleeping with this week. After a while, a tall thin woman with stick straight black hair came over and pumiced my heels before painting my toes a gorgeous, deep shade of red. Rose's toes were painted the same shade and when we moved onto manicures, she elected to have her nails painted that same deep red color while I opted for a more subtle, pale pink color.

Lastly, Rose insisted I let her favorite stylist, Demetri, trim and style my hair. I soon saw why he was her favorite. Demetri was some kind of magician and managed to not just trim a few split ends but make my drab hair look bright and silky and turned my boring waves into beautiful loose curls.

"You are a genius!" I gushed, inspecting his work in the mirror.

"Right?" Rose piped up, setting down her magazine to check out my new hair. "I've tried to convince him to marry me so he'd be around to do my hair every morning but sadly, he bats for the other team." She placed a hand on her chest, feigning heartache.

Demetri cupped her face in his hands and kissed her cheek. "Oh my darling, you know you're the only girl I'd ever consider going straight for."

"You don't even have to sleep with me, just make me beautiful everyday."

"You don't need me for that, honey. It's already done.

"Damn right!" I agreed, pulling Rose into a hug. "Thanks for this. Really! It's been one of the most fun birthdays that I can remember."

"And the night is still young," she replied with a wink.

I pulled out the brand new camera my parents had given me that morning and Demetri snapped a photo of the two of us before we said our goodbyes and headed out.

I assumed we'd be heading back home and began walking towards the car but Rose had other plans and dragged me down the street to a little boutique that appeared far too trendy for me to even set foot in, let alone shop in.

"What are we doing here?"

"Duh, Shopping! You need something pretty. I'm sick of seeing you in boring jeans and even more boring t-shirts," she said, pulling me into the store.

Once again, Rose was on a first name basis with all the salespeople and they fell over themselves to help her. Knowing nothing about fashion, I was out of my depth with Rosalie and the salesgirl and I struggled to keep up as they prattled on in a language I barely understood, discussing possible looks for me. Rose knew me well enough to reject anything too skimpy or overly trendy. She settled on a pair of dark washed jeans that hugged my curves and enhanced my ass just enough and then picked out three different tops, letting me have the final say.

I tried to insist to Rose that she'd already done far too much but she told me to 'shut up' and shoved me into a changing room so I could try on each shirt before making my decision. I settled on a dark blue sweater that was impossibly soft. It was a little low cut and would have highlighted my cleavage nicely if I had any real cleavage to speak of but mostly I picked it because it looked good on me and was Edward's favorite shade of blue.

Rose had the salesgirl ring up our purchases as I changed back into my own clothes, probably afraid that I'd make a scene if I knew how much it cost. She was probably right. I couldn't help but feel a nagging sense of guilt over all the money she'd plopped down on my behalf, especially after the hissy fit I'd thrown this morning.

We loaded the bags into the car and finally headed back to Forks after that. Despite my discomfort with her spending so much money on me, I was having a great time. I'd had friends in Phoenix but in all my years there, I'd never made a friend as close as Rose and I had become in two weeks. It was nice. I never realized how much I'd been craving female companionship.

Back at Rose's house, she popped open a bottle of wine from her mother's stash and poured us both a small glass. I worried that her mom would notice it was gone but Rose just laughed bitterly. She told me her mother could care less about her daughter drinking as long as it didn't harm her own reputation. I could tell her mother was a sore subject so when she changed the subject by asking to practice some new makeup techniques she'd seen on me, I quickly agreed. It was the least I could do for her, so I casually sipped my drink as Rose applied eye shadow and mascara. When she was finished she held up a small handheld mirror so I could examine her handiwork and I was stunned. I'd been expecting something dramatic based the on amount of time she'd spent but instead the affect was subtle and soft. I still looked like me, just better.

"Wow, Rose, this is incredible. I actually look kinda hot."

She shoved my shoulder playfully and scoffed. "What are you talking about? You are hot. You bagged Edward Cullen. That says a lot. Have a little more confidence. I can't be friends with someone who has no self-esteem. It's too much work with all the whining and self-doubt. Ugh."

"I'll work on it," I sighed,

"Good, now I have two more presents," she said with a devilish smirk.

"Rose!" I exclaimed. "No, no way! This is too much already."

"Relax. Only one of them cost any money and I have too much of that anyways. Now, shut the fuck up and close your eyes."

That didn't make me feel any better but I knew I wouldn't win this fight so I slumped my shoulders and closed my eyes with an exasperated huff. Rose placed a small bag in my hands and told me to open my eyes. I looked down at the bag with its distinctive pink and black design denoting that it came from Victoria's Secret. My eyebrows knit together in confusion and I looked at Rose in surprise.

"Go on," she urged.

I opened the bag and pulled out a gorgeous white bra made of satin and lace with matching panties. I looked to Rose, even more confused. They were beautiful to be sure but no one had ever bought me fancy underwear before, especially not a female friend.

"They're gorgeous," I began, "but…"

"But why did I buy you a bra and panties?" she finished for me.

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, that will be explained with the second part of the present." The devilish smile was back and I had no idea what was going on. "But, I'm not going to tell you what it is yet."

I groaned in frustration. "You're killing me, Rose."

"I know," she said with a smile. "Now go try these one with your new outfit. I want to see the whole look all put together. Oh and here," she handed me a black pair of heels from her closet, "borrow these for now. I can't have you ruining the beautifulness with a sad old pair of sneakers."

I wrinkled my face at her but grabbed my things and headed to the bathroom. As I changed, I realized the bra was heavily padded and created amazing cleavage. I wasn't sure how she'd known my bra size but she'd been dead on and everything fit fantastically. I pulled on the jeans and the sweater which now looked even better as I magically had the boobs to fill it out properly.

"Come out, come out and let me see!" Rose sang from the other side of the door. I pulled it open as I stepped into the shoes and she gasped. "Oh my God, you look phenomenal!"

"Yeah, it's just a shame no one but you is around to see it."

"Maybe not," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

'Rose," I warned, "what are you up to?"

She glanced at her watch and smiled broadly. "Alright, it's almost time so I guess I'll tell you that you aren't spending the night here."

"Where am I spending the night then?" My mind was racing, trying to make sense of what she was saying.

"Ok, don't get mad but Edward and I planned this out a few days ago. His parents are out of town and, well, you're spending the night over there."

The room began to spin and my heart was pounding. I had to sit down. "Wait, what about your big girl's night plan?"

She sighed and sat next to me. "It was all bullshit, just a way to surprise you and give you an alibi for your parents since I doubt they'd be cool with you spending the night at Edward's. He's coming to get you in a few minutes."

"So you're not mad that I'm bailing?"

"What? No! This was the plan from the start. It was all his idea actually. Well, except the makeover and clothes and bra and stuff. That was my contribution. I wanted you to be super-hot for your big night. I picked the white underwear cause it's pure and virginal. It seemed fitting," she said with a laugh. "Hopefully tomorrow you'll be ready for some black ones or maybe scandalous and sexy red ones."

She waggled her eyebrows at me and I flushed with embarrassment. "So what are you going to do all weekend? I feel bad leaving you here alone."

"Oh, don't you worry about me. I have a hot date with my college boy tonight. He'll be here a little later. Besides, I didn't get you all sexified to hang out with me."

I smiled and my heart continued to race as the realization that I was spending tonight alone with Edward. Tonight was very likely going to be THE night and my heart raced even faster. I thought it might burst right out of my chest. Before I could calm myself down there was a knock at the door and my heart literally stopped.

He was here. My Edward was here to take me home with him and my whole world was about to change.

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**A/N: Sorry for leaving you hanging but some thing deserve their own chappie. Thanks for reading. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**No infringement intended and as always all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. Everything else is mine. **

**I feel I should preface this particular chapter by saying, if you are not old enough to vote it's time to head on out now. The story is rated M for a reason and is not intended for younger readers.  
**

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Chapter 7

Rose opened the door and Edward entered slowly, looking even more delicious than normal. He was dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a black, long-sleeved, button down shirt. He appeared to be freshly shaved and his hair was perfectly disheveled.

My eyes met his and he grinned broadly. "Oh my beautiful Bella. You look incredible." He closed the distance between us swept me up into his arms. "I'm so sorry for tricking you. I just thought it would be fun to surprise you. If I'd known it would upset you I wouldn't have done it."

"Yeah," Rose muttered from behind us, "he almost squealed this morning and ruined the whole thing."

I thought back to this morning and chuckled. "So that's what all the eyebrow waggling was about?"

They both nodded though I noticed Edward was having a hard time removing his gaze from my newly acquired cleavage. Score one for Victoria and her little secret.

"You're not still mad are you, B?" Rose asked with a smile.

"Nope, not at all. Thanks for the alibi Rose."

She grabbed my overnight bag and handed it to me. "Anytime." As I took the bag she tugged on it, pulling me closer to her. "Remember, I want details," she whispered in my ear.

I laughed and slung the bag over my shoulder. "Back at ya," I said with a wink. "Enjoy your date."

"Oh I will," she said with a smirk as Edward and I headed out the door.

I left my truck parked at Rosalie's house to substantiate my story, should my dad happen to drive down this street on one of his patrols, and slipped into Edward's car. The ride to his house was quiet but thankfully short as suddenly, I was too nervous to even talk to him.

He could sense my nerves and as he helped me out of the car, took the opportunity to wrap his arms around me and kiss me softly. "Relax, baby. We're just here to spend a little time together. No expectations. I just don't see as much of you as I'd like now that school started and this was my way to fix that."

He grabbed my bag from me and led me into the dark house, setting the bag down in the entryway before turning to me looking as nervous as I felt.

"Can you wait here for just one second?"

"What?"

"Please," he pleaded, "just wait here until I come back."

It wasn't until he hurried away that I noticed the delectable aroma wafting through the air. I hadn't eaten since lunch and I was suddenly famished.

"Oh my God!" I called to the empty house, hoping that he could hear me wherever he'd run off to. "What is that? It smells amazing."

"Patience, my love," he called back from the direction of the kitchen.

"I just hope it's as edible as it smells. I'm starving."

"I hope so too," he replied reappearing and wearing a sexy smile as he sauntered over to me. My stomach clenched and I was now hungry for something much different than food. My stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly, no doubt trying to remind me of my priorities. I silently prayed that Edward hadn't heard that but all my prayers went unanswered.

"Come on," he laughed, "we better get that thing fed before it gets any angrier."

I flushed with embarrassment as Edward clasped his hands over my eyes and began leading me through the house. When we stopped and I could finally see, I gasped in amazement. In front of me, the dining room table was set for two and bathed in candlelight.

"Edward!" I cried, twirling on my heel to face him. "This is incredible."

He smiled broadly and pulled a chair out for me and even helped me into like gentlemen did back in old romantic movies. On the plate in front of me was pasta stuffed with cheese and smothered in a rich red tomato sauce with a bit of salad and a slice of garlic bread.

"You cook?" I gasped, completely astounded. "You cook manicotti?"

"My mom is big on making sure we can fend for ourselves. She's afraid I'll go off to college and eat nothing but fast food and ramen noodles so she taught us to cook."

"My knowledge of college living is limited but I think you'll have a hard time making all this in a dorm room," I said with a laugh.

"Well, all this might be showing off a little but I don't get to cook for a gorgeous woman often." He winked and I almost melted in my chair. "Would you like a little wine with dinner?"

"Um, sure," I croaked, "but don't let me get drunk. I think I'll want to remember tonight."

He leaned forward and kissed me deeply and once again I was ready to forget the plate of food in front of me but just as quickly, he was gone, walking to the kitchen to pour our drinks.

The food ended up tasting as amazing as it looked and I couldn't believe he'd gone through all the trouble. Normally, this type of display on my behalf would bother me but I'd never had a guy cook for me and I couldn't deny that it was incredibly sexy. Edward refused to let me help clear the dishes when we finished eating and so I had nothing to do but sit and reflect on what could be next and my nerves resurfaced with a vengeance. I forced myself to take deep breaths so I might appear calm on the surface when Edward returned. I knew he would take my nerves as a sign that I wasn't ready but nothing could be further from the truth. I wanted nothing more in this world than to take our relationship to the next level and I finally understood why Edward wanted us wait. Before now, being intimate with Edward would have been nice for sure but it would have been more of an act of just checking that item off my life's 'to-do' list. Here in this moment, it wasn't about simply losing my virgin status. It was about giving that part of myself to the man I was now madly in love with.

He approached me slowly, holding out a hand to help me out of my chair. I placed my hand in his and allowed him to pull me to my feet and into his arms. My stomach fluttered and I was afraid I might hyperventilate. I'd hoped that the alcohol I'd consumed would help me relax but instead it was only making me dizzy, or maybe that was just Edward. My face was buried in his neck and the combination of soap, aftershave and his own personal aroma was absolutely more intoxicating than any wine.

"Dance with me?" he whispered.

"There's no music."

He smiled and led me from the kitchen out the back door onto the deck where there was soft music playing from some unseen source. The deck was lit with tiny clear lights that, combined with the setting sun, bathed everything in a soft romantic light. I turned on my heel and gaped at Edward.

"What? How did you?"

"Shh," he whispered, placing a finger over my lips. "It doesn't matter. Just dance with me."

He took my hand and wrapped his other arm around my waist as I rested my head against his chest as we swayed to the music.

"Edward," I sighed, "this is unreal. I can't believe you did all this."

"Why? You only turn eighteen once and I wanted to make it perfect."

"Perfect? Just being here with you made it perfect. The rest," I gestured all around me, "this is just too much."

He released me and cupped my face in his hands. "No, my love, nothing is too much for you."

Before I had a chance to argue, his lips crashed onto mine and all the nerves and butterflies disappeared. Nothing in my life had ever felt more right. I wove my hands into his hair and pulled him closer, deepening our kiss. He lifted me off the ground and slid his arms under my thighs as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

I was only vaguely aware of our surroundings as we moved through the house and up the stairs to his room. We only broke apart once he'd set me on the edge of his bed, sliding his hand slowly down one leg pulling off one shoe before repeating the process on the other leg. Once I was shoeless, I scooted backwards up the bed as Edward crawled towards me; his eyes darkening with lust were laser focused on my own. As I hit the top of the bed, I laid back until Edward was hovering over me.

"Are you OK?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

"I have never been better."

I snaked my arms around his neck and once again pulled him close to me. I didn't think there was anything in this world that felt half as good as the weight of Edward's body against mine with his lips on the tender skin of my neck. That is, until my fingers slid down his back and discovered the tiny sliver of bare skin where his shirt had ridden up slightly and I realized that this could definitely get better.

I brought my hands back around to his chest and began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt, feeling the nerves creep back in with each button I worked loose. Once I'd gotten the last button free, Edward sat back and shrugged out of the open shirt, tossing it to the floor before pulling the white cotton t-shirt he wore underneath over his head in one fluid movement.

He moved forward to kiss me but I placed my hands on his chest, holding him back. I just needed a moment to commit the image of his bare chest to memory. My hands danced down over the taut muscles of his abs and then back up to his shoulders and finally, worked their way back into his hair. I sat up slightly and brought my lips to his.

His own hands ghosted over my body, lighting me up inside like a Christmas tree as they went. His cool hands slipped under my sweater and then hesitated as if waiting for permission. I granted his unspoken request by pulling the sweater over my head and tossing it to the growing pile of clothing on the floor.

Edward pulled back, holding me at arm's length as his eyes traveled the length of my torso. "God," he breathed, "you are so beautiful."

He pulled me closer, his hands no longer ghosting over my body but roaming greedily over every inch of exposed skin. His lips kissed a trail from my lips, along my jaw lingering at the tender patch of skin just under my ear causing a ripple of pleasure to course through my veins and my body shivered in response but he didn't relent. Instead his lips continued lower, along my collar bone and then lower still to the ample swell of my breast created by Rose and her virgin white, extreme push-up bra. As Edward buried his face in my cleavage with a contented moan, I sent up my own silent prayer of thanks to Rosalie Hale before falling back onto my back.

Edward continued his trail of kisses along my ribcage and over my stomach until he reached the top of my pants. Still placing soft, gentle kisses against my belly, he raised his eyes to mine, silently seeking my OK. At this point, I could barely speak and merely nodded.

His fingers made quick work of the button and zipper of my jeans. I lifted my hips slightly as he ran his hands down my thighs tugging the tight denim down my legs slowly until I was free from their confines. My breath came in ragged gasps as his fingers skimmed the now bared skin of my calves working their way north at an excruciatingly slow speed.

When I could take no more, I gripped his arms and pulled him back up to me, capturing his lips with my own. My tongue danced with his as my hands explored the expanse of his chest, venturing lower and lower until I found the top of his pants. My nerves multiplied as I fumbled with the button. My hands were shaking and I couldn't seem to work the damn thing loose but Edward took pity on me. He unbuttoned them himself and quickly slipped out of them.

The realization that this was actually going to happen washed over me and suddenly I was shaking. Edward took my response as I sign that I was cold and pulled the comforter over the both of us and laid next to me, pulling me into his arms and burying his face in my neck.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," he murmured between kisses

I cupped his face in my hands and brought his gaze to mine, needing to lose myself in his deep emerald gaze. "I love you, Edward," I sighed, locking my eyes with his. "Please make love to me."

His lips crashed to mine as his hands worked the clasp of my bra, quickly freeing my breasts from their lacy prison. He dipped his head and drew one nipple into his mouth, sucking gently while rolling the other between his fingertips and then switched, paying them both equal attention and my back arched in response. I ran my hands down his smooth back and slipped them under the waistband of his boxers, sliding them down. He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and a sly smile as he kicked them the rest of the way off. My panties followed soon after and then there was nothing between us. Edward rolled us until he was on his back and I was straddling him, hyperaware of his rock hard erection pressed against me.

"Thought it might be better this way so you can control the speed," he explained and I nodded dumbly, my heart pounding uncontrollably.

He shifted slightly, reaching for the bedside table where he produced a small silver packet. I sat back as he rolled the thin latex sheath over his length and my breath caught in my throat. I'd never seen a naked man in the flesh. I'd seen a few in movies on rare occasions but that was always in brief flashes and I usually averted my gaze. Now that it was here in front of me, my only thought was concern. I just couldn't imagine fitting that inside of me.

Edward sensed my worry and took my face in his hands. "It's OK baby. We'll take it slow, as slow as you need."

I nodded nervously, my breath still caught like a lump in my throat. He brought his hand to my entrance, and rubbed my clit in a circular motion, making my body tingle as the tension built. I raised my hips as he positioned himself underneath me, pressing the tip of his penis between my folds. I locked eyes with him as I lowered myself onto him very slowly, feeling my walls stretch to accommodate him until he was fully sheathed within me.

Rose had warned me that it would hurt a bit and she wasn't lying. Once Edward was nestled completely inside of me I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. Edward cupped my face in his hands, caressing my cheek lightly with the pad of his thumb.

"Are you ok?"

I nodded, trying to hold back the tears that were building, a combination of the pain and the overwhelming emotion I felt in that moment. He pulled me against him and rolled us again so I was once again on my back.

"We don't have to do this. We can stop anytime."

"It's ok," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair. "I just needed a minute to acclimate. I'm ok. I want this. I want you."

He kissed me gently as he pulled out slowly but not entirely before sliding back in. With each thrust, the pain lessened. It wasn't the mind blowing experience I'd heard it described as, but I'd also been warned that the first and maybe even the second or third time would be uncomfortable. I was overwhelmingly thankful that I'd found someone as thoughtful, unselfish, and loving as Edward to experience this with and a lone tear escaped, running down my face and disappearing into my hair. I prayed Edward hadn't noticed but he was so focused on me that nothing was getting past him. He froze immediately and kissed away the small wet trail the tear had left behind.

"What is it, baby?" His voice was so full of love and concern that my heart swelled and the dam holding back my tears crumbled.

"I just love you so much."

"As I love you. Bella, I've never felt this way about anyone before. I love you."

I lifted my head from the pillow and captured his lips with mine as his hands roamed my body. His thumbs slid over my nipples, teasing the pebbled flesh as he resumed moving inside of me again. Edward's fingers rolling and caressing my nipples sent waves of pleasure through my body and I moaned against his lips. There was still a bit of discomfort below but the pressure was becoming more enjoyable with each movement.

"Baby, you feel so amazing. So perfect."

I pulled his body against mine, clinging to him as the tempo of his thrusting increased. I was just beginning to glimpse a taste of how enjoyable this act could be when Edward gasped and cried out. There was one last thrust before he collapsed against me, his body shuddering and then falling limp as he buried his face in my neck.

"Oh God, love, that was incredible," he whispered as we both attempted to catch our breaths.

"Really?" I asked. I'd been worried that my inexperience and his attentiveness to my own needs would hinder his enjoyment. "It was really OK?"

"Are you kidding me? I just made love to my gorgeous girlfriend for the first time. It was so much better than OK. Though I do feel a bit like an asshole."

"What? Why?"

"It's just that I know you didn't finish. Hell, it probably wasn't enjoyable at all for you and it's hard for me to enjoy it when I know you didn't."

"Hey," I murmured, "I'm not naïve. I didn't expect the first time to be mind-blowing sex and screaming orgasms. I knew it would hurt a bit but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it. I just made love to my amazing, thoughtful boyfriend for the first time and it was better than I could ever have imagined. Besides, practice makes perfect, right?"

A smile played across his lips as he ran his fingers through my hair lazily. "That's right and, trust me, there will be screaming orgasms. I promise you that." He placed a sweet kiss on my cheek and another on my forehead. "Now, I'm going to go clean up. I'll be right back."

He kissed me one more time and then rose from the bed. I watched as he walked towards the bathroom, my eyes glued to his beautiful backside. My body was still flushed from the promise of screaming orgasms and growing warmer with each graceful step his naked form took.

Once he was in the bathroom and I was left alone. I became self-conscious of how naked I was and quickly pulled the comforter back over me, clutching it against my chest as I sat up in the bed.

"Holy shit," I whispered to myself. _I just lost my virginity! I Isabella Swan am no longer a pathetic virgin._

I leaned my head against the headboard and smiled to myself, lost in the memory of each touch, kiss, caress, of the feel of his skin on mine. I didn't notice that he re-entered the room until he was standing next to the bed, a thick black bathrobe covering his body. Over one arm was what looked like an identical blue robe.

"Will you come with me?" he asked, holding out the robe.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed, still wrapped in the blanket and took the robe from his hands. Ever the gentlemen, Edward turned his back as I dropped the blanket and pulled on the soft robe, tying the sash securely around my waist.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I took his hand.

"Oh, it's a surprise." He led me out into the hallway and down the staircase, stopping at the bottom. "Close your eyes."

"Seriously?" I asked. It was now completely dark down here. It's not as if I could see anything anyways.

"Yes, close them," he commanded, snaking an arm around my waist. I did as I was told and felt his lips against my ear. "Don't worry," he whispered, "I won't let you fall."

He led me a few feet before we stopped again. I heard the click of a door opening and felt a cool breeze wrap around me. Wherever we were going, it was outside, a fact that made me very nervous. Edward continued walking, attempting to lead me out the door but my feet wouldn't move.

"Edward," I cried," I can't, I mean I'm not, I'm, I'm naked." The last bit came out in little more than a whimper.

He laughed and tightened his grip on my waist. "Relax baby. I wouldn't dream of taking you anywhere you might be seen like this. I'm a very jealous man and I don't like to share. Please just trust me."

I relented and let him pull me outside a few more feet before he kissed my cheek and asked me to wait just a minute and not to peek.

The music from earlier was still playing above the sounds of the wind rustling the leaves on the trees. Then I heard a dragging sound, a mechanical hum and what sounded like water sloshing. I was quite confused but soon enough Edward was back at my side.

"Alright, open your eyes."

I did and was met with the sight of the most inviting hot tub I'd ever seen. The tub was lit up from within and had been built into the deck so you could just step right in. A large padded cover was set just off to the side explaining why I hadn't noticed it earlier. Best of all, the entire corner of the deck that housed the hot tub was surrounded by a latticed fence that held more twinkling lights.

"Wow," I gasped.

"I worried you might be a little sore and thought a nice soak might help."

Once again I was taken aback at the level of thought and preparation he'd put in to tonight, from dinner, to the music, to heating up the hot tub and just planning the sleepover surprise in the first place. The tears began to form again as I wondered what I'd done to deserve such a man.

"It sounds lovely," I managed to croak, willing the tears to stay put.

Edward held my hand as I walked towards the edge of the tub and once again averted his gaze so I could slip out of my robe and into the blissfully hot water. Offering him the same courtesy, I focused my gaze on the lights above my head until I felt Edward join me in the water. I couldn't help but laugh at this bit of propriety after what we'd just done and the fact that the bubbles did little to hide either of our nakedness anyways.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

Not wanting to explain the real reason. I made up something about how lucky we were that it happened to be one of the few, warm semi-dry evenings left before the fall took over for good. I'm not sure if he bought it but he didn't press me further. Instead, I watched as he pulled the bottle of wine from earlier and two wine glasses seemingly out of thin air and poured some of the deep red liquid into each glass.

"Bottle's already open. I figured we might as well finish it off," he said with a laugh, handing a glass to me.

I relaxed into the water and sipped at my drink slowly, feeling the warm flush spread through my body as alcohol and relaxation took hold.

"This was a great idea" I moaned.

He murmured his agreement as he sipped his own drink. His arm wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me close and we sat in comfortable silence for several minutes, just letting the jets of the hot tub work their magic.

A few more sips of the wine had me feeling a bit bold and I set my glass down on the deck and turned to face Edward. He raised an eyebrow in question as I threw one leg over his straddling his lap. He quickly caught one, setting his own glass down hurriedly and wrapped his arms around my back.

"Thank you," I breathed. "For everything. Tonight was amazing. You are amazing and I love you so much."

I didn't give him a chance to respond before pressing my lips to his hungrily. He pulled me even tighter against him and I rocked my hips against his erection, eliciting a moan from his lips.

In a flash, I was out of the water and set down on the padded cover next to the hot tub. Edward continued the assault on my lips as his hands began to roam the length of my body. When his lips broke from mine and began kissing along my neck and jaw, I actually whimpered at the loss of them. His kisses trailed even lower as he drew one peaked nipple into his mouth and sucked, allowing his teeth to graze the sensitive skin in the most delicious way. My back arched and I cried out, spurring him on as he flicked the taut bud rapidly with the tip of his tongue but all too soon he released my breast and I fell back against the cover with a gasp. Edward gave me a wicked smile before lowering his head to my stomach, placing soft kisses there. As he worked his way lower, I was suddenly very aware of what his intentions were and I wasn't sure I was ready for him to go 'there'.

Sure, I've heard plenty of reviews about that particular act, Rose couldn't shut up about how great it was but I was apprehensive. I just couldn't imagine anyone wanting to do that.

"Edward," I warned, lifting myself onto my elbows to see him better. "You don't have to…"

"Shh baby," he cut me off. "Do you trust me?"

I nodded and he smiled broadly. "Then trust me when I say I've been dying to taste you since the night we met. Now just relax and let me devour you."

A shiver rippled through my body that had nothing to do with the light breeze in the air. I couldn't believe how big a turn on hearing him talk dirty was.

"Relax," he commanded again. "Let me take care of you." I complied, laying my head back down as he lowered his head to my most private area.

At first, I couldn't help but think this was more awkward than anything as his tongue lapped at me, exploring every inch. However, as he zoned in on my clit, a jolt of electricity coursed through my veins. My heart began to race and my breathing quickened as his tongue flicked over that bundle of heightened nerves, increasing his tempo until I was teetering right on the edge and then suddenly, he stopped. I huffed in frustration and lifted my head to see Edward grinning up at me mischievously.

"Slow down babe, I want to take my time with you."

I fell back as he spread my legs more, lifting them to rest on his shoulders as he began licking my entrance slowly, teasing me with varying speeds and pressures until I thought I might literally combust. The mounting sensation was a completely new experience.

I was no stranger to a little self-love and could bring myself to climax in a matter of minutes but the feeling mounting within me was altogether different and much more intense as it continued to build. As I once again teetered right on the edge of climax, Edward seemed to be just too far away and I needed to feel him. I stretched my hand towards him, desperate for his touch. He sensed my need and reached up, taking my hand in his. I squeezed his hand tightly as he slipped two fingers of his free hand inside me curling them in such a way that I began to see stars. Edward continued to licking and sucking as he worked his fingers faster and faster. I gripped his hand fiercely as my legs began to shake and my stomach clenched. Every nerve ending in my entire body was on fire. Then, with one flick of Edward's tongue, my world exploded and I cried out as waves of pleasure rippled through my body. My legs had wrapped themselves around his neck, holding him place as I rode out the most intense climax of my life.

As the waves subsided, my body went slack and I allowed Edward to pull me back into the water, the heat of which felt so delicious, I thought I might come undone all over again. He pulled me into his arms and I melted against his chest.

"Ok?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice as it was obvious that I was so much better than ok.

My breathing was still coming in shallow gasps and I couldn't find my voice so I merely nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck tightly as he held me close. We sat nestled together in the water for an indeterminable amount of time until the wind turned cold.

"Babe, I think it's time we head inside. I think it's about to start raining."

His words pulled me out of my blissful stupor and back into reality. "Oh, OK," I mumbled, sliding off his lap so he could pull himself out of the water. He slipped into his bathrobe and held my own out for me so I could cover myself quickly in the now cold night air.

"Go on inside and stay warm. I just need to close this up and turn everything off and then I'll be right in."

I knelt and gathered the wine bottle and glasses in my hands. "Well, I can take these in at least."

"Alright," he said as he fiddled with the control panel on the side of the hot tub. "But just leave them on the counter and I'll clean up in the morning. You just head on up to bed and I'll be there in a second."

I walked into the house and made my way to the kitchen, setting the glasses and the bottle next to the sink before heading up the stairs. I took advantage of my few minutes of solitude to head to the bathroom and clean up a bit. My hair was now a wet tangled mass and I found a brush to tame it into submission, and washed the smudgy remains of makeup off my face. I sighed in irritation as I realized my bag was still downstairs and resorted to using my finger as a makeshift toothbrush before heading back into Edward's room.

I stood next to the bed for several minutes debating what to do next. My pajamas were downstairs in my overnight bag and while it would be easy to head down and get them, I'd packed them with the impression I'd be staying with Rose. I didn't really want Edward to see me in my ratty old t-shirt and baggy sweat pants. The bathrobe, while plush and warm, would be too bulky and awkward to sleep in and I had no other options. After a few deep breaths to summon the courage to be bold, I let the robe fall to the floor and slipped between the sheets wearing nothing but my skin. I could smell Edward's distinctive smell on the pillows and inhaled deeply, losing myself in the replay of our perfect evening until I nodded off into a contented slumber.

* * *

**A/N: So Bella got a perfect 'first time' but how long can perfection last?**

**Thanks as always for stopping by. Don't be shy.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight but the rest is mine. No infringement intended. **

**Well, we're going to skip ahead a little now. See what kind of curve balls life might have in store for these lovebirds. See you on the other side. **

* * *

Chapter 8

Edward and I kept it low-key the rest of the weekend, lounging around his house watching movies and napping together on the couch or relaxing in the hot tub. Saturday morning, I'd awoken to find that Edward had dressed me in one of his oversized t-shirts the night before when I'd been too exhausted and intoxicated to stay awake until he'd come up. I felt so good in his clothing and I loved the way he looked at me in it that it was basically all I wore until it was time for me to go home.

Walking back into my own home, I thought for sure my parents would take one look at me and know what I'd done. Like there was a flashing scarlet letter on my chest screaming that their little girl was no longer a virgin but they just smiled and asked if I'd had fun before returning their attention back to the football game on TV.

After that, life settled into a comfortable, happy rhythm. I went to school and work and split my free time between Edward and Rosalie, taking care not to sacrifice one relationship for the sake of the other. As much as I loved Edward and enjoyed spending every possible moment with him, I also cherished having a real best friend for the first time since I was very young. The friendships I had back in Phoenix didn't hold a candle to the one I'd forged with Rose.

Edward and I spent our time together searching for that perfect place to be alone together or sneaking kisses and caresses when we couldn't be alone. By Christmas, I was even more madly in love with Edward, my thoughts consumed by the thought of him. Rose had talked me into joining the local gym with her and we spent many afternoons gossiping as we walked side by side on the treadmills. In a matter of months Rosalie was down ten pounds and there was even a noticeable difference in my own muscle tone.

Dad never really warmed to Edward though I suspected it had nothing to do with him personally and everything to do with the simple fact that he was my boyfriend. However, we were overly careful not to give him a real reason to hate him and eventually dad came to accept him and gradually got used to his constant presence. Mom, of course, adored him and loved to regale him with embarrassing anecdotes from my more awkward early teen years until I begged her to stop.

Edward's parents welcomed me into their home with open arms and it wasn't long before I was as comfortable with them as I was in my own home. Esme loved to cook my favorites when I stayed for dinner and often made hefty plates full of cookies and other treats for me to take home to my parents. When I finally met Carlisle, Edward's dad, I found him to be just as warm and kind as everyone had described. Alice was another story. After our first meeting she kept a cool distance from me, silently tolerating my presence but making no effort to get to know me or even speak to me. That is, until one night just after New Year's when she needed a favor.

Edward's parents had gone out to dinner and he and I had been watching movies with his friend Liam and Siobhan, who'd finally agreed to go out with him around Halloween. Alice cornered me in the hallway as I exited the bathroom and asked if I could take her to the store for tampons. There was such panic in her eyes that I agreed immediately and pulled Edward aside to let him know that we'd be right back. He was a little confused that she'd asked me to take her anywhere but when I explained that it was a girl thing, he'd heard enough and just made me promise to hurry back.

It wasn't until we were in the parking lot of the drug store that Alice confessed the truth. She didn't need to pick up tampons, she needed a pregnancy test. I think I stopped breathing for a few seconds. I looked over to the young girl next to me. Gone was the snide, attitude filled little sister of my boyfriend and in her place was someone scared to death and possibly pregnant only a few weeks shy of her fifteenth birthday.

"Does anyone else know?" I asked and she shook her head. "What about the guy? Did you tell him?"

Again she shook her head and fat tears began to roll down her cheeks. "He was a huge mistake. I don't know what I was thinking. What the hell am I going to do?"

"Look, Alice, we all make mistakes but let's tackle one thing at a time, ok?"

We walked into the drug store and I sent Alice to look at makeup while I purchased the test for her. Forks was a small town and I knew gossip might spread but I was new to town and figured I was less recognizable than Alice who'd grown up here and whose father was the popular, attractive doctor. Luckily, I didn't know the college age kid behind the counter and he didn't seem at all interested in who I was or what I was buying.

Test in hand, I ushered Alice into the store's bathroom and waited outside as she took the plastic stick into the stall. Less than thirty seconds later, she exited the stall, a look of panic on her face, as she told me she was too scared to look. She set the test on the counter and fell into my arms sobbing. I waited the suggested three minutes with her on the other side of the bathroom, holding softly and reassuring her that one way or another everything would be OK, though I wasn't quite sure of that myself.

When time was up I consulted the direction, wanting to be sure that I read the results accurately and with a deep breath, walked across the room to the counter.

One pink line.

Only one.

_Thank you God!_

I leaned in closer, wanting to be completely sure there wasn't a faint line hiding in there somewhere. Only when I was totally sure did I turn around, the smile on my face giving Alice her answer.

"No?" she asked, hopefully.

"No," I confirmed and she fell back into my arms, hugging my waist tightly, her tiny face pressed against my chest so hard her tears were soaking through my shirt. "Are you sure?"

I extricated myself from her grasp and re-read the directions for the test. "Well, how late are you?"

"Um, like a week."

"I think you're ok then. It says it's, like, ninety-nine percent accurate on the first day you're late so I think we're good."

She fell against me again, crying tears of relief this time and I simply held her, letting her cry out all the fear and uncertainty that was sure to have been festering for several days now.

Once she had composed herself and splashed a bit of water on her face we exited the bathroom and picked up a box of tampons to confirm our cover story before heading back to the house. On the ride home, Alice confessed the entire story about the guy who'd told her he would love her forever and then quit talking to her the day after she gave him her virginity. I took the opportunity to stress to her how important it was to wait for someone who really loved her. I promised her that any guy who was truly worth it, would be willing to wait until she was ready next time. It felt a bit like a cheesy afterschool special moment, but I hoped my words would stick with her.

She thanked me again as we pulled into the driveway and swore me to secrecy. I promised I wouldn't breathe a word to her brother and she gave me one more hug before disappearing into the house at light speed. I followed behind her, heading into the living room where I'd left Edward and his friends. It appeared Liam and Siobhan had taken off and I found Edward fast asleep on the couch alone.

My talk with Alice had reminded me of how lucky I was that I'd lost my own virginity to someone who cared for me and not in a rushed act of teenage hormonal impulse. I climbed on to the couch and straddled him, running my hands softly through his tousled hair.

"Hey, baby, you're back," he murmured sleepily. "What took you so long?"

"Alice just needed someone to talk to, about some girl stuff, but she's ok now." I assured him before lowering my face to his. "Have I told you how much I love you? Because I love you so fucking much!"

I didn't give him a chance to reply before pressing my lips to his and showing him just how much I loved him for the next hour until his parents arrived home.

After that Alice remained a little distant for a few days, probably waiting to see if I'd spilled the truth of our excursion to Edward, but when a week went by and he showed no sign of knowing anything been amiss, she relaxed. We weren't instant friends after that but she was no longer cold or snarky when I was around and even stopped blackmailing Edward when she found us in compromising positions. That was good enough for me.

Winter melted into spring, which brought with it the biggest event of the school year. Prom. As soon as the posters went up, Edward and Rose began conspiring to get me to attend. I wasn't a fan of school dances, or dancing in general as it wasn't my strong suit but when Rose brought up the fact that I'd get to see Edward in a tux, I began to think about it. When she learned that her mother would be out of town that weekend and we could have the after party at her place, I was in.

A few weeks later, I was back at Rose's favorite salon having Demetri work his magic on our tresses before heading back to my house to dress. I wore a simple, long, strapless, dark blue dress with what Rose called an empire waist and heels I wasn't sure I could walk in, let alone dance, but even I had to admit, they made my legs look good. Rose, who was now only ten pounds from her goal weight, decided to show off her new figure in a short, red, bubble dress that showed off her chest but hid the stomach and hips that she still wasn't quite comfortable with.

My mom nearly fell over herself when we came down the stairs, snapping pictures left and right while my dad begrudgingly opened the door for Edward and Rose's date Stefan. She'd met him up in Port Angeles one weekend and in a rare move for Rosalie, he was actually our age. Stefan was also quite good looking and Rose couldn't wait to sleep with him and so she overlooked the age issue just this once.

Once we escaped my mother and her paparazzi like photo taking, we loaded ourselves into Edward's car and headed to the prom. The gym looked like the crepe paper and balloon fairies had vomited all over the place but one look at Edward looking mouthwateringly delicious in his suit and I didn't care. I let him pull me onto the dance floor without a fight and once I was in his arms the gym around us melted away. If I closed my eyes, it was almost as though we were back on his deck on my birthday all those months ago and I laid my head on his chest, letting him sway us to the music.

The evening passed in a blur and in the end, I was happy that Rose had talked me into coming. Spending the night wrapped in Edward's arms on the dance floor was a memory I was sure would be lodged into my memory for a very long time. As the dance started to wear down, we met up with Rosalie and Stefan, Liam and Siobhan and Maggie and her date and the eight of us headed to Rose's house for our little post-prom party.

We weren't back at Rose's house for more than a minute before the alcohol began flowing. Rose's mother had a supply of alcohol that would put many liquor stores to shame and Rose assured everyone that she wouldn't notice any of it missing, not even a few bottles. I knew the truth, that even if her mother did notice, she wouldn't care. Rosalie and her well-being weren't high on Lillian Hale's priority list. So, we drank and gossiped about what everyone wore to the prom or who they danced with and then drank some more.

I was a bit buzzed and feeling great when the topic of conversation turned to our impending graduation and future college plans. When Liam and Edward began discussing his acceptance to Dartmouth, I began to feel sick. I had a little bit of money in my college savings but nothing near Ivy League kind of money. I'd been trying not to think about it but now it was staring me in the face. Edward was heading across the country to New Hampshire and Dartmouth while my plans included general education classes at the community college in Port Angeles and living with my parents to save money so I could transfer to UW in a year or two. In less than four months, there would be an entire country between us.

There was a sudden weight on my chest and I wanted nothing more than to get out of this stupid dress and into bed for the night. I slammed the last of the drink in my hand and set it on the counter before pulling myself off of Edward's lap and slipping out of the room.

It was already arranged that Edward and I were sleeping in the guest room and after a quick trip to the bathroom; I made my way there, wiping tears from my eyes. My heart nearly stopped when I entered the room and found Edward sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark, his silhouette illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window.

"Why'd you leave?"

"Just tired," I replied quietly, closing the door behind me but leaving the light off. I tossed the shoes in my hand onto the floor and steadied myself with a hand on the dresser. The last drink had hit me pretty hard and I was having trouble standing upright.

"You didn't say anything."

"You were having a good time. I didn't want to disrupt."

He stood from the bed and crossed the room in one swift movement. His hand came up to cup my face as his thumb grazed over my cheek softly, wiping away a tear I hadn't realized was there. "I think something else is bothering you."

His hand slid to my chin and he lifted my face to meet his gaze. Even in the dark, I could see the concern in his eyes but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"Baby, please," he begged, "talk to me."

I broke, unable to hold it in anymore. "You're leaving. In a few months, you'll be gone and I'll be here, alone."

The tears fell hard and fast as I slumped against him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly as he murmured quietly against my hair. "Oh my love, we still have some time. Let's not worry about this right now, ok? Tonight we're together, you look so fucking beautiful, we're alone and we have all night together. Who knows when we'll have this chance again? Can we just enjoy this night and leave everything else to another time?"

I nodded, recognizing the truth in his words. I resolved to get out of my own way and make the most of our night together. His hands began tracing small circles along the exposed skin of my shoulders, causing my body to shiver in response.

"Cold?"

"Nuh-uh," I whispered, bringing my hands to his chest. He'd removed the jacket long ago but still wore the dress shirt from the prom and I began fiddling with the buttons. All traces of worry and uncertain disappeared, replaced quickly with need and wanting.

When he realized that I was too drunk to loosen the buttons of his shirt, Edward stepped back and did it himself, a sight much more enjoyable than doing it myself. He peeled the shirt from his body and let it fall to the floor. The white undershirt followed and soon he was standing in front of me wearing only his pants. The sight was still glorious, even after all our months together.

He indicated that I should turn around and I did so far less gracefully than I would have liked but he didn't seem to mind. I heard him step forward. Felt his presence behind me. Felt his breath on my neck but he still he didn't touch me for what felt like an eternity.

Finally, he brought his hand to my hair, pushing it over my shoulder before trailing his hand back across the bare skin of my back. It came to the top of my dress and he expertly unhooked the clasp there and began working the zipper open excruciatingly slow until the dress fell to the ground in a puddle around my feet.

His right arm came over my shoulder and across my chest, pinning me to him as his left wrapped around my waist. I tilted my face back to his and was rewarded with his mouth on mine greedily. I could still taste the alcohol on his lips, a sort of spicy, sweet taste that made my head spin as the long, slender fingers of his left hand slipped under the waistband of my fragile lace panties. I ground my ass back against him as his fingers quickly brought me to the brink of ecstasy.

"Edward, please," I whimpered against his lips but he had something else in mind and withdrew his hand so fast I nearly toppled over.

With hands on my hips, he spun me around to face him recapturing my mouth with his as we stumbled backwards, falling onto the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. Our kisses were fevered and rushed, fueled by an excess of alcohol as our tongues danced against each other. Edward, always so soft and careful, was completely transformed, palming my breasts roughly but not so much that it hurt. Just hard enough to drive me totally crazy as he pinched and rolled my taut nipples between his fingers. I was surprised by how much this new domineering side of him turned me on but my soaked panties bore testimony to just how much I liked it.

"Fuuuccck!" I moaned, gasping for breath as he began nipping and sucking at my neck. "Edward, I need, I need," I gasped, clinging to him for dear life, never finding the words to finish that sentence. My fingernails dug into the skin of shoulders as if I was afraid he might fly away otherwise.

In a flash, he grabbed my arms and pinned them to the bed on either side of my head. His lower body was ground against mine as his deep green eyes pierced into mine.

"What do you need, baby. Tell me what you want." He rolled his hips and his fully clothed erection pressed deliciously against my lace clad center causing me to cry out. "Is that what you need, my love?"

I nodded, crying out again as he continued to grind against me, still pinning me helplessly to the bed.

"Talk to me baby, I wanna hear you say it."

"Fuck me, Edward," I cried. "I need you to fuck me."

"Do you want it soft and slow?" he asked, his voice deep and husky as he ground his hips slowly against mine. "Or maybe you're feeling a bit naughty tonight and need it a little harder?" He thrust against me roughly and I screamed, wrapping my legs around him tightly, holding him in place.

"Oh God! Just shut up and do it already."

That was good enough for him. He flashed me a wicked smile and released my hands so he could loosen and wriggle out of his slacks. I slipped my underwear off as he rolled the condom over the tip of his penis. I'd sat up in the bed to unclasp my bra and as soon as I was free of the offending fabric, Edward pulled me into his arms, capturing my lips with his. One hand fisted in my hair as the other roamed over my naked body before pushing me gently back onto the bed. Kneeling between my open legs, Edward grasped my hips and entered me slowly as first until I realized I was begging for him.

"Please, babe, faster, more…need you…hard." I stuttered, my heart beating wildly in my chest in anticipation.

He tightened his grip on my hips and pulled out almost all the way before giving me a devilish smirk and slamming his hips against mine.

"Holy FUCK!" I screamed but he didn't relent and continued to pound against me over and over until the room began to spin and my vision went spotty.

Then he gathered me in his arms and flipped us so I was straddling him. He kept his hands on my hips, guiding me up and down until my alcohol addled brain finally registered that I was in control now. Bracing myself against the warm, hard expanse of his chest, I rode him wildly, bouncing up and down on his cock in a way I didn't know I was capable of. Edward's hands moved from my hips to my chest, teasing my rock hard nipples as he groaned in appreciation.

I only had a few minutes of dominance before Edward flipped us once again but I didn't mind as this time he brought his entire body against mine and his lips were close enough to kiss. I tangled my hands in his hair, tugging his face to mine as I forced my tongue into his mouth. His hips continued to pound against mine as we kissed furiously. In that moment, it was as though there was no one else in the house, no one else in the entire world but the two of us, lost here in this moment.

Then my entire world screeched to a stop. I felt Edward's body stiffen suddenly and he pulled his face away from mine, looking down at me in horror.

"What's the matter?" I asked, confused and frustrated, panting for breath. "Did I do something?"

He remained frozen for just a few more seconds before pulling out and away from me completely until he was sitting, perched on the edge of the bed, not saying a word.

"Edward, talk to me!" I cried, pulling the blanket up to cover myself as I inched cautiously towards him.

He remained silent as his head fell into his hands. I barely registered a mumbled string of curse words spoken under his breath as I approached. I set a hand on his shoulder gingerly, afraid of spooking him. He jumped in response to my touch as if suddenly reminded of my presence. When he turned his face to me I was shocked and confused by the fear in his eyes.

"Please," I implored, feeling the need to fix whatever had caused this look to settle on his perfect face.

"Oh baby," he finally whispered, breaking his silence, "I'm so fucking sorry."

"What happened? What's wrong? Edward, I don't understand what's going on. I need you to talk to me."

I followed his gaze to his lap but I couldn't tell what exactly I was supposed to be looking at until he spoke again, his words cutting through the alcohol and lust fueled haze, sobering me immediately.

"It broke, Bella. The condom broke."

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know, it's a cliffie. I'm sorry! But the next chapter will be up in a day or two. I don't like to leave people hanging for long. **

**So, I see you guys out there but I'd love to hear from you too. Leave me some love! **


	9. Chapter 9

**As always, no infringement intended. All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer and I'm just having a bit of fun. **

* * *

Chapter 9

"_It broke, Bella. The condom broke."_

I considered what he said for a minute, my eyes growing wide as the implication of his words set in. "Broke? As in broke, broke?"

He was silent, not answering my question, not saying a single thing or doing anything but staring off into the darkness.

"Edward! Talk to me." I begged.

"I'm so sorry baby! I'm so sorry. Fuck! What are we going to do?"

My brain was foggy and sluggish and it took me a long time to process what he was trying to say. Then suddenly it hit me. The condom broke. It was our only form of birth control. Fuck!

"But you didn't…"

"No, but that doesn't mean it's not possible," he snapped.

I exhaled slowly, trying to keep calm as Edward was freaking out enough for the both of us. "Yeah it's possible but not certain, right? So, can we wait to freak out until we know there is something to freak out over?"

The words came out in a jumbled mess but Edward considered them for several minutes before finally relenting, nodding his head in agreement. "I suppose you're right. I just don't know what the fuck we'd do?"

Truthfully, I had no fucking clue either but it didn't feel right to say that so I edited my thoughts for his sake. "Well, we'll cross that bridge if we have to."

Without looking back at me, he stood from the bed and headed to the attached bathroom. I fell back against the pillows, trying to make sense of the whirlwind that had just happened and process my own feelings. Mostly, I was scared to death. My father would kill me and then hunt down Edward if I wound up pregnant. Thankfully, graduation was only weeks away so I wouldn't be that girl, hugely pregnant in her cap and gown or graduating from some alternative school for girls with babies.

A baby.

Edward's baby.

The thought of a little boy with my brown eyes and his crazy hair flashed through my mind, bringing a small smile to my lips. I quickly shook that thought away. I couldn't think of it like that. Like it was a good thing. I looked down and found my hand resting on my flat stomach carefully, almost as though I was cradling it.

_Stop it!_

I quickly moved my hands and shook my head violently from side to side as if that would purge the idea of a bronze-haired baby from my brain.

Thankfully, Edward emerged from the bathroom at that moment, wearing a pair of boxers and held a t-shirt out for me. I took it from him wordlessly and pulled it over my head as he looked the other way. I pulled myself out of the bed and padded over to the overnight bag pulling on a new pair of panties as Edward slipped into the bed.

Neither of us had said a single word since his retreat to the bathroom and I was afraid to break the silence. Instead I climbed back into bed and pulling the covers over my body, settled my head into the pillow facing away from him as he stared up at the ceiling. The tension between us was so thick and strange that I couldn't help the tears that began flowing down my cheeks. I attempted to cry quietly but anyone who has tried that knows it's impossible. I pressed my face into the pillow, trying to stifle the sniffles I could no longer hold back.

He still said nothing but I felt the bed shake as he moved and then his body was against mine, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me to him. The tears came harder and faster now as the stress and fear mixed with alcohol and the emotion of the evening began to weigh on my mind but Edward just held me closer.

"Shh, baby. You're right. We'll figure this out, ok?" he whispered. I didn't respond but let my body melt against his until my sobs melted into a deep slumber.

When I woke the next morning, my head was pounding and my stomach was rolling. I cracked open one eye to see if Edward was in as bad of shape as I was but he was nowhere to be seen. My eyes snapped open, pulling me out of my dazed stupor, and landed on a small scrap of paper lying on the pillow next to mine.

_Bella,_

_Good morning love. I had to go and I'm sorry for not saying good-bye but you looked too peaceful to wake. I love you. Call me later._

_~E_

I appreciated his short and sweet note but I couldn't help but feel hurt by his disappearing act. Why hadn't he mentioned the need to leave early last night so I would have been prepared?

I couldn't dwell on his motives too long before the contents of my stomach threatened to make a reappearance, forcing me to haul myself into the bathroom. I spent the next twenty minutes clutching the toilet and making empty promises to myself that I would never drink again. When I finally felt as though it was safe to stand, I peeled myself off the tile, brushed my teeth and pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a sweater before heading downstairs.

I found Rose, Stefan, Siobhan and Maggie slumped around the dining room table cradling steaming cups of coffee. Everyone looked as miserable as I felt which actually raised my spirits a bit, knowing I wasn't suffering alone.

"Where's Liam?" I asked Siobhan, filling an empty mug with coffee.

"Uh, he left earlier with Edward," she replied, sounding a bit confused by my question. Then, suddenly, it all came back to me.

Liam lived just a few houses down from Rosalie and the official story was that Edward was spending the night over there after the prom. Liam's parents were fairly lax and not the type to wait up for him to come home at night but they would notice if the two of them weren't there in the morning. So, they'd been forced to sneak back into the house before his parents woke up. I felt like an asshole for questioning his motives this morning but at least I'd kept them to myself.

"How you feeling?" Rose asked, sliding the sugar bowl across the table to me as I took a seat.

"Like ass! Like my stomach has been put in a rock tumbler and something crawled into my mouth, took a shit and then died."

There was a bit of stifled laughter and mumbles commiseration before we all returned to staring into the black abyss of our coffee, waiting for it to work its magic and cure us of this hell.

"How about a little hair of the dog?" Stefan asked after several minutes of silence, looking pointedly at the collection of liquor bottles still littered across the counter. His question garnered a round of groans, moans and a couple of 'fuck no's and he quickly dropped the subject.

One by one, as people began to feel well enough to move, Rose's guests excused themselves and headed home. Besides myself, Stefan was the last to leave and I headed back upstairs to take a shower, giving the two of them a few minutes of privacy to say their good-byes.

When I exited the shower, I found Rose sprawled across the guest bed, a sly smile on her lips. "So, sounded like you and Edward had a good time last night."

I blushed as red as a ripe tomato and my eyes nearly bugged out of my skull. "Tell me you didn't hear us!"

"Oh honey, I wouldn't be surprised if both of your parents heard you two last night."

"Fuck!" I cried. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I meant, don't get me wrong, it was a bit weird at first, then really fucking funny, then kinda hot. Once you got going, the couples all started disappearing. Besides, I think it made Stefan try a bit harder. You know. He didn't want to be outdone. So, maybe I should thank you for getting your freak on."

"God, that is mortifying," I moaned, throwing myself onto the bed.

"Well, was it as good as it sounded?"

I nodded but didn't tell her about the moment it all went wrong. Even though I usually told her everything, something about this seemed too personal and I kept my mouth shut. She took my silence for embarrassment, not picking up on my worry and fear, and didn't press me for details but that didn't stop her from waggling her eyebrows at me and making random sex noises throughout the morning.

I cleaned up the guest room as she showered and then the two of us set to work cleaning up the empty bottles and half-filled cups downstairs until it was time for me to go. I called Edward as Rose drove me home but got his voicemail. Despite leaving a message asking him to call me back, I didn't hear from him the rest of the day.

I confronted him Monday morning at school but his only explanation was that he'd spent the day sleeping off his hangover. It felt like a flimsy excuse. My own hangover was pretty bad but I was good as new after a bit of coffee and a hot shower and he hadn't been as drunk as I was but I let it go.

Over the next week Edward was strange and distant. I could see in his eyes that he was still worried that I'd gotten pregnant but he wouldn't talk to me about it. When we kissed it was only soft pecks, nothing more and every night I prayed for my period to arrive just so I could have my boyfriend back.

My prayers were finally answered on Monday, a week after the prom. The tell-tale cramps began in math class and when I headed to the bathroom, there it was, a definitive answer to the prom baby question. _Thank the Lord!_

After math was lunch and I practically sprinted to the cafeteria, high on relief. I spotted Edward quickly, making his way to the lunch line and hurried to his side, pulling him wordlessly outside where we could speak in private.

"What the hell, Bella?" he snapped, stunned by my actions.

I took a quick look around, making sure we were completely alone. "I'm not pregnant!" I whispered excitedly.

It took him a second to process the information and then I watched as the weight of the world melted from his shoulders. "Seriously? I mean you're sure right?"

"Just got my period so I'm pretty sure."

"Oh thank God!" he breathed and for the first time in over a week, swept me up into a huge hug. "I was so fucking worried."

"I could tell," I whispered against his shoulder. "But it's all over now and we can get back to normal."

He released me and stepped back, that strange look back in his eyes. "Uh, Bella, I'm thinking we sorta dodged a bullet here and I don't know if we should push our luck."

"What are you talking about?"

He dropped his gaze to the ground, kicking at the wet earth with the toe of his sneaker. "Sex. I mean, don't get me wrong, being with you is fan-fucking-tastic but maybe we should cool it down for a while."

"Are you kidding me?" I was totally stunned.

"it's just an idea. We're so close to graduation, let's not fuck it up now."

"Wow, ok," I just didn't know what to make of this new declaration. "Well, I guess I'll go get some lunch then."

I turned and walked back to the cafeteria quickly, trying to convince myself that he was just so relieved that I wasn't knocked up that he wasn't thinking clearly. I was sure that all would be forgotten in a day or two. What I should have realized was that this conversation and the week leading up to it were the beginning of the end.

I'd been so sure that one makeout session and Edward would forget all about his sex ban but what I hadn't anticipated was him shutting me down on that front as well. From that moment up until graduation, Edward actively avoided being alone with me and would do nothing more than kiss me. They weren't even real kisses. If I so much as attempted to slip my tongue into his mouth, he'd back off and quickly invent something to do or somewhere to be.

Then just a few days before graduation, the bomb dropped. Edward surprised me one afternoon when my dad was at work and mom was shopping in Port Angeles. His appearance on my doorstep filled me with hope. We hadn't been alone in weeks and I thought maybe he'd finally caved and quickly tried to pull him up the stairs to my room but he wouldn't budge.

"Can we just sit down here and talk?" he asked, motioning to the couch in the living room.

"Uh, sure."

We sat quietly for a few minutes. Edward deep lost in thought as I played with the hem of my t-shirt until I finally couldn't take it anymore.

"So, uh, what's up?"

He exhaled loudly, his shoulders slumped and he dropped his gaze. "Bella, I've been thinking a lot lately. About us, about graduation, about the future and I, I…" he trailed off, running his hands though his hair the way he always did when he was stressed out.

"Fuck, this is really hard. It's just, I love you Bella, I do. Please remember that but I'm going to New Hampshire in a few weeks and you'll be here and I just don't know how to make it work."

Bile began to rise in my throat as his words pierced into my heart. "Wait, what are you saying?"

"I can't ask you to wait here for me. That's not fair to you. We'll both be busy with school, meeting new people and an entire country apart."

"You want to meet new people? Like new female people?"

"No! But, I mean it's kind of inevitable isn't it? Ask anyone, long distance never works and I don't want to hold you back. Four years is a long fucking time and with both of us going off to college with parties and new friends, well it just doesn't seem very hopeful does it?"

My vision was obscured as my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't believe what he was saying but I couldn't find my voice to protest.

"We could give it a try I suppose but that just seems like it would be delaying the inevitable and making it hurt worse when the time came. Bella, I love you but I think this is for the best. I hope we can stay close. Still be friends, I mean. I don't like the idea of losing you completely."

I wasn't hearing this. My head was pounding and I wanted to scream but my heart was crippled, shattering into thousands of pieces under the weight of his words. I wanted to pound my fists against his chest and tell him to fight for me. I wanted to insist that we could make it work despite the miles but I was terrified of pushing him further away and so I nodded numbly and let my tears and grief consume me.

I only vaguely felt his lips against the top of my head as I sobbed into my hands and didn't hear him leave but I could feel his absence as soon as he was gone. Time passed unnoticed and it wasn't until I heard the sound my mom's car in the driveway that I snapped back to reality. The sun had gone down and the entire downstairs was dark, lit only by moonlight and the streetlights outside. Before she could get into the house, I dragged myself upstairs and into bed, feigning sleep when she checked in on me and masking my ragged gasps with my pillow.

The next morning, I faked an illness and stayed in bed all day, thankful the last week of school was little more than movies, busy work and slacking off. I had decent grades and nothing I could do now would affect them or my chances of graduating and so I kept up the illness façade for the rest of the week.

Rose finally stopped by after my second missed day of school and over forty-eight hours of ignoring my phone. She'd cornered Edward and got the news from him and then skipped out on her last class and drove directly to my house.

"Why didn't you call me?" she demanded, barreling into my room.

I didn't have an answer and so I shrugged, burying my face into my pillow, tugging the comforter up over my face. I'd been in bed crying for two days and didn't want anyone to see me as puffy and disheveled as I imagined myself to be.

In typical Rose fashion, she couldn't care less how I felt about it and pulled the blanket off of me and sat next to me on the bed. "God, you look like shit."

"Thanks," I grumbled, turning away.

"You're not going to go all emo on me are you? Over a guy? I know you were in love and all that bullshit but if he's stupid enough to let you go then he never deserved you in the first place. So, it's time to get up and get on with life. We graduate tomorrow for fuck's sake. Life is just beginning."

"I can't Rose."

"Why the fuck not?"

"It hurts," I choked out, tears springing to my eyes once again. "It hurts so much."

Rose's stern face melted into one of deep concern and she held out her arms. I melted into her and she rocked me quietly as I sobbed.

When the tears subsided, she pulled me away and held me at arm's length. "Ok, now that we got that out of our system, how 'bout a shower? You smell like ass. Seriously B, it's really bad."

I glared at her but couldn't deny that she spoke the truth. I grabbed a fresh pair of underwear and headed to the bathroom; leaving Rose perched on my bed. The steaming water felt invigorating and for the first time in two days, I began to feel human again though it didn't nothing to ease the heavy ache in my chest.

I returned to my room to find the bed had been completely stripped, the sheets and blankets bundled near the door and Rose standing in my closet, flipping through my clothing.

"What the hell?" I cried, motioning to the bedding in a heap on the floor.

Rose raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow and shook her head. "It had to be done. Those were fucking nasty. Now it's time to get you dressed. We need to go."

"Go where?"

"Yearbook signing."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Of course," she laughed, "it's tradition!"

"Since when do you care about tradition? You hate everyone in our class! You really want them to sign your yearbook?"

I could see her trying to keep a straight face as she sighed, "Sure why not?"

"Is he going to be there?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly, "but if he is, don't let it get to you. Ignore him if you have to."

"I don't think I can do that." I moaned.

"Alright, I'll try to run interference as long as you agree to come."

I simply nodded and held out my hand, taking the clothing she held out for me. I grumbled incoherently as I stepped into the jeans.

"If it makes you feel any better, he looked like shit today."

"It doesn't," I snapped quickly, pulling the shirt over my head. "Ok, maybe just a little," I amended.

I finished dressing and Rose tamed my hair into a neat bun and applied a just a little make-up to make me look 'human again' as she put it.

The yearbook signing was as uneventful as I'd believed it would be. Just a bunch of our classmates standing around, talking about grand hopes for the summer and the future beyond. It was total bullshit. The only silver lining was that there had been no sign of Edward. I spoke with Maggie and Siobhan for a bit, both of them kind enough to avoid the subject of my now ex-boyfriend and our recent breakup.

Then after Rose excused herself to the bathroom, I felt him. Like a magnetic pull or electricity or something like that. My heart sped up and my breathing intensified as I heard him walk up behind me."

"Are you going to let me sign your yearbook?" he asked, his voice sending a ripple of tangled emotions through my body.

"Do you want to sign it?" I asked, turning to face him but unable to bring my gaze up to meet his.

"Only if you sign mine," he replied, holding his book out for me.

I nodded and took it in my hand, turning to the page that held my senior portrait before scrawling a hasty note in the margins as I choked back tears, refusing to cry here in front of him in the gymnasium of the school, surrounded by our classmates. I couldn't begin to tell him all the things I wanted to, the things I needed him to know and so instead I wrote a simple truth.

_I miss you._

_Love, Bella_

It took him a bit longer to finish with my book and so I stood there awkwardly holding his, using every ounce of willpower I possessed to keep from staring at him as he scribbled away. Rose reappeared just as he snapped the book closed and held it out for me with a weak smile. She glanced quickly from me to him and back to me, scowling.

"Bells, come on, there's someone over here that wants to see you."

She began tugging on my arm and I hazarded a glance at Edward. His face had fallen and he looked as though there was something on the tip of his tongue but he said nothing and we exchanged books wordlessly before Rose pulled me away.

"What was that?" I asked.

"I'm sorry B, I promised to run interference and I let my guard down for two seconds and look what happens. I hope I made it back in time. What did he say?"

"Nothing really," I replied with a shrug. "He wanted to sign my book, you came back before he was done."

"Well?" she asked impatiently. "What did it say?"

"I don't know. You swooped in before I looked."

"Alright so let's have a look."

I took a deep breath, my arms clasped tightly around the yearbook, hugging it to my chest. "Um, Rose, I think I'd rather look later, uh, alone."

She looked taken aback for a second and then relaxed, holding up her hands in defeat. "You're right, I'm sorry. None of my business."

"Can we go now?" I begged.

She nodded and we didn't speak another word as she dropped me off back at my house. She left me there with a promise that she would drag me out of bed for graduation by force if necessary.

I waited until I was alone in my room, sitting on my freshly made bed, door firmly locked and music loud enough to drown out any possible tears before opening my yearbook. He hadn't signed by his name and it took me several minutes of flipping through the pages of pictures before I found his familiar scrawl on a blank page near the back. I took a deep breath and began reading.

_Bella-_

_I have so much to say to you. More than I can write here. I meant it when I said I wanted to remain friends. You mean so much to me. Please don't hate me._

_-Edward_

I read it over and over until I could no longer see it through the tears and then I closed the book, pulled the covers over my eyes and cried myself to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: So, if you're reading this I would really love to hear from you. Don't be shy :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**I still don't own Twilight (how would that be!) and no infringement is ever intended. I just like to play around with someone else's toys. **

**So, many of you are not at all happy with our dear Edward. I don't blame you. Unfortunately, I have to warn you that it might be awhile before you like him again. I only ask that you hang in there. Deep down he's a good guy; he just gets in his own way sometimes. **

* * *

Chapter 10

Graduation was a blur of blue and gold caps and gowns, parents snapping pictures and long boring speeches. Once the caps were tossed and the diplomas handed out, my parents took Rose and I out to an early dinner, Rose's mom having conveniently found somewhere pressing she needed to be immediately following the graduation. But, I had to give her credit for at least showing up for the ceremony.

It was obvious during dinner that Rose had managed a few minutes to inform my parents of the situation as all three of them avoided mentioning Edward at all during dinner. After dinner, my parents excused themselves to head home but not before dad pulled me into a hug and whispered into my ear.

"I'm proud of you Bells. Now go have some fun and let off a little steam. Celebrate. Nothing too crazy though and no driving with anyone who shouldn't be."

With that, they were gone, leaving me stunned. Did my police chief father just tell me to go out partying? Rose smiled, clearly up to something and pushed me into her car before driving back to her house. I didn't have the energy to fight her as she forced me into tight low-cut tank top, skinny jeans and ridiculous heels. I didn't even ask why until we were back in her car, speeding down the street.

"Ok, what's going on?"

"Well, my dear Bella. You are in desperate need of a good time and we just graduated high school so we're going to party. Stefan and his friends are having a big graduation blow out up in Port Angeles. It's perfect because no one up there knows us or you or Edward. You can just relax, drink away your sorrows for a night, and have a good time without stupid, drunk classmates asking why the two of you split. It's totally cool. You're parents think you're staying with me, though I suspect your dad knows better, and Stefan said we could crash there."

The last thing I wanted was to party but I couldn't deny the fact that getting drunk sounded highly appealing and so I kept my mouth shut, lying back against the seat as Rosalie sped towards Port Angeles. In less than an hour we arrived at a large, lavish home filled with people laughing and stumbling. Rose and I met up with Stefan and his best friend, Vlad, and we both began quickly pounding shots, Rose out of celebration and I out of an urge to forget everything but my name.

After several drinks, I surprised myself by actually having a good time. I was laughing and joking with Stefan's friends, even taking part in a few of their drinking games though I wasn't very good at those. Eventually, I noticed a tall guy with dirty blond hair watching me from across the room. He never approached but every time I glanced in his direction, I saw him watching me over the top of the glass of beer he was nursing.

I wasn't sure what to make of it but after another few drinks, I felt emboldened enough to find out. I casually walked towards him, on my way to the bathroom.

"What is your problem?" I snapped. "Why you keep staring at me?"

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled, frustrating me further. I huffed loudly and stumbled past him down the hallway to the bathroom. When I finished my business there, blond guy was waiting on the other side of the door for me.

"I was staring because you're hot," he replied, pulling on my hand and leading me to a nearby room.

The room and my head were spinning as he closed the door behind us. I barely muttered a cry of protest before his lips were on mine, sloppy and greedy, as his body pressed against mine, pushing me back against the door.

I broke free and pushed him away, trying not to be rude. "I'm sorry, I can't. I just, well, there's this guy. We were together for a long time."

"Where is he now?" he asked, running a finger down my bare arm slowly.

"We broke up but it's only been a few days and I'm not…."

"Come on beautiful, I can make you forget that loser."

"He's not a loser!" I insisted, getting angry at his insult.

"He let you slip away. That's a loser in my book."

With that his lips were on mine again and for just a moment, I wondered if he was right. I surrendered to him, let his lips roam over my own, waiting for the moment I could forget Edward and lose myself in this unnamed stranger. But that moment never came and when his body pressed tighter against my own, his erection prominent through his jeans, I felt disgust and revulsion. I couldn't do this. I was broken but throwing away my self-worth and dignity wasn't going to help.

I quickly shoved against his chest, catching him off guard and he staggered backwards just enough for me to slip out the door. I hurried down the stairs and into the mass of people down there congregating around the bottles of liquor. I scanned the crowd, searching for Rose or Stefan or anyone I knew but all the faces I found were unknowns. I headed out to the deck, hoping to find someone familiar but there was no luck. Finally, I walked around the house to the front, remembering a large crowd hanging out there when we arrived. There in front of the house, surrounded by a group of boys I didn't recognize, I stumbled upon the last person I ever expected to see.

"Alice Cullen, what the fuck are you doing here?" I cried, pulling the small girl away from the crowd.

It took her a second to focus and realize who I was but then her face broke out in to a huge smile and she threw her tiny arms around my waist, falling into my arms.

"Bellllaaa! Oh my God! What you doin here?"

"What are you doing here?" I asked. It was clear from her red and bloodshot eyes, inability to stand up straight and slurred words that she'd had entirely too much to drink.

"Is a party Bella! I partying. Wooo!"

"Yeah but how'd you get here?" I probed. I'd had a bit to drink myself but Alice was so tiny it couldn't have taken much to get her to this point and she was so inebriated, I worried she was one drink away from alcohol poisoning and definitely in danger of being taken advantage of.

"My friends brought me!" she pointed to a group of teenage boys who looked away guiltily when I glared at them. I didn't need to be a mind reader or even sober to recognize their intentions were far from honorable.

"Well they look, um, nice but I think it's time to go home." I told her, pulling her further away from the group of boys and pulled out my cell phone. I weighed my options before dialing the last number I wanted to dial, the only person I could call right now.

"Bella?" he answered groggily as though he'd been sleeping when I called.

"Edward, please don't hang up. I need help. It's important."

"Are you ok?" he barked, suddenly sounding much more awake.

"I'm fine. It's Alice. She's drunk. I'm at a party and she just showed up here with a bunch of skeezy guys and she's super drunk and, well, so am I but that doesn't matter because I didn't drive anyways. I don't know what to do but we can't be here anymore. I didn't know who else to call."

"Where are you? I'm on my way."

With Alice clinging to me, I walked to the edge of the driveway, repeating the address on the mailbox to Edward who promised he'd be there as soon as possible.

I didn't want Alice to return to that group of boys and I was in no hurry to run into the blonde guy again and so I took a seat on the curb, pulling Alice down next to me. She was getting tired and leaned her head against my shoulder.

"Why my stupid brother break up with you?" she asked sleepily, her eyes drooping.

"He's leaving for school. He thought it was for the best." I replied, giving her the same excuse he'd given me.

"He's stupid."

"Yes, you already said that," I replied with a little laugh.

"Well he is."

I laughed again but she said nothing else, her head slowly slipped from my shoulder to my lap as she succumbed to sleep. I sat there staring out into the empty road, lost in thought as I stroked her jet black hair softly, listening to her rhythmic breathing. My buzz was wearing off and I'd almost fallen asleep myself when a car approached, driving way too fast and screeching to a halt in front of me.

"Bella? Alice?" a familiar voice called out and I watched as Edward came around the side of the car. He took one look at Alice, crumbled in my lap and cursed, knotting his fingers in his hair in frustration. "Is she ok?"

"I think so," I mumbled. "Just sleeping. She's been drooling on me for like twenty minutes but at least she didn't puke."

He didn't laugh but bent down and effortlessly lifted the tiny girl from my lap, placing her in the backseat of the car before turning back to me.

"What the fuck happened?"

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. "I was inside and then I had to find Rose and I looked everywhere but I didn't find her. I came out front and there she was, drunk as shit with a whole group of gross boys. I pulled her away and called you. That's all I know."

"Alright, get in the car. Let's get out of here."

"Uh, excuse me?" I asked. "I just called you to get her out of here." I couldn't leave with him. My heart was hurting just looking at him.

He huffed loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Who are you here with? Why are you even here? Whose party is this?"

"I'm here with Rose and Stefan. It's his party."

"Ok, so they are probably out screwing somewhere, which means you're basically here alone, drunk and with what you yourself said were gross, sleazy boys. Yeah, not leaving you here."

"And where the hell am I supposed to go? I can't go home. I've been drinking. My dad will kill me." It was true that he'd basically agreed to turn a blind eye to my actions tonight but I was sure he wouldn't be too pleased with me showing up shitfaced in the middle of the night.

"I'll take you to my place. You can crash there. My dad has a conference tomorrow and my mom is tagging along. They left just after dinner."

I didn't think it was possible but my heart began to race even faster. I could barely stand here and talk to him and he expected me to spend the night? Three days after he dumped me? What the fuck? However my heart was operating independently of my brain and I listened in horror as I heard a quiet, "Alright," slip from my lips.

Next thing I knew, I was in the passenger seat of Edward's car hurtling back towards Forks. We were halfway there when I realized I hadn't told Rose that I'd left. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number quickly, cursing when it went straight to voicemail.

"Hey Rose, something came up and I got a ride home with a friend. Call me tomorrow and I'll explain. Stay safe. Love ya."

"A friend?" Edward asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Isn't that what you wanted us to be?" I snapped, a little more defensively than I meant.

He said nothing else for the duration of the drive. When we arrived at his house, he carried a snoring Alice up the stairs and I followed quietly, assuming the responsibility of getting Alice undressed and into something more comfortable to sleep in once Edward excused himself.

With Alice in bed and dead to the world, I crept back downstairs in search of Edward. My head told me I should just avoid him and pass out in the guest room or on the floor in Alice's room but his presence in the house was like a magnetic pull, drawing me closer.

I found him in the living room, nestled into one corner of the couch, sitting in the dark. Wordlessly, I slipped into the room and settled into the opposite corner. We sat in silence once again for what felt like ages before he finally spoke.

"I'm sorry my idiot sister ruined your night."

I couldn't help but snort at that idea. "Yeah, because it was going so well before I ran into her. But what about you? How'd you get there so fast? Weren't you out celebrating with Liam or whoever?"

He shook his head and laughed sharply. "No, not hardly. This is pretty much what I was up to when you called."

"Well that's lame," I said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. "Though it was probably better than the stupid party I went to."

"So, why'd you go?"

"Rose. She all but dragged me and I only agreed because she promised I could get drunk and forget everything. But all that happened was getting groped by some creep and finding the way too young sister of my ex one drink away from being date raped. And now I'm stuck here with you, so I'd say my night has been an epic fail."

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and Edward recoiled as though he'd been slapped. It took him a second to recover and I watched as his face transformed from a look of hurt to one of anger. _Fantastic! Way to filter your thoughts, Bella. You called him to help and you're going to insult him for it? Very nice. _Now he was pissed which was sure to make this awkward evening one hundred percent more awkward.

"Groped? Someone groped you?"

_That was what he chose to focus on? Fuck me._

"Uh, yeah, I mean no, kinda, not really. I don't know. Can we not get into this right now? All I wanted was to celebrate my graduation by getting so drunk I forgot everything. Now that plan is ruined so I'd really like to just pass out and forget this night ever happened."

"Hang on just a second," he said, springing from the couch and dashing towards the kitchen. He reappeared a few seconds later holding up a sizeable bottle of tequila. "My sister ruined your plans but maybe I can fix that."

"Where did that come from?" I asked in surprise.

"I actually had similar plans. Luckily you called right before I'd started in on it. I was just going to shoot it but I probably have the stuff to make margaritas if you'd prefer?"

"You have limes?"

He smiled and nodded.

"Shots will be perfect."

I followed him into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as he set out a salt shaker and shot glass and began slicing up the limes. We took turns taking shots until the awkward air that surrounded us lessened and we realized we could just relax and enjoy each other's company.

"Better?" he asked once I had a few shots in me.

"Much," I replied with a smile, "the company is better here too. No creepers."

"What happened, Bella?"

It was the second time he inquired about the events of the party but I was the one who kept bringing it up so I figured I owed him some explanation. "Nothing really. I was talking to some people and this guy kept staring at me. So I went to the bathroom and on the way I asked him what his problem was. When I came out he was waiting for me. He said I was beautiful and pulled me into a room and started kissing me. I guess I let him but he wanted more and I didn't, so I pushed him and ran away. Then I found Alice and the rest is history."

"You let him kiss you? My baby sis was out there getting taking advantage of while you were off making out with some other guy?"

His words, so full of venom, hit me like a fist and I staggered away from him. I was definitely buzzed but I wasn't going to sit here and take this. I turned and hurried away, stumbling down the hall and through the front door without another word. I was halfway down the driveway when I heard Edward calling after me.

"Bella, wait."

I spun on my heels and turned to face him, full of fury. "No, Edward! You wait. You don't get to talk to me like that. You don't get to pass judgment on me and what I do anymore. You gave away that right and you certainly don't get to imply that I'm some sort of whore for kissing someone else. As for your sister, how the fuck was I supposed to know she was there? I'm not her babysitter."

I turned back around and resumed stomping down the driveway until his arms gripped mine, turning me to face him again.

"You're right," he admitted. "You're totally right and I'm an ass. I'm sorry."

"You wanted to be friends? Well, friends don't judge each other and get all jealous."

"You're right," he repeated, "and I am very sorry. I wasn't thinking. Please don't leave. It's late and dark. Just come back inside and I promise to try and not be an ass."

Truthfully, I had nowhere else to go but it was the pleading in his eyes that got me to follow him back to the house.

"I'm not drunk enough yet," I declared once inside. "I think we need a few more shots."

He smiled and poured the amber liquid into the glass for me. We both took two more shots in rapid succession before we could laugh off our argument. He poured himself another shot but instead of sprinkling the salt on his own hand, he grasped mine and licked the inside of my wrist lightly before dusting it with salt.

"What are you doing?" I whispered, the feel of his lips on my skin leaving me breathless.

"You taste better," he replied nonchalantly as if it were common knowledge. "Hold this." He placed a wedge of lime in my other hand and I took it without thinking. He brought the salted wrist back to his mouth and sucked lightly before releasing it and slamming the shot of tequila. As if on auto-pilot, I held the slice of lime up to his lips and held it as he sucked the tart liquid from the fruit, his eyes locked on mine. My legs turned to jello and my entire body flushed as though I was the one who'd just taken the shot.

"What was that?" I breathed, holding the counter for support.

"What? Friends can't hold fruit for other friends?" The tone of his voice was so innocent that I began to wonder if I want building the whole thing into something it wasn't. I shook it off and smiled at him. "Oh, um, I guess."

"Good, now I think it's your turn."

He poured another shot and held out the salt shaker for me. In an effort to keep things under control, I poured the salt onto my own wrist, raising a defiant eyebrow to him as I did so which only made him laugh. I scowled, licked the salt and brought the glass to my lips, closing my eyes and tilting my head back as I slammed the harsh liquid. When I opened my eyes, I saw the wedge of lime held between Edward's full lips. There was no chance to second guess myself as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me, biting into the sour flesh of the fruit.

Edward's arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. I released the fruit from my lips and pulled back slightly, just long enough for Edward to drop the lime and press his lips against mine. His kiss was hungry and full of lust and my brain screamed at me to end this, but my heart leapt for joy at the feel of his mouth on mine.

When we were both forced to come up for air, I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away. "What are we doing?"

"Friends can kiss, can't they?" he whispered into my ear, sending shivers through my body.

I wanted to shake my head. I wanted to scream that, no, friends don't kiss. I wanted to pull myself out of his arms and insist that nothing about this was 'friendly'. But instead, I nodded and brought my lips to his once more.

There was a flurry of movement as we stumbled up the stairs, still wrapped in each other and unwilling to part our lips. His hands roamed over my body as we all but fell into his room, slamming the door behind us.

"Friends can touch, can't they?" he asked as his hands cupped my breasts, pinching my taut nipples through the thin fabric of my tanktop and bra.

I nodded again, unable to say no as my own hands slipped under his t-shirt, needing to feel the bare skin of his chest. He slipped the straps of my tank over my shoulders and down my arms. His hands quickly unhooked my bra and tossed it aside, replacing the lace with his hands reverently. He lowered his head and pulled one aching nipple into his mouth sucking at it hungrily and moaning. "And this?" he asked, looking up at me. "Friends can do this, right?"

"Oh God, yes!" I moaned, using every ounce of strength I had not to melt into a puddle at his feet.

Within seconds, he'd somehow managed to get me across the room and onto his bed. There was a flurry of kisses, caresses and the removal of clothing until I was lying naked across Edward's bed. He pulled out a condom and quickly rolled it onto his prominent erection before pressing into me.

I cried out, clinging to him as my legs wrapped around his hips, holding him to me as he pumped in and out. The room was already spinning but as I reached my climax, it seemed to melt away entirely until it was just Edward and I alone in the universe. I tightened my grip on him as I rode out the waves of my climax, until he too cried out in pleasure and fell against me.

"I think we're going to be great friends, beautiful Bella," he whispered against my hair, holding me to him until I succumbed to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Whew, the last couple chapters were especially rough for me to write. Many of the events in this story are loosely based on my own experiences in high school, the last couple chapters in particular, and even though more than a decade has passed, some things stick with you. I guess this is a way of exercising those demons. **

**From here on out it becomes a bit less autobiographical. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Infringement is never intended. I'm just having a good time. Our Bella and Edward had a bit of a good time too, didn't they? But if I've learned anything in life, it's that alcohol and exes are a terrible combination. **

**Time for the aftermath.**

* * *

Chapter 11

I woke the next morning with a pounding headache and a heavy weight in my gut. Sun was streaming through the windows, only serving to make my head hurt more and leaving me unable to open my eyes. I turned my face into the pillow to shield me from the light until I could regain my bearings. My mind was cloudy and I wasn't one hundred percent sure where I was or what had happened the night before.

I began recounting the events of the previous evening beginning with dinner with my parents, hoping a mental retracing of my steps would offer some insight. I remembered Rose and I getting dressed and going to Port Angeles. I remembered having a drink with her and Stefan and a few of his friends. Oh, and then there was that blonde guy. After that, things got a little fuzzy.

As I racked my brain trying to figure out what happened next, there was muffled groan and some movement next to me. Then a distinctly male arm fell over my back. My bare back. _Oh God! _I was naked. I was naked and in bed with some guy. _What the fuck happened?_ Was it the blonde guy? Had I been that drunk?

I took a deep breath, needing to calm myself so I could think clearly and inhaled a familiar scent. More memories came flooding back. Me pushing the creep away. Finding a drunken Alice. Calling Edward. Going home with Edward. Doing shots with Edward.

_Oh dear God! _

I cracked an eye open and turned my head in the direction I'd heard the groan earlier. Sure enough, there was Edward shirtless; a sheet covering the lower half of his body that I would hazard to guess was as bare as mine. He was deep in sleep, looking so peaceful and I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him and fall back asleep.

But, there was more memories assaulting me. Memories of Edward insisting we were just friends. Friends who apparently get drunk and sleep together but still just friends. I couldn't be that kind of friend. I couldn't stay here in Forks, hooking up with him on holidays and school breaks when he was back in town. Waiting for him to come home knowing he was likely sleeping with lots of girls while he was away. I knew myself well enough to know that keeping him close and yet not close enough would destroy me. My heart would never heal and I would lose my self-respect in the process.

I slipped out from under his arm carefully so as not to wake him and rose from the bed. The sun was still unbearably bright and I quickly closed the shutters both for my own sake and for Edward's, so he wouldn't have as harsh an awakening as I'd had. I dressed quietly and found a slip of paper and a pen on his desk, scrawling a short note before I made my retreat.

_Edward-_

_I'm sorry. I can't do this. _

_Love, Bella_

I grabbed my shoes holding them in my hand and tiptoed out of the room and down the stairs. I was almost to the front door when I heard a soft voice call to me from the kitchen.

"Running away?"

I turned and saw Alice, looking like a disheveled kitten, her hair sticking up in all direction, makeup smudged under her eyes and her tiny form wrapped in a blanket.

"Um, something like that," I admitted.

"Do you know what happened last night? I remember going out with some friends. I had a fight with Kate and left her to go to some party. That's the last thing I remember. Do you know how I got home?"

I nodded. "I was at the party. I found you drunk off your ass with a bunch of skeevy guys and called your brother."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah, you might want to prepare yourself for that. Anyways, he drove the three of us back here and put you in bed."

She looked down at the pajamas she was wearing in horror. "He didn't…"

"Oh, no no. I did that. I hope you don't mind. I didn't think you'd want to sleep in what you were wearing. Especially with a hangover."

"Good," she breathed in relief. "Thank you."

"No problem but I need to take off now."

She eyed me suspiciously. "So since you're sneaking off before he wakes up, can I assume you two didn't get back together?"

"Uh no, not exactly."

"Just got drunk and had sex then?"

"What?" I gasped. "How did you know that?"

"You left the tequila out and slept in his room. I just assumed the rest and let you confirm it," she said with a laugh before groaning and clutching her head.

I guess I walked right into that one. "Yeah, well, it's complicated."

"It's really not, he loves you, and you love him. He's just an idiot who thinks he knows what's best for everyone. He always has and you're just letting him get away with it."

"It's not that simple. Look, I really have to go. Take care of yourself Alice. No more drinking with strange boys."

She smiled. "I could say the same. I'm going to miss you, Bella. I really liked you."

"I liked you too. Keep in touch."

She nodded but we both knew it wouldn't happen. I turned and slipped out the front door, closing it softly behind me and started down the driveway, pulling out my phone and praying that Rose would pick up.

Luck was on my side as she answered on the second ring. _"Oh Bella, thank God! Where did you go? That message was shit. What friend were you talking about?" _

"It's a long story and I'll tell you I promise but are you back in Forks yet?"

"_On my way now. Do you need a ride?" _

"Yeah if it's not too much trouble, otherwise I'll just walk to your house and meet you there."

"_No trouble at all. Where are you?" _

"Um, Edward's house. Well, technically I'm walking away from his house."

The line went silent for a minute though I thought I heard the sound of her tires squealing as if she'd hit the brakes hard.

"_Edward's house? Edward Cullen's house?" _Her voice was a mix of confusion and anger.

"Like I said, long story. Anyways, I'm walking down the road towards your house. I'll see you soon."

I continued walking, making it almost halfway to Rose's house before her red BMW pulled up alongside me.

"Jesus, the walk of shame does not look good on you. Get your ass in the car and explain," she shouted out of the open window.

I slid into the passenger seat, my gaze focused guiltily in my lap. I didn't even know where to begin. Apparently, it was taking me too long and Rose began drumming her nails on the steering wheel.

"Well," she demanded.

"What crawled up your ass this morning?" I retorted.

"No deflection. You won't get out of this that easy."

I exhaled loudly and glared at her and she finally put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. "Alright. Well, I went looking for you at the party but you'd disappeared and I ran into Alice, Edward's little sister, and she was drunk as shit."

"Wait, isn't she like ten?" she said with a grimace.

"She just turned fifteen, but anyways, she was shit-faced drunk and surrounded by these guys and you know they were just waiting for her to get too drunk to say no and I couldn't leave her there. I didn't know where you were and you'd been drinking anyways, so I called him."

"Ok, so he came and picked her up. That's cool. What I don't understand is why you went with him."

"Um, I don't know. You'd disappeared and I didn't know anyone there and I'd already had one creep try to feel me up and I guess I was just ready to go. Plus, he didn't want me to stay after I mentioned the skeezeballs Alice was there with."

We'd just pulled into the driveway and Rose slammed on the breaks, bringing the car to a screeching halt. "Wait, what do you mean some creep felt you up?"

I delved into the story of the blonde creeper which only served to piss Rose off. "Fucking Stefan and his weird ass friends! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Uh, I couldn't find you, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, continue."

I glared at her but she just smiled, making no move to get out of the car. "That's it, I went home with Edward. There you go."

She snorted loudly and looked pointedly at me. "If it was that innocent, you wouldn't be running away."

"Who says I'm running away?"

"You, walking down the road instead of staying there or asking him for a ride, that's who. Besides, you look guilty as fuck."

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath, earning me a laugh from Rose. "Fine, we may have done a few shots of tequila and maybewehadsex." I mumbled.

"What's that, B? Maybe you had sex? Are you not sure?"

"Fine, we did. Happy?"

"No, why the fuck would that make me happy? Did he realize the error of his ways and are you back together?"

I shook my head, dropping my gaze back to my lap. "No. Definitely not."

"Then of course I'm not fucking happy. B, what happened?"

I didn't want to get into the details, not even with Rosalie and I certainly didn't want to keep rehashing everything so I kept my explanation simple. "We just got drunk and one thing led to another. That's it. End of Story."

By the look on her face, I knew she believed there was more to the story but she didn't press the issue. "Alright then, I'm hungry how 'bout you?"

"I need hangover food." I demanded and she laughed loudly as we headed into the house.

Without school or a boyfriend to occupy my time, I found myself overrun with free time. Mrs. Newton was happy to give me extra hours and though Rose was headed to Seattle and UW in the fall, I still had her all summer. She finally reached her goal weight and celebrated by dragging to me to the pool every day that it wasn't raining, and sometimes even when it was.

I didn't see or talk to Edward at all after graduation night though I did run into Carlisle at the hospital one day in late August after slipping in the kitchen and twisting my wrist. He proudly boasted that Edward had left for Dartmouth and was settling in nicely. I thanked him politely for letting me know and then slipped away, doing my best to avoid him after that.

Soon after that came the day I'd been dreading all summer, the weekend Rose left for Seattle. I tried to think positive because it could have been worse. Rose was smart and rich, she could have gone to any college but she'd picked one that was only a few hours away so I'd be able to see her often. Still, my heart hurt quite a bit as I hugged her tightly and we said our good-byes.

I had a week before my own classes started and I spent them all at work or locked away in my room in a noble quest to read every single book Forks Public Library had on its shelves. I was slogging my way through _Moby Dick_ when my mother poked her head into my room one afternoon to let me know we'd have company for dinner, my dad's oldest friend Billy Black.

I'd known Billy most of my life and we'd had him over for dinner plenty of times so I thought nothing of simply padding down the stairs in the tank top and yoga pants I'd been lounging in. However, it wasn't just Billy that greeted me at the bottom of the stairs, smiling from the wheelchair he'd been in since the car accident that had also taken the life of his wife. Beside him stood a tall, russet skinned boy who appeared to be my age or just a little older with deep brown eyes and short cropped black hair. He smiled when I entered, a warm comforting smile that put me instantly at ease.

"Hey Bella, remember me? I'm Jacob. When you were little you'd come with us to the beach and build sandcastles with my sisters. Then you'd get all upset and cry when my friends and I knocked them over."

I remembered those days perfectly but I couldn't believe that little boy who drove me crazy had grown up into this huge man in front of me.

"Oh my God! You're so tall!" I cried, wrapping my arms around him for a hug. "Where have you been? I've seen your dad a bunch but you've never come with him before."

"He was too busy with his girlfriend before," Billy snorted, reminding me of his presence. I turned to him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before turning back to Jacob.

"So you have a girlfriend?" I asked, making friendly conversation as Billy left us to go chat with my parents.

"Had. Past tense. She dumped me. Said she needed to work on herself, whatever that means. Truthfully, I think she has the hots for my cousin but whatever. Anyways, what about you? Got some guy hanging on your arm?"

The pain in my heart that had been a constant presence for the last three months intensified and threatened to knock the wind out of me. I took a deep breath and shook my head.

"That bad?" he asked.

"No, it was great, actually, while it lasted. But he left for Dartmouth and I'm, well, I'm here. It just wasn't going to work out."

"His line?"

I nodded, not having the energy to lie to him.

"His loss," Jake said simply, offering a warm smile.

With those words, the subject was dropped and we were able to move on to more lighthearted topics. Jake had graduated from the high school out on the reservation a year ago. He was apparently a gifted mechanic and had decided to skip college and go to work full time at the repair shop he'd worked at since he was sixteen. When I told him of my own meager college plans he'd actually looked at me with respect instead of the pity that most people gave me when I told him I was attending the community college.

"It's a good plan!" he insisted. "Get your generals out of the way for cheap and then transfer to a big school. In the end, no one cares where you started school. It's all about where you graduate from and doing it this way, maybe you'll be lucky enough not to be buried up to your eyeballs in student loans when you graduate."

For the first time, I didn't feel like a complete loser for sticking close to home for a while and I was incredibly grateful to him for understanding. I was surprised how easy he was to talk to. For someone who loved to torture me when we were kids, he'd seemed to grow up into a warm and kind man.

Before he and Billy left for the evening, Jake pulled me aside and asked for my number.

"Sure," I agreed quickly, "it would be nice to have a friend nearby. All of mine moved away." I added, emphasizing the word 'friend' so he'd know I wasn't quite ready for anything past that.

"Cool, we're having a bonfire out on the rez this weekend. I'll give you a call."

Sure enough, Jake called that weekend and even came out to pick me up for the bonfire. His friends were a wild bunch but they accepted me right away and I had more fun that night than I'd had in weeks. It didn't take long before Jake and I were hanging out all the time. He came over and watched baseball with my dad while I worked on my homework and even hurried over to give me a ride one morning when my truck died before class. By the time my class was over, he'd fixed the problem and had it working better than ever.

However, by Thanksgiving it was apparent that Jacob's feelings were no longer platonic. His touch lingered a little longer than normal; he sat a little closer and began calling more often. But, my heart was still broken. Even six months later, Edward consumed my thoughts and dreams, haunting me and taunting me with all that I couldn't have.

Thankfully Rose arrived for the long weekend just in time. Her own mother was spending the holiday in New York with her new boyfriend, but my parents insisted she come home anyway and have dinner with us. She'd been in town less than an hour before I was sprawled across her bed, begging for advice.

"I know he likes me, Rose, but I don't know what to do. He's my best friend outside of you. Hell, he's my only friend now that you're gone. I can't lose him. But there is this gaping hole in my heart where Edward still lives and I don't know if I can give Jake what he's looking for."

"Maybe exploring this thing with Jake would help you get over Edward. I love you babe, but this pining thing you've got going on isn't good for you. He's in New Hampshire and he'll be there for at least four years. Bells, you've got to find a way to let him go. I don't know if this Jake guy is the right one for you but maybe he's the guy for right now, the one to get you out of your Edward slump. Is he cute?"

"Yeah, I'd say so but you'll get to see for yourself tomorrow. His sisters can't afford to fly home so he and his dad are coming for dinner."

"And who is cooking this big, fancy dinner? Not your mom I hope."

"Oh hell no," I said with a laugh. "You know I only trust her with the easy stuff. No, I'll be in charge of dinner. Well, just the side dishes actually. Dad and Billy want to give frying the turkey a try."

"Fried turkey?" Rose grimaced. "This body can't afford fried food anymore."

"Relax, it's not as unhealthy as you think. Just avoid the skin and you'll be fine. I'll hit the gym with you on Friday if you want."

"You better!" In the three months she'd been gone, Rose hadn't lost any more weight, she didn't need to, but she'd toned up quite a bit in the last three months. She'd gotten into yoga and pilates and was constantly singing their praises to me over the phone. By the look of her, I couldn't argue the fact that they'd worked wonders. She looked amazing.

The next morning I woke early and set to work on dinner peeling potatoes, making rolls, and rolling out pie crusts. Anything to keep myself busy. Having Rose back in town made me realize that Edward was likely also back in town, sitting in his parents' home across town while Esme cooked up a storm. It had been more than five months since I'd seen or spoken to him. One hundred and sixty-nine days. Over four thousand hours, each one chipping a small piece of my heart away with it as it passed.

The remaining bits of my heart begged me to run straight there and throw myself into his arms but deep down I knew doing so would only cause more pain and so I cooked. I put on an upbeat playlist and lost myself in chopping, kneading, and mixing until Rose arrived.

Together she and I finished all the side dishes while dad, Billy, and Jake attempted to fry the turkey in the driveway without burning down the neighborhood. Mom flitted back and forth, helping out wherever she could inflict the least damage on the meal until it was time to eat.

Dinner was a strange affair with my parents and Billy talking amongst themselves leaving Jake, Rose and I to ourselves. However, the three of us had nothing to talk about and I didn't want to engage in conversation with one for fear of alienating the other so instead I tried to let them get to know each other. Rose broke the ice first, asking Jake generic questions about his job which he answered politely but without elaboration. He countered by asking her similar questions about school and her plans for the future. The entire thing was awkward and about as warm as a job interview.

I was completely bummed. Rose was my best friend and Jake had become a very close friend as well. All I wanted was for the three of us to all be friends together but it didn't look like that was going to happen. In between dinner and pie, Rose pulled me upstairs to my bedroom.

"You hate him," I said quiet as soon as she closed the door.

She looked at me in surprise. "No, I don't. He seems nice enough. He's got that tall, dark and handsome thing going on and I suspect there is a decent bod under those clothes."

"There is," I murmured to myself.

Rose's eyebrow shot up immediately. "Excuse me? How do you know that?"

"We've been to the beach."

"Oh dang, I thought you'd been holding out on me. Anyways, like I said, I don't hate him. He's a nice guy and it's obvious that he's totally into you."

"It is?"

"Duh, he couldn't keep his eyes off of you."

"He couldn't?"

She laughed and shook her head. "My poor Bells, you really are clueless. Thank God mama Rose is here to help you out."

I snorted loudly and she smacked my leg. "Shut it, I have a plan. We'll go back downstairs and I'm going to make my exit, something about a paper to write. I suspect that if I'm out of the picture, he'll find a way to get you alone. Now, listen. I don't expect you to throw yourself at him. I'm just suggesting that you let go, just let go of all your fears, reservations, whatever and just let whatever happens, happen. If it's right, it'll work and if not, whatever."

"Rose…" I cried.

"Shush, I love you and this might be harsh but I can't watch you continue to tear yourself apart over one guy who is too stupid to want you when there is a good guy downstairs who is dying to just spend time with you. Quit being an idiot."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to sit down while I absorbed them. Maybe she was right. Maybe I should give Jake a chance. Either way, I knew something had changed in our relationship. I couldn't keep stringing him along like I was. Our easy friendship was gone, replaced with an underlying tension. I could continue to rebuff his advances, shrinking away from his touch and I would eventually push him away entirely. Or, I could listen to Rose and let him hold my hand, let him put his arm around me and see where that took us and maybe he could fill the holes in my heart that Edward left behind.

Rose pulled me from the bed and tugged me out the door. "Just try, Bella," she whispered as she led me out of the room and down the stairs. Jake shot me a shy smile from across the room as Rose made her excuses and said good-bye to my parents, thanking them for inviting her to dinner. I walked her to the door, promising to call her in the morning for our gym date and then she was gone.

I headed back to the living room where everyone was engaged in the football game playing out on the flat screen. Jake leapt from his seat and hurried to my side. "Was thinking about taking a walk. Would you want to join me?"

_Just try. _Rose's words echoed in my head over and over.

"Sure," I replied quietly.

I followed him outside and into the backyard heading for the woods that bordered our yard. We walked quietly for several feet, taking in the peaceful quiet of the forest. My heart hammered in my chest, knowing that this was going to be that defining moment in our friendship.

_Just try._

I felt his hand brush against mine slightly as we walked through a more narrow section of the trail. His touch was warm and comforting and when I didn't pull my hand away, he took it carefully in his. We walked a little further hand in hand until we came to a clearing.

"That dinner was amazing," Jake said quietly, breaking the silence. "I can't believe you did all that. No, actually I can because I think you are amazing Bells."

"Jake, don't" I began but he cut me off.

"No, please let me say this. I think if I don't say it now I never will and I'm not sure I can live with that. Bella, I know you've been hurt recently and I'm willing to go as slowly as you need but I'm just hoping that you can give me a chance because, Bella, I am totally falling for you. I know it's a little weird since I've known you since we were kids but you are all I think about anymore."

His words were so sweet and his tone so sincere that I couldn't stop the lone tear that rolled down my cheek. I'd forgotten how good it felt to be wanted and the ache in my chest dulled just a little. Jake lifted his free hand and wiped the tear away with the pad of his thumb, stroking my cheek gently. I lifted my gaze to his warm, brown eyes and smiled to let him know I was OK. He returned my smile and we stood just like this for several seconds before he leaned in slowly.

And then there in the middle of the forest behind my house, I let Jacob Black kiss me.

* * *

**A/N: Should I be hiding? Please don't be mad. Just remember that this is not a BxJ story. I promise. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Twilight does not belong to me and no infringement is intended. **

**A big thank you to everyone who is reading, following, reviewing, whatever. When I started writing, I never expected to share it with anyone. The idea that anyone other than myself is enjoying this totally blows my mind. **

* * *

Chapter 12

Being with Jake came much easier than I expected. He was so warm and comforting and, though the hole in my heart remained, his mere presence helped to soothe the ache. However, when he'd gone home for the night and I was alone in my room, I couldn't stop the thoughts of Edward from invading my mind. He was a constant fixture in my dreams causing me to wake up every morning with the excruciating pain in my chest.

I didn't understand it. I couldn't understand why my heart refused to let Edward go and there was no one I could ask. I'd rather die than talk to my parents about it. Not just because it would be awkward and embarrassing but they'd come to adore Jake and any advice they gave would be biased. Rosalie was also out as she just couldn't relate. Rose didn't do relationships and she'd certainly never given her heart away so there was no hope that she could tell me how to get mine back.

The only other person I confided in was Jacob and I certainly couldn't talk to him about it. Not without hurting him and pushing him away and I was terrified of doing that. Jake had the effect of cool water on a burn. He eased the pain but I knew as soon as I pulled away, the burning would return even worse than before.

But, the worst part of all was the crushing guilt. I couldn't escape the guilt. I felt guilty for constantly thinking of Edward when I was supposed to be with Jake and I couldn't stop from comparing the two of them. When Jake kissed me it felt nice but it didn't light me up like Edward's kisses had. His touch was warm and comforting but it didn't set me on fire like Edward's and after I gave myself to Jake completely on New Year's Eve, I cried silently in the bathroom. Though I knew it was completely irrational, I was unable to stop feeling as though I'd betrayed Edward.

I began to question whether I was doing the right thing by entering into a relationship with Jacob when I couldn't give him all of me. Yet I was terrified of losing him and so selfishly, I stayed, praying every night to whomever might be listening that my heart would heal. I hated that I was still stuck on Edward but I couldn't get him off my mind or out of my heart. I was lost and desperately needed something in my life to change. As it turned out, I didn't have to wait long for that something, and the phrase 'be careful what you wish for' couldn't have been more appropriate.

Mid-January brought a wicked cold snap, a new batch of classes and an upset stomach that just refused to go away. What it didn't bring was my period.

I didn't realize it until I was over a week late. I'd been nauseous for days and struggling to cope with that as well as school and work. It wasn't until I stumbled across a box of tampons in the bathroom cupboard that it hit me. I ran to the calendar, counted and recounted the days since my last period, ran back to the bathroom to throw up and then recounted again.

Eventually, I was able to pull myself off the bed where I'd spent the last hour crying and drove to the drug store to confirm what I knew in my gut to be true. And there it was.

Two pink lines.

I was pregnant.

_Fuck my life!_

There were plenty more tears and a serious weighing of my options, but I'd known since the moment I'd put two and two together what I would do. As ill-timed and inconvenient this baby was, it was my baby and I was floored by how much I wanted it. I'd never really thought of having kids except as something I'd consider in the far off future. Even during the broken condom scare I'd experienced with Edward, it never seemed like a real possibility, just a 'what-if'. Now it was all too real and I was scared to death but though I knew it was too early, I could suddenly feel this tiny life growing inside me.

Once I'd come to accept my fate, the only thing left to do was even scarier. I called Jake to make sure he was home before driving over to the reservation. Billy greeted me with a huge smile and an invitation to stay for dinner. I managed to nod in agreement, growing more and more nervous with each passing second, before asking Jake if we could take a quick walk.

He knew immediately that something was wrong. I could see the worry on his face but we both remained quiet until we were well away from the house. We came to a large flat rock, set out a ways from the road and I motioned for him to sit down.

"Jake, I have to tell you something."

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked, his voice so full of pain it caused my heart to ache.

"No," I reassured him and his face instantly lightened. I could only hope it stayed that way after I told him what I needed to.

"Phew," he sighed with a smile. "You had me scared babe. You've been so distant lately I was sure I was done for. What's up?"

"I'm pregnant."

He looked at me for a second and then burst into laughter, causing me to step back stunned and confused. "Very funny, Bells. Shit, you almost had me. I think my heart stopped for a second."

He continued laughing for a minute before looking up and seeing the hurt on my face.

"Oh God, you're not kidding."

I shook my head and he exhaled loudly as though he'd just been punched in the gut. We remained silent for several minutes before he stood and wrapped his arms around me.

"Marry me," he whispered in my ear.

"What?" I exclaimed, stepping back.

"I love you Bella. I know it hasn't been very long, but I do, I love you and you're carrying my baby. I want to take care of you and spend forever with you."

My eyes grew wide as he knelt on the ground on one knee. "I'm sorry I don't have a ring but Isabella Swan, will you marry me?"

I was shocked and my heart was racing. Could I accept his proposal? Deep down I knew I was still in love with Edward but he didn't want me. He'd shut down at the mere threat of having a child with me and made it clear his future was in New Hampshire and not with me. But, here, standing in front of me, was a gentle sweet man who loved me and actually wanted me. A man who wasn't running away from a future with me but instead running towards it happily.

In a moment of extreme selfishness, I decided to take the sure thing and nodded, tears springing to my eyes. "Ok, Jake, let's get married."

He jumped off the ground and pulled me into his arms lifting me off the ground as he spun me around. I smiled and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. He was a good man, he loved me, he would love our baby and, in time, he would heal my heart and I would be able to love him in the same way. I was sure of it.

After we walked back to Billy's house, we learned that he'd invited my parents to dinner as well and expected them at any minute. I nearly hyperventilated at the thought of telling them and had to quickly duck into Jake's room to compose myself.

"Are you ok?" he whispered, following me into the room and closing the door firmly behind him.

"I'm not sure I can do this," I gasped, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "They're going to kill me."

Jake slowly came to sit next to me and pulled me into his arms. "You're nineteen, Bella. You're an adult. There isn't a whole lot they can do. Sure, they might be upset but I think they'll get over it. I think once this baby comes all they are going to care about is when they get to babysit next."

"My dad might shoot you."

"Well, let's hope he left the gun at home," Jake said with a laugh. "Seriously, Bells, it's going to be ok. We're having a baby!"

His enthusiasm was infectious and looking at the goofy, happy smile on his face, I could almost believe he was right. Then I heard the door open and the booming voice of my dad greeting Billy in living room and my heart stopped again.

Jake saw my renewed distress and held me tighter. "We don't have to tell them yet, babe. We can keep it to ourselves for a bit if you want."

I shook my head. "No, I can't. I'd never be able to hide something like this from them. Mom is sure to notice the constant vomiting sooner than later."

"Ok, well if you're sure, let's go get it over with."

We chose to announce our engagement first, hoping it would soften the blow of our bigger news. Not surprisingly, Billy seemed to take the news better than either of my parents, though judging by the looks he was shooting Jake, maybe he was saving up his rage for when they were alone. Dad was in disbelief when we told him we were getting married. I could see him waiting for us to tell him we were just kidding but when he realized that we were serious, his investigative cop skills sprung to life. It didn't take him long to realize why we'd hurry to get married after only a few months.

"You little shit!" Dad roared and lunged towards Jake but mom was quicker and shoved him back down onto the couch. "Renee!" he protested, "you know why they're doing this don't you."

"Oh, I have a pretty good idea, Charlie. She's been throwing up for a week. I was really hoping it was just the flu."

"You knew?" Charlie and I said in unison.

"I suspected," she confirmed. I was stunned, mom was more observant than I'd ever given her credit for. Dad just glared at her, obviously feeling a little betrayed.

"I'm not so naïve as to believe you weren't doing, uh, that," dad mumbled, turning his glare to me and Jake again. "But, Goddamm it Bella, I'd hoped you were smart enough to be safe. I mean, Jesus Christ, you're barely out of high school!"

"I know dad," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't going to feed this baby in the middle of the night. Sorry isn't going to put a roof over your heads. Do you even know what you've gotten yourself into?"

"Charlie, she's not a child," Mom interrupted, "and she's not an idiot, despite what her recent actions might suggest. I'm sure she's well aware of how difficult, exhausting, and life-changing this is going to be. I'm sure she knows that her college plans will become ridiculously complicated now, if not impossible, and that she can kiss her free-time away. I'm sure she knows there will be no more running off with Rosalie when the mood strikes. No more lazy days of reading in the yard when the weather is nice, well, not unless it's _Dr. Seuss_ or _Where the Wild Things Are_. No more…"

"I get it!" I screamed. "I fucked up. You think I don't know that? You think I planned this? I'm scared to death but what's done is done and now we're just trying to make the best of it."

The room fell quiet as my parents exchanged pointed looks and then mom reached for my hand. "Bella dear, have you considered your options?"

I nodded and shook my head. "I can't. I know I'm too young and it doesn't make sense but this is my baby and, and I want it," I said quietly.

"OK then," my mom said with a resigned sigh, "I guess we'll just have to deal with it."

Dad opened his mouth to protest but mom stopped him. "Charlie, there's nothing we can do but accept that we're going to be grandparents."

"Grandpa, huh?" Billy said, finally breaking his stony silence. "I might be able to get used to that."

I could see from the look in my parent's eyes that this discussion was far from over but I was grateful that they seemed willing to put it to rest for the evening at least.

Sure enough, mom cornered me a few days later when she finally managed to get me alone.

"Isabella Marie, do you know what you're doing?"

I was in the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water and turned to her, thoroughly confused. "Yeah, I'm getting a drink."

She gave me an exasperated sigh and motioned for me to join her at the kitchen table. "No, I mean this wedding and this baby. Do you have any idea what you've gotten yourself into? Is this really what you want?"

"I know it's not ideal, mom. I told you, I didn't plan on getting knocked up but we're just trying to make the best of it."

"I understand that, dear, and I respect your decision to keep the baby but are you sure getting married is really what you want to do?" she asked, taking my hand.

"Yeah mom, Jake is a good guy and he'll take care of us. I can't do this on my own."

Mom was very quiet for a minute before she sighed again and squeezed my hand. "Bella, sweetie, you aren't alone. Your father and I will help you out. We're not thrilled about it but we're still here and we still love you. I just see you running into this marriage for all the wrong reasons and I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy, mom. A little scared, but happy." I insisted.

"You're a horrible liar, Isabella."

"Mom, I'm getting married, end of story. Jake and I are adults and this is our decision. If you and dad really want to help then you'll support us."

"I support you, baby. I just think you're doing this for the wrong reasons." There was a resigned sadness in her voice and I felt horrible for disappointing her but what's done was done.

"You're entitled to your opinion, mom. Now, I have to go study, ok?"

She nodded and dropped my hand, allowing me to hurry away from the table and scurry up to my room before she could see me cry. I couldn't let her know that she was right, I wasn't happy. My heart was still broken but I couldn't tell her that. I was going to be a mother and that meant my own wants and needs came second. What this baby needed was a loving family with a mom and a dad and so that's what I would give it.

I expected a similar talk from dad but it never came. Instead, he was quieter than normal and avoided the subject at all costs. After two weeks of radio silence on the topic of my impending nuptials and delicate condition, I began to freak out. I was sure he was saving up his rage for just the right moment and found myself tip-toeing around him at home. After days of stressing about it to him, Jake finally admitted that my dad had come in and cornered him at work one night. He told me it had been a rather long, unpleasant chat in which my dad basically threatened to remove his balls as slowly and as painfully as possible if the baby and I weren't taken care of.

"But, it's totally ok babe, because that's what I planned to do anyways," he'd said with a smile, laughing off the entire exchange.

Now that my parents had seemingly accepted the news, there was only one person left to tell and it was the one I was most scared of, by far. I bemoaned the fact that I couldn't partake in a little liquid courage as I pulled out my phone and dialed the number. _Here goes nothing._

"_Hey you, what's up?"_

"Hey Rose, so uh, I was wondering if you had plans for spring break?" I asked, trying to delay this discussion as long as possible.

"_Not yet, you wanna go somewhere awesome? We could do the stereotypical trip down to Cancun or are you thinking something a little more low-key? What about Miami? Or maybe LA?" _

"Well, I was hoping you'd come here."

"_You wanna do spring break in Forks? Is this about money? Cause that's fucking stupid. I'll totally cover you, you know that. But if you're going to get weird about it, at least come to Seattle so we can do something fun because there is shit to do in Forks." _

"No Rose, it's not about money. Um, well, I'm getting married and I picked that weekend in hopes you'd be able to come."

She was quiet for a minute and then I heard the sound of hysterical laughing on her end of the line. _"Oh my God, B! You totally got me for a second. Don't do that! I'm too young to have a heart attack." _

"I'm serious, Rose. Jake and I are getting married." My voice was somber and serious and she stopped laughing immediately.

"_Shut the fuck up! What, are you knocked up?" _I didn't say anything but my silence answered her question. _"Oh God, you are! Bella, when did this happen? At Christmas you said you didn't think you were ready to sleep with him." _

"New Years," I said with a sigh. "We went to a party and I had a bit too much to drink and decided to just go for it. Get it over with, you know?"

"_So, you had to get drunk to sleep with him and now you're going to marry him? Bella, this is seriously fucked up." _

"I'm having his baby, Rose. What do you want me to do?"

"_This isn't nineteen-fifty B, You don't have to do the shotgun wedding if you don't want to," _she insisted._ You don't even have to have the baby," _she added in a whisper.

"I know, Rose, but strange as it sounds, I actually want this baby. I know it's weird but I feel connected to it already."

"_Ok, then have the baby but you don't have to get married! Bella, do you even love him?" _

"I want my baby to have a family."

"_You didn't answer my question."_

"I will," I finally admitted. "I just need a little time but he's a good guy and he loves me and he'll love our baby. I just need a little time, that's all." I repeated.

"_This is a God-awful, horrible idea, Bella." _

"I didn't expect you to understand but I'm still hoping you'll come up and be here for me."

"_Of course I will, but I hope you'll really think this thing through." _

"Already have, Rose."

Sensing my need to change the subject, Rose quickly launched into a tirade about her academic advisor and a professor who seemed to hate her for no reason. I was more than happy to provide a listening ear, grateful to help out with problems that were not my own.

She tried to convince me to come down to Seattle for a weekend to go dress shopping but I declined. Neither Jake nor I had much money to go towards the wedding and a big blowout event was not really what I wanted anyway. We decided that it would be a casual backyard affair and I planned on just picking up a simple white dress that would conceal any hint of a belly I might have by then. She protested vehemently but I promised she could pick out her own maid of honor dress and that seemed to soften the blow.

We talked a little longer before she had to go. Every time we talked, I found myself missing my best friend more and more. I'd been hoping to join her in Seattle in a year or two when I'd saved up enough money but I realized that plan was shot all to hell now. For the foreseeable future, my place was here, in teeny-tiny Forks with Jacob, our parents and our baby, working shitty jobs to make ends meet. With that thought, I went back to bed, soaking my pillow with tears in a matter of minutes.

* * *

**A/N: I'm still hiding. I think I might be hiding for a bit but I maintain that this is a BxE story. I just threw up some hurdles. **

**Drop me a line, I'd love to hear what you think.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I still don't own Twilight and infringement is still not intended. I'm just taking someone else's characters and messing with their lives. All in good fun. **

**Well, that last chapter threw some of you for a loop. I'm sorry to tell you that we're just getting started along this bumpy road. I have 31 chapters written so far with maybe another 3 or 4 to go and I don't believe in wrapping things up early and stringing you along with fluff. So, that should tell you a little something about the journey we have in store. It's not an easy one, so hang on to your hats. **

* * *

Chapter 13

The weeks flew by quickly as my mom reluctantly helped me plan a small and simple backyard wedding. It would be spring and so the flowers blooming in the garden and the woods that bordered our yard would serve nicely as decoration. Because my mother couldn't be trusted to make any edible food, we opted to just serve cake from the local bakery. Dad managed to get one of his judge friends to perform the ceremony as a favor to him and Billy offered to supply the liquor, not that I'd have the pleasure of partaking in any, but I was thankful for his help all the same. I had a feeling my dad would need it more than anyone.

Jake was fairly hands off when it came to the wedding, insisting that he'd do more harm than good, but I didn't mind. He'd been working as much overtime as he could manage to save up a little money for our new life together. He'd found us a small home that would be available to rent right around the time of our wedding. It was teeny but it had two bedrooms and a small yard for the baby to play in eventually. More importantly, it was something we could afford on our own and ensured that we wouldn't wind up living with either of our parents after the wedding. That was good enough for me.

A honeymoon was out of the question as there was no way we could afford one and felt our parents had helped us out enough already. Instead, Jake promised me that we could save up and hopefully go somewhere nice after the baby was born. I was more than ok with that. I'd probably need a vacation more at that time anyways. Can you have a real honeymoon with morning sickness and a swelling belly? I didn't think so.

Between work, school, wedding planning and the early stages of pregnancy, I was utterly exhausted. Every day seemed to meld into the next until they became a jumble of days, indistinguishable from the last. Only the day of my first doctor appointment stood out from the pack.

Visiting the 'lady doc', as Jake referred to my OB/GYN, had never been what I would call a pleasant experience and now with Jake tagging along, insistent on being present and supportive of all things baby related, it became downright mortifying. However, my mortification dissipated when my doctor decided to do an ultrasound just to check on the baby's growth and development since it was too early to hear the heartbeat via Doppler. I'd already had an unexplainable attachment to this inconvenient little parasite inhabiting my body but when I saw the kidney bean shaped mass fluttering on the screen, my heart nearly exploded. I didn't know how fiercely you could love something that didn't yet have arms, legs or even a face, but suddenly I was madly in love with this tiny peanut of a being. I even forgave it for all the morning sickness that had been making my life difficult and for forcing me to rearrange my entire life because of its mere existence. I was in love.

Jake was also overcome by the images on the ultrasound and had taken to showing off the pictures the doctor had printed up to anyone who would look at them, including the checkout girl at the grocery store, the mailman, and every single customer who walked into his work. The little nugget also had a profound impact on both of our fathers who kept photocopies of the ultrasound pictures with them at all times, showing them off as only a proud grandpa can. Mom even got in on the action, spending her free time at baby stores looking for new clothes and toys to spoil the future grandchild with.

Thanks to her, by the time I reached the end of my first trimester, I had a pile of baby onesies in various sizes, several rattles, pacifiers, diapers, blankets and other baby paraphernalia which I now had to pack up along with the rest of my room. I was fourteen weeks pregnant, my morning sickness had finally subsided and the wedding was now upon me. Suddenly, I was freaking out.

I'd come to terms with my pregnancy and my impending motherhood. I was even looking forward to it. The wedding was another story. I cared for Jacob dearly. He made me laugh, he made me smile, and he kept me from withdrawing into myself when I was at my lowest. Above all, he was going to be a caring and loving father to our child. Yet, I still couldn't give my heart to him completely. He didn't make my heart race or my skin light up with his touch. I wasn't consumed with thoughts of him the way I'd been, the way I was still, with Edward. Those thoughts sent wracking waves of guilt throughout me and several times I considered calling the entire wedding off as I told myself it wasn't fair to Jacob.

But, then I'd catch sight of that printout from the ultrasound. I'd see that tiny bean growing inside me and realize it wasn't fair to my child to not give it a shot with their father. I'd remember what I'd decided about my own wants and needs. They no longer mattered. My child needed a father and Jake was a good man and looking forward to the job. I just needed to take that plunge and in time, I'd be able to give him my heart. I just needed plug along a little longer until my heart caught up to my head. I just needed to force Edward and all memory of him out of my heart. It was going to happen, it had to and once he was gone, I'd be free to give myself to Jacob and our family completely.

Rose arrived two days before the wedding, driving up as soon as her last class let out. I'd never been so happy to see anyone in my life and practically threw myself on her as soon as her car pulled into my driveway. She hugged me fiercely before pulling away to rest her hand on my barely swollen belly.

"Oh my God, B! It's real. I didn't really believe it but you've got a little bump going on. I mean, it's not like you're huge or anything, but I see it. There's really a baby in there," she gasped.

"Well yeah, Rose. Didn't you get the pics I sent?" I asked, confused by her reaction.

She laughed but kept her hand on my belly, rubbing it lightly. "Shit, B. Those pics you sent me looked like doppler radar or something. I didn't know if I was looking at a baby or a low pressure system over the Midwest. But this," she nudged her chin in the direction of my belly. "This makes it real."

"I'm glad you're here Rose," I said quietly. "I've been needing my best friend."

"I'm only a few hours away, B."

"It feels like an eternity," I sighed, "especially now."

She linked her arm with mine and began pulling me towards the house, laughing lightly. "Well, Auntie Rose is here now to take good care of you and my future Godchild."

"Godchild?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "You know I'm not Catholic, or religious at all, right?"

"I know," she laughed. "It's just a title and I'm hereby dubbing myself Godmother to this unborn baby. If you don't like it, well, too fucking bad."

"Alrighty then. I guess it's settled."

Rose quickly set to work, helping me pack up the last few items from my room and cart them over to my new home. She almost kicked my pregnant ass when she saw that everything there was still in boxes.

"This is not ok," she exclaimed. "What are you going to do? Unpack on your honeymoon?"

"We're not taking a honeymoon, so yeah, that's the plan for after the wedding."

"Un-fucking-acceptable! Just because you aren't going out of town doesn't mean you should spend your wedding night putting books on a shelf and or assembling cheap Swedish furniture! We have two days, so we'd better get to work."

"Rose," I stated but she cut me off with a raised finger.

"Shut it and start telling me where all this shit goes."

Jake arrived a few hours later with my father in tow and a truck load of hand me down furniture from our parents and some of their friends. He also brought a few of his friends from the reservation down to unload the truck and a few of them brought girlfriends who immediately joined Rose and I in putting away the smaller things while the boys lugged tables and couches. Dad made himself useful by directing traffic and ordering several large pizzas to feed the masses. Mom arrived just before the pizza, armed with plastic cups, bags of ice and half a dozen two-liters of soda.

By ten p.m. the small house Jake had rented was furnished and looking very much like a home. I was exhausted and while it was tempting to spend that first night there, to revel in my newfound independence, I wasn't ready to let Rose go. Jake understood and kissed me goodbye as I left with Rose to spend the night gossiping and going over wedding plans. I'd nixed any idea of a bachelorette party, claiming it was pointless when I couldn't drink so this night, staying up late and laughing with Rosalie, was as close as I'd get.

Of course, this meant I was completely wiped the next morning, barely awake enough to face the busy day I had in store. We were up at the crack of dawn running last minute errands, picking up supplies and helping my mom pretty up the yard. By late afternoon, I was dead on my feet and wanted nothing more than a warm bath and a long nap but that wasn't in my cards. We finished just in time to get spruced up for the rehearsal dinner.

I thought the whole idea of a rehearsal dinner was silly since our wedding was going to be such a laid back affair, but my mother insisted it was tradition. So, with nothing much to actually rehearse, the dinner turned into a gigantic family dinner where our parents did their best to recall each and every mortifying story from our youths that they could recall. As the night wore on, and as my mom consumed more and more wine, the embarrassing stories tapered off and the more emotional ones came out. Mom cried more and more remembering special moments we'd shared which only caused my pregnant hormonal ass to blubber like a baby as well. Even dad got in on that action, his eyes getting watery as he told the crowd about an incident when I was only four and had fallen into a hotel pool while on vacation and that for a split second, he'd worried that he'd never get this chance. Never walk me down the aisle or see me start a family of my own. He actually thanked Jake for giving him both of those opportunities. Clearly he'd also had enough alcohol to forget that he was mad about me being only nineteen and pregnant out of wedlock. I knew his sentiments were different when sober but his words touched me nonetheless and I all but threw myself into his lap as I'd done a million times as a child, sobbing into his shirt.

Rose, in true Rose fashion, spent the night flirting with some of Jake's friends, the older ones slipping her drinks when my dad wasn't looking and I ended up spending a good portion of the night handing her glasses of water to drink so she wouldn't be hungover for the wedding.

Jake had his share of embarrassing secrets spilled to the group, mostly by his sisters who never passed up an opportunity to humiliate their brother. His sister Rebecca had even brought pictures of Jacob dressed in girls' clothing when they'd decided they'd rather have another sister than a brother. But, when his dad spoke of how proud his late mother would have been to see Jake grow up, marry, and start a family, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

My own eyes grew heavy and tired as the night wore on. One moment I was laughing at Rose who was flirting with Jake's friend, Jared, and the next I was being lowered into my bed at my parent's house where I would spend my last night as a single woman. After setting me on the bed, Jake pulled my feet into his hands and pulled off my shoes before covering me with the comforter. He bent and kissed my forehead softly promising to meet me at the altar before turning to leave.

"Jake?" I called out just before he reached the door.

"Yeah babe?" he asked, turning back to me and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Do you really love me?" I questioned, needing to know if I was doing the right thing.

"You know I do," he replied, his brows knitting together in confusion. "Is everything ok?"

I took his hand in mine and searched for his eyes in the dim light. "You won't leave me right? I mean, you won't get bored or overwhelmed and take off, will you?"

He brought his free hand to my face, tucking a few strands of stray hair behind my ear. "Bells, I love you. You're having my baby. I'm not going anywhere. You'll be stuck with me as long as you can put up with my ass."

That's all I needed to hear. More than anything, I needed to know that I wasn't alone in this. I needed to know that my baby would have everything it needed and that included a loving father. I needed to know that Jake wouldn't run away when things got tough.

"Thank you, I love you, Jake." I whispered and I knew deep in my heart that I meant that. It might not be the exciting, all consuming, passionate love I'd had with Edward, but in Jake I had found stability, friendship, and family. This was the father of my child and unlike many men his age, he was willing to take on that responsibility head on and I truly did love him for that.

"You've never said that before," Jake replied quietly and I realized he was right. He'd agreed to marry me, raise a family with me, and love me without so much as knowing that his feelings were reciprocated. I threw my arms around his neck and held on to him tightly.

"I should have. I'm sorry."

He held me close and placed another kiss on my forehead. "Better late than never," he said with a bright smile. "Now, get some sleep. I know you're exhausted and I won't keep you up any later." He kissed me once more and was gone. I was so tired I succumbed to sleep before he made it down the stairs.

I woke the morning of my wedding rested and more secure in my decisions than I'd been in the last three months. I may not have been madly in love with Jacob Black but I did love him and he loved me and he loved our baby and that was good enough to ensure me that I'd made the right choice. I was ready to move on from my past and embrace my future.

I'd just pulled myself out of bed when the past reared its ugly head via my ringing cell phone, buzzing away on the nightstand. I picked it up happily and flipped it open, not bothering to look at the number as I assumed it was Rose, ready to begin our day-long beautification process.

"_Bella?"_ the deep voice on the end of the line asked, immediately causing my heart to beat uncontrollably. Waves of memories I'd been fighting so hard to forget came bubbling to the surface as my stomach sank to my feet.

"Edward?"

"_Am I too late?" _

"Too late for what?" I gasped, barely able to breathe from the sound of his voice.

"_You know what Bella. This ridiculous wedding you have planned. Tell me it's not too late." _His tone was rough and demanding and not at all like the Edward I remembered, the one I clung to.

"Why do you care?" I snapped, my own tone catching even me by surprise.

"_Is it? Are you already married?"_

I huffed loudly before answering the question, clear that we'd get no further until I had. "No, Edward. The wedding is this afternoon."

"_Oh thank God." _

"How do you even know about it and why do you care?" I asked, my insides a turmoil of emotion.

"_Small town, Bella. My dad heard from someone around town and mentioned it to me. Why Bella? Why?" _He sounded almost hurt by this news but I shook that thought off. He didn't want me; he made that clear, so why should it bother him that I was getting married.

"What is it to you? Why are you calling me? You haven't spoken to me in almost a year."

"_Doesn't mean I don't care. You expect me to sit by and let you throw your life away?" _

"Let me?" I spat. "Let me? You do not control me, Edward Cullen."

"_I didn't mean it that way Bella. I just don't understand why you are doing this. You're too young to get married. Jesus Bella, you're only nineteen. This is insane." _

I sighed loudly into the phone. He sounded just like my mother and father and Rose and just about every other person I'd talked to in the last three months. "It's really none of your business Edward."

The line was silent for a moment and I wondered if I'd lost him before he finally spoke again. _"Don't do it, Bella. Don't." _

My thoughts ran wild as my heart pounded. After all this time, was it possible he still cared for me the way I cared for him? Or was my heart hearing emotion that wasn't really there. "Give me a reason Edward. Why don't you want me to marry him?" I asked, almost in a whisper.

Once again, he was quiet for several moments though I could hear him on the other end of the line taking deep breaths and I swear I could practically hear his hands pulling at his hair the way he always did when he was stressed.

"Why Edward?" I asked again, desperately needing to hear his answer. My heart was nearly stopped in suspense. _Tell me you love me!_ I screamed to myself. _Tell me you love me and I'll call the whole thing off. Tell me you love me and I'll be on the next plane to New Hampshire!_ I begged him silently.

"_Damn it, Bella! You're just too young! You should be in college, going to parties, having a good time. You're too young to be tied down. I just don't want to see you throw your life away for some jackass." _

_Wrong answer_,I thought, my heart breaking all over again as I cursed myself for being so stupid as to get my hopes up. His reasons were nothing I hadn't already heard from my mother. The same reasons he'd given me for breaking up with me. Nothing had changed. He'd just called to tell me one more time what he thought I should do with my own life and it still didn't include him.

"Is that all, Edward? Did you just call after months of not speaking to me to tell me what to do and insult my fiancé? You're not my father. You think I haven't heard all this from him already?" I snarled, ten months of hurt and heartbreak coming to the surface. "Well, if that's all you have to say, then I'll be going. Busy day here today."

"_Do you love him?" _

"Edward. I need to go."

"_Do you love him?" _he asked again.

"He's a good man and he'll take care of me." I replied.

"_You didn't answer the question," _he whispered before the line went dead.

I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I'd been holding and fell onto my bed, the phone dropping from my fingers to the floor with a loud thud. My tears came fast and hard as I sobbed into my pillow. Rose found me almost an hour later, pulling me into her arms as I continued to cry.

"What happened? I tried to call but you didn't answer."

"He called," I answered, my voice dead, unable to muster any more emotion today.

"Who called? Jake? Did he call it off?" she asked, confused. I shook my head as another round of sobs racked through my body.

"That motherfucker! I will fucking kill him." She cursed under her breath. "What the fuck did he want?"

"To tell me the same thing everyone else said. That I was too young to get married, that I'm throwing my life away."

"Is that all?" she asked, cautiously, clearly worried about upsetting me.

I nodded. "Yes, still thinks he knows what's best for everyone, even people he has no right to worry about anymore."

"Well fuck him, B. How did you feel when you woke up? Before he called?" she asked, pushing me away to look in my eyes.

"I was happy." I admitted. "I was ready to marry Jake."

"OK, let's go back to that then. Forget everything and everyone else. He doesn't matter anymore. OK? He's lost the right to matter."

I nodded, wanting to believe what she was saying. Trying to push this new pain away, shove it deep down where the other pain was stored. Lock it away in the deep recesses of my heart in that file named _Edward Cullen_ that I would do my best never to open again. I knew better than to believe I could get rid of it entirely just yet, but I'd do what I could to keep it locked up.

"Alright," I conceded. "Let's forget him. Let me hop in the shower and then we can squeeze my pregnant ass into that dress over there," I motioned towards my almost empty closet. "I'm getting married today, everyone else be damned."

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**A/N: Well, I warned you it would be bumpy. I just hope you're all along for the ride with me. Thanks as always for all of you who are reading and reviewing. I love hearing what you have to say, even when you're less than thrilled with the turn of events.**


	14. Chapter 14

**I still don't own Twilight and infringement is still not intended. Just having a good time. **

**So, the general consensus is that Bella is making a mistake. No real argument there, girl is just a tad too hormonal and her emotional wounds are still very fresh. Not the best time to be making big decisions. Speaking from experience here.**

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Chapter 14

I married Jacob Black on March twenty-seventh, two-thousand and four in a quiet ceremony in my parent's backyard. After Edward's unpleasant phone call, the rest of the preparations went off without a hitch. The yard looked lovely, the weather was surprisingly cooperative, for the most part, and everyone seemed to be happy and excited. My mother bawled like a baby for most of the day but she assured me she was over the initial shock and that her tears were those of joy. Rose shed a few tears as she zipped me into my knee length, flowy, white dress and thanked me for walking into that classroom and becoming her best friend. We held each other and cried until my mom entered, saw us, and began crying again, causing the two of us to break out in laughter.

Even my dad was overcome with emotion, his eyes misting up as he arrived to walk me down the aisle, though he tried to insist it was simply something in his eye. I wasn't fooled and his emotion caused my heart to clench. I felt as though I'd just gotten my dad back after so many years apart and now I was leaving again. I had to shake that thought off, reasoning that I was only moving a few minutes away and I was all grown up now. I'd have to leave eventually or risk becoming some sad woman who lived alone in her parent's basement. Possibly with an overabundance of cats. It was a frightening thought.

The ceremony itself was short and to the point. The idea of writing our own vows had been too daunting and so we chose to stick to the basic set of vows. I was resigned to my decision, my conversation with Edward only serving to solidify that. However, as the judge got to the part about forsaking all others, all I could think of was Edward. By agreeing to this, by saying those two little words, I was officially forsaking him for Jacob and my heart clenched. My lower jaw quivered and a single tear rolled down my cheeks as I quietly answered the question.

"I do."

I was in a daze for the rest of the ceremony, only pulling out of it when Jacob pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was done.

I was a married woman.

The rest of the evening flew by in a fog as I greeted everyone, ate cake and did all those silly wedding things. Before I knew it, I was in the car as Jake drove the five minutes to our new home. He did everything by the book, carrying me over the threshold and straight to our bedroom, kicking the front door shut behind him.

We made love for the first time as husband and wife and though I knew he deserved better, I was only half present. I could make excuses and rationalize my decisions all day long but it was when were alone together that I felt I had made a mistake. Jake had the right moves, caressed the right places and kissed with the right intensity but I couldn't lose myself in him. No matter how many times we had sex, it still felt wrong.

I was able to pass off my distractedness as a byproduct of a long and emotionally taxing day so Jake didn't notice anything was wrong. I was thankful for that, as the last thing I wanted was to ruin his night. I did love him and I reminded myself of that over and over until I was out of my head and back in the moment, just in time to fall asleep in my husband's arms, his arm resting protectively over my belly.

I woke the next morning less emotional and ready to move on with my life. Jake and I spent the day putting the finishing touches on the house, both of us immensely grateful that our friends had helped us with the bulk of it beforehand. Just doing the little things like shelving books and organizing the kitchen cupboards left me exhausted. The peanut growing inside of me was hoarding all of my energy for itself.

After a few days, we finally had the last of our stuff put away, had opened all the wedding presents and ventured out of the house to exchange some of the more heinous and redundant gifts. _Seriously who needs three toasters or a ceramic lizard statue?_

With the completion of our home, we were ready to settle into the rhythm of our new life together. I went back to school, hoping to finish as many classes as possible before I'd be forced to take a leave of absence and Jake headed back to work, cramming in as many hours as possible to save up for the baby. He was working himself to the bone and I did my best to make it up to him, ensuring that he came home to a warm meal every night and kept the house tidy though neither of us were really home enough to get it dirty.

Before I knew it, a month had passed and Jake and I were on our way to the doctor, with my mother in tow, to see our little peanut and, with any luck, find out whether it was a peanut or a peanette. Jake was pulling for a boy, a miniature version of himself he could play catch and work on cars with. Mom was not at all shy about her hopes for a granddaughter and though she tried to hide them when I came over, I knew she'd already purchased several frilly dresses in varying shades of pink and purple. As for me, I truly didn't care. I just wanted a healthy little nugget.

We arrived early and filled out the requisite paperwork before being forced to wait an agonizing fifteen minutes before we were called back. I'd been told to drink plenty of water before hand and was feeling ready to burst as we were led to a dimly lit room with a small padded table for me to lie on, a couple of chairs and the ultrasound machine. Our technician was a bright and bubbly woman named Bree who quickly made sure everyone in attendance had a decent view of the screen and that I was comfortably settled on the table with a small towel tucked into my pants to keep the ultrasound gel from getting on them.

As Bree squirted the warmed goop onto my swollen belly she gushed that mine was the cutest belly she'd seen all day and I beamed with pride despite my more cynical side telling me she probably said that to everyone. It didn't matter. My belly was getting huge and any compliment was more than welcome.

"Ok, before we get started, do you want to know the sex?" Bree asked, turning knobs and pushing buttons.

"Yes," all three of us shouted in unison causing Bree to laugh loudly.

"Alrighty, then let's get this show on the road."

She pressed the wand to my belly as we watched the black and white images fill the screen. I furrowed my brow as nothing I was looking at looked even remotely like a baby, even a half-baked one. Bree noticed my concern and smiled warmly.

"I'm just getting a look at your cervix, making sure the placenta isn't covering it before we move on to the fun stuff," she reassured me.

Then she moved the wand just a little and I gasped as my new world entered into view. There was a tiny little head in profile with a sweet, delicate, little nose and a teeny tiny fist hovering near its face.

Jake was speechless, his eyes wide and full of wonder as I'm sure mine were. It no longer looked like Doppler radar or a kidney bean. This image on the screen was very clearly a baby. It was incredible. We stared in stunned silence as Bree got measurements of all the important bits and pieces, pointing out things like the heartbeat, the arms, feet, placenta and umbilical cord before asking if we were ready to find out the gender.

"What exactly are we looking for?" My mom asked.

"Well, we're going to see if we can find a hamburger or a hot dog." Bree replied with a smile.

"Excuse me?" mom asked quite seriously, her eyebrow raised sky high.

Bree gave another light laugh and explained that on the scan, the girl's genitalia resembled a hamburger while boys had an obvious hotdog shape to them. Jake thought that was hilarious and kept pointing out what he thought were little penises only to be shot down by Bree, explaining that it was only the cord or a finger. Finally she found what she was looking for and paused the screen.

"There it is," she announced matter-of-factly.

"There what is?" I asked, raising up on my elbows to get a better look. All I could see was a strange grey cloud.

Jake and mom also leaned forward, squinting at the screen, clearly not seeing anything distinguishable either. Bree pointed out the legs of my sweet baby and then pointed at their juncture.

"See that there?" she asked. All three of us shook our heads. "Ok, well that there tells me you have a sweet baby girl in there."

_A girl!_

My heart nearly burst as I absorbed the fact that this little peanut was not actually a peanut but my daughter. I had a daughter. _Wow._

My mom whooped in excitement, nearly knocking Bree off her stool as she threw her hands up in celebration. I looked at Jake who actually had tears in his eyes. He sat staring at the screen until one tear threatened to roll down his cheek and then quickly wiped at his eyes.

"Are you ok?" I asked, worried he was disappointed. He'd been so excited about the possibility of a boy to play with and teach things to.

He nodded and smiled at me, beaming from ear to ear. "That's my daughter!" he exclaimed. "I have a little girl."

His excitement set me off and soon big fat tears came streaming down my face. All I wanted for my baby was to have two loving parents who would give her the world and now I was sure she would get it. Jake was staring at sonogram screen as though it contained the world and I found myself loving him more for it.

Bree continued to wave the wand over my belly quietly, taking more measurements for the doctor to review later when a loud cry broke through the silence.

"Shit!" Jake exclaimed loudly, jolting me out of my cry fest and my mother out of her mini victory lap.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I shouted, looking intently at the little screen trying to see what he was seeing.

"I have to buy a gun." He stated seriously, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular.

"What?" I cried, as my mom began laughing hysterically.

"Welcome to fatherhood," she announced, patting him on the back sympathetically as Bree laughed softly to herself. "Don't worry Jake. I'm sure once Charlie hears it's a girl he'll buy you several guns and probably pick up a few new ones for himself."

I sighed in exasperation and threw my head back down on the thin, paper covered pillow as Bree finished up her scan and wiped the gel off my belly. "I swear, every father says that when I tell them it's a girl," she whispered to me. "I think it's a knee-jerk reaction."

We laughed conspiratorially as my mom continued to reassure Jacob and then Bree handed me a stack of photos I hadn't even noticed her printing off and a dvd copy of the ultrasound. I was stunned again by the tiny profile pic of what I knew now was my daughter, my little girl, and I began to tear up again.

"Geez, what is wrong with me?" I gasped. "I can't stop crying."

Both Bree and my mom laughed knowingly. "Hormones, dear," mom said, pulling me into a hug. "It'll pass, in about four or five more months, though your pictures still make me tear up a bit."

We said our good-byes to Bree and headed out. Jake and I were still in a bit of a daze, utterly absorbed in the pictures of our sweet little baby and my mom had to physically guide both of us to the car. We dropped Jake back off at work and though I expected mom to drop me off back at home, she steered the car in the opposite direction. She was completely mum about our destination until we pulled into a baby furniture store in Port Angeles where she insisted we pick out a new crib, bedding and more. I tried to protest but she wouldn't hear it, claiming it was her grandmotherly duty to ensure her grandbaby was well taken care of. My parents were comfortable financially but definitely did not have a ton of disposable income and I didn't feel comfortable with them spending it on me when I'd gotten myself into this situation. However, it quickly became clear that this was happening with or without my input so I swallowed my pride and let her spoil my baby. If anyone deserved it, my little princess did.

My dad was equally thrilled with the idea of a granddaughter which surprised me almost as much as Jake's reaction. I was sure he was pulling for a little boy to take out fishing and watch football with but he confessed that he had a soft spot for little brunette girls and since I'd turned out so wonderfully, why wouldn't he want another one? It didn't stop him from buying a tiny pink fishing pole and a mini Seahawk cheerleader outfit though.

Mom convinced Rosalie to come up one weekend during the summer and help her paint the baby's room a soft pink color to match the pink and brown bedding we'd picked out after the ultrasound. I tried to help but they forced me into a rocking chair my mom had found at a consignment shop and forced me to watch from the hallway and only after all the windows and doors were wide open to allow fresh air in. Once the room was painted, Jake and my dad were enlisted to put the crib and changing table together, a feat that was only accomplished by the aid of multiple beers and enough profanity to make a sailor blush.

Besides the painting weekend, Rose came up often during her summer break. She always brought an abundance of chick flicks with her and whined as I indulged in my cravings for chocolate, cookies and chips while she held steadfastly to her new diet. I had to hand it to her, yoga and pilates had done amazing things to her body and though she was still just as beautiful as ever, her body was completely transformed from the girl I'd met two years before. I made a mental note to look into yoga classes at the rec center once this baby was out. But for now, I was enjoying the chocolate. When I grew too big to do it myself, Rose took over the task of painting my toenails so I'd be sure to look cute when the big day came and my feet were up on display in those awful stirrups.

Before I knew it, the nursery was complete, and well stocked thanks to a ridiculously over-the-top baby shower thrown by my mom and Rose despite my vigorous protestations. The summer was dwindling to a close and I was as big as a house and miserable. I couldn't sleep, my back hurt, the heartburn was insane and my sweet baby girl had turned into a monster, using my bladder as her own personal trampoline. I was in hell. On Labor Day, Jake tried to talk me into going down to a bonfire at the beach but I refused. I was afraid if I headed down there I'd be mistaken for a beached whale. No thank you. I did not want to be seen in public again until the baby was out of my belly and I was back at a reasonable weight. I insisted he go on without me and have a good time without me while I stayed home with some popsicles and a good book.

However, that plan and my entire world fell apart with one phone call. Jake was just about to head down to La Push when my mom called from the hospital. She was in hysterics and it took several minutes before Jake got her calmed down enough to understand what she was saying. His grew wide as she turned to me and delivered the news. My dad had been at work when he'd collapsed and they were telling my mom it had been a heart attack.

Jake and I were in the car in seconds, speeding towards the hospital as fast as our old car would get there. I found my mom in the waiting room, absolutely distraught. She saw me and almost collapsed into my arms, sobbing.

"I just got him back Bella. I can't lose him again. We were so stupid. We wasted so much time," she kept repeating as I rubbed her back.

I tried to keep myself together for my mom, but inside I was falling apart. I was three weeks away from delivering my first child. I couldn't lose my daddy now. I needed him. My baby needed him.

Mom and I clung to each other until a doctor came out to speak to us. He told us that they had gotten dad stabilized but he had significant blockage in his arteries and would need an angioplasty to open up it up and reduce the blockage. Mom delved deep and found her inner strength long enough to ask the appropriate questions and then left with the doctor to fill out the necessary paperwork while Jake went in search of a vending machine to provide food for the inevitable long wait.

Left alone, I had the chance to fully process what was happening. Though the doctors said he was stable, I was afraid of what might happen in surgery. What if he didn't make it? The dam of tears I'd been holding back while being strong for mom broke down in her absence and I quickly became a blubbering mess, gasping for air and sobbing into my hands.

"Bella?" a soft, deep voice asked as I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew the voice sounded familiar but I was too distraught to place it. It wasn't until I looked up through tear-soaked eyes that it clicked into place.

"Dr. Cullen?" I asked, wiping tears from my eyes as I stood up to greet him. "What are you doing here?"

"You're at the hospital dear, I work here."

"Right, I'm sorry. I'm not thinking clearly." I stammered, still stunned by his presence. I hadn't seen him since graduation. In fact, I'd gone out of my way to avoid him as much as possible anytime I came into the hospital anymore.

"I heard about your father, Bella, but I assure you, he is in very good hands and I hear he's stable now," he said softly, his hand still resting on my shoulder, attempting to comfort me. "Are you ok?" he asked, taking in my gigantic belly. "I had no idea you were expecting."

"Yeah," I murmured, "I'm due in three weeks and I'm ok. Just freaking out a little. I just can't lose my dad."

The tears began to flow and I fell apart again as Dr. Cullen pulled me into his arms. I couldn't help but melt into his comforting presence. "Shh, it's going to be ok, dear but I need you to calm down and relax, for your baby at least. You're not here alone are you?"

I pulled away and shook my head, about to explain that my mother and husband were around here somewhere when I felt a warm wetness between my thighs, soaking through my underwear, my pants and continuing down my leg. My eyes went wide as I looked down at myself and then back up to Dr. Cullen, his own bright blue eyes widening as well.

"Bella?"

"Can you pee your pants without knowing?" I asked, not even caring about the embarrassment I should feel as the alternative was much worse.

"Sweetheart, I think your water has broken." He motioned to a nurse across the way and beckoned her over.

My head was spinning and I thought I might throw up. "No!" I insisted. "I'm not due for three weeks and they said first babies show up late. I can't be having a baby now. It's not time, and my dad," my voice faltered as I remembered why I was here in the first place. "My daddy is sick. I have to be here for him. I can't have a baby now."

The nurse arrived with a wheelchair in tow and helped me into it as I continued to babble. Dr. Cullen knelt in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders and peering into my eyes.

"Bella, I know it's a bit of a shock and I'm guessing the stress of the day has something to do with it, but I assure you that thirty-seven weeks is full-term. Your baby is coming but it's not too early and I'm sure your baby will be perfectly healthy. Now, is there someone we can call or page? Is your mother around here somewhere?"

"Yes," I mumbled, "and Jake is here too. He's my husband. He went to look for food."

Just as I said it, Jake came into view, his hands loaded down with chips, cookies, bottled water and sodas. When he saw me in a wheelchair surrounded by people in scrubs and lab coats, he dropped it all and ran over.

"Oh God, Bella, what's wrong?"

"Jake?" Dr. Cullen asked and Jake nodded in agreement, not taking his eyes off of me. "Bella's water has broken and we need to get her up to Labor and Delivery."

Jake's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as the news sunk in. "Ok, well let's go. Why are we just standing here? Let's move."

"My mom!" I cried as the nurse began pushing my chair away. "She doesn't know yet. She can't come back and find us all missing!"

"Heidi here can take you up," Dr. Cullen stated calmly, placing his hand on the nurse's shoulder. "I will wait here for your mom and inform her of the situation. Ok?" I nodded and he smiled warmly and took my hand, giving it a small squeeze. "Congratulations, dear."

With that I was whisked away by Nurse Heidi with a stunned Jake in tow. The reality of the situation didn't truly sink in until we reached the Labor and Delivery floor and heard the muffled cries of newborns coming from nursery. Jake reached for my hand and I took it quickly, looking up at him.

"This is it," he said with a smile, "we're having a baby."

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**A/N: Poor girl is having a rough day. Hopefully things will get a bit better with the arrival of her baby girl. **

**As always, a mountain of thanks for everyone reading and reviewing. Each one completely makes my day!  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**No change here. I still don't own Twilight. **

**Alright people, let's have a baby!**

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Chapter 15

My contractions began just after I was settled into my delivery room. I'd been forced out of my clothes and into a loose gown, had an IV inserted into my arm and two monitors placed against my belly, held there by some kind of ace bandage looking thing. One monitored the baby while the other showed my contractions on a nearby monitor. Within minutes, I was beginning to feel like some kind of lab rat or other science experiment.

While I was being poked and prodded, Jake was busy calling everyone in his contact list. By the time I was settled, he had his friend, Embry, driving his dad up to sit with my mom downstairs so she wouldn't be alone, his dad's neighbor, Sue, arranging food to be delivered to our home and my parent's home for the next two weeks, and he had cleared a week of time off with his boss, Sam. Best of all, he'd called Rosalie who he assured me was already in her car on the way up from Seattle, despite having classes the next day.

There was nothing left for me to do except relax and push a baby girl out of my vag, though I was anything but relaxed. I was freaking out. I was three weeks early, I didn't have my hospital bag, or anything really, and most of all, my dad was downstairs in critical condition. What if something happens to him and I don't get to say good-bye because I'm stuck up here in stupid labor? What if he never gets to meet my baby? I couldn't handle this. I wasn't ready.

I was on the verge of seriously freaking out when a short nurse with blond hair came busting into my room, and stomped over to the machines I'd been hooked up to, glaring at them as though they had personally insulted her.

"What's going on in here?" she demanded.

I looked at Jake who'd been sitting quietly in a chair, watching some Judge Judy type shit on the little TV hanging from the ceiling. He shrugged and I turned back to the little nurse.

"Uh, I don't know," I said hesitantly. Was there something I was supposed to be doing? The nurse who put in my IV had told me it could take some time before anything major happened and to just relax while I could. Did she leave something out?

"Your heart rate monitor is going crazy. I thought you might be having a heart attack in here or something."

I took a sharp intake of breath as tears formed in the corners of my eyes. Before I could speak Jake was out of his chair and standing over the little blond bitch.

"Can I speak to you outside please," he hissed through clenched teeth. She began to protest but his hands curled into fists, his forearm muscles flexing as he added, "Now!"

She followed him to the hall where I could hear the muffled sounds of raised voices for several minutes until Jake reentered the room alone.

"Sorry 'bout that, Bells. She's not going to be a problem anymore."

"Jake what did you do?" I asked but was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. I turned to look, afraid the little nurse was back but instead was met by a kind looking older nurse who gave me a warm smile and approached my bed slowly.

"Hello dear, I'm Nurse Cope but you can call me Shelly. I'll be taking over for Jane from here on out. I apologize for her comments and I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I've met him a few times and I know he's a good man, a strong man, and he'll pull through."

"Thank you," I whispered, willing my eyes to stay dry. I'd cried enough for today.

She moved to the monitors and reviewed the little printout. "Your heart rate got a little fast there, are you feeling alright?"

"Yes," I mumbled, "I guess I'm just stressing a little."

"Understandable, but you really do need to try and stay calm, for the baby. Have you heard anything about your dad?"

I shook my head and she nodded knowingly. "I guess you're pretty scared then. I have a friend who works down in cardiology. Why don't I give her a call and see if she'd be willing to pass along any updates so I can keep you informed. Would that make you feel better?"

I nodded again, tears forming in my eyes again because of her extreme kindness. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it dear. You push that little button there if you need anything at all."

As soon as she left, I turned to Jake but he just shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, I just put her in her place and requested a new nurse. One who actually had a heart, and then I filled her in on the situation. No biggie. I wasn't going to let that bitch treat you like that."

I wanted to argue but I appreciated it far too much. Instead, I thanked him and turned my attention to the court show he was watching, desperate for any sort of distraction. Jake sat by my side, holding my hand or whispering to the baby, asking her to take it easy on me or telling her how excited he was to meet her.

True to her word, Nurse Cope kept me as informed as she could of my dad's situation but it became harder when he was finally taken into surgery as her friend in cardiology had to wait for news along with the rest of us. My mom came up for a while once they'd taken dad in, since the nurse told her it would take at least an hour or two, maybe more. I fell apart again when she walked in, immediately reduced to a blubbering mess, apologizing for my horrific timing but she just pulled me into her arms and told me to stop blaming myself. She promised to pop in throughout the day and that as long as Jake, or whoever we could send, kept her in the loop, she'd be back up for the actual birth. She gave me another kiss and then headed back downstairs to wait for news of my dad.

Soon after my mom left, my room became a revolving door of visitors. Embry and Billy stopped in before heading downstairs to wait with my mom. A few of Jake's co-workers stopped by on their way to a barbeque and jokingly congratulated me on making full use of the Labor Day holiday. Until they'd mentioned it, I'd completely forgotten what day it was. If I wasn't so worried about my dad, I'd have found it funny but under the circumstances, I just found it horrible timing. Even Mrs. Newton popped in to wish me luck and promised that she'd always have a job for me if I wanted it, though I wasn't sure how she even knew I was here. Obviously, the small town gossip mill was working overtime today.

Jake's friends left once my contractions became more serious and much more painful. Nothing clears a room of men faster than a woman in labor moaning in excruciating pain while cursing out anything in the vicinity with a penis for being the obvious root of all evil. Once everyone was gone, I was ready to admit defeat and pounded the hell out of my call button until Nurse Cope came running in.

"I need drugs," I panted, riding out a particularly horrific contraction. "Whatever you got," I added, "I don't care. Just give me something."

She chuckled quietly to herself and insisted on checking me first before calling the doctor. "Well, you're only six centimeters and being your first, I'd say we probably have plenty of time to call in the anesthesiologist. I'm going to warn you, it can sometimes take him twenty or thirty minutes to get here."

"Just call him please!" I begged and she scurried away, hopefully in search of the drug man.

Jake paced the floor unsure of what to do or how to help. He attempted to rub my back during one contraction but that only led to me screaming at him to quit fucking touching me. I seethed through clenched teeth that he'd already done more than enough damage by putting me in this situation in the first place. After that, he kept to himself, shooting me sympathetic glances when my belly tightened with another contraction but not daring to touch me for fear of losing an appendage.

Thankfully, Rose arrived as we were waiting for the anesthesiologist and jumped right in, holding my hand and talking me through each contraction like she was a pro, even though she'd never so much as held a baby, let alone helped someone in labor. Jake took advantage of her arrival to run down and check on my mom and grab something to drink but I think he just needed an escape for a few minutes.

Ten minutes after Rose arrived there were still no drugs in sight and I was feeling an immense amount of pressure so I pounded the call button until Nurse Cope arrived again. "You ok dear? I'm sorry the anesthesiologist hasn't come by, he was called to an emergency C-section but he'll be by soon."

"Uh, that's not it. Well, it kind of is, but there's a lot of pressure down there. Like a lot, a lot. I feel like I'm going to shit myself or something." I said and then quickly felt mortified for admitting something like that in such a crass manor in front of this sweet, older woman. "Whoops, I mean crap myself, or relieve myself I guess. I'm sorry."

"Relax, sweetheart. I've heard much worse." She laughed lightly as she consulted the all mighty monitor. "Hmm, looks like you've had some serious contractions since I was last in here. Let's check and see if they've changed anything."

She disappeared behind my knees and then quickly popped back into view. "Oh my. You are just about there. I'm sorry my dear, but I think it's a bit late for an epidural. I need to call your OB. I it's just about time to get this show on the road." My eyes went wide as did Rose's as Nurse Cope turned and left quickly, presumably to call my doctor.

"Holy shit, B, you're going to have a baby!" Rose exclaimed, her face breaking out into a huge grin which I really just wanted to slap off of her.

"Yeah, without any fucking drugs it seems." I seethed, unhappy with this most recent turn of events until it truly sunk in. "Oh God, you need to go find Jake," I cried. "Oh, and my mom!"

Rose was up and out the door before I had to ask again. I had a few minutes to give myself a mental pep talk before my quiet room became a flurry of activity. There was my doctor and a bunch of nurses, all buzzing around like little bees while I grunted and cursed through a few more contractions until Jake returned.

"Hey baby, I saw Rose in the hall, she said it was time. She had to go find your mom but she said she'd hurry."

I nodded as he took my hand; squeezing it tightly and watching the little line on the monitor go up and up as another contraction ripped through my body. My OB placed my feet up in the stirrups and squatted between my legs.

"Alright Bella, you are fully dilated and it's about time to push ok?" he said, looking up at me.

"What? Now?" I gasped.

"Not this exact moment, no, but with your next contraction I'd like you to give it a try, OK? Nurse Cope will help you."

As if on cue, my belly started to tighten and the little line on the monitor started to rise as Jake squeezed one hand while Nurse Cope squeezed the other.

"Ok sweetie, push, two, three, four…" she continued counting as I bore down, focusing all my attention and pain on a little discoloration on the wall opposite me.

..ten. Good job dear, very good job." I dimly heard the nurse say as I collapsed back onto the bed, taking advantage of the minute of down time I had.

I pushed three more times before Rose and my mom arrived in a hurry and out of breath.

"Did I miss it?" mom cried, taking in all of the scrub-clad people in attendance.

Nurse Cope assured her that she arrived just in time as mom took her place at the head of my bed, whispering reassurances and cheering me on as I struggled through each contraction. A few hellish minutes later the doctor announced that I was crowning but I could barely hear him. It felt as though my nether regions were coated in lava. It was excruciating and I screamed as Nurse Cope began her goddamn countdown once again. I focused on that fucking disgusting discoloration on the wall as I bore down again with all my might. I felt as though I was being torn in two and barely registered the doctor telling me the head was out. I heard him suctioning her nose before I was told to push once more.

Then suddenly it was all over. There was a gushing sensation and then the pain seemingly disappeared as I heard a tiny cry echo through the room. Rose was standing near my feet, tears in her eyes as she looked at me and smiled. Jake's eyes were wide as plates and my mom pulled my head against her chest, hugging me tightly and telling me how proud she was. The doctor asked Jake if he'd like to cut the cord which he readily agreed to and then the baby was wrapped in a blanket and placed on my chest.

I looked down on the tiny pink bundle of blanket and my heart exploded with love. Her face was a little swollen and smashed but she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever set eyes on. She had a little tuft of black hair and was covered with a white, goopy substance but when she squinted up at me with her big, gorgeous eyes, I was ready to lay down my life for her if needed. I'd never felt anything like it. It was like love at first sight, only magnified by about a million percent. It was completely perfect. Except for one thing. I wished my dad had been here to see this. He would adore this perfect creature in my arms. Suddenly, I had a flash of inspiration.

"Charlie!" I cried, looking to Jake.

"We haven't heard anything dear. I think he's still in surgery," my mom whispered, running her fingers through my sweat-soaked hair.

"No. Her name. Charlotte Sarah Black, or Charlie for short." I said, looking to Jake for approval. His eyes teared up at the inclusion of his late mother's name. My own mother dissolved into a fit of tears as Rosalie pulled her into her arms, comforting her softly.

"It's perfect, "Jake said quietly, placing a kiss on my forehead and then one on little Charlie's forehead.

We only had a few seconds to revel in our baby bliss before the nurses whisked her off for cleaning and weighing and everything else they needed to do for her, while the doctor reminded me that my work was not quite done.

A little over two hours later, the baby and I were moved to our recovery room where we'd stay until we were discharged. Mom had gone back down to check on dad shortly after Charlie was born, eager for any news on his condition. Rose had gone with her to keep her company so Billy could come up and meet his new granddaughter. When Jake placed our daughter into his father's arms, I saw the tears form in Billy's eyes. When we informed him of her name, he allowed those tears to fall freely and held her tiny form close to him, whispering to her how much her grandmother would have loved her. It was incredibly touching and soon I was crying yet again.

Rose came back a few minutes later and informed me that my dad had made it out of surgery. She said there had been some complications which was why the surgery had taken so long, but he'd pulled through and his doctors thought he was going to be just fine. She told me that my mom was with him and that made everything better. My dad was going to be OK, my daughter was healthy and perfect, and I could be at peace.

Rose hung around for a few more minutes before saying her good-byes. She had class in the morning and needed to make the long trek back to Seattle. Billy and Embry left shortly after with promises to return in the morning. My mom came back up just before visiting hours ended, showering little Charlie with kisses and hugs which she happily announced were straight from Grandpa Charlie who was awake and ridiculously proud of his new namesake. She stayed as long as she could ooh'ing and ahh'ing over each of her granddaughter's tiny fingers and toes until Nurse Cope's replacement came in and ushered her away.

As much as I loved my mom, Rose, and everyone else, I was exhausted and thrilled to finally be alone with my little family. I was on a major post-baby high and a little sick of sharing my miracle with everyone else. I was feeling selfish and just wanted to hold her in my arms and stare at her until I fell into a contented sleep.

Unfortunately, they conveniently forget to tell you in birthing class that someone will come into your hospital room every hour or two to poke and prod you with thermometers, needles, and blood pressure cuffs or to knead your flabby belly like it was bread dough. They also left out that they would grill you for information repeatedly on how long it had been since you last nursed or the contents of the baby's last diaper.

By the time the sun rose, I was even more exhausted, having only gotten an hour or two of disjointed sleep and was staring murderously at Jake who was sleeping soundly on the padded window bench that supposedly doubled as some sort of guest bed. He was entirely too tall for it and looked a bit ridiculous and I was all too happy to tell him so as soon as he finally cracked an eye open. Thankfully, Nurse Cope was back on shift in the morning. I was thrilled to see her until she and Jake got together and conspired against me to take my baby to the nursery and force me to sleep most of the morning. I wasn't happy about it but I felt much better when I woke at noon, though I could have sworn that Charlie looked a little bigger already and I was mad at myself for missing it.

The second day of my daughter's life followed much like the first. There was an endless stream of visitors and well-wishers, most bearing flowers, teddy bears or balloons and soon my room was awash in a sea of pink. I'd like to think that some of them came to visit me but it was plain that all anyone wanted was to see was the baby. All I had to do was lie in bed like an invalid and thank everyone for their compliments on how beautiful and sweet she was. That wasn't too hard as it was definitely all true. She was the most beautiful and sweet thing I'd ever seen. Even my own mother only paid attention to me long enough to tell me that dad was looking much better and was on the mend.

Sleep was a little easier to come by that night as the night nurse wasn't as insistent on making sure I was still alive every hour. Charlie tried to pick up the slack in her absence though, suddenly starving every time I closed my eyes but she was much easier to forgive and I just loved snuggling up to her as she nursed, once we finally got the hang of it that is.

Soon enough, morning arrived and both Charlie and I were checked out by our doctors and discharged. It took Jake three trips to get all of our new baby gifts down to the car before coming back to collect Charlie and I. Some idiotic hospital rule dictated that I leave the building in a wheelchair despite having spent the last day and a half walking around my room and the maternity floor. I guessed they had to get one last indignity in before sending me on my way with a perfect baby and a monstrous bill. But I couldn't care less, I was just ecstatic to be taking my baby girl home and ready to begin life as a mother.

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**A/N: So, things are starting settle down now. Wonder how long that will last. **

**A million thanks as always for all of you reading, reviewing, following, etc. It means so much to me and I love hearing what you have to say!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Twilight still doesn't belong to me. *Sigh* **

**So now that the baby is here we're going to speed up the clock a bit. This chapter covers a rather large expanse of time. **

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Chapter 16

While I was pregnant, my mother had warned me that my baby would grow up impossibly fast. She said I would blink and she'd be walking, blink again and she'd be graduating from high school. I laughed it off, thinking she was exaggerating. Especially after the first few weeks of Charlie's life which seemed to drag on with the speed of cold molasses.

For three weeks after we left the hospital, I did nothing but sit in my rocking chair and nurse Charlie. If she wasn't eating, I could try and sneak in a minute or two nap but that was only if I was very, very lucky because Charlie was only happy if she was eating or being rocked. Most days I didn't even eat a real meal until Jake came home from work and I quickly learned to survive on a diet of coffee and crackers for most of the day. It was great for my post-baby body but not so great for my mood. I was fading fast, becoming a smelly, sleep-deprived, hungry, crabby robot who was running on auto-pilot, but I didn't know how to pull myself out of the funk.

I desperately needed my mommy but my dad had been released a few days after I had been and I knew she was busy taking care of him. When she called, I would put on my big girl panties and forced myself to stay positive and bubbly, insisting that the baby and I were just getting along fabulously. Luckily she was too consumed with medications and keeping my dad away from his fatty foods to see through my bullshit. At least that's what I believed.

So, I was taken completely by surprise when she showed up at my door one Saturday with Rosalie in tow. It was a particularly bad day, the worst I'd had since Charlie was born. She would not stop crying and I was losing my mind. I couldn't even put her down long enough to use the bathroom without her becoming hysterical, which in turn was making me hysterical as well. I hadn't showered in who knows how long and I stunk to high hell. I'd spent a good part of the morning crying as I paced my filthy house, trying to get Charlie to calm down and I felt like throwing myself off a cliff or a bridge or anything high enough to put me out of my misery.

When I opened my door to find my mom and Rose on the other side, I broke down again. One look at my mother and I became a sobbing infant as well. Rose plucked the baby from my arms as my mom pulled me into her arms.

"I can't do this, mommy." I cried, my tears immediately soaking through her shirt as she rubbed my back.

"Yes you can, you're doing great but you need to know when to ask for help. Why didn't you call me?"

"You have so much on your plate with dad and everything and this is my responsibility and…" I couldn't finish as I could barely breathe through my tears.

"Bella, sweatheart, your dad is ok and he's a grown man. He doesn't need a round-the-clock babysitter and you are my daughter, grown up or not, you are still my responsibility and I'm not going to sit back and watch you fall apart. So, here is what's going to happen. I'll be taking little miss screamy pants over there home with me because grandpa Charlie is missing her something fierce. He's mad at you by the way," she added and I pulled away looking confusedly at her. She laughed and continued. "You haven't brought her to see him in almost a week and he's claiming cruel and unusual punishment. Anyways, while we're gone, you and Rose get the hell out of this house and go do something fun."

"So long as you shower first because, damn girl, you seriously stink!" Rose piped up from across the room where she was rocking Charlie back and forth.

I tried to protest but it was clear I wouldn't win. Rose shoved me in to the bathroom while my mom packed up Charlie's things and pulled the breast milk I'd manage to pump out of the freezer. Charlie had never taken a bottle and I worried that she wouldn't take one for my mom. I'd only started pumping because my boobs had grown painfully and laughable huge when my milk came in and I needed some way to ease the pain.

"What if she won't eat?" I hollered from under the shower's spray of hot water, which I had to admit, felt utterly delicious.

"If she gets hungry enough, she'll eat," mom yelled back and I was glad she couldn't see me scowl through the door. I didn't like the idea of forcing my sweet girl to go hungry just so I could take the afternoon off. It didn't feel right.

As I worked some shampoo into my hair there was a small knock on the bathroom door. "We're leaving, dear. I'll bring her back later tonight or you can send Jake over to pick her up."

"Wait!" I yelled, pulling back the curtain to shout at the closed door. "You can't go yet. I didn't say good-bye."

"If I let you say good-bye, you'll never let her leave," mom retorted and I scowled again, considering jumping out of the shower before she could get away. It was only a rogue bit of shampoo dripping into my eye that kept me in the shower as my own mother stole my child.

I couldn't take it. I hadn't been away from my baby for more than a few minutes since we left the hospital and now she was just gone. What if she needed me? Would she miss me? I slumped to the floor of the shower and began to sob uncontrollably. I was completely overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, and a million other emotions that sprung to the surface now that my dam had broken. When I finally managed to pull myself from under the water, thoroughly cried out but cleaner than I'd been in almost a month, I found my house was also much cleaner than it had been in a month. I opened my mouth to protest but Rose held up her hand to stop me.

"Don't start! It was beyond nasty in here. I couldn't just sit here in the nastiness, so I picked up a little while I waited. It was more for me than you so don't complain or nag or whatever."

I ran over and threw my arms around her, not realizing just how much I'd been missing her. "Thank you, Rose."

"Well someone had to step in. Girl, do you even realize how funky you were when I walked in?"

We laughed a bit before she forced me into clothes that weren't two sizes too big or in possession of an elastic waistband. In typical Rose fashion, she took me back to her favorite salon where we had pedicures together and then she had Demetri give my hair a trim because she insisted my split ends were out of control. The whole afternoon was reminiscent of my birthday and my first time with Edward. The long buried ache in my heart resurfaced momentarily but the sound of Rose gushing to Demetri about my beautiful baby managed to bring me back to reality and I shoved that pain back down deep where it belonged. I shook off all thoughts of Edward as I pulled out my many pictures of Charlie to show off to Demetri and everyone else within a fifty-foot radius. Afterwards we had a nice lunch and then Rose took me home and forced me into bed for a nice nap. By the time I woke I felt revitalized and almost like myself again. Best of all, Rose had sent Jake to get me my baby back and ordered takeout for the three of us for dinner.

That afternoon ended up being a tipping point and though there were still a few rough patches, I finally found my groove with this thing called motherhood. I soon realized that my mother had, in fact, been right all along. Before I knew it, Charlie was sitting up and babbling. I watched as she grew from a shapeless, blanketed mass of baby, into the beginnings of an actual person.

Eventually, I went back to school and finished up with my general education classes while Charlie spent time with grandma and grandpa, who had been forced to retire after his heart attack. By the time little Charlie's first birthday rolled around, dad had already been back to the hospital twice for chest pains. He and my mom kept claiming that it was no big deal but I wasn't buying it. They were trying not to worry me by keeping all the major details from me but I knew deep down, it was more serious than they let on.

After Charlie was born, Jake and I fell into a groove of our own. Everything was scheduled and timed to the minute, including our sex life. Sex with Jake had never become what I would call mind-blowing but in time I'd managed to let go of my hesitations and guilt and enjoy it for the most part. Post-baby, it seemed to become a race to the finish line, as we hurried to accomplish the deed before she woke for a feeding. Even when she began sleeping through the night, the sex remained the same, get in, get out and be done with it. I had a hard time mustering the enthusiasm for the act most days but motherhood had made me all about the schedule and so when the time came, I faked it till I made it, or didn't. Whatever. I missed it for a while but I saw what a great dad he was becoming and decided a good father for my child was more important than a good sex life for me. Eventually, I just stopped missing it altogether.

Just before Charlie's second birthday, Jake approached me with an idea. He was a fantastic mechanic but in a tiny town like Forks, there were only so many cars that needed work done and too many mechanics to work on them. His hours were constantly being scaled back because of a lack of need and we were struggling to make ends meet. Jake asked if I would consider moving to a big city, like Seattle, where there was an endless supply of cars needing repair and he could find a better paying job. My heart leapt at the idea of being close to Rose again, being able to see her all the time instead of the occasional weekend here and there. However, I knew taking Charlie away from my mom and dad would break their hearts and I still relied heavily on my mom for babysitting and parenting advice. I promised Jake I would consider it and even gave him the go ahead to head down to Seattle and check out the job market one weekend while debated a way to bring up the idea to my folks.

One month later, my dad had another massive heart attack and I received my answer to the Seattle question. The doctors in Forks were good, but in such a small town the level of cardiology expertise available was minimal. My parents sat down with me and Jake, and informed us that they were moving to Seattle where my dad could get much more specialized help. I looked to Jake and nodded, my last tethers to Forks had just been cut, and there was nothing to stop us from going with them. We were still leaving Jake's father behind, but he assured us that he understood and so long as we brought his favorite little girl to visit often, he wouldn't hold it against us.

Rose was beyond elated by our news and immediately began emailing me links to rental houses and apartment listings. I sent Jake down every weekend to look for a job and to narrow down some of our housing options. To my surprise, it took only two trips before he came home beaming from ear to ear. A small shop specializing in repairing and customizing rare and exotic cars had offered him a job. He'd only applied there on a whim, never expecting his résumé to get even a second glance. But, he'd struck up a friendly conversation with the manager about rebuilding old cars and impressed him enough that he was offered a job on the spot. Jake was absolutely over the moon at the idea of getting his hands on cars he'd only dreamed of. The fact that he'd be making much more money didn't hurt either.

The next weekend I headed down with him, Charlie in tow, to scope out the living situation. After a few truly horrendous apartments and a few homes that should have been condemned, I was feeling a bit hopeless and didn't think we'd ever find anything in our price range. Our luck turned when we finally came across a townhome for rent that didn't look like it previously housed a meth lab. It was clean with three bedrooms, an attached garage and a small patio in the back. I loved it, or maybe I just couldn't look at another crappy apartment but either way, I told Jake that this was the one and he readily agreed. We had papers signed and a deposit put down before the weekend was out.

Charlie and I headed back down the next weekend with my mom to work out their own housing situation. The house in Forks sold quicker than they'd expected and my parents needed to find something fast. They opted to look for a condo as it was just the two of them now and my dad was no longer in a position to stay on top of upkeep like lawn mowing and hedge trimming. We only looked at three condos before we found one my mom loved. It was near a major hospital as well as the townhouse Jake and I had rented but it also had two large bedrooms and my mom was already making plans to outfit the second room for little Charlie so she could spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa often. She called up my dad and talked him into it. They put an offer in by the end of the day.

Within a month we were all packed up and settled into our new homes. Charlie struggled a bit with the change but we'd gotten permission from the landlord to paint her new room pink just like her old room and once that was done she settled in nicely. Having her Grandma and Grandpa within walking distance and Auntie Rose stopping by to visit and spoil her all the time didn't hurt either. Jake loved his new job and worked long hours but I didn't mind as I finally had Rose close by again to keep me company. My mom even went back to work, finding a job teaching Kindergarten at a local public school.

I considered going back to school myself but kept finding excuses to put it off. With my mom back to work, I'd lost my free babysitter and little Charlie was too much of a handful to ask my dad to watch her. He was supposed to limit stress and became winded easily. Asking him to chase an energetic two-year old around all day was completely out of the question. However my biggest roadblock was that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea what to major in. Since most of my generals were already taken care of, I told myself it didn't make sense to go back until I knew what I wanted to do. I gave myself a year, maybe two to make up my mind. By then Charlie could go to pre-school and Jake and I would be more financially able to pay for my education.

I threw myself into the full-time job of being a mom. I spent my days at tea parties with stuffed bears or playing barbies and always cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. When I just couldn't read _Fancy Nancy_ one more time, I would call up Rose who was always game to take me out for a drink or two or just come over with a bottle of wine and watch cheesy movies with me. Once a month, on the last weekend of the month, like clockwork, Jake and I would leave Charlie with my parents for the night and head out on the town. Date night always consisted of dinner and movie, usually spicy Mexican food and whatever action movie was playing that week because those were Jake's favorites. Every once in a while he'd cave and take me out for Italian food so I could get my pasta fix but I found it was usually just easier to let him pick the restaurant and movie rather than argue about it. We hadn't had sex in months. I was always too tired and was never in the mood to; eventually, Jake quit asking. Other than our obligatory date night, we lived more like roommates who shared a bed than the happily married couple we were supposed to be.

Charlie grew like a weed and I could tell she was going to be tall like her daddy. By the time she was three, she was as tall as most of mom's kindergarteners and I was sure she'd be taller than me by the time she reached high school. She was also the most gorgeous child I'd ever seen with silky black hair and big brown eyes. Her skin tone was somewhere between my pale whiteness and Jake's russet coloring and so she appeared to have a perfect, permanent tan that I was more than mildly jealous of. She was a sweet and loving child but she also had rambunctious and mischievous streak. She kept me on my toes to be sure.

I found myself content for the most part. I had a decent home, a perfect child, great friends and supportive parents but every once in a while the demons of my past would creep in and bring me down. Even though it had been years since I'd seen or even talked to him, Edward always found a way to wiggle back into my mind. A song on the radio, a smell, a movie or even just too much time alone would trigger memories of him and our time together. When I was mad at Jake for something, I found myself wondering how things would be different if I'd married Edward instead. When I was alone in the shower, I fantasized about his touch. When I was feeling lonely, I heard his voice in my head. I always shook those thoughts from my mind as quickly as they arrived. I couldn't afford to dwell on thoughts of the man who broke my heart, and then took it with him across the country.

I lay in bed each night, listening to my husband sleep and reminded myself over and over that Jake's strengths as a father, a provider and a friend far outweighed any weakness he may have as a husband. Then, in a wave of guilt, I told myself that it was my inability to move on from my ex that kept me from truly connecting with Jake in that way to begin with and that it was unfair to place the blame on him. It was me, I was beyond screwed up. Years later, I was still hung up on the stupid high school boy who broke my heart. It was clear that I was to blame in all this and I didn't know how to escape it.

So I suffered in silence, unable to talk to anyone, even Rose, out of guilt and shame. I just kept pushing the pain, uncertainty, loneliness, and memories back under the surface every time they rose; convinced if I kept pushing them under, eventually they would stay there. It almost worked. Until over drinks one night Rose brought all my pain rocketing back up to the surface with two little sentences.

"So, five-year reunion next month. Wanna go?"

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**A/N: I know most of you were hoping to hear from our dear Edward but I assure you, we'll be hearing from him soon. Please drop me a line, let me know what you think. I'll be spending the afternoon roasting in a park while my son is at football practice. I need your reviews to keep me company :)  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer but this story line is mine. No infringement intended.**

**Well, five years have passed and now there is talk of a reunion. I wonder who we'll run into there. **

* * *

Chapter 17

May 2008

"_So, five year reunion next month. Wanna go?"_

I physically recoiled from her question. "Uh no. How do you even know about that?"

"They sent an invite to my mom's house and she forwarded it to me," she replied matter-of-factly. "Your parents moved so I guess that's why you didn't get one. Unless you kept your address updated with the alumni committee?"

I shook my head and she laughed. "Of course you didn't, no one does. Anyways, I also saw something on that Facebook website I told you about. You know? The one you still haven't joined."

"And I'm not going to. I never joined that Myspace bullshit either and somehow, my life has remained intact. Imagine that," I said with a laugh and Rose scowled. Truth is, the temptation to look up certain people from my past was too great and so I'd decided it was best to completely ignore all these new social networking sites.

"Someday I will drag you into the now, even if I have to do so kicking and screaming. But, back to the real discussion, you don't want to go to the reunion? Why not?"

"Well," I began with a sigh, "you are the only person from high school that I care to see and, look at that, you're right here, so I just don't see the point." It was a total lie but I couldn't tell her the truth. I couldn't go because I was terrified at the thought of seeing Edward there.

"Bullshit," Rose sang out, "this is all about him." She didn't need to elaborate about which him she was referring to. "You know he's on Facebook." I raised an eyebrow and she smirked at me. "Anyways, I checked out his profile. I couldn't see much cause he keeps it private and I'm not about to friend request him, but I do know he's still in New Hampshire. Looks like he's getting his MBA from what I could see and according to my mother, his parents moved away as well. So, I doubt he'll fly all this way for some stupid reunion. If his parents were still there, he might have just to visit them, but with them gone? Seems unlikely."

I was taken by surprise. I had no idea the Cullens had moved away from Forks. Other than my run in with Dr. Cullen on the day Charlie was born, I did my best to actively avoid each member of Edward's family. I'd seen Esme in the grocery store once or twice before we moved but I always ducked behind a potato chip display or disappeared down the closest aisle before running from the store.

"Ok, well it's not about him. I just don't want to go." I reiterated.

"Too bad, you're coming anyways. I need you so I can execute the plan."

"What plan?"

"Jesus, B. The plan, the master plan. I told you this, like, the day we met."

Suddenly, it all clicked into place and my mouth dropped open wide enough to drive a truck into. "Seriously, Rose? It's been five years and you're still hung up on that."

"Like you're still hung up on Edward Cullen?"

_Touché. _"Uh, I'm not," I lied, "but really, you plan to go out there and sleep with a bunch of losers who were stupid enough to marry Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley? Ew. What about Emmett? You guys just started dating and I thought you really liked him? You've kept him around longer than anyone else."

"I do like him, a lot actually, and that's why I've revised the plan. You and I are going to arrive looking effortlessly stunning and blow all those bitches away. They're expecting the same fat Rose to show and when thin, successful Rose shows up they won't know what to think. Then, I'll just flirt with their husbands for a while, make those boys drool and show those sluts what kind of men they married. When they've had enough, I'll bring Emmett down and introduce him as my boyfriend. That will blow their tiny, fucking minds."

Rosalie's new boyfriend Emmett McCarty was the Seahawks newest acquisition, recently transferred from some team down south. He was a linebacker or something like that and an absolute giant of a man. I was absolutely terrified of him at first sight but within ten seconds, his boisterous and kindly nature instantly put me at ease. He adored Rose and for the first time ever, she actually appeared to adore him in return. I had all my fingers crossed that maybe he was The One for her.

"Ok, first of all, you need professional help, and you aren't just using Emmett just to make everyone jealous are you?" My loyalties would always lie with Rose but I'd grown attached to Emmett enough to worry about his role in this insane plan.

"No! Absolutely not. I wouldn't do this this if it bothered him. But, I've told him all about the way those bitches treated me through elementary school, junior high and high school and he was all for making them pay." She saw my disapproving look and laughed. "Look, B, I know it's juvenile and immature and you're going to tell me that I'm a successful beautiful woman with a good man so I should move on and all that bullshit, but the idea of getting my revenge someday is what made me get out of bed and hit the gym every day when I just wanted to sleep in or eat ice cream. Even if I cave and don't go through with the plan, I still need to show up and show those bitches who I've become and I need my best friend to come with for moral support. So, will you please come?"

I thought about it for a minute and then let out a loud huff as I realized she had me. "Ok fine, but only if I can talk my mom into watching Charlie that weekend and I have to talk to Jake about it and see if he can get the weekend off."

Rose let out a cheer, knowing full well that my parents would be more than happy to have Charlie all to themselves. "Good, because I already booked you a hotel room. Don't be mad but the reunion is at the Lodge and the rooms were filling up fast, so I jumped on it. I knew I'd talk you into it eventually."

"Rose, that's stupid. Jake and I can stay with Billy." I insisted.

"No, because then one of you has to be able to drive and what's the point of a kid-free weekend if one of you has to stay sober and you have to sleep under the same roof as one of your parents? That's lame. I'm forcing you come so I'm paying for your room. End of story. Enjoy yourselves. Get a little freaky. Maybe you can make another gorgeous baby?"

"Ha!" I snorted, "Freaky is not even in our vocabulary. Believe me, even if we did have sex, we'd be in no danger of Billy hearing anything, but thank you anyways." I'm not sure what led me to confide that in her. As far as she or anyone else knew, Jake and I were the epitome of happiness. I suppose it was probably the three glasses of wine I'd had or maybe I was just tired of hiding the truth from my best friend.

"What?" she cried. "When is the last time you really got your world rocked? Like, seriously mind-blowing sexy times."

I shrugged my shoulders, indicating that I had no idea. I couldn't tell her the last time I had anything close to truly mind-blowing sex was about five years ago, especially not when Jake and I had only been together for four and a half.

"Isabella Swan Black! What the fuck is up with that and why am I just hearing about it?" Rose cried, downing her drink in one swig and pouring another. "I thought you guys were happy."

"We are happy," I lied. "It's just that our idea of happy is paying all the bills in one month and having enough left over to go out to dinner. We've been married a long time, I think it's normal for the passion to die out a little."

"When was the last time you guys had any passion?" she asked, one perfectly waxed eyebrow raised over her wine glass as she took another sip.

I couldn't answer the question as there was never any real passion between Jake and I. We'd always just been comfortable, like good friends who occasionally had sex. So, I hid behind my own glass, taking a large drink and avoiding her gaze. When I finally set my glass down, she pulled me into a hug and I dissolved into tears.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked quietly, still holding me her arms.

I shrugged again. "I don't know. What was I supposed to say? I only married my husband because he knocked me up and now the only thing we talk about is the kid, the weather and the power bill? It's not a big deal, Ro. He takes care of me and he loves our daughter. That's all that matters. Honestly, I think all that crazy passion, intense sex and all-consuming lust is just for single people. Anyway, I don't want to talk about it anymore ok?"

Rose gave me a concerned look but being the good friend that she was, agreed to shelve the discussion for the time being.

After easily talking my parents into keep Charlie that weekend, I approached Jake with the idea of going to the reunion. He shot me down instantly, citing work as his reason for not being able to make it, but he insisted that I still go with Rose and have a good time with my old friends, and that was that. Rose actually seemed to take the news worse than I had. After I'd finally confessed about my less than perfect marriage, I think she'd planned on this weekend away as a way to jumpstart my marriage. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it was going to take much more than a weekend away to accomplish that task.

So, when the weekend of the reunion rolled around, I dropped Charlie off with my mom and hopped in the back of Rosalie's flashy brand new BMW, letting her and Emmett whisk me off to my high school reunion. I sat in the backseat and closed my eyes for most of the ride, listening to Rose tell Emmett all about our high school days and piping up when my input was necessary. Emmett was still fairly new to the northwest and the closer we got to Forks, the more amazed he became by the overabundance of greenery.

"It's like the only color out here!" he cried at one point, staring out the window. "There are no other colors. It's all just so fuckin green!" Rose and I could do nothing but laugh because he was totally right. I remembered thinking the same thing each time I came to visit my dad as a child. Now, it just looked like home.

We stopped in Port Angeles for a bit of lunch before heading on to Forks. As we got into town, Rose felt compelled to give Emmett the full tour, driving past the high school, my old house, and her mom's house, though she didn't stop like I thought she might. She told me later that her mom was supposed to be home that weekend and she had zero desire to stop in and say hello, let alone subject Emmett to her mother's intense scrutiny. I couldn't blame her there. Lillian Hale was hardly a pleasant woman to be around and she and Rose still got along about as well as oil and water. These days when Rose needed parental affection, she looked to my parents for it and they happily complied. Dad even referred to Rosalie as his 'other daughter'.

After our tour we arrived at the Lodge and settled into our rooms. I took a short nap and then stepped into the shower. I'd just dried myself off when Rose showed up at my door so we could get ready together just like we used to back in high school. With Rose's help, I'd found a dark blue, satin cocktail dress and borrowed a pair of matching blue pumps from her extensive shoe collection. She was absolutely dressed to kill in a skin tight, bright red dress that showed off her figure perfectly. She was wearing a pair of black and red sequined heels and I'd picked up just enough knowledge about fashion to know that the red sole on her shoes meant they likely cost her more than my rent. I couldn't fathom spending that much on shoes but I didn't have a trust fund, a successful career and a boyfriend who made several million just for playing a game a few months a year.

Rose helped me tame my hair into soft waves and then pinned it back for me so it fell over one shoulder. Because she was still much better at it than I was, I also let her apply my makeup for me, giving me a sultry, smoky eye that I thought might have been a little overkill since I was really only here in a moral support capacity. However, when I looked in the mirror I couldn't deny that she was a genius. Gone was the drab stay at home mother who rarely wore anything fancier than jeans and t-shirt and who kept her hair pulled back in a boring ponytail at all times.

"I don't even look like myself," I gasped.

"Did I overdo it?"

"No," I assured her, "I like it. Myself is drab and plain. I don't think anyone at this thing will even recognize me and that is fine by me."

"It's too bad Jake never got around to buying you a ring because you'll have these assholes hitting on you all night long," she said with a laugh.

I laughed as well but knew she was exaggerating more than a little. Sure, I looked better than I normally did but standing next to Rosalie, especially looking the way she did tonight, no one would give me a second glance. Of course that was also fine by me.

We walked back to Rosalie's room so she could say good-bye to Emmett and finalize their plans. I still thought the entire plot was ridiculous but if it helped Rose shed the grudge she'd been holding, than I would keep my mouth shut and play along. All I had to do was hang out and be her friend. That was easy enough.

I had to look away as Rose and Em embraced and kissed each other good-bye. They hadn't been together long enough to exchange declarations of love but I could feel it coming off of them in waves and it made my heart clench out of jealousy. Jake didn't look at me the way Emmett looked at Rose. Not now and not even when we first began dating. Only one person had ever looked at me that way but I did my best to push that thought away.

I suddenly became sick with regret over ever agreeing to come to this stupid thing. Even though Rose had done a bit of asking around and assured me that, as far as she'd heard, Edward was not coming, I realized that everything and everyone there would remind me of him. I suddenly felt as though I might throw up.

"Hey little B," Emmett called out as I quickly took a seat on the edge of the bed. "You ok?"

"I can't do this," I said.

Rose knelt in front me and took my hands. "I told you, he won't be there."

"Who?" Em asked but Rose shook her head at him and he quickly shut up.

"I talked to Liam a few weeks ago and he said that Edward told him he wasn't coming. So there's nothing to worry about. But, who cares? Even if he did show up. You look hot and he'll be sorry for letting you get away. Look at you. This is totally his loss, not yours."

I wanted her words to make me feel better but I knew they weren't true. She had no idea how much I still loved him. How the mere idea of seeing him both thrilled and frightened me. I wanted to see him, I needed to see him but for the sake of my heart and my sanity, I couldn't see him, couldn't even think about him.

"She's right little B," Emmett piped up. "Don't let some jackass get you down. I can tell you personally that we men, we're just not worth it. I have no fucking clue what you ladies see in us."

I couldn't help but laugh and was immediately grateful to Emmett and his sense of humor for lightening the mood. "Thanks Em."

"Look," Rose said, "if he does show and you need to bail, I won't hold it against you, OK? Just come with me and try to have fun. He already fucked up graduation. Don't let him fuck this up to."

I nodded in agreement and took a deep breath to steady my nerves. "Alright, let's go."

We headed down to the ballroom where the reunion was being held. The room was decorated in the school colors of navy blue and gold and they'd blown up old pictures and placed them all over the place. Thankfully, none that I could see were of Edward or myself. I forced Rose over to the bar as soon as I could spot it. If I was going to be here, I was going to need massive amounts of alcohol. We ordered our drinks and then stepped back to scout the room. Rose quickly spotted Maggie and we headed over to say hello and catch up. We found out she'd moved to California and was working on a law degree at UCLA. Her mouth dropped when she learned I'd married right after high school and had an almost four year old. I could see she was confused and about to ask about Edward when Rose deftly changed the subject.

"Have you seen Jessica or Lauren?"

Maggie nodded sadly and quickly pointed them out. They were almost unrecognizable. Jessica had gained a great deal of weight and Maggie informed us that she had married Mike Newton, the son of my old boss, just after I'd moved away but he'd divorced her less than two months later when he caught her cheating on him. Apparently she'd gained the weight out of depression after that and was currently back home, living with her parents.

Lauren was still thin, though now she appeared to be grotesquely so. Maggie said Lauren had moved to LA as well, in hopes of becoming an actress but her parents hadn't agreed with her plans and had refused to support her. LA was an expensive city and she'd gotten desperate and starting stripping before falling into the usual traps of alcoholism and drug abuse. Maggie told us that Lauren had looked her up once and showed up at her apartment high on meth and looking for a place to crash after her roommate kicked her out. Maggie had felt bad for her and let her stay. When Lauren finally came down from her high and passed out on her couch, Maggie looked up Lauren's parents and gave them a call. They sent her to rehab twice but she kept relapsing and her parents eventually moved her home to keep a closer eye on her.

It was heartbreaking and I found myself looking to Rose, hoping she would drop her crazy plan. Clearly neither woman had a man for her to seduce but even so, karma had already taken care of those two and they'd suffered more than enough already. Rose looked completely stricken as she pulled her cell phone out of her purse.

"Hey baby, why don't you come on down and join me?" she said quietly into the phone. "No, I don't need to anymore, I just need you."

We excused ourselves from Maggie, promising to catch up more a little later before heading back to the door to meet up with Emmett.

"I'm proud of you," I told Rose as we waited, "For being the bigger woman and not kicking someone while they're down."

"It's just so fucking sad," she admitted. "I fucking hated those bitches but, Jesus Christ, I don't know if anyone deserves all that."

I nodded and continued to scout the room, looking for any signs of bronze hair while Rose watched for Emmett. As soon as he arrived she pulled him aside and filled him in. From here on out, he was only here as her boyfriend, not her accomplice, or a way to make anyone jealous and I finally relaxed a little. Maybe we could just hang out and have a good time after all.

We grabbed another round of drinks and headed to the buffet, finding an empty table to eat at. The room was packed by then but I continued to keep watch as I ate. I was still on guard and helped myself to another drink, hoping the alcohol would calm my nerves.

Every few minutes, an old classmate would stop by our table and we'd spend a few minutes catching up before they moved on to the next table. A lot of the men and a few women recognized Emmett and stopped by just for an autograph. He signed napkins happily for anyone who was also friendly to Rose and I, which was most people. At one point, a woman I didn't know approached and began flirting with Emmett, even having the nerve to step between him and Rose as she put her hand on his shoulder and asked him to sign a slip of paper she'd pulled from her cleavage. He completely blew her off and nudged the trashy woman out of the way, pulling Rose against him as he declared he was too busy with his girl to sign any more autographs. It made me love him even more and I decided that I would be really mad at Rose if she ended up breaking his heart.

Shortly after the hoochie incident, a guy named Tyler who'd been in my math class approached me. We spent a few minutes catching up before he asked me to dance. It seemed to be just a friendly invitation and I knew Rose wanted to dance with Emmett but was holding off to keep me company, so I accepted.

I'd forgotten what a nice guy Tyler was and we danced for several minutes, reminiscing about our horrible math teacher and sharing information we'd heard about other classmates. When the music slowed, I was ready to say good-bye to Tyler and excuse myself. He knew I was married and had been completely respectful, but I still didn't feel comfortable slow dancing with him. Before I could make my escape, I felt someone approach from behind.

A smooth, silky, voice I would have known anywhere sounded right behind me, causing my heart to pound and my knees to turn to butter.

"Excuse me Tyler, do you mind if I cut in?"

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**A/N: I told you we'd be hearing from Edward soon, though I imagine you all were hoping he'd have a bit more to say in this chapter. Don't worry; he's still got plenty to say. You'll just have to be patient. **

**Thanks for all the reads, reviews, alerts, and favorites. I just hit 50 reviews and I know that's not much for some of you, but for me it's incredible. When I first posted I knew I would be thrilled just to get 50 views, let alone have that many reviews. Much love to you all! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Nothing new here folks. Still don't own Twilight, still don't intend to infringe.**

**I'm overwhelmed by the response to the last chapter. It's amazing. Thank you all so very much. **

**Seems everyone was quite happy to see the return of a certain bronze haired man. So, without further ado…**

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Chapter 18

June 2008

"_Excuse me Tyler, but do you mind if I cut in?"_

My entire being froze and yet I felt electrified by his close proximity. I barely heard Tyler as he thanked me for the dance and made some smart ass remark about Edward and I having a lot of catching up to do. Before I knew it, Tyler had abandoned me; leaving me alone with the one person I was terrified of being alone with. I quickly scanned the room for Rose or Emmett, but they were nowhere to be seen, hiding in a sea of vaguely familiar faces. I was trapped.

Edward put a hand on my waist and turned me to face him. I pulled back as much as I could but his strong arms held me close. I gave in and allowed myself to get a good look at him and my knees nearly buckled. The last five years had been more than kind to him. He was just as ridiculously good looking as he'd always been but gone was the teenage boy and in his place was a man. His chest was broader, his arms were thicker, his jaw was stronger and there was just enough stubble on it to make me want to run my fingers over it. I shook that thought away. I couldn't be thinking things like that. _Keep your cool, Bella. _

"You look good, Bella," he whispered into my ear, "real good."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, still in shock over his sudden appearance. I didn't even notice that he'd taken my arms and placed them on his shoulders as he wrapped his own around my waist. My own body was betraying me, swaying to the music along with him.

"Last time I checked, I went to high school here too. Can't a guy come to his own reunion?" he replied with a smirk.

"Everyone said you weren't coming."

"Were you checking up on me, beautiful?" he said with a laugh. "I wasn't going to but I changed my mind. Decided I needed to come and booked a ticket last minute. Cost a pretty penny but here I am."

"What changed your mind?" I asked, not wanting to be the reason he came, but also not wanting to not be the reason.

"I heard that Rosalie was coming."

I was confused. "You came to see Rose?"

He lowered his head and brought his lips to my ear. "No, I came to see you. I figured if she was coming, she'd probably drag you along with her."

I felt as though I'd walked right into a trap and my cheeks flamed as I looked down at the floor, trying to compose myself. He placed a hand under my chin and lifted my face to his.

"Please don't hide. I've been missing that blush."

"What? No, I'm not blushing. It's just hot in here and I've had a lot to drink." I stammered. I couldn't let him know the effect he still had on me. _Stay strong, Bella._

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a silver flask. "You and me both, beautiful. It took a lot of liquid courage before I could face walking in here and seeing you with your husband. Speaking of, where is this man of yours? I can't believe he hasn't stepped in yet."

"He's not here," I admitted. "He had to work."

Edward's eyebrow raised in surprise. "And he let you out of the house looking like that? If you were still mine I wouldn't have let you leave the bedroom looking like that, let alone the house."

I felt like he was taking a dig at Jake and immediately jumped to his defense. "Well, I'm not yours, remember? Anyways, we don't live here in Forks anymore. I'm staying here at the hotel, so it's not like he even got the chance."

Another smirk crossed Edward's lips as he raised the flask to them. "His loss is my gain."

"You've gained nothing," I replied, snatching the flask and taking a large swig. My throat burned as I choked back the fiery liquid.

"It's tequila," he warned me, half a second too late and then chuckled to himself.

"I don't care. I'm not drunk enough for this shit," I said, throwing back another shot, much better prepared this time.

He took the flask from my hand, took a big swig and then tucked it back into his inside jacket pocket. My skin burned where his hand had brushed mine and I instinctively pulled it away but he was faster. He gripped my wrist and brought it back up to rest on his shoulder again, pulling my body right up against his. My mind told me to pull away, to extricate myself from him and to walk away, but my heart, my sad, broken heart convinced me to rest my head against his chest and I found myself breathing him in like a starving woman at a gourmet restaurant. The alcohol I'd been mainlining all night coursed through my veins, lowering my resistance as we danced until I found I was clinging to him, one hand, moving of its own accord, snaked into his hair.

"God, I've missed you baby," he breathed into my ear and my heart nearly stopped.

I pulled back and looked up at him, his green eyes sparkling under the lights as they bore into mine. My lips were inches from his. Another two seconds and I would have pressed mine to his but the DJ chose that moment to switch to a more upbeat song, one Jake loved and had nearly driving me insane with his endless repetition of it. It was enough to shake off the alcohol haze just long enough realize what was happening. I pushed him away and stepped back with a gasp. I didn't know how he managed to have this effect on me but I knew I needed to get away. Now.

"I can't do this." I stammered. "I have to go."

I turned and pushed my way through the masses of bodies on the crowded dance floor. A girl from my world history class, who I'd been mildly friendly with, saw me and stepped in my path with a huge grin as she called my name. But I could hear Edward close behind, calling for me to wait and I had no time to stop and chat. I muttered an apology and a lame excuse about needing a bathroom as I shoved past her. I knew it was rude but I was in emotional survival mode. It felt like it was taking me forever to reach the edge of the dance floor but I kept moving. I knew Edward was behind me but I didn't know how far. I couldn't look back, afraid I would stop if I saw his face.

Finally, I burst through the last group of people and I could see the door ahead of me. Still refusing to look back, I headed straight out the door and all but ran to the elevator. I pushed the button repeatedly as if doing so would communicate my distress to the machine and make it come faster. I heard Edward call my name just as the doors sprung open and I propelled myself through them, slamming my hand on the button that would close the doors.

I heard him call my name again but it sounded distant and I thought I was in the clear as the doors began to close but Edward was faster. His hand shot out and grabbed the door causing it to open again and grant him entrance. I shrunk back into the corner as he approached, the traitorous door closing behind him, locking me in.

"What was that, Bella?"

"I couldn't be there. I had to get away," I stated, my voice so low it was almost a whisper.

"Away from the reunion?" he asked tentatively but my silence confirmed his suspicion. "Away from me." It was a statement, not a question.

He looked as though I'd just told him his dog died and it tested my resolve. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"This bullshit reunion stuff where we flirt and laugh and dance for old time's sake. I can't stand in there and pretend."

He took one step closer. "Pretend what?"

Tears were threatening to form in the corners of my eyes and my chin quivered with the effort it was taking to hold them back. "Pretend that we're just old friends. Pretend that it doesn't hurt, that it hasn't hurt every day for the last five years."

He took another step closer and now there was less than a foot between us. He was close enough that I could feel the heat of his body. "What are you saying Bella?" His eyes were locked on mine, chipping away at that resolve one piece at a time.

I glanced up at the lights over the elevator door. We were approaching my floor and I needed to get away. I decided that maybe the only thing that might stun him enough to make my escape, was the truth. I couldn't lie anymore anyways. I was exhausted by it.

"I'm trying to tell you that I think about you every day. That I've thought about you every single day since the last time I saw you. I'm telling you that thinking of you hurts so much that I have to shove it into a deep dark cave in my heart and pretend it's not there just so I can get on with my life." My voice cracked with the emotion but I continued. "And the reason it hurts so much is because I know that wherever you are, you aren't thinking of me. Not the way I think of you."

The elevator dinged as we reached my floor and the doors sprung open. I placed my hands on Edward's chest and was able to push him away just long enough to slip past him and out the door. Refusing to look back, I hurried to my room halfway down the hall, slipping the keycard out of its hiding place in my bra as I went. Maybe I'd be quick enough to get into my room and lock the door behind me before he could see my inevitable breakdown. Maybe he'd stay on the elevator, having realized that I was just a crazy, obsessed ex-girlfriend because, of course, I was.

My hands were shaking so badly I could barely keep the card in my hand let alone slip it into the slot on my door. I managed one failed attempt, the red light on the door flashing angrily, before a strong hand took mine and pulled it away from the door. With a hand on my hip, he spun me to face him, trapping me between himself and the door and easily plucked the keycard out of my hand. I put my hands on his chest and tried to push him away but it was like trying to push away a brick wall. He was not going to let me get away.

"Why are you doing this?" I cried, falling against him in defeat. "Just let me go."

"Because you aren't listening to me," he said. "I told you downstairs that I came just to see you. I told you I wouldn't let you leave my bedroom if you were still mine. I told you that I couldn't even face you without copious amount of alcohol because I was so nervous to see you, and you say I don't think about you?" He brought a hand to my face and wiped the tears from my face, cupping my cheek. "Bella, you are all I think about."

I looked up at him in surprise and then his lips were on mine, his body pushing me up against the door. My head was spinning and I didn't know if it was the alcohol or his kiss but I didn't care. My hands were still on his chest and I slid them up around his neck, holding him to me. I didn't see him slip the keycard into the door and nearly fell backwards as the door swung open. He wrapped his arms around my waist, steadying me but never taking his lips from mine as I walked backwards into the room.

The door closed behind us with a loud click, and it startled Edward. He pulled away from me so quickly, I had to steady myself against the dresser behind me. For what seemed like forever, we stood facing each other silently. My chest heaved as I attempted to catch my breath. I wanted to know what had just happened but my brain was a swirling fog of confusion, alcohol, anger and lust. So much lust. It lingered in the air between us, like an electric current.

"Bella, I…" he began and then stopped, clearly unable to find the right words.

But I didn't need to hear his words right now. I found what I needed more than anything was his touch. Everything else could wait.

"Shhh," I breathed, closing the distance between us and throwing my arms around him, pressing my lips to his.

He cupped my face in his hands reverently, his thumbs caressing my cheeks as his tongue danced across my lips, begging for entrance which I happily granted. Those hands of his, with his long graceful fingers trailed from my face down my neck and along my collarbone, lighting my skin on fire. They slipped around my back until they found the zipper of my dress, sliding the zipper pull down the length of my back as I fumbled with the jacket of his suit. He shrugged out of the jacket before placing his hands on my shoulders, sliding the material over my shoulders and down my arms until it fell from my body, pooling at my feet and leaving me in nothing but my bra, panties and heels. Edward pulled away, his eyes roaming my body hungrily as I reached for his tie, tugging on it in frustration as it refused to budge.

Edward laughed lightly and removed my hands gently before deftly loosening the tie with one hand and pulling it over his head, as he moved towards me slowly, like a predator stalking his prey. I found myself instinctively walking backwards, shrinking away from his advancing form until the backs of my legs hit the bed, forcing me to sit. He smirked and stood in front of me, unbuttoning the buttons of his dress shirt as I tugged on his belt, working it loose.

Soon enough, he was standing before me, magnificent in only his boxer-briefs and I could wait no longer. I needed his touch on my body, feel the weight of his body against mine and his lips on my skin. I found his hand and pulled him to me, falling back on the bed as he hovered over me. He dropped his head to my neck, kissing and sucking the skin there before letting his lips wander lower, to the swell of my breasts. He tugged the flimsy material of my bra down until my breasts sprung free from their confines only to be captured by Edward's waiting mouth.

I cried out and my hips bucked involuntarily as his tongue flicked the swollen bud of my nipple. His hand slipped behind my back, unhooking my bra expertly before tossing it aside. He turned his attention to my other breast being sure to show it equal worship and I could do nothing but moan and bury my hands in his hair. He continued kissing down my belly until he reached the top of my panties and then slid his hands over my hips to my thighs as he stood up between them at the edge of the bed. I realized I was still wearing the heels I'd borrowed from Rose as Edward caressed my calf, sliding his hand down to my foot and then pulled the shoe off, throwing it to the floor before doing the same to the other. He slid his hands back up my legs with a speed that could only be describe as excruciating until his hands reached my panties once again. He hooked his fingers under the flimsy fabric and tugged them down as a ragged gasp escaped my lips. Now I was laid out before him, not a stitch of clothing on my body and I watched him as he drunk me in, licking his lips and running his hands along my legs.

I was ready to self-combust.

Edward brought his hands to the tops of his boxer-briefs as if to pull them down but froze. He looked at me with wide, apologetic eyes.

"Fuck, baby, I don't have a condom. I wasn't planning on…" he trailed off.

"I'm on birth control," I gasped, my chest heaving in anticipation. "My annual was a month ago and all my tests were clean."

"I got tested two or three months ago but I always use protection. Every fucking time," he said as his eyes bore into mine.

"I trust you," I breathed, sitting up enough to reach for his hand. "I trust you and I need you. God, how I need you."

That was enough for Edward and he practically tore the briefs from his body and positioned himself between my legs but he was still too far away for my needs. I gripped his forearms and pulled him down as I slid backwards on the bed.

"I need to feel you." I panted, "I need to feel all of you."

He nodded in understanding and climbed onto the bed, crawling between my legs, repositioning himself at my entrance as he hovered over me. I weaved my hands around his neck and into his hair as I wrapped my legs around his waist. He locked his eyes on mine and I dug my fingernails into the skin of his shoulders as he entered me. It felt so fucking good, like coming home after an eternity away.

I pulled him down, crashing my lips to his as our bodies moved together effortlessly. I held him close, as close as I could and yet, it wasn't close enough. My fingernails sunk further into his flesh, eliciting a sharp hiss from his lips but I silenced him by pulling that delicious bottom lip between my own, trapping it with my teeth and he groaned in response, bucking his hips roughly against my own.

He slid his hand between us to where we were joined and began circling my clit furiously, forcing me to cry out in pleasure and arch my back in response but he wasn't done with me yet. He kissed his way to my ear, pulling the fleshy lobe into his mouth and nibbling on it, remembering the way it always made me come undone.

I was approaching my own release at a rapid pace when Edward suddenly stalled his movements. I struggled for breath as he placed his hands on my hips and rolled us over without breaking our connection. He cupped my breasts in his hands and brought them to his lips as I continued to ride him as though my life depended on it. In that moment, I felt as though it did. There was nothing else. Nothing but me and this beautiful man beneath me.

"Fuck baby," he murmured against my skin. "Always so beautiful."

I felt a long forgotten coiling in my stomach as I approached my release and my tempo increased. "Oh God, Edward, I'm so close. So fucking close."

"Come with me baby. I need you to come for me," he roared, bucking his hips up against me and I nearly exploded.

It took only a few more thrusts of his hips before the world completely fell apart around us. My eyes rolled back in my head, my vision going blurry as my body tensed and then fell slack. My muscles became nothing more than jelly as I slumped against Edward. He wrapped his arms around my back and weaved into my hair, holding me close as he reached his own end. We fell back onto the bed, a tangle of sweaty limbs, gasping for air until our breathing settled into the regular pattern of sleep.

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**A/N: So, they've come together once more but the situation is a complicated one. What happens when the sun comes up, the alcohol wears off and reality surfaces? **


	19. Chapter 19

**No infringement intended and all that good stuff. **

**So, some of you were happy about what happened last chapter and some of you were worried about how it might all play out. Well, put on your big girl panties and maybe grab a tissue. It's time for the morning after. **

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Chapter 19

June 2008

I woke the next morning to a pounding head and a tongue that felt like sandpaper. My stomach seemed fine, so long as I didn't move at all. As the fog of sleep lifted, the memories of the night before surfaced.

Dancing.

Running.

Chasing.

Elevators.

Doorways.

Kissing.

_Oh God! _

My eyes flew open, needing visual confirmation to know if what I remembered was reality or maybe just a vivid dream brought on by excessive alcohol consumption. The bed next to me was empty, as was the rest of the room and I began to doubt my sanity. It wasn't normal to have such vivid dreams was it? I could remember Edward's touch, the feel of his strong chest under my fingers, the way his lips against my neck set the skin there on fire. I couldn't have imagined all that could I? I glanced around the room, looking for anything to prove I wasn't going crazy. My clothes were scattered all over the room, as if they'd been tossed and I naked as the day I was born. There was also a delicious throbbing down below that seemed to prove that it was more reality than dream, but why then was I alone?

The sun streaming in from the balcony hurt my eyes and made my head throb even more. I felt like slipping back under the sheets and sleeping until everything made sense again but something snapped in my brain and my eyes flew to the open door of the balcony. I hadn't set one foot onto that balcony since I'd checked in. I hadn't even opened the blinds, let alone open the door.

My pulse quickened and my breathing became labored as I wrapped the bed sheet around my naked self, tucking the ends into the top like a towel and padded quietly to the door. My breathing caught in my throat as I saw him, standing on the balcony wearing the pants and shirt from the night before. His jacket was folded and lying in front of him on the railing. Even fully dressed and in rumpled clothing, he looked magnificent.

"Good morning," I called out, hugging the sheet to my body and leaning against the doorframe.

He turned and froze as he took in my appearance. "Good morning, Bella." He didn't make a move towards me and his tone was overly formal. It was disconcerting. Here he was, in my room, after sleeping in my bed and giving me the best sex I'd had in five years and he was speaking to me as if I was just a casual acquaintance.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Just thinking," he replied, turning away from me and looking out in the woods.

I stepped forward gingerly, trying not to make a sound until I was right behind him. I placed a hand on his back and he spun around.

"Bella, don't," he cautioned, pulling away. I looked into his eyes and my heart broke all over. I'd seen this look before, a little over five years ago when he came to my house and shattered my world. I recoiled from him and shrunk back against the doorway for support.

"Edward?"

"Bella, last night…" he began and my heart clench, knowing what was coming.

"Don't," I warned. I couldn't hear this again.

"We were both so drunk. This shouldn't have happened. You have a child! A husband. I don't want to be that guy."

"What guy?" I asked.

"The guy that breaks up families."

I inhaled sharply. "My marriage is already broken." I admitted. "I don't think it's ever been whole."

"Bella, this was a mistake," he said quietly, walking towards me.

"No!" I clutched at my chest as tears welled up in my eyes. This couldn't be happening.

"It shouldn't have happened," he repeated, slowly closing the distance between us as I backed away.

"But," I gasped, "but, what about everything you said?"

He stopped and was quiet for a moment, raking his fingers through his hair. "I had a lot to drink," he said quietly.

My breath came out in a ragged gasp as I sat back on the edge of the bed. "I don't believe you."

"You drank from my flask, Bella. You know I was drunk and so were you."

"Why are you doing this?" I sobbed.

He walked towards me, coming to stand in front of me and held out his arms as if to embrace me. I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms but I couldn't afford to. I was already in too deep. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away.

"I'm so sorry. This shouldn't have happened. You have a family to go home to Bella."

"You think I don't know that?" I snapped.

My mind was reeling as I finally allowed myself to think of the implications my actions would have on my family. I didn't like the idea of breaking up my daughter's home but if it wasn't a happy home, was that any better? Jake and I were growing increasingly distant and she was growing fast, soon she would become acutely aware of the forced nature of our relationship. Was that healthy for her? I'd grown up in a divorced home and I came out ok. I tried to imagine life if my parents had stayed together. Sure, they were happy now, but what I remembered of them together during my childhood was a lot of yelling and screaming. I didn't want that to be the type of memories Charlie had of her childhood. I'd married Jake so she would have both a mother and a father but was this the type of relationship I wanted her to have? Was I doing what was best for her or teaching her that it was OK to settle?

"This was a mistake," he repeated.

"Stop saying that!" I pleaded.

"But it was. You have to know that."

I shook my head, tears falling freely now. "Why do you keep doing this to me?"

"Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you. That was never my intention."

"No?" I asked, "Then why do you keep doing it? Do you just get horny and think 'hey, my ex is still hung up on me, I bet she'd be an easy lay'."

"Bella," he began, "you know…"

Something within me snapped and I shot off the bed, pushing him away as I did. "No I don't!" I screamed. "What I know is you leave, you push me away, you tell me you don't want me and then you get drunk, become sweet, and make me believe you want me again, just to rip my heart apart all over again."

He reached for my arms but I shrugged away and shoved him again, unable to be so close to him. "Bella, please," he begged.

"Why?" I sobbed. The pain in my chest was so great, I felt as though I were being physically ripped apart. I kept pushing against his chest, he was still too close, amplifying the pain, but he was immovable and it just made me madder. "Why?" I screamed again and began beating against his chest as my pain threatened to overpower me.

Edward snatched my wrists to stop my assault as my body gave out and I slumped against him, my tears instantly soaking through his shirt.

"I never, ever, meant to hurt you. I really did come just to see you but I didn't plan on this. I only wanted to see you and speak to you. The rest was just…"

"A mistake," I finished for him, unable to hear that word from his lips again. My voice was flat and lifeless. "So, nothing you said last night was true?"

He hesitated and I pulled away from him, barely able to see him through my tear-soaked eyes but there was something in face that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Hesitation? Regret? Guilt?

"Bella, it doesn't matter now." He looked away, as though he could no longer look me in the eye.

"It matters to me." I said quietly.

"It shouldn't."

"Why?"

"Because you are married and I…" he trailed off, hesitant to finish his own sentence.

My head snapped up. There was something there. Something I was missing. "And you, what?"

"It's not important."

"I think it is. What is it Edward? Finish the sentence. Because I am married and you are…"

He sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose the way he always did when he was stressed.

"Because, Bella, you are married and I am engaged."

Those words hit me like a freight train. Like a bullet. Like he'd literally punched a hole through my chest, pulled my heart out and crushed it with his bare hand.

"I have a fiancé back home."

I inhaled sharply and steadied myself against the dresser.

"I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you but…" his voice trailed off as his shoulders slumped and his head dropped. "I'm so sorry."

Before I could even process what was happening, my hand flew up and slapped him across the cheek. The sound of my palm across his face was almost deafening and he looked at me stunned but accepting of my reaction.

"Get out!" I breathed.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice pleading.

"NO! Get the fuck out!"

He nodded, dropping his head and quickly gathered up his jacket. I focused my attention out the window. I needed him to leave but I couldn't watch him go. I heard the door open and could feel him hesitate in the doorway but I refused to turn around. I couldn't look. When the door closed with a thud, my strength gave out and I fell to the floor sobbing.

It was there that Rosalie found me an hour later, having forced the front desk to let her in when I didn't respond to her knocking. She pulled me into her arms, begging me to tell her what had happened while Emmett paced the room like a caged animal.

I replied with only one word, the only word she needed to know exactly what was wrong. "Edward."

She whispered something to Emmett who quickly left the room as Rose pulled me to my feet and forced me into the shower. I sobbed against the cool tile until she returned to the bathroom. Rose took one look at my sobbing form on the shower floor before stripping down to her underwear and stepping into the shower. She carefully shampooed my hair, whispering that everything would be ok as she worked it into a lather and forced me under the water to rinse.

Once clean, Rose turned off the now lukewarm water, wrapped me in a large towel and then wrapped one around herself. I barely noticed as she towel dried my hair and pulled it into a messy bun and forced my limp limbs into a tank top and yoga pants. Emmett reappeared with their luggage once I was dressed, calmer now that Rose had explained the situation, and pulled me into his arms. He carried me out to the car as Rose dressed and packed up my own things for me. Less than an hour after Rose had found me, we had Forks in our rearview.

The drive was quiet and subdued. Rose and Em spoke quietly, as I stared out the window, attempting to process the last twenty-four hours. None of it made sense. The way he touched me, the way he looked at me, the things he said, things he couldn't bring himself to deny, none of it coincided with anything that happened this morning.

"It doesn't make sense," I whispered, causing Rose to turn in her seat and look at me.

"What doesn't, B?"

"Any of it."

"You'll have to be more specific, B. What happened? You were dancing with Tyler and you seemed happy and fine. We stepped away to get a drink and then suddenly you were gone. I didn't even know he was there. We thought you'd just had enough and went back to your room. I'm so sorry, B, I should have come up and checked on you."

"It's not your fault Rose. I'm just an idiot."

"Talk to me. What happened?"

"He was there. He cut in while I was dancing with Tyler and we talked. He was flirting with me and it got to be too much, so I just left. He followed me and we argued. He told me he only came to see me. He told me I was all he thinks about. Then he kissed me and I let him. I shouldn't have. I should have known better, but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop."

I began to cry again and Rose squeezed my hand. "It's OK, B."

"But it's not. It's definitely not OK. I'm married. I have a child for Christ's sake! I can't just fall into bed with someone because he smiles at me and tells me what I want to hear."

"Bella, there's a bit more to the story and you know it. This wasn't just anyone. It was someone you have a long history with. Someone you never really got over even though you try and pretend that you have. I know you, B. You still love him."

It wasn't a question but I nodded anyways. "I do. I never stopped."

"What happened this morning?"

"He said it was a mistake. He kept bringing up my marriage and my family."

"He has a point." Rose added quietly. "You do have a husband and child to consider."

I snorted loudly. "I'm not the only one."

"What?"

"He's getting married. He has a fiancé back in New Hampshire." The word fiancé felt dirty on my tongue and I nearly spat the word.

The car jerked sharply and then quickly righted itself. Both Rose and I jerked our gaze towards Emmett who looked murderous.

"What the fuck, Em?" Rose screeched, bracing herself against the dashboard and the door.

"Sorry ladies. Just got uncontrollably angry and distracted for a second. Won't happen again."

Rose gave him a sweet smile, touched by his obvious concern for me as I clutched at my chest again and stared back out the window. I loved her and was thrilled she finally met a nice, caring guy like Emmett but I just couldn't watch them be sweet to each other. Not right this minute.

"So," Rose said, turning her attention back to me. "A fiancé, huh?"

"Yep," I spat. "One he couldn't be bothered to mention until after I slept with him."

I heard the sound of leather squeaking as Em's hands tightened around the steering wheel again but he kept his mouth shut and managed to keep the car on the road.

"Goddamn asshole! What the fuck is up with that?" Rose wondered aloud and I only wished I had an answer.

I could only shrug and looked back out the window.

"He's a fucking guy," Emmett muttered, almost to himself and Rose's head spun to stare at him. "Look, I'm not defending him. I think he's a fucking punk and I've half a mind to round up my entire defensive line and go hunt his ass down, but we don't always think with the right brain, especially when alcohol is involved. Maybe he's still got some feelings for her deep down and when he saw Bellsy here lookin' all fine and shit, he gave into those old feelings, not thinking about the consequences till he woke up sober this morning."

Rose and I both just stared at him and he got visibly flustered. "Calm down ladies. I don't agree with him and I'm not excusing his prick ass. I'm probably wrong and he's probably just a dick. I'm just trying to give you a male perspective. What's it called, playing devil's something or other."

"Devil's advocate," I murmured and Emmett snapped his fingers in recognition.

"Yup, devil's advocate. That's what I'm doing here. Don't castrate me for it."

Rose continued to give him dirty looks, and the two dissolved into a silent argument but I couldn't be bothered to try reading lips. I didn't really care. I wasn't mad at Emmett for his insights but they'd given me a lot to think about. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure if the idea that Edward still cared for me but left me anyways made me feel any better than thinking he'd just used me.

The rest of the drive went by in silence. Rose still wasn't thrilled with Emmett trying to explain away Edward's behavior and I was too consumed by my own thoughts to intercede. I asked them to drop me off at my parent's house instead of my own. I wasn't ready to face Jake. I had no idea what to tell him or whether I should tell him anything at all, but mostly I just needed to hold my little girl.

Unfortunately for me, Charlie and my mom had gone shopping and only my dad was home when I arrived. Rose offered to take me home and my dad assured me that mom would bring Charlie home later but I opted to wait, still not ready to face Jake. I said good-bye to Em and Rose, who promised to call me later, and settled in to watch baseball with my dad.

The best thing about my dad was his ability to hang out without trying to force conversation and he didn't fail me. We'd watched an entire inning in silence before he walked into the kitchen and returned with two beers, handing me one. I looked at him in surprise and he laughed loudly.

"You're twenty-three Bells and I know you've been drinking for a while so what's the problem with me sharing a beer with my girl. You look like you might need one."

Couldn't argue there. "Are you supposed to be drinking these?" I asked with a smile as I popped open the bottle. "I don't want to get you in trouble with your cardiologist."

"Everything in moderation, baby girl." He popped the top off of his own bottle and took a long sip. "Besides, I'd rather be happy for a few years than miserable for many."

I tried not to dwell on that statement as I sipped my beer and continued to watch the Mariners play the Padres until my dad broke the silence.

"So, Bells, you gonna tell your old man what's bothering you?"

"Who says I'm bothered?" I asked, attempting to be nonchalant.

Dad laughed and shook his head. "You've always been a bit transparent, Bells. This about you and Jake?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said into my beer.

"Sweetheart, I know you married him for Charlie. I know you've been fighting to make it work and I'm pretty sure that recently you've been losing that fight."

My eyes filled with tears and I had to look away. I didn't want my dad to see me cry. "How do you know all that?"

"I'm your dad, baby girl, it's my job."

"But I'm all grown up now and I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me." I insisted, blinking the tears away before they could fall.

"I'll always worry. Will you ever stop worrying about Charlie?"

"I guess not." I admitted.

"Now, I don't have to tell you that I won't be around forever."

"Don't say that, dad." I snapped. I knew his heart had been giving him more trouble recently and the doctors were running out of options but it wasn't something I liked to think about. The idea of losing my dad was more than I could handle.

"It's true, baby, and I know you don't like to talk about it but my days are numbered, so just let your old man impart a little wisdom while he can." I just nodded dumbly, as the tears continued to well up.

"Look, Bells, I can't deny that I've made many mistakes. Many, many mistakes and the most important thing I've learned from them is that life is too short to settle for anything less than happiness. I know it's scary and it's not an easy decision but if you aren't happy, it's time to make some changes."

"What if I missed my chance, daddy. What if it's too late?"

"It's never too late, baby girl. I don't know if you want your old man's opinion but I think you've spent the last few years worrying about everyone else and not thinking at all about what you want. You've put your entire life, all your own wants and needs, on the back burner and I've watched you do it, thinking you needed to learn from your own mistakes but you're so Goddamn stubborn. Bells, I want to see you at least on the road to happy before this old ticker craps out on me."

"Dad," I cautioned, but he waved me off.

"I just want you to be happy. What would make you happy, Bells?"

I shrugged, unable to answer the question. I truly didn't know anymore. "I guess I want Charlie to grow up and…"

"No, baby, what do you want. For you, not Charlie. I already know you'll take care of her. What about you? Not Jake, or me, or your mom, or anyone else. What do you want?"

"I don't know if I can have what I want." I finally admitted.

"Baby girl, is there someone else?"

"What?" My eyes went wide in shock.

"You were never the same after you and that Cullen kid broke up. I know you two were close, much closer than I ever liked to think about. Then you go off to that reunion and come back looking like you've seen a ghost and refusing to go home." My eyes nearly popped out of my skull in surprise and dad chuckled to himself. "I was a cop for twenty-five years Bells. You learn to be observant. You're not as sneaky as you think you are. You aren't now and you weren't back in high school either."

He gave me a wink and I nearly choked on my beer.

"Do you still love him?" he asked, his voice serious again.

"It doesn't matter, dad," I whispered, choking back sobs. "It's too late for that."

"It probably matters to Jake."

_Fuck! _He had a point. One I'd been trying to avoid for almost five years.

"Listen baby, I won't tell you what to do. You're a grown woman now, as much as I hate to admit it, but it's not fair to Jake to string him along if your heart is somewhere else, and it's not fair to yourself either."

"What about Charlie?" I asked, wiping tears away with the back of my hand.

"She's a tough kid, she'll be alright and she loves you. She'll want you to be happy too."

I considered what he said for several minutes but the thing that stood out the most was how unfair this was to Jake. I'd been so wrapped up in my own thoughts and bullshit that I'd barely thought about what I was doing to him. I did love him and he'd taken care of me and our baby for years without asking much in return but he deserved more. Somewhere out there was a woman who would love him the way he deserved, the way I couldn't, and I was holding him back from that. But, could I leave? I hadn't worked in years. I had no money, I had nothing. How would I take care of my baby?

"I don't know what to do, daddy." I broke down and the tears fell freely as dad put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"I think you do and I know it scares you, but remember baby, you aren't alone. Your mom and I are here for whatever you need, whenever you need it. No need to make any big decisions right away, just think about it for a bit. Now enough of this, we're missing a perfectly good baseball game."

"It's going to be alright, Bells," he added, placing a kiss on my temple.

"Thanks daddy," I whispered curling up against him for a bit of baseball.

* * *

**A/N: Yikes. I apologize for letting you down if you were hoping for sunshine and rainbows. These two need to get their lives in order first if they have any hope of making it work. Don't be disheartened, their story is far from over and Edward will be back in the next chapter. **

**So wipe your eyes, grab a pint of ice cream and leave a review, even if it's just to tell me how mad at me you are. I promise to try and make it right. **

**Oh, one last note. I know many of you were concerned that Jake was also cheating while Bella was away. It's not mentioned in the story so I'll mention it here. Jake did NOT cheat on Bella. He's genuinely a decent guy, he's just not the right guy. Cheating is wrong and I think it would be a copout to say 'oh, well Jake was cheating too so it's ok'. It's not ok. This is Bella's mistake and we'll see soon enough where she goes from here. **


	20. Chapter 20

**Twenty chapters in and shockingly, I still don't own Twilight. Crazy right? So, I'm still just playing around and infringement is not my intent. **

**Lotta Edward hate after that last chapter. Can't argue with that, he was a total prick. Eventually he'll get the opportunity to explain but first we're going to jump ahead in time a bit. Ok we're jumping ahead a lot so it might be a little confusing at first. Just bear with me, everything will be explained in time.**

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Chapter 20

July 2012

Four Years Later

I hated inventory. I hated it with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. It always sucked and today was no exception. I was most certainly not in the mood to drag my ass all over the back room to see how much of each item we had in stock. However, it was definitely a necessary evil and it did give me a little break when my fingers just couldn't make any more hydrangea blossoms. Why I ever agreed to construct a five tier wedding cake positively covered in hydrangeas was beyond me. Maybe I was losing my mind in my old age.

I made a mental note not to ever do inventory again without Ben around. He did more baking than I did anymore and could probably rattle off what was needed from memory without having to rummage through the fridge and freezer like I did.

"Hey Ange," I called out. "Do you know if we're out of wine?"

I heard her muffled voice speaking to someone up front and I cursed myself for not making sure there were no customers before hollering like a mad woman. I really was losing my mind anymore or maybe I was just way too tired and in need of a serious break. I looked up from my paperwork as Angela popped her head into view a few minutes later.

"Wine?"

"Yeah, for the cannoli shells," I reminded her and her eyes went wide.

"Oh shit. Ben mentioned we were out. I was supposed to tell you when you came in but then I got busy and I totally forgot. I don't know where my head is anymore."

"I think it's too busy fantasizing about my baker," I joked, laughing as her cheeks flamed. "Don't worry about it. I can run out and grab some."

"Uh, can I go?" she asked quietly, fiddling with her hands. "I just got my new id and I haven't used it yet."

"Ah, to be twenty-one again," I said with a sigh. "Alright, go on."

I handed her some cash and told her what I needed before she practically danced out of the room only to return a few seconds later. "Hey, Bella, there's a customer out here that needs some cupcakes. You want me to handle it before I go?"

"Nah, go on. I'll take care of them."

She headed out the door again and I could hear her telling the customer out front that someone would be right with them as I made my way to the front of the bakery. I reached the counter and saw a tall, well-dressed man, his back to me as he inspected one of the display cakes in the window. Something about him seemed familiar but I brushed that thought off. He was likely just a repeat customer.

"Sorry about the wait," I called out. "What can I help you with?"

He turned to face me and all the breath left my body. How I didn't recognize the messy bronze hair was beyond me, but suddenly standing in front of me was a ghost from my past. He looked the same though a bit more grown up. He was looking incredible in a well-tailored suit with just a bit of five o'clock shadow on his face. His green eyes were just as intense and I had to fight not to lose myself in them. I thanked God for the high counter, hiding me from the shoulders down so he couldn't see me shaking.

"Bella?" he asked, approaching the counter slowly, his eyes squinting as he took me in. Any doubt I'd had about his identity shattered. It really was him, not a mirage or my tired eyes playing tricks on me.

"What are you doing here?" I gasped.

"Picking up some cupcakes for my mom. Is it really you?"

I nodded and we stood in quiet silence for several moments, staring at each other over the tall, glass counter filled with sugary treats. The air between us was thick, filled with years of anger, hurt, resentment, and then longing. _God! _Why was there still so much longing? I hated what he did to me. Four years with no contact, nothing but the memory of the pain he brought me and yet, the mere sight of him made my breath catch and my stomach clench. _Goddamn it!_ What was wrong with me?

"How long have you lived in Seattle?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Uh, six or seven years I think. You?"

"Couple months. My parents live here. I moved back for them."

There was more silence as we stared at each other over the countertop. I had no idea what to say. What do you say to the person who owned your heart but threw it away? Four years had passed since he'd walked away from me at the reunion and the pain was still palpable. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to scream and throw things and beat against his chest. I tried so hard to hate him, to push him away from my mind but seeing him in front of me, I just wanted to throw my arms around him and that fact made me hate myself. I'd spent four years creating a life without him. Four years of staying busy and doing everything in my power to keep from thinking of him. Four years of trying to move past him and all his bullshit and in one instant all that hard work seemed to be blown to hell.

"Bella," he said quietly, walking towards me but the chime of the door opening pulled both of our attentions away.

"Mama," a tiny voice rang out as a little dark haired girl ran into the building, filling my heart with joy and pulling me away from the hurt of the past.

"Hey baby," I cried, lumbering out from behind the counter to pull my sweet girl into my arms.

Edward hung back though I couldn't help but notice his eyes nearly popped out of his head in surprise as I walked out from behind the counter. Apparently, the huge swollen belly I was sporting these days hadn't been noticeable behind the counter. Edward's face turned hard and impassive when Jake appeared in the doorway, out of breath from chasing Charlie.

"You tell your mom goodbye?" Jake asked Charlie as Edward turned his attention back to the display cakes. "We gotta get on the road baby girl."

I couldn't worry about Edward as I hugged Charlie tight to me and kissed her sweet little face until she whined for me to stop. She was leaving for a couple of weeks and I needed to get all my loving in before she did. "You have fun with your grandpa Billy and give him my love," I told her. "Be good for daddy, ok? I'm sorry I can't come with you."

She nodded and hugged me back giving me a big kiss on my check and then placed one on my belly. "Bye bye, baby," she whispered and gave my belly a sweet rub before walking back to Jake and taking his hand.

"I should go," Edward said quietly, heading for the door. "It was nice to see you again, Bella."

"What about your cupcakes?" I called after him but he waved me away.

"Not a big deal," he replied and slipped out the door before I could say another word. Typical Edward. Just as quickly as he'd come back into my life, he was gone again. The pain and anger of watching his retreating form was immense but I shelved my reaction, unwilling to lose it in front of my daughter.

"Who was that?" Jake asked, watching him leave as he pulled Charlie into his arms. If he was suspicious of anything, he didn't show it.

"No one, just an old friend," I replied coolly, leaning in to give my girl one more kiss. "Give me a call when you get there and let me know you arrived safe?" I asked and Jake nodded in agreement.

"You sure you'll be ok here?"

"I'll be just fine," I assured him. "Don't worry about me."

I gave my girl another squeeze and gave Jake a kiss on the cheek before he whisked my girl away. The store was only a few minutes from closing so I went ahead and flipped the sign and headed back to the office. I just needed a moment alone to process the last few minutes before Angela came back. It seemed like a cruel twist of nature for Edward Cullen to come back into my life now, just when I was finally becoming content with my life. It wasn't fair and it appeared nothing much had changed anyways. Edward was obviously uncomfortable in my presence since he'd bailed the first chance he got but now he knew I was here, so at least I could expect him to be keeping his distance from now on.

What bothered me most though, was my own reaction. It was just a few seconds of casual conversation and I barely even thought about him anymore. So, why did it hurt so much? Why did it still hurt at all? What was it about him that refused to let me go?

I sank into my chair and buried my face into my arms on the desk as I dissolved into tears, hating myself for wasting any more tears on Edward Cullen.

A little over a week later, I was struggling to make it through the day. My back ached, even more than normal for a very pregnant woman, and my stomach didn't want to keep anything down. Angela worried aloud several times throughout the day that I was in labor but I blew her off. I hadn't had one single contraction, not even a Braxton Hicks, all day. No, this seemed more like a stomach bug or maybe a mild case of food poisoning but not labor. It was all quiet on my baby front.

Feeling sick had also put me in a horribly shitty mood. I missing my daughter something crazy and ready to pack it in and call it a day, but before I could do that I had to get through the payroll for the week. You can put off many things but I've learned that employee paychecks are not one of them. Not if you wanted to keep those employees anyway and mine were pretty great, so I soldiered through, typing the numbers into the software while trying not to lose my lunch. A quick double check of my work and I was ready to go, shutting down my computer and hoisting my giant belly out of the chair. I gave Angela a rundown of what still needed to be done and was nearly out the door before I was stopped by a familiar face.

"Holy shit, Alice Cullen, is that you?" I cried, taking in the tiny, dark haired woman in front of me. Even all these years later, she still didn't reach my shoulder. "You're the same size!"

"I know, right?" she said with a laugh. "I think I stopped growing in, like, fifth grade or something. How have you been?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked, rubbing my protruding belly.

"Yeah, I heard about that."

"I'm sure you did," I cracked.

"Well, you still look fantastic, honestly you do. Haven't aged a day."

"You're a dirty liar," I cracked, "but thank you anyway."

We stared at each other for a minute as she looked around the shop, lost for conversation.

"Did he send you?" I finally asked, knowing the answer. It can't be coincidence that she waltzed back into my life just a week after her brother had.

"Yes and no." she said quietly. "My brother mentioned he ran into you here but he didn't send me. I wouldn't do his bidding anyway," she joked, trying to lighten the conversation. "He told me you guys make some crazy, beautiful wedding cakes and that is why I'm here. He doesn't know I came."

"You're getting married?" I asked. She didn't look much older than the fifteen year old girl I'd once bought a pregnancy test for and though I knew was much older than I'd been when I was married, it still seemed strange.

She held up her left hand to display a beautiful square cut diamond surrounded by smaller ones. It was large enough to be impressive but not so big it overwhelmed her dainty hand. It suited Alice perfectly and her happiness was contagious.

"Wow, I'm so thrilled for you, Alice. You deserve it, but listen; I'm not feeling too hot and was heading home just now. If you want to you can come up with me, we can chat a little about what kind of cake you're looking for, maybe draw up a few ideas."

"You do these?" she asked in surprise, motioning to the display cakes in the window.

"Sure do." I beamed. Other than my daughter, my cakes were my biggest source of pride. A talent I'd stumbled on quite by accident. "Come on up, I've got a ton of pictures and some magazines we can look through."

"It can wait if you're not feeling well," she insisted. "I'm not in a rush."

"I'm OK; I just need a more comfortable seat and something to settle my stomach. But, I'd love to catch up. I've actually missed your tiny ass."

She considered it for a minute and then nodded. "Alright, but you tell me if it's too much and I'll bail, OK?"

I led her out the door and around the side of the building to the stairs leading up to my apartment.

"You live here?"

"Can't beat the proximity," I laughed. "I like to be close in case there's a problem or even just a late night."

"You have many late nights in the bakery biz?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "I thought it was more of an early morning thing."

"More than you'd think, actually. You have no idea how many times a crazy bride has called at the last minute wanting to change the design or add a bunch of gumpaste flowers, not realizing how long some of those bastards take to make."

"I'd tell them to fuck off."

"I'll keep that in mind in case you try and pull that shit," I joked as I unlocked the door and flipped the lights. I motioned to the couch. "Have a seat. I'm just going to grab a bottle of water, can I get you one?" She nodded and I headed to the kitchen.

"Actually a pretty nice place you got here," Alice called from the living room. "Is this your little girl?"

I couldn't see what she was referring to but there were several pictures around my place, almost all of them featuring Charlie, so I replied in the affirmative.

"She's beautiful, Bella. How old?"

"She'll be eight in September." I said as I waddled back to the living room and saw what picture she was looking at. "Oh that's her most recent school pic. She's going into second grade this year. I can't believe how fast time flies."

"Tell me about it. I'm having a hard time believing it's been almost a decade since I've seen you last. I know we weren't really friends and I was just your boyfriend's pain in the ass kid sister but seriously Bella, I never forgot what you did for me."

"Us girls gotta stick together, right?" I said with a wink. "Now, tell me what you've been up to since. Starting with whoever gave you that pretty ring there."

She smiled, as only a woman held over heels in love can, and delved into the story of how she met Jasper Whitlock. She'd gone to New York to study fashion design and had been sketching in Central Park last summer when she was approached by a tall, gorgeous, blonde man who asked her the time. They'd struck up a conversation and he eventually asked her to dinner. When he handed her his cell phone so she could enter her number, she called him out, asking why anyone with a fully charged phone needed to ask someone for the time. She told me he blushed in embarrassment and finally admitted he'd just needed an excuse to talk to her. They'd been together ever since.

We talked a little longer, catching up on the last nine years and I was immensely grateful to her for carefully skirting around the topic of her brother. I didn't think she knew the half of what had transpired between the two of us, but she seemed to sense my hesitation regarding him and steered clear.

She asked about my own life and I raved on and on about Charlie, gushing in great lengths about her many skills, talents and accomplishments and Alice, bless her soul, listened intently. We'd just begun discussing my experiences in small business ownership when a strange pain ricocheted through my belly and I cried out.

"Are you ok?" she asked, her eyes wide with immediate panic as she stared at my belly.

"I think so," I gasped, trying to catch my breath. "Little one must have kicked a nerve or something. Every once in a while he gets my sciatic and that shit hurts."

I stood up, hoping a change of position would do the trick and began pacing my living room. I'd only made half a circuit when my belly tightened and I had to stop to catch my breath.

"You sure you're ok?" Alice asked, standing to help me steady myself. She gripped my hands and looked into my eyes, her own filled with confusion and fear. "Bella?" she asked, just as I felt a trickle of fluid drip down my leg.

"What is it with you fucking Cullens?" I cursed, no stranger to what was happening.

Alice's eyes grew big as saucers, even more confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Last time this happened was almost eight years ago and I was standing in front of your father."

She lowered her eyes, following my gaze and her mouth formed a small 'o' as she realized what was going on. "Is that? Holy fuck! Did your water just break?"

"I think so."

"Oh my God! We need to call an ambulance or something, right?" Alice was on the verge of freaking out and I set my hand on her arm to call her down.

"No, we don't need an ambulance. These things take much more time than they show in movies. We've probably got hours still."

"How are you so calm?" she cried, pacing the room like a crazy person.

"This is not my first rodeo, babe. What I need most is for you to calm down. Can you do that? I kinda need you, Alice."

She nodded, not taking her eyes off of my belly as if something was about to burst forth like in the movie Alien. "I'm calm," she whispered, trying to convince herself more than me. "Is there someone I should call? Your husband or someone?"

I gave her a few numbers to call and headed to my bedroom to change my clothing and gather my hospital bag before heading back out to find Alice. She was on the couch, head in hands.

"You ok there?" I asked with a laugh.

"My dad's a doctor," she rambled, "and I know I should be better about this, but I've never been with anyone who went into labor before. Gotta admit, I'm kinda freaking out here."

"It's no biggie, Alice. No one's expecting you to catch the kid. All I need is a ride to the hospital because I can't drive myself there. If that's too much it's cool, I can call someone else or get a cab or something. It's going to be ok. I've done this before. I'm good here."

"Just a ride?" she asked, her face pale.

"Just a ride."

"OK, I can do that. Let's go."

She took my bag and opened the front door for me. "Guess it's a good thing you didn't go into the family business," I joked and she managed a weak smile and a nod.

A massive contraction hit just as we reached her cute, little car and I braced myself against the frame, causing Alice's face to lose all color again. "Don't worry. I'm fine, I'm fine," I chanted, trying to calm her down while breathing through it. Thankfully, I was still in the early stages and it was more discomfort than pain.

The contraction passed and I folded myself into the car as Alice ran around the driver's side. We were halfway to the hospital when a random thought crossed my mind. "Hey, Alice," I asked, and she turned to look at me cautiously. "Can you do me a huge favor?"

"Um, if you need me to hold your hand in that room or something…"

"No, no," I assured her. "It's just all that stuff I told you, about me and my life and everything, do you mind if we keep that between us?"

A smile crossed her lips for the first time since I'd stood from the couch. "You mean you don't want me gossiping with my brother."

"Yup," I replied. "Look, I really don't think he cares judging by the way he ran from me last week, but if wants to know about me and my life, he can man up and fucking ask me himself instead of sending his little sister to gather intel for him."

"Ok, what the hell happened between you two anyways? One day you're disgustingly in love and the next, it's all over."

"Ask him."

"Oh, I have," she retorted, "but he gets all weird when your name enters the conversation and refuses to talk about it."

"It's a long story and it's not really the time or place."

"Right, I guess it's not. Don't worry, my lips are sealed. I owe you that much."

"Thanks."

"No problem," she said with a forced smile as she pulled into the hospital parking lot, trying to put on a brave face for me. "Now let's go have a baby."

* * *

**Ok first, I'm just going to clarify one thing here in case anyone missed the note up top. It has been four years since the reunion so this baby is NOT Edward's. That's just not possible. That's all I'm going to say about that. **

**Secondly, most of this story is already written and I'm hoping to finish up the last chapter this week. I'd been doing the every other posting as a way to space things out and give me the chance to finish writing it without keeping you all waiting for weeks at a time. Now that I'm all but finished I'm debating whether I should keep the posting schedule the same or if I should post more often now. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts. **

**Lastly, I just hit 100+ reviews last chapter. I'm freaking out! Thank you so much everyone! The response has been incredible, way more than I could have ever anticipated. Virtual cupcakes from Bella's bakery for everyone! **


	21. Chapter 21

**No infringement intended and all that jazz. **

**I had a good night last night and finished off the last chapter and half the epilogue so I'm giving into popular demand and updating more frequently. I'm still going to stick to a chapter a day because I like to carefully proof read each chapter one more time before posting. **

**Only one of you correctly guessed the story behind Bella's new baby. The rest of you will find out momentarily. So, I'll leave you to it.**

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Chapter 21

July 2012

The next day I was totally kicking ass at an episode of Jeopardy, in between the random blood pressure and temperature checks by the quiet and withdrawn nurse assigned to me today. With the exception of Alex Trebek, my visitor list for the day had been a bit lacking so the knock on my door caught me off guard.

Before I could respond, the door opened and a large floral arrangement entered the room, concealing the identity of the deliverer. I certainly wasn't expecting anyone and assumed it was just an orderly or nurse dropping them off and returned my attention to the screen.

"Who is Ernest Hemingway," the faceless flower bearer replied to the TV, beating me to it.

"I knew that!" I insisted with a laugh as my mystery guest lowered the flowers.

"I'm sure you did," he replied, flashing the same crooked smile I used to live for over almost a decade ago.

I stared at him in stunned silence as I grappled with the blankets. He saw my distress and turned away, busying himself with setting the flowers on the counter, giving me a moment to compose myself and I quickly pulled the blankets up around myself, trying to conceal my flabby, floppy, postpartum body in this hideous, thin hospital gown.

"What are you doing here?" I gasped.

"Isn't it customary to shower a new mother with flowers and congratulations?"

"If you say so," I replied tartly. "Doesn't really explain why you're here, though I think I'd rather know how you know that I'm here?" He dropped his eyes and I had my answer. "Fucking Alice! She promised me."

"In her defense, she was pretty shaken up yesterday and I may have coaxed it out of her."

"Yeah whatever," I grumbled and his face fell even further, making me feel bad. "I'm sorry," I added. "I'm being a bitch. Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful."

They truly were, a gorgeous vase filled with yellow tulips, lilies and what appeared to be white freesia. I didn't know if it was just a coincidence or if he somehow still remembered my favorite flower after all this time. I shook that thought off. I couldn't think like that. I couldn't read too much into the situation when it was much more likely that he'd just picked an arrangement out of a glass case.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have barged in here uninvited. I just felt like an asshole for running out so abruptly on you last week. It was just the shock of seeing you and then the belly took me by surprise and your family showing up and I just, I just…I didn't know how to process it and I guess I wanted to prove both to you and to myself that I could be more grown up than that."

I didn't know how to reply to that and so I didn't. The two of us fell into a strained silence. I could see Edward debating whether to stay or go as I tried to figure out which I wanted.

"So, where is everyone?" he asked after a minute, glancing around my empty room.

"What do you mean?"

"I just expected you to be swarmed with visitors. Isn't that what people do? Crowd around to congratulate the parents and coo at the new baby? Where is everyone? Your friends? Family? Where's the baby? I thought they keep mom and baby together nowadays." His face suddenly became quite stricken with worry. "Is everything ok? Alice said you went into labor but that was all she'd say. Did something happen? Oh God, I'm so sorry!"

"Edward, will you just calm down?" Despite our history, I couldn't stand watching him worry and squirm, thinking he'd hurt or offended me some way. "Everything is fine. I gave birth to a little boy last night. He was a healthy eight pounds and six ounces and he's perfectly fine. His name is Henry and he's just down the hall. With his mother."

Edward processed what I said, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "Wait, what?"

"I gave birth to Henry, but I am not his mother," I said slowly. "Rose is."

"Rose? Your Rose? Rosalie Hale?"

"Yeah, though technically it's Rosalie McCarty now but that's semantics."

He took a seat in the empty chair next to my bed and continued to stare at me. "I'm confused," he stated and I laughed loudly because that much was plainly clear.

"I was a surrogate or gestational carrier, whatever you want to call it. Emmett prefers 'rental baby oven' but that's just the way he is. Emmett is Rose's husband," I added, trying to not to add to his confusion.

"Why?"

"Well, Rose had a health scare a few years back. She's fine now, thank God, she just can't carry a child herself anymore. I had a perfectly good womb that I wasn't using, so I offered it up. But Henry is one hundred percent their baby. She froze a few eggs before treatment and they mixed them up with Emmett's boys and made a baby. I just incubated the kid."

"Wow, Bella, that's amazing."

"Not really, it's just what friends do. She's always been there for me. This was the least I could do."

"And your husband didn't mind?"

"What?" Now it was my turn to be confused.

"He didn't care about you carrying another couple's child? Don't get me wrong, I think it's a beautifully selfless thing you did and it wouldn't bother me," his rambling was adorable but I wasn't about to help him out. "But I can see some men having an issue with their wife growing another man's child in her belly."

"Ah," I laughed. "Well, it's not like I had to sleep with Emmett or anything. The whole thing is very clinical. But to answer your question. No, there was no problem, because there is no husband to have a problem."

"Oh, but last week…"

"Last week, Jake was brought our daughter over to say good-bye before they left to go on vacation with Jake's new wife, Vanessa. We've been divorced for a while now.

"Oh," he said slowly, letting that information sink in and it became clear that Alice hadn't spilled as many beans as I'd originally thought.

Before either of us could say anything else, my doctor appeared in the doorway for a checkup and Edward leapt out of the chair. "I guess that's my cue to leave," he stated, burying his hands into the pockets of his pants. "It really was great to see you again, Bella. When are they letting you out of here?"

Dr. Gerandy looked up from my chart and smiled. "Tomorrow morning, it looks like," he said, answering the question for me.

Edward nodded and gave me a small smile and a wave before walking out the door. No matter how many times I watched him go, the sight of him walking away never stopped hurting and I hated myself for it.

"Good looking fella," Dr. Gerandy commented. "Boyfriend?"

"Nope," I replied. "Not anymore."

True to his word, Dr. Gerandy gave me the green light to go home the next morning. Henry was released at the same time so Rose and Emmett dropped me off at home before taking their new baby home for the first time. Emmett insisted on physically carrying me up the stairs to my apartment, all the way to my couch and even fetched a bottle of water, a blanket and the TV remote for me before heading back down to grab my stuff from the car. It would have been irritating if it wasn't so sweet.

Before he left, he pulled me into his massive arms and gave me a tight hug. "I know I've said thank you already, Bella, but seriously, thank you so much. Not just for my son but for giving my Rosie everything she's ever wanted. I'll owe you forever, little B."

"Are you crying, Em?" I joked, trying to lighten the mood before I became a blubbering mess. With my hormones out of whack, it didn't take much. I'd already cried once this morning when I realized Edward wasn't coming back to visit again. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, he didn't say he would, only inquired about the length of my stay. I shouldn't have even wanted him to come back but when it came to him, what my head wanted and what my heart felt never seemed to be on the same page.

"Hey," Emmett cried, pulling me out of my thoughts, "it takes a real man to cry. Besides, men are allowed to cry over the birth of their child, the wreckage of their car and the major wins or losses of their sports teams. It's in the manual."

"What manual? _How to be a man_ by Emmett McCarty?"

"Hell yeah," he cheered. "You know I'd be the one to write that shit!"

"I have no doubt." I laughed. "Now, go take your wife and son home."

"Sure thing, little B. You give us a call if you need anything, ok?" I nodded in agreement as he placed a kiss on my forehead and then headed out the door.

A few hours later I was wrapped in my favorite blanket, cupping a mug of tea and catching up with my long neglected DVR, trying not to dwell on the sheer emptiness of my home and my womb. I missed my daughter terribly. I missed her noisy toys, her singing to herself, even her whining. It was just too quiet. What really surprised me, was how much I missed little Henry. It felt strange to go through an entire pregnancy and come home all alone. I didn't like it.

I was about ready to just give in to my depression and sleep as long as I could when there was a knock at the door. Assuming it was Angela coming up to check on me, I tried to shake off my funk and called out for her to come in. The door opened very slowly before a mass of unruly bronze hair became visible.

Edward poked his head through the barely opened door and glanced around until he found my huddled mass on the couch across the room.

"Hey," he said with a hesitant smile. "Is it ok if I come in? My mom sent food." He pushed the door open a little further and held up several bags as evidence."

I found myself conflicted. I wanted to tell him where he could shove his food. I wanted to tell him that a few nice words and some kind gestures couldn't erase the years of pain he'd caused. That he couldn't just waltz back into my life as if nothing had happened, as if we were just old friends. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw things.

But once again, my battered heart overruled my head and I nodded. "Sure, come on in."

Every brain cell I possessed screamed at me, warning me that I was setting myself up for yet another round of pain and misery. I was so wrapped up in my own internal debate, that I didn't hear when he spoke again.

"What?"

"I just asked if it was ok for me to put this stuff in the fridge for you," he called from the kitchen.

"Oh, of course. Do you need help?" I asked, setting my mug on the coffee table in front of me.

He popped his head into the room and gave me a pointed look. "Don't you dare get off that couch. I can handle this. Are you hungry? I can heat something up while I'm in here. Mom sent some of her lasagna."

"Sure, but only if you stay and eat with me." _What the fuck?_ Where did had that come from? The words had been out of my mouth before I had even a hope of stopping them.

"Uh, yeah, I'd love to." His voice was strangled as though I'd caught him off guard.

"You don't have to. I mean if you have somewhere else to go, I understand. I'm not even sure where that came from. I guess I'm lonelier than I realized." _Fuck. _ I was rambling, digging myself a bigger hold. _Today just keeps getting better._

"Bella," he said, standing in the archway between the kitchen and living room. "I meant it. I would love to stay. Let me just pop this in the microwave and I'll bring it out to you. I mean, unless you prefer to eat at the table. I just figured the couch is probably more comfortable for you." Now he was rambling and I had to admit, it made me feel a little better.

"In here is fine. Do you want to grab us something to drink too? I know there's water in the fridge and maybe some juice. I'm sorry I don't have anything stronger to offer but, well, you know."

He laughed as he brought me a bottle of water. "Don't worry about it. Water is fine. You probably shouldn't be mixing alcohol with your pain meds anyway, right?"

I didn't tell him that mixing alcohol with his presence would be much more dangerous than mixing with my meds. Instead, I thanked him quietly and watched as he walked back to the kitchen, returning with two plates of Esme Cullen's legendary lasagna. It smelled amazing and even reheated, it still tasted like heaven.

"Good Lord, I forgot how good this stuff is," I moaned. "I love your mother."

"And she still loves you. Your fridge is now stocked with enough meals to last you at least a week."

"Please tell her I said thank you."

"I will."

We finished eating quietly as the local news played quietly in the background. When we both finished eating, he took the dishes and carried them to the kitchen despite my many protestations. It wasn't until he rejoined me in the living room that something struck me as odd.

"Wait a sec, how did you know where I live?"

He dropped his gaze, looking a little guilty. "Ah, I was wondering when you'd ask that."

"Alice?" I assumed.

"Sort of. I got my mom to ask her for your address so she could send the food. She just didn't tell Alice that I would be the one delivering it."

I was surprised that his mother would go along with this scheme but then I realized that she likely had no idea of the history between us and would assume we were on good terms. Esme always assumed the best.

"So, other than the food, which I do appreciate, why are you here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were taken care of. The Bella I remember takes care of everyone else first. It's obvious that nothing has changed based on what you did for Rose. I just wanted to make sure you were being taken care of."

"Why? Why do you care now?" I asked, willing myself not to cry.

"I've always cared," he said so quietly it was almost a whisper.

"You have really funny ways of showing it."

"Bella, I know we have a lot to talk about and I hope you'll give me the chance to explain. I'd really like it if we can be friends again someday."

I wasn't ready to have _that_ conversation with him. Not while I was a postpartum hormonal mess.

"Edward, I spent the last nine months growing a teeny tiny human, feeling him kick, roll over, and hiccup. Today, I came home alone. I know he's not mine and he never was. I have no claim to him but I miss him and I also miss my daughter something awful. I'm just in a really weird place emotionally. So, can we just not get into all that tonight?"

"Do you want me to go?"

"No!" I cried out, a little too aggressively, surprising both Edward and myself. "I mean, it's just too fucking quiet here." I added, trying to recover from my inadvertent slipup. "I'd like the company. Maybe we can pretend, for tonight at least, that we don't have the history we do and just keep it simple."

"Alright, how about you tell me about the bakery? Can I assume you're more than just a regular employee since you live above it?"

That topic of conversation seemed safe enough and smiled proudly. "You're right. I own it."

"That's amazing, Bella. How'd you get into baking?"

"Well, after the divorce I was really struggling, living with my parents and trying to decide what to do with my life. I thought about teaching, maybe English or something like that, but I wasn't sold on it and I didn't want to commit to something I wasn't a hundred percent on. Know what I mean?"

He nodded, letting me know he was still with me as I continued.

"Anyways, Charlie, that's my daughter, she had a birthday coming up and she wanted this big fancy princess cake. She loved watching all those cake shows on Food Network with me and she wanted a cake like that. Do you know how much those cakes cost?" I added. "It's a ridiculous amount of money.

"So, I decided I'd just make her a cake and do my best. It actually turned out rather nice. Charlie was thrilled and I discovered that I really loved doing it. That's when my dad pointed out how much time I actually spent in the kitchen and I realized he was right. Baking was like my therapy. When I was mad I made bread because punching and kneading dough is excellent stress relief. When I was happy I'd make cupcakes and have Charlie help me decorate. When I was sad, I made cookies because nothing cheers you up like cookie dough.

"It was actually my dad who suggested culinary school. The thought had never even crossed my mind before. He even came with me to tour some schools and when I walked into those big fancy kitchens, I just got so excited and energized and that was that."

"So, why a bakery. Why not get a job in some big fancy restaurant or hotel?"

"Ugh," I said with a shudder. "Restaurants are busy and stressful, so are hotels and I just didn't want to work in that type of environment. I didn't plan on opening my own place at first. I really just wanted a nice low-key job somewhere small, maybe making cakes on the side, but then my dad had another heart attack."

Tears welled up in my eyes and I cursed myself for thinking this was would be a less emotional topic of conversation. Edward gave me a concerned smile. "It's ok, you don't have to…"

"No, I'm fine. His heart was already so weak; it was really a matter of time. They tried surgery again but he just wasn't strong enough." My voice cracked as I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt. "I think he knew he wouldn't make it. When I talked to him before he went in, he told me loved me and to dream big. He told me not to settle for anything. After he died, I found out he'd left me a decent amount of money, some big insurance policy I didn't even know he had. I tried to give it to my mom but she refused. I guess she was in on it too. But, what could I do after that? Dad had convinced me to go to culinary school; he told me to dream big and he left me the money to make it possible. I knew I had to do it. I came up with the business plan as part of my final project, finished school and using my dad's money as a down payment I was able to get a small business loan and opened the bakery. We've been open almost a year and a half."

"I think he'd be very proud of you."

"I hope so. He was always on my side, even when I screwed up." I dabbed at my eyes and shook my head, trying to compose myself. "Ok, change of subject." I declared.

My eyes flitted to his left hand which I noticed did not contain a wedding ring. It didn't necessarily mean anything. Neither Jake nor I had worn a ring the entire time we'd been married. I wanted desperately to ask him about it but didn't want to do it outright and I wasn't sure I was ready to hear the answer and so I settled on a more innocent question.

"What made you move here? Besides your folks?"

Edward jumped right into his own story, sensing my need to think about something other than my dad. He told me he'd finished up his MBA and had been working at a big company in New Hampshire until he came to visit his parents last Christmas. Esme had just finished renovating their home and had done an incredible job. "Seriously, Bella, you should see it, she out did herself there."

"We spent the week trying to convince her to go into business but she kept blowing us off. I think she still just thinks of herself as a doctor's wife and a stay at home mom even though Alice and I are both grown. I wasn't really happy in New Hampshire, so I offered to move back and help her. That did it."

"You know she only agreed to get her son back, right?" I joked though I knew I'd probably do the same if it was Charlie living across the country.

"I know, but now that the ball is rolling, I see her getting so excited about it and it's totally worth it."

"I guess some of us just need a little push," I stated quietly.

Our conversation tapered off after that, having exhausted our only 'safe' topic but Edward didn't make a move to leave and as weird and awkward as it was having him sitting in my living room, I wasn't ready for him to leave either. We fell into a comfortable silence, both of us turning our attention to the show that had been playing quietly in the background.

It wasn't until I felt myself being lifted from the couch, that I even realized I'd been tired enough to fall asleep. I tried to protest but Edward just shushed me and carried my exhausted body, still wrapped in the blanket from the couch out of the room.

"End of the hall," I whispered, giving him directions to my room before letting my head rest against his shoulder. I couldn't stop myself from closing my eyes and inhaling his scent. After all these years, it was still the same and brought with it a torrent of memories, reminding me just how dangerous a game I was playing.

He found my bedroom and placed me on the bed, gently pushing a lock of hair off of my face as I laid my head on the pillow. His hand lingered against my cheek as his eyes found mine. It was too much for me to bear.

"Edward, don't." I croaked. "I'm sorry. I can't do this. You just waltzed right back into my life and I haven't had a second to adjust. I know you'd like to hash out all our old issues and try to be friends but I don't know if I can. I just need some time to process and decide if that's even what I want. There's so much history between us, I don't know if I can be your friend anymore."

His face fell but he nodded. "I understand. I shouldn't have assumed you would be ok with me just foisting my company on you."

"No you shouldn't have, but I am grateful you came. I was heading into a dark place before you came and it was nice to not be alone, but that's just it. I am a hormonal mess and I just need a little time and distance to get my head clear first. Is that ok?"

"Of course, get some sleep, Bella."

He nodded and offered a small smile before turning and walking out of the room. I waited until I heard the front door close before giving into the emotions bubbling under the surface. I turned my head into my pillow and cried myself to sleep.

* * *

**Well he's back and he didn't stay away long this time. Are we making progress or is Bella setting herself up for more heartbreak? And, did he marry that other woman? Is he still married? Divorced? Separated? What do you think? I'd love to hear your theories. **


	22. Chapter 22

**I don't own Twilight just a cake making Bella and an Edward who likes to disappear. **

* * *

Chapter 22

August 2012

The next few days dragged on as I tried to ease back into normal life, post baby oven. I attempted to sneak down to the bakery to catch up on some long neglected paperwork but Angela wouldn't hear of it. She even turned my intern, Emily, against me and the two presented a united front, declaring work to be off limits for at least another week. They let me linger just long enough to show me that everything was running smoothly before ushering me back up to my apartment. I agreed only when Emily promised to come up with me and give me a status update on the cakes she was handling for me that week. She'd only been interning with me for a few weeks but the girl had some serious natural talent and I was hoping I could persuade her into accepting a real job when she finished school.

After Emily left and I was reassured that my baby was in good hands, I had nothing to do but sit around and wait for my other baby. Luckily, I only had to entertain myself for another couple of days before my love came bursting through the door and threw herself into my arms. I squeezed with all my might, determined not to ever let her go again. Jake laughed at the sight of us, tangled together on the couch as he brought Charlie's bags into the house. After making sure I was feeling up to keeping Charlie, Jake left us alone to catch up on our two weeks apart.

Charlie sat in my lap as she told me all about her Grandpa Billy and their days on the beach and bonfires at night. It was clear she'd had a great time but judging by her refusal to leave my lap, I could also tell that she missed me and a big part of me reveled in that. She was getting so big and I was always worried about the day she didn't need me anymore. Happily, that didn't appear to be today.

She continued to snuggle against me as I told her all about little Henry and showed her the pictures I'd taken of his sweet little face. She wouldn't tell me as much but I could see in her face that despite nine months of reminding her that the baby in my belly didn't belong to us, she was bummed that she'd come home to a baby-less house. I promised her that I would call Rose and set up a time for her to meet the baby as soon as possible.

That phone call turned out to be completely unnecessary when Rosalie and Henry arrived on my doorstep unannounced the next morning. Her hair was pulled back into a sloppy ponytail; she wore no makeup and was wearing sweatpants. I didn't even know she owned sweat pants. She was a complete mess and I couldn't help but laugh at the sight when I opened the door. She shot me a dirty look as she dragged Henry and his multiple bags of baby paraphernalia into my living room.

"I'm sorry, Ro, I shouldn't laugh but, well, you look like a mom."

"I do?" she asked, looking like she might start crying at any moment.

"Your hair hasn't been brushed, you have spit up on your shirt and I'm guessing you haven't had a shower in days. You look exactly like a new mom."

That's all it took. The tears flowed freely and I pulled Henry out of her arms just as she slumped onto my couch. Charlie heard the commotion and ran into the room. Her eyes lit up when she saw the baby in my arms but I shook my head at her and motioned to Rosalie.

"Give us a minute, kiddo. I promise you'll get your chance to see the baby, ok?" I asked and she nodded in understanding before retreating back to her room.

"This is really hard," Rose wailed, hugging my throw pillow to her chest.

"I know."

"Like really, really hard!"

"I know."

"I mean, I saw what you went through with Charlie but I thought it would be different for me."

"Gee thanks, Rose. Love you too."

She looked at me through tear stained eyes and her face fell. "You know what I mean. You were so young and unprepared, and I thought this would be easier since I wasn't also recovering from giving birth, you know?"

"I was kidding, Rose. I'm not offended. Now, talk to me. When you called me the other day you were fine."

"I'm just so tired! He's up all night and Emmett says he'll get up with him but he just doesn't hear him. I don't understand how he can't hear him? The whole neighborhood can probably hear him but no, not Emmett. He just sleeps like a baby. No, not like a baby. Whoever made up that expression is a fucking liar!"

"Agreed."

"He tries to help during the day but he's got training camp starting and he's been getting ready for the season but mostly, this sounds bad, but he just does it wrong."

"Does what wrong?"

"Everything!" she wailed. "The way he diapers him, the way he feeds him and burps him. I always end up taking over which means I never, ever get a break."

"Rose, sweetie," I said quietly, "he'll never learn if you don't give him a chance. You can't do it all by yourself."

"I know," she burst into a new round of tears. "I'm trying and he's getting better but…" she trailed off and I realized I was only getting half the story.

"Ok, so if Em is getting better about helping, what's the real problem? What could be so bad that you dragged yourself and Henry all the way out here instead of just calling?"

Rosalie wiped the tears from her face and looked at me quite seriously. "Emmett's mother flew in last night."

My mouth widened into a round 'o' shape. Rose was not a fan of Emmett's mother and Mrs. McCarthy wasn't a huge fan of Rosalie either. "What did she say?"

"She came in while I was feeding Henry and made some comment about breastfeeding being better for the baby."

"But…," I began before Rose waved me off.

"I know, I know. I reminded her that breastfeeding wasn't really an option since I didn't give birth and then that bitch muttered something under her breath about me not wanting to get fat and forcing my friends to do my dirty work."

"She did not!" Now I was upset. I couldn't believe that woman had the nerve to say that to Rosalie. I knew Rose would have moved heaven and earth to carry her own child. "What a cow!"

"Right? Like she thinks I'm so shallow that I had you carry my kid so I didn't get fat. Ha! Been fat before, bitch! Lost it then and I would've lost it again."

"Didn't Em explain why you had to use a surrogate?" I asked. "I mean it's not like she didn't know about the cancer or the hysterectomy, right?"

"She did but I guess she wasn't listening or she didn't believe him or maybe she just didn't care. I mean she made me feel like I was a lesser woman because I don't have a womb and a horrible mother for not being able to feed my baby."

As if on cue, Henry began to whimper in my arms, rooting around for something to drink and Rose groaned. "Again, little man? You ate right before we left!"

She grabbed her bag and headed to the kitchen to prepare a bottle before returning. She held out her arms for the baby but I waved her away. "I got this. Why don't you go take a long shower in my bathroom and maybe lay down for a little nap? Charlie and I can keep an eye on Henry. She's dying to spend some time with him."

Rose hesitated for a minute but the lure of a hot shower kept her from disagreeing. "Em doesn't know where I am. He was at the store when I left."

"I'll call him." I assured her, as Henry began to drink. "We're fine here. Go on!"

I didn't have to tell her again. She turned on her heel and headed for my room. Charlie heard me tell Rose to take a shower and quickly reentered the living room, her eyes wide with excitement.

"Can I hold him?" she asked, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Take a seat and let me finish feeding him. Then he's all yours."

I spent the better part of the afternoon helping Charlie hold the baby as she squeezed, kissed, and cuddled the poor little guy constantly. I felt a pang of regret for not ever giving her a little brother or sister but I had to remind myself that this single mother thing was hard enough with one kid, let alone two and I was hardly in a position to do anything about it now.

As I'd suspected, Emmett had not realized how much Rosalie was struggling and he was absolutely livid when I told him what his mother had said to her. He promised to handle it and in return, I promised to send Rosalie home to him after she'd gotten a decent nap, assuring him that I was perfectly happy watching Henry in the meantime. I meant it too, the boy was practically perfect and I couldn't get enough of his tiny sweetness.

Rose reemerged sometime in the early afternoon, clean and rested in a pair of my yoga pants and a tank top. She stuck around for a few minutes, letting Charlie tell her all about her vacation before she packed up Henry and headed home. Before she left, I made her promise to call me the next time she was overwhelmed, though I suspected her problems would lessen once the older Mrs. McCarty was on a plane home.

After she was gone, I realized I still hadn't told her about Edward coming into the bakery, or that I'd seen him twice since. I decided it would have to wait as she would completely freak out and she already had plenty on her plate without also worrying about me.

Besides, I told myself I needed to know how I felt about the situation before I could talk to anyone else about it, even Rose. I needed to know how I felt about him being back. Did I want to be friends or did I want to avoid seeing him at all costs? Could I even be friends with him? There was so much hurt and heartbreak tied into my memories of him. Could that be forgiven? Could I let all that go? I'd tried to forget him for almost a decade and it had proved impossible so far. How could we be friends when my heart still ached because of him? When it still ached for him?

So far he'd honored my wishes and had stayed away though he'd left a card with his address, phone number and email address on it on my coffee table. In case I 'ever needed anything or just wanted to talk'. I had to put it away immediately, not trusting myself with it yet. I considered tearing it apart but couldn't bring myself to sever this small connection to him. I hid it away in the drawer of my nightstand, hoping that it would stay out of sight, out of mind. So far, it wasn't working, but my self-control was holding strong. I knew I couldn't talk to him either, not until I knew what to say. I had plenty to ask him but I wasn't mentally ready for his answers just yet.

Forgetting Edward was easier once I was able to get back to work and keep my mind occupied elsewhere. I worked all day while Charlie had fun at her summer day camp and spent all night listening to her recount her day. It was only at night after Charlie was sleeping and I was alone with my thoughts that I allowed my mind to wander to Edward and wander it did.

Once again my dreams were consumed by him. Sometimes, they were good dreams in which he burst through my door, apologizing profusely and declaring his love before making passionate love to me on the kitchen table. Sometimes they were nightmares in which I saw him happy with another faceless woman and an entire brood of beautiful, bronze haired little kids. Those were the worst as I reminded myself that the nightmares were likely reality. I was just too much of a coward to call him and confirm my suspicions.

A month had passed without seeing or hearing from Edward when Alice arrived in the bakery to discuss her wedding cake. I managed twenty minutes of wedding talk, debating various flowers and colors before I finally caved.

"Alice, is Edward married?"

She sighed and set down the magazine she'd been looking through. "I thought we weren't talking about him?"

"I was just wondering."

"Well, I'm not getting involved. You told me before that if he wanted to know about you, he'd have to ask you himself. I think it's only fair if that works both ways. Call him. Talk to him."

_Damn! _She had a point. _"_He told me he was engaged, so I assumed he was married at one point. I'm just wondering if he still is because he wasn't wearing a ring."

"I'm not telling you anything. If he is or if he isn't, I think it's something you should hear from him. You wanted that respect for yourself so you'll have to show it to him. I refuse to get involved."

"Damn it," I cried, "when did you grow up and start making sense?"

"Start making sense?" she gasped, pretending to be offended. "I've always made sense."

"Do not make me bring up that graduation party," I warned and she burst into laughter.

"Oh God, please don't."

We laughed for a bit about her horrible taste in men as a teenager until she stopped and became serious again. "That morning was the last time I saw you."

She was right. I'd see her occasionally in town but always gone out of my way to avoid speaking to her. "Alice, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I understand. But, seriously, Bella, give him a call. I think he'd like to hear from you."

"I don't know if I can. I was in a good place before he showed up again and I'm not sure I want to open that can of worms again."

"You won't know if you don't try. I think at the very least, you owe it to yourself to hear what he has to say. Maybe it would give you some peace of mind."

"What if I don't like what he has to say?" I said quietly.

"Then at least you know one way or another. Isn't that better than wondering forever?"

I didn't say anything and Alice smiled as she began shuffling her papers together. "Mind if I take these home and show Jazz?" she asked, holding up the cake sketches we'd been working on before I'd opened my big mouth.

"Of course. Give me a call when you decide on one. Oh, and we still need to figure out a time for you to bring Jasper in for a tasting. So give me a call."

"Will do and, Bella, think about what I said." She gave me a smile and headed out the door.

I couldn't get her words out of my head. They haunted me for the rest of the week. On Friday, Jacob had Charlie for the weekend and Rose let Emmett babysit for the first time so we could have our first 'Girls' Night' in over a year. Neither of us were interested in the bar scene anymore so usually Girls' Night consisted of wine, gossip, and bad movies. Just like in high school, except now we could buy our own booze instead of stealing it from Rose's mom.

It only took Rose half a drink to realize something was wrong. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing," I lied, "just work stress."

"Bullshit! I know you as well as I know myself and something is up."

"Seriously Ro, it's nothing." I insisted.

"Double bullshit."

She eyed me suspiciously over the rim of her glass and I knew she wouldn't give up until I caved. "Fine," I huffed in annoyance. "I saw Edward."

She choked on her sip of wine and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "Edward? Edward Cullen? What? Where? How?"

"He came into the bakery about a week before Henry was born."

"How did he know you worked there?" she asked before setting her glass down hard on the table. "Wait a sec. Before Henry was born? What the fuck, B? That was weeks ago and you didn't tell me?"

"Cause I knew you'd freak out," I said, earning myself a dirty look. "And he didn't know I worked there. He just came in for cupcakes or something."

"Holy fuck. What did he say?"

"Nothing really, Jake and Charlie walked in right after and he bolted."

"Of course he did," Rose sneered. "Typical Edward, running away."

"That's not fair."

Rose raised an eyebrow at me and I knew I was in trouble. "It's not? Tell me, have you seen him since or did he disappear without a trace again?"

My eyes answered before my lips could and she sighed in aggravation. "When?"

"He came to the hospital." I all but whispered.

"Are you fucking kidding me? How did he even know you were there? Don't tell me that was a coincidence too."

"You know how I said a friend brought me to the hospital? Well, it was his sister Alice. She came in to talk about a cake. She's getting married. Can you believe that?" I added lightly, in a hopeless attempt to steer the conversation in a different direction. Rose wasn't fooled.

"Not gonna work, B. Why was he there?"

"He brought me flowers and apologized for running out of the bakery." She scowled and I took a deep breath as I decided to just give in and tell her everything. "And, he also brought me a bunch of food from his mom the day I got home from the hospital. Pre-made dinners and stuff for me to re-heat so I didn't have to cook."

"He came here?" I nodded and she picked up her glass, downing the last bit of wine in one gulp. "Shit, you're falling for this."

"Falling for what?" I asked.

"For him and his bullshit. I can see it all over your face."

"Am not."

"Bella!"

"He wants to be friends."

"Yeah right. Isn't that what he said when you broke up. Oh, and again after graduation?"

_Yes. "_No!"

"Not the way I heard it but it doesn't matter. Do you really believe he wants to be friends? This is what he does. He butters you up until he gets what he wants and then he bails."

"No."

"No?"

"I don't think that's what he's doing but it doesn't matter. I told him I would have to think about it. He left me his number and I haven't seen him since."

"But, you want to call." It wasn't a question. She knew me too well.

"I'm trying not to, but he has answers to my questions, Rose."

She exhaled loudly and refilled both of our glasses. "Just be careful, B. I get that you need closure or whatever but I don't want to see you get hurt again. Use your head."

"I will. I didn't want to get into it then so I didn't let him but he wanted to explain everything. I think he probably just needs to apologize for the way we left things. Clear his conscience or whatever. Look, Ro, as far as I know, he's a married man and I'm making his sister's wedding cake so he probably just wants to clear the air before then."

"As far as you know? He didn't mention a wife? Was he wearing a ring?"

"No, he didn't mention one but I didn't ask either. He wasn't wearing a ring but Jake never wore one either."

"And you only want answers?" she asked.

I didn't know what I wanted but I couldn't tell her that.

"I just need to hear what he has to say or else I'll always wonder."

"But that's it. Just talking, right?"

"What else would we do?" I asked. "The doc won't clear me for sex for another week or two, so no worries there ok? I'm well aware of what happened in the past. My eyes are open. I just need to know. I need to know if he married _her_, whoever she is. I need to know why he slept with me that night, if it was just the alcohol or problems at home or whatever. I need to know why he broke up with me in the first place when I thought we were happy and in love. I need to know why he left me, Rose."

I sipped my wine, avoiding Rose's gaze, afraid of what I'd find there. She'd been through so much and had stayed so strong throughout while one stupid man kept me in pieces for years. I hated feeling so weak.

"Alright. Do what you gotta do, just be smart about it, ok? If he fucks up again, I will send Emmett and his buddies after his ass." Her voice was deadly serious.

"Ok."

She was ready to drop it after that, changing the subject to Henry and his newest accomplishment, smiling. She confessed that she'd been terrified about being able to bond with the baby since she didn't carry him herself but it was easy to see just how much she loved him. It radiated from her every pore. So much that she called it a night very early on and I laughed as she insisted on heading home to see him before even finishing her second glass.

"You're such a mom!" I teased, and her whole face lit up.

"I'm taking that as a compliment."

"You should," I assured her as we waited for her cab.

When the car arrived she apologized for cutting the night short though I assured her that I understood fully. We said our good-byes and I promised to keep her updated. The cab pulled away and I was alone again with a too quiet house. I tried to watch TV as I sipped at the last of my wine but I was restless and uneasy. My talk with Rose had done little to calm the noise in my head. There was only one thing that would quiet the noise and though a small voice in my head told me it was a bad idea as over nine months of sobriety had made me a bit of a lightweight, it didn't stop me from wandering down the hall and fishing that little card out of my night stand.

The number was dialed and the phone was ringing before I even realized what I was doing.

"_Hello?" _Even over the phone, his voice did something too me. My gut screamed that this was a horrible time to do this but another sip of wine helped shut that voice right up.

"Edward, are you married?"

* * *

**I know, I know, I totally suck for leaving you hanging. It won't be for long, I promise. Tomorrow at the latest and if you are very, very lucky maybe a little later tonight after I get home from my son's football practice because I feel guilty for making you wait for the answer we're all dying to hear.**


	23. Chapter 23

**So in the last few hours since I posted last I have not come to own Twilight. Shocking, right? Bummer. **

**Well, I'm not mean enough to make you wait after big cliffhangers. It seems you are dying to hear the answer and so is Bella. Let's get to it then.**

* * *

Chapter 23

Aug 2012

"Are you married?"

"_Bella?_

"Uh yeah, it's me, sorry" I mumbled, embarrassed that I'd just blurted that out when he didn't even know who was calling. "Can you just answer the question?"

"_I can, but I'd rather not have this discussion over the phone."_

"It's really just a 'yes' or 'no' question, Edward."

"_I know, but I'd like to explain it and I'd prefer to do that in person. Are you at home? Could I maybe come over?" _

My heart began to pound at the idea of seeing him again. "Come over?" I asked, my voice squeaking.

"_Yeah, just to talk. I think we have a lot to talk about." _

I couldn't argue with that. I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "Ok, fine, come over."

"_I'll be there in a few minutes." _

I hung up and set the phone down before realizing what I'd done. _Fuck!_ I'd just invited Edward over to home, late at night to have the big 'talk' I'd been terrified to have for weeks. _Goddamn wine._ What the hell was I thinking?

I picked up the bottle and swirled it around but it remained hopelessly empty. I considered popping open another bottle but in my current state of mind, I was likely to drink it all. And if nothing else, our history had proved that that was an awful idea. Edward plus me plus alcohol only led to trouble. Nope, best keep that other bottle tightly corked and hidden away.

I paced my living room making no less than fifteen circuits around my coffee table before there was a quiet knock on my door. _Shit! Shit, shit, shit! _I was still wearing the same baggy pajama pants and tank top I'd thrown on when I'd come home. All that pacing and I couldn't find the time to put on real clothes? There was another knock, pulling me out of my thoughts and reminding me that I'd agreed to him coming over so I'd better just bite the bullet and let him in.

"Hey, sorry." I said, throwing open the door. "I'm here."

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Uh, come on in, I guess."

I stepped aside to allow him to enter. He glanced around the room, his eyes falling on the two wine glasses and empty bottle still sitting on the coffee table.

"Did you have company?" he asked.

"Rose."

"I guess some things never change," He laughed lightly, looking somewhat, relieved? I shook that thought off.

"And some do," I replied, plopping myself onto the couch and motioning to one of the chairs.

"Yes, they do," he said, taking the seat next to me.

"So, are you going to answer to my question now?"

He got very quiet and shook his head. "No."

"No you're not going to answer my question? Why'd you come over then?" I snapped, growing angry both with him and with myself for falling into his trap.

"No, I'm not married."

I inhaled sharply. "Anymore?"

"Ever, Bella. I never got married."

I let those words sink in as my heart pounded in my chest. He's not married. He's never been married. I didn't understand.

"Why?" I breathed. "What happened? You left. You left because, because…"

"Because I was engaged," he finished for me, looking away.

"Were you? Or did you make that up just to get rid of me?" I asked, the constant dull pain in my heart intensifying by the minute. If he didn't leave for another woman, then he just left me. He just didn't want me. I held my breath as I waited for his answer.

"I was," he admitted after a few excruciating seconds and I was able to breathe again. "I was engaged."

"You were? What happened?"

"You did."

"I did?" I repeated, slowly processing his words. "So, you told her?"

"Yes," he admitted, "but that's not what I meant. It was over before that. It was over the moment I saw you at that reunion."

"What?" I breathed. "I don't understand."

He took a deep breath and I saw his brow furrow as he thought over his words carefully. "Ok, I'm going to start at the beginning. I think it will be easier that way. I met Tanya during my senior year. We had a class together. Became study partners and it just sort of went from there, you know? I wasn't looking for anyone. It just kind of happened."

I nodded because I did know. Jake and I 'just kind of happened'.

"I proposed a few months before the reunion," he continued. "I was a year away from getting my MBA. We were going to get married the next summer. It just seemed like the next logical step. Finish school, get married, et cetera, et cetera. But, I couldn't get you out of my mind. I thought maybe it was just cold feet or whatever and I tried to ignore it, but you were always there."

He pointed to his head to illustrate his point as my heart pounded. _He'd thought of me? _

"I just couldn't shake you. Then I heard about the reunion and I wasn't going to go. I tried really hard not to go. The night before I got really, really drunk, like fall down, shit-faced drunk and I had this brilliant idea. I figured my, uh, problem was just a case of pre-wedding jitters. A rampant case of the 'what ifs'. So, my drunken genius decides that if I just saw you, if I saw for myself that you'd moved on, that you had a new life, that I'd be able to carry on with my own life.

"I don't know how I managed it with how drunk I was, but I got online and bought myself a ticket that night. It was printed up and sitting there in the morning, so I just went with it. I got up and got on the plane. I wasn't going to talk to you. I was going to stay in the shadows, get a glimpse and walk away. I thought for sure that you'd be there with your husband. I thought I'd see you happy with this other guy and it would be enough to purge you from my mind."

"So why didn't you?" I asked. "Stay in the shadows, I mean. You approached me, remember? You didn't have to. I had no idea you were there."

"Once I saw you, I couldn't stay away. A glimpse wasn't good enough anymore. Once I saw you, I just had to talk to you. I didn't intend for it to go further."

My heart wanted so badly to believe him but my head was screaming at me. It didn't add up. There were still too many questions.

"Then why did you chase me?"

He dropped his gaze, looking guilty and ashamed. "I don't know. Maybe I was drunk, maybe I just could stand to let you leave like that. I think I just stopped thinking rationally at that point and let my emotions take over. But Bella, I need you to know that what happened between us that night was real. It wasn't malicious or anything that I planned. I didn't go to the reunion in the hopes of seducing you or whatever it is you might think of me. Please believe me. I know we were drunk but everything I said to you that night was the truth."

I didn't notice the tears that had welled in my eyes until they sprung free and rolled unhindered down my cheeks, leaving fat, wet drops on my shirt. I didn't bother trying to wipe them away, it would be futile anyways.

"Talk to me, Bella, please," he pleaded.

"I want to believe you, Edward. I want to so badly but you left me. Again. You just pulled a fiancé out of thin air and left me broken, naked, and sobbing on the floor of my hotel room. Did you know that?" My voice rose as my sadness turned to anger. "Rose found me there later. She had to physically pull me off the floor and force me into the shower. She even washed my Goddamn hair for me! I barely even remember it all, Edward, because I was practically comatose."

Edward's face fell further as he listened to me rail against him and he was having trouble looking me in the eyes. "I never meant to hurt you."

"But you have, don't you see that? Over and over again but it's not entirely your fault. I keep letting you in when I should know better but I can't let you in this time. I can't. Because you sit here and you feed me this story about how you just wanted to see me, talk to me, touch me, fuck me. Then what Edward? Did fucking me do the trick? Did it get me out of your system so you could go home marry your fiancé?"

"No! Of course not! How could you think that?" he asked in shock. "I told you I never married her."

"How could I not?" I yelled. "You got what you wanted and bolted at first light! Ran home to Her! What was I supposed to think?"

"That's not what happened."

"Really? That's how I remember it and believe me, that part I do remember. Vividly."

"Your phone rang," he stated quietly.

My face scrunched up in confusion as I glanced at the coffee table where my phone lay still and quiet. "No it didn't."

"No, that morning. Before you woke up. I shouldn't have looked but I did. I took a peek at it and saw that pic of your family on the display. It was your home calling. That's what you had it listed as, 'Home'."

"You knew I was married," I snapped, jumping off the couch and began pacing the room. "Don't pawn this off on me, like it was some big surprise I kept from you."

"No, I knew. I knew all too well, but seeing it there on your phone made it real. Made me realize there were real people involved, that there was a child involved. I knew you had a husband, I didn't know you had a kid. Jesus Christ, what was I supposed to do with your daughter looking up at me?"

I saw red as I realized he was pulling my daughter into our mess. "How dare you!" I seethed. "How dare you bring her into this? She has nothing to do with what happened between us."

Edward's voice cracked with emotion as he continued his story, almost ignoring my growing rage. "She's beautiful, Bella, just like her mother. I looked at that little face on the screen and I couldn't be the one to break up her family. I didn't want to be that guy."

"You were too late," I whispered. "Her family was already broken. It had always been broken because it was never whole. It was a mistake from the very beginning and if you'd just listened to me, I would have told you that, but you were in too big of a hurry to run back home to your fiancé." I couldn't even say the word without it sounding like an expletive.

"I didn't run home to her. I knew when I left that it was over between Tanya and me, Bella," he said so quietly that I could barely hear him. "I knew I would tell her everything and that even if she could somehow forgive me, that it wouldn't be fair to her. Not when I had so many unresolved feelings for you."

I fell back into my seat suddenly exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions. "Then why did you go? If it was over, why not stay and talk to me about it?"

"I couldn't let you ruin your life for me, ruin your family for me. You had a husband and a child; I had another year of school and a job on the other side of the country. What was there to talk about? But, I knew the longer I stayed, the harder it would be to go. I thought if I made you hate me, it would be easier for you to go home to your family."

"Go home to my family and tell them what, exactly? 'Hey Jake, I sorta slept with my ex at my high school reunion but don't worry, I hate him now so it's totally ok'? You bailed on me and you left me to clean up a mess that we both made all on my own."

"That wasn't my intention."

"Then what was? You say you didn't want to break up my family but what choice did you leave me? I could go home and confess, killing my marriage and destroying my husband or I could keep quiet and let the guilt eat away at my soul? Not exactly the easiest choice to make, and because you left, I had to do it on my own! I had to come home and tell my husband, who I was supposed to love and cherish, that our entire marriage was a lie. I had to tell him that I only married him for the sake of our unborn baby, that the whole time I was married to him; I held the memory of you in my heart, unable to ever let him in. I had to tell him that even though I did love and care for him, that I had never been _in_ love with him. I had to tell him that I was in love with a man who, despite his breaking up with me and shattering my heart once, I was stupid enough to let into my bed, only for him to break my heart all over again. Was that your intention?"

"Bella!" he cried but I couldn't hear him over my rage.

"I had to tell the father of my child, and one of the gentlest people I know, that I'd betrayed his trust and faked an entire life with him and I had to do it while I watched him cry. I reduced one of the kindest and strongest men I've ever known to tears and watched his heart shatter the way mine had been so many times. He asked me why I married him and I told him it was for our daughter, so she would have a family, a mother and a father but even that was only partially true. I was terrified of raising a baby on my own and I was selfish. I knew Jake loved me. I knew he wouldn't leave and hurt me like you did. I didn't love him like that but I liked having his love. It's the most selfish thing I've ever done, though allowing you to kiss me that night and letting you into my hotel room comes in a very close second."

"You were pregnant? When you married him?"

My eyebrows knitted together as I looked at him in surprise. "Yeah, I thought you always knew. My water practically broke on your father's foot. I figured he'd tell you and you'd do the math. I was three months along when we got married."

"He never told me. Your water broke in front of him? What? How?"

"My dad had a heart attack. I was in the hospital waiting room. Your dad saw me there and came over to talk to me, that's when it happened. He got me into a wheelchair and found a nurse to take me up to the maternity floor. He really never told you?"

Edward shook his head. "I guess maybe he couldn't since it happened at work. HIPPA laws and all that but I can't believe he didn't at least tell me you had a child. There had to be a way around that."

"It doesn't matter," I said. "The point is, everything you were trying to save that morning was already broken but you couldn't be bothered to stay long enough to hear that. I tried to tell you but you thought you knew best. You always did. It was always about what you wanted, what you thought I wanted but you never bothered to ask me how I really felt."

"That's not true!"

"Isn't it? The first time you left because YOU thought it was for the best and YOU decided a long distance relationship wouldn't work. You never asked what I wanted. Five years later, nothing changed. YOU decided I needed to stay with my husband regardless of the way I felt, or even asking me if it was what I wanted. Well, this time I'm calling the shots. I called you to get the answer to a question. I got it and now I think it's time for you to go."

"Bella, don't."

"No! You don't." I cried. "I'm exhausted, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I can't continue to do this to myself just because you showed back up in my life, ready to mess it all up again. No, I need you to leave while I'm still thinking properly."

"Please don't cut me out, Bella," he begged, looking as though he might actually cry. I felt a pang of regret but I quickly squashed it. I needed him to go before my resolve broke. Before he did or said something to make me forget the pain the way he always did. As much as my heart wanted him to stay, my head reminded me that letting him in always led to pain and heartbreak.

"Because only you are allowed to cut people out? Because you are the only one allowed to leave or make decisions for other people?"

"No, because I'm scared to death of losing you again," he cried.

"Losing me again?" I asked, stunned. "Make no mistake, Edward Cullen. You do not have me to lose. My stubborn feelings aside, the truth is I cannot trust you."

He looked as though I had slapped him, staring at me stunned, the hurt so evident in his green eyes that I had to look away. "I guess I deserve that," he admitted, dropping his head. "I'll go now."

I watched him rise from the chair and walk towards the door defeated. Even though I'd insisted upon it, I still couldn't watch him leave and so I focused my attention out the window. I heard the door open but when I didn't hear the sound of it closing, I glanced up at him. He was in the doorway, one hand on the open door, holding it open.

"I don't deserve to ask but I am begging you, don't cut me off entirely. I just want to have you in my life again, in any capacity that you'll have me. Please, Bella, just give me a chance to earn your trust back."

I thought about it for several seconds, the room so quiet I could hear the ticking of the large clock on the wall. Part of me wanted to tell him that was impossible, that I wanted him to leave and to never see him again but my heart won out, still unable to sever the ties completely.

"Maybe in time," I conceded.

"Thank you," he said softly and then he was gone.

The sound of the door closing behind him echoed loudly through my home and tore straight through my heart. I managed to pull myself from the couch and lock the door, before I dragged myself down the hall and threw myself onto the bed. I pulled a pillow against my face and screamed into the soft downy fabric until I was hoarse. I had been happy in my little life. I had my daughter, my friends and my own business doing something that I loved and that I was good at. I was finally content. I couldn't let one man walk back into my life and upset everything I'd built. And yet, being apart from him caused me physical pain. I had never realized how much pain I lived with every day until he came back into my life and soothed that ache with just his proximity. Now that he was gone again, the pain was no longer easily ignored. It was magnified and all consuming. I was terrified of letting him back into my life and terrified of losing him again.

Exhausted, I laid back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as I finally admitted the truth to myself.

_I am unconditionally and irrevocably fucked!  
_

* * *

**Well, they've hashed out a few of their issues but things are far from being rainbows and roses. There is still much work to be done here. **

**Thanks always for reading and reviewing. Much love! **

**See you all tomorrow. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Nothing has changed. I don't own Twilight and don't intend to infringe. **

**Bella has finally given Edward a piece of her mind. Now where do we go from here?**

* * *

Chapter 24

I slept late the next morning after a fitful night's sleep. By the time I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and into the shower, I'd decided there was only one thing I could do. Once again, I would have to forcibly push Edward from my mind or he would consume me. I just needed to keep myself busy and eventually, maybe, I could forget the whole ordeal.

After a long hot shower, I headed downstairs to the bakery. Saturdays were always a busy one, being the most common day of the week for weddings and I always had a cake or two to finish. Luckily, I had a fantastic staff who kept the counter under control so Emily and I could handle the cakes uninterrupted. Angela was unflappable and one of the few people I could trust to handle the morning rush without cracking under the stress. Sometimes I swore she knew what people wanted before they did. They'd come in and ask for a dozen donuts and she'd already have them in the box ready to go. I loved that girl. A few months ago, she convinced me to hire the little sister of one of her friends to help her out on Saturdays and a few afternoons after school. Chelsea was still in high school but under Angela's wing, she'd caught on quickly and with the two of them working the front, I had no worries.

Both girls seemed surprised to see me enter that morning. It was late enough that the morning rush had died down and there was only one couple at the counter mulling over the different bagel choices. Chelsea handed me a cinnamon bagel as I came around the counter, heading to the back.

"Ben just brought these up. I know you like them warm," she said with a smile.

"Thanks Chels."

"Yeah no problem. Hey, I wanted to say thanks for letting me pick up the extra hours this summer," she said, following me to my office.

"No, thank you. You really helped me out. I'm just happy it was summer and you were out of school. I don't know how I would have managed if I didn't know you, Ang and Ben had everything under control while I was out." I said, sinking into my desk chair.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" a voice called from beyond my office.

A few seconds later, Emily appeared in the doorway behind Chelsea. "Hey, I think Angela needs you," she said to Chelsea who quickly turned and head back to the front.

"Sorry Em, you know how much I appreciate you stepping in for me. I saw the work you did, it was phenomenal."

"Well, they were all simple designs," she muttered.

"Hey, sometimes simple is harder to do. Every little mistake is much more noticeable than on a busy cake. Don't be so dismissive of your accomplishments. You keep up this kind of work, I might be forced to offer you a job when your internship is over."

She smiled broadly. "That would be so cool. I love it here!"

"Ass kissing will get you everywhere," I joked, knowing full well the shoe was on the other foot. I would move heaven and earth to convince her to stay on.

"So, boss lady, there's not much left to do today, just a couple birthday cakes and a few dozen cupcakes but I'm almost finished with those. It's nothing I can't handle on my own if you wanted to take the day off."

"You know I was kidding about ass-kissing right?" I laughed. "No, Charlie is at her dad's this weekend and I just need something to do. We'll knock this out so and you can get out of here early today. I owe you that much. Then I thought I could knock out a few flowers. Our stockpile is dwindling."

Gumpaste flowers can be fairly time consuming and they take some time to dry, so I liked to keep several different types in various colors ready to go for last minute orders. Emily was getting much better at them but had yet to perfect the technique. In my absence, there had been no one to replenish our stock and it was the perfect task for my mindset. Repetitive, detailed, and time consuming. Just what I needed.

Emily had been right, there was barely enough work for one, let alone two. We finished quickly and though she offered to stick around and practice her flowers with me, I insisted she leave early and enjoy the weekend. I spent the rest of the night crafting roses from gumpaste and singing along with the radio. I did the same thing on Sunday despite the bakery being closed for the day. By the end of the weekend, I had completed several dozen roses, calla lilies, daisies, and other flowers in the most popular colors and whipped up several batches of buttercream. It felt good to be on top of things again but it didn't stop my mind from wandering back to Edward, which had been the whole point. Sleep was still fitful and hard to come by but was getting better with each passing night. I just needed to stay busy.

Monday began as just another day, no different from any other Monday until just after noon. I was finishing my lunch when Angela practically danced into my office.

"There are some flowers here for you," she sang, a big smile plastered across her face.

"What," I cried, my mind immediately going to the wedding cake I had on the books for Friday that was using fresh flowers. "They're too early! I told them Friday morning. What the hell? They're going to look like shit by then."

I was freaking out and confused. I'd been using the same florist when my brides requested real flowers for over a year. They knew which flowers were safe to place on cakes and always provided me with pesticide free flowers. Until now, they'd never screwed up a delivery either, but I worried that was about to change.

"No, Bella, these are for you. You personally. Not for a cake." Angela asserted as her mouth stretched into a smile and her eyes lit up.

"For me?" I asked, growing even more confused. I'd never had flowers delivered to me, ever.

I followed Angela out to the front of the bakery where, sure enough, there was a delivery man holding a glass vase filled with beautiful purple flowers. They were gorgeous but there had to be some sort of mistake.

"These can't be for me," I said to the delivery man, looking wistfully at the pretty bouquet. "Who are you looking for, maybe I can help you find the right place."

"I'm looking for an Isabella Swan, ma'am," he replied, looking down at the order form in his hand. "I was told she worked here. This is Charlie's Bakery, right?"

"Yes it is, and that's me. I'm Isabella, but I don't know where these could have come from."

The man thrust the bouquet at me and smiled. "I can't answer that, ma'am. I just deliver them. There is a card though, might be best to start there."

I took the flowers and was still staring at them when the delivery man excused himself and walked out of the bakery. I just stared at the purple flowers as I carried them back to my office and set them on the desk. I found the small card nestled between two flowers and had just plucked it from the bouquet when Angela reappeared.

"So, who screwed up," she asked, flopping herself down on the edge of my desk.

"What?"

"That's purple hyacinth. They're apology flowers." Angela replied as if it was common knowledge.

"I thought people sent roses to apologize," I said, staring at the bouquet with renewed interest and confusion. I was dying to open the card but didn't want to with Ang looking over my shoulder.

"Most people probably do, men especially," she agreed, "because they're pretty, and common, and most men don't know any better. But roses, red roses in particular, mean love, not 'I'm sorry'. Whoever those are from seems to know better. Purple hyacinth says 'please forgive me'."

"How do you know that?"

Angela shrugged and smiled. "My mom is into flowers. She can grow anything and was always big into the meanings of flowers and plants. I didn't inherit her green thumb; I couldn't even keep a weed alive. But, I guess some things stick."

"Maybe it's just a fluke," I offered. "Whoever they're from probably just picked them from a case thinking they were pretty."

"Doubt it. You don't see hyacinth often in the generic arrangements and especially not all by themselves. No, whoever these are from probably requested these flowers in particular and probably because he knows what they mean. So, back to my original question, who screwed up?"

"I don't know Ang, but don't you have some work to do?"

She got the message and smiled. "Bout time you had someone in your life. Even if he screws up, at least he knows how to apologize in style."

She winked and bounced out the door, leaving me alone with the loaded flower arrangement and a card in my hand, seeming to grow heavier by the moment. I tore open the envelope and opened the tiny card with shaky hands. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew there was only one person who would have sent these flowers but I needed confirmation. One look at the card gave me all the confirmation I needed; I'd know that handwriting anywhere.

_Bella,_

_I never wanted to hurt you. Please give me the chance to prove it. I'll do anything to make it right._

_~Edward_

For a long, hard moment, I considered throwing the flowers, vase and all, right into the trash but they were too pretty and my heart just wouldn't allow it. So they sat on my desk all day, taunting me with their pretty sentiments as I struggled to ignore them.

Tuesday went by as any other day but on Wednesday morning there was a familiar name in the inbox of my work email. Sent at four thirty-two a.m., was an email from Edward Cullen. I held my breath and against my better judgment, clicked on the email. What could he have to say to me in an email even before the crack of dawn? My mind told me that I shouldn't care, that I should just delete it but I couldn't look away. I had to know.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Isabella Swan  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 4:32 AM  
**Subject:** Please Read

Bella,

I hope you received my flowers and that they brought a little beauty to your day. I apologize for reaching out in such an impersonal manner as email but I didn't think you would take my call and sometimes I find it easier to write things down. It allows me to tell you what I need to without interruption or distraction. I hope sending this to your work email is alright; it was the only one I had.

I've struggled the past few days, looking for a way to show you that all I've ever done, right or wrong, was what I thought was best for you. I was out of line for presuming to know what was best for you and for that I will be forever sorry. I know it was only a few days ago that you asked me to leave your home but it has felt like an eternity, and though I know that it is well deserved, hearing that you cannot trust me was like a knife to my heart. Like I said that night, all I want is to regain your trust. I've gone so long without you in my life and I know that it is all my own doing but now that I've found you again, I won't let you go so easily. I've run away for too long and I can't do it anymore.

So the purpose of this little letter is to let you know that I intend to fight for you. For your trust, for your friendship, for the right to have you in my life again, in any capacity. I'll do whatever it takes but I'm at a bit of a loss. What will it take?

-Edward

I must have re-read his email a million times until the sound of Ben clearing his throat in the doorway of my office pulled my attention away from the screen.

"Hey boss, just wanted to tell you that were running a little low on bread flour. Wasn't sure if you ordered any recently."

"Right, no, I saw that. We have some coming in with everything else on Friday. Will we be ok until then or do I need to go grab some?" I said as I minimized the browser on my computer.

"I think we'll be ok. I just wanted to make sure some was on the way. I'll keep you updated," he said with a smile. I expected him to turn and head back to work but he lingered in the doorway for several seconds. "You alright, boss? You seem a little, uh, spooked this morning."

"I'm fine, just had an old friend come back into my life. It's been a bit strange." I admitted before I even knew what I was saying.

"Just a friend or something more?" he asked, taking a seat in the spare chair by my desk. His calm and quiet demeanor was always comforting

"Once upon a time he was a lot more," I admitted quietly.

"Ah, well I don't have much experience with relationships, I can't even work up the courage to tell the girl I like, that I like her, but my mother was big on following your heart."

I exhaled loudly and slumped in my chair. "Yeah, well following my heart has done me no favors in the past. I'm not sure I can trust my heart."

"Of course you can. It just takes more courage." The timer on the oven rang in the background and Ben rose from his chair. "Just ask yourself, is it just a coincidence that this person came back into your life, or could it be fate?" He turned on his heel and headed out the door. Who knew Ben Cheney, my quiet baker, was a closet romantic.

"Hey Ben," I called out and his head popped back into the room, eyebrows raised in question. "Follow your own damn heart and ask the girl out already!"

He blushed bright red and left the room immediately as I laughed to myself. I'd seen the smile he got when Angela arrived for work each day and the way she blushed and stammered whenever he spoke to her. I'd told myself for months that it was only a matter of time but they were both so ridiculously shy.

Ben's words about following my heart gave me enough push to re-open my browser and hit the reply button. I had no idea what to say, but it seems my fingers had plenty.

**From:** Isabella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 5:09 AM  
**Subject:** RE: Please Read

Thank you for the flowers, they were truly beautiful. You said you didn't have my personal email but I have to ask, where is it that you got my work email and what are you doing awake at such an ungodly hour? It's normal for us bakery folk to be up before the sun but I didn't expect remodelers to be up that early.

I'm not sure how to reply to your email, to be honest. You captured my heart when I was barely 18 and you destroyed it less than a year later. Every time I've seen you since you have gotten my hopes up and eased my heartache just long enough to hurt me further. How else am I supposed to react to your latest appearance but with hesitation, suspicion, and distrust? If once again I let you in, what is to keep you from breaking my heart all over again and disappearing like you have so many times before?

I can't tell you how to win back my trust because, frankly, I don't know. In the back of my mind, I fear I will always expect you to bail as soon as you get what you want from me.

I do have one question for you. Why, after so many years apart, is my friendship important to you now?

Bella

Before I could think better of it, I hit the send button and forced myself out of my chair. If I didn't find something to immediately fill my time, I knew I would spend the rest of the day at my desk hitting the refresh button until I was driven completely mad. I pulled cakes from the freezer to defrost, made a big batch of fondant, and helped Ben frost the doughnuts. When seven a.m. rolled around, I opened the store and manned the front counter until Angela arrived after her morning class. It was ten a.m. before I made it back into my office. Though I tried to resist, I couldn't help from opening my email straight away but there was nothing there, nothing that I'd been hoping for anyways.

I tried to push my disappointment aside as I completed some much needed paperwork and then stepped away for a bite to eat. I usually took my lunch break at home. With it being so close, it didn't make sense not to. I waved good-bye to Angela as I headed out the door and trudged up the stairs to my apartment. A small slip of paper tucked into my door caught my eye and I quickly unfolded it.

_Bella_

_Your friendship has always been important to me._

_~Edward_

My heart thudded in my chest at the thought of him being so close to me but why had he trekked all the way here to deliver this tiny note rather than just reply to my email? I was beyond confused. This man was driving me insane.

Angrily, I made myself a salad for lunch, taking far too much aggression out on the tomatoes so they were more crushed than sliced but I couldn't really be bothered to care. I was too mad to really taste anything anyways. I finished my salad only because my mind knew I needed the fuel for my long day, not because I actually had an appetite to speak of.

I ate quickly and returned to work, needing to bury myself in frosting and cake. I knocked out two birthday cakes and crumb coated five layers of a wedding cake for later in the week before I sat back down in front of my computer. I shouldn't have even looked, but I'd needed to reference another email and so it was unavoidable. But there it was. Hidden under emails from companies about orders or brides looking for appointments, was the email I was waiting for. I ignored the others for the time being and clicked the only one that mattered at that moment.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Isabella Swan  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 2:12 PM  
**Subject:** RE: RE: Please Read

First of all, for the question of where I obtained your work email. You own a company which has its own website, complete with a 'Contact Us' section. It wasn't that hard to find. As for what you call the 'ungodly' hour of my email. Well, I find that I have had trouble sleeping lately. I wasn't actually at work at the time, just on the laptop that I use for work. Also, I'm not actually a remodeler. I'm just the guy who makes sure there is work for the real remodelers to do, and no, none of us are ever at work at 4 am. We tend to wait until the sun is up.

I'm glad you enjoyed the flowers though I wonder why you think yours is the only heart that has been shattered? Do you know what it feels like to learn that the love of your life plans to marry another man? It's quite painful I assure you.

I don't know if you've found the note I left at your home yet. I apologize for its brevity; I was on my way to a job site and had only a moment to write it, but its sentiments are still true enough. You have always mattered to me, even if I have been a complete asshat when it comes to showing it.

-Edward

_Son of a bitch_. What was I supposed to say to that? I'd never considered how he would take the news of my marriage. I thought back to the phone call that had taken me by surprise so many years ago. I remembered it by heart, it was seared into my memory and now, for the first time, I was hearing it much differently but if anything, it made me even angrier. I quickly hit reply and started typing.

**From:** Isabella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 3:21 PM  
**Subject:** Shattered Hearts

Oh, I'm well aware of the pain involved in learning the one you love plans to marry someone else. My question to you is; why, if it pained you so much, didn't you say anything when you called me that day? Do I have to keep reminding you that it was you who broke up with me? If I was really the love of your life, why did you break up with me in the first place? And if you still loved me then, why not just tell me when you had me on the phone that day. I can tell you this. If I knew you still loved me, there would not have been a wedding that day, even despite the baby that was in my belly. You wanted me to stop the wedding that day? Well, all I needed to hear was three little words. And they never came.

Bella

I didn't even have time to finish my reply to an actual work related email before a new message arrived in my inbox. I saved the other to 'drafts' and immediately clicked on Edward's email.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Isabella Swan  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 3:29 PM  
**Subject:** Fear and Good Intentions

You don't have to tell me that I should have told you how I felt that day, and every day before and after it. But, they say that hindsight is 20/20 and I'll be damned it that isn't 100% true. My only excuse is that I was afraid. I wanted to tell you. I wanted nothing more, but my fear kept me from saying the words. If I had told you how much I loved you and you married him anyways, I'm not sure I would have survived. As for letting you go in the first place, I can only reassert that I had your best interests in mind. I was moving across the country. I didn't want to hold you back and keep you from enjoying your college years waiting on someone several thousand miles away. We were so young. I thought it would be easier. All I can say in my defense is that I am a world class idiot and I would sell my soul to go back in time and beg you to wait for me.

-Edward

* * *

**Well, the lines of communication are open and it seems they both have plenty to say. It's about time, right?  
**

**One little side note. I had this all written up and proofread in Word and it was fine there, but then some of my formatting in their email banter didn't quite jive with FF so I had to go in and finagle it a little bit. I think I fixed it but I apologize if I didn't quite catch it all or if it was confusing at all. I was having trouble trying to find a way to differentiate the emails from the regular story. I tried the horizontal lines at first but it got to be a bit much. If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear it.**

**Even if you don't, I'd love to hear from you anyway.**


	25. Chapter 25

**No infringement intended. **

**Going to keep this short and sweet today. Thanks again for all the support. It still means the world to me. **

* * *

Chapter 25

_I'd sell my soul to go back in time and beg you to wait for me._

I exhaled loudly and stared at my screen until my vision went a bit fuzzy. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

**From:** Isabella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 3:45 PM  
**Subject:** Time Travel

Don't say things like that to me. It's easy to say things like that when you know it's not possible. But the truth is, I can't afford to think like that, it's too damn painful. We're not 18 anymore and going back isn't an option. Now, I don't know about you but I have a late night tonight and a lot of work ahead of me, none of which is getting done while I'm sitting here playing the 'what if' game with you.

Bella

I went back to the other email that I'd saved before getting preoccupied with Edward and all that drama but the ping of a new email message in my inbox seconds later was too much of a temptation to avoid. Knowing full well that I should walk away, I clicked over to my inbox and on Edward's reply.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Isabella Swan  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 3:48 PM  
**Subject:** Late Nights

You answered my first email at 5 am and you say you're working late? How late? Don't you have employees to help you out around there?

**From:** Isabella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 3:51 PM  
**Subject:** Staffing

I have wonderful employees. Wednesday is Jake's night to have Charlie so I choose to work late and catch up on anything that needs catching up. Better to stay busy than to sit at home alone.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Isabella Swan  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 3:55 PM  
**Subject:** Staying Busy

I know all too well the benefits of staying busy but who says you have to be alone?

**From:** Isabella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Aug 29, 2012 3:59 PM  
**Subject:** Loneliness

History. History tells me that I'm better off alone, not that it's any of your business anyways. Now if you'll excuse me, I really do have stuff to accomplish today. I'm officially signing out of my email.

As soon as I hit send, I closed out the browser window and immediately left my office before the lure of a possible reply could hold me back. I threw myself into making a huge batch of cake batter and baked off several different shapes and sizes of cakes. I made another tub of buttercream and tried out a new filling that I'd been meaning to try for weeks. When my cakes were done, I wrapped each in plastic wrap and tucked them away in the freezer, feeling rather accomplished.

I was just washing my dishes when Angela popped her head in to tell me she was leaving so I could lock up after her. I followed her back out to the front and nearly screamed when I saw a tall, bronze haired man waiting with yet another bouquet of purple hyacinths. I glanced at Angela whose eyes were bright and dancing. She had a giant smile plastered on her scheming face.

"You are so fired!" I whispered.

"Oh, you love me," she retorted. "Come on, he's really cute and he sends flowers with meaning, not generic cheap roses. It's about time you got laid," she whispered back with a laugh as she pulled her bag out from under the counter and tossed it onto her shoulder. "See you tomorrow."

She eyed Edward up and down appraisingly as she passed him, winked at me and then walked out the door, leaving the two of us alone, staring at each other.

"More apology flowers, huh?" I asked, walking around the counter to the door and clicking the lock.

"You know what they mean?" he asked, surprised.

"I didn't, I just thought they were pretty. Angela, the one who just left, she told me what they mean."

"Oh," he said quietly, "well good."

We were quiet again until I exhaled loudly in frustration. "Why are you here, Edward?"

"I didn't want you to be alone."

I couldn't stop the snort that bubbled up from me. "Ha, I've been alone for four years now. Why should tonight be any different?"

Edward's eyes dropped to the ground briefly and then rose again to meet mine. "Why shouldn't it?"

I didn't have a reply to that; I was still stunned by him appearing yet again. "Alright fine," I sighed. "I'm just finishing some dishes. I guess you can come on back."

I turned on my heel and headed back into the kitchen, not bothering to see if he was following, I knew he was. I could feel him.

I went straight to the sink and plunged my hands into the hot, soapy water and set to work scrubbing the cake pans with a renewed vigor as I tried to grasp what was happening. Edward was here, standing just behind me looking more attractive than he had any right to be. After a long day of work he looked simply delicious in his three piece suit, while I was sweaty and disheveled, wearing an apron covered in frosting and cake batter with unkempt hair pulled back into a messy bun. This was a total disaster.

"Uh, where can I put these?" I heard him ask over the blare of the radio. We always had music playing softly during the day but we often turned it up at night while we were cleaning. I turned and saw him holding up the vase of flowers he'd brought, his eyebrows raised in question.

"Oh, uh, I guess you can set those on my desk. It's just over there, through that door." I motioned towards my office with a sudsy hand before turning back around. "There should be a couple stools around here too, if you'd like to take a seat. I'm going to be a minute."

In truth, I could have knocked out these dishes in a matter of minutes but I was taking my sweet time, paying meticulous care to each and every pan, allowing myself the time to collect my thoughts. I turned the radio down just a bit as he headed back towards my office but he seemed to be taking an inordinate amount of time returning or maybe it just felt like forever. I forced myself not to turn around and look and eventually, I heard the sound of footsteps returning. I waited for the metallic scraping of a stool being moved but it never came as he continued to walk around the room

"This is a great space you have," he said from somewhere behind me. I dared a peek over my shoulder and saw him running a hand along the giant butcher block table that sat in the middle of the room. "Seriously Bella, this is truly fantastic. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks. It's a lot of work but I love it. I really do." I gave him a small smile and returned my gaze to the sudsy water in front of me.

"And you're good at it. I saw the photos in your office, of the clients with the cakes you made them and I've seen the ones up front. You are amazing. I mean, I always knew that, but I had no idea you could do what you do. It's incredible."

His voice sounded so sincere. I couldn't stop from turning around, hands still covered in bubbles and dripping, to face him. "Thank you," I said quietly. He smiled and we stared at each other for a minute before I forced myself to turn away. I couldn't get lost in those damn green eyes or his perfect jaw or that Goddamn hair. That Goddamn hair always got me into trouble.

For a long time, neither of us said anything else. The only sound came from the radio or the splashing of water as I scrubbed my cake pans. After several minutes, I heard his footstep coming towards me. I could feel his presence drawing ever closer as I continued to scrub. I scrubbed so hard I feared I might scrub right through the pan but I refused to turn around. If I did he would see the effect he had on me. He would have the upper hand and I would be lost.

The song changed from some upbeat pop song to one with a heavy, seductive beat and I felt Edward standing just behind me. My breath caught in my throat as I continued to scrub, trying to pretend I couldn't feel the electricity thrumming between us. He placed his hands on my hips and stepped even closer as his lips brushed against my ear.

My mind was screaming for me to walk away as my traitorous body leaned against him, my head falling back against his chest. _God, he feels good. _Neither of us spoke a word, just moved together slowly in time to the music. My heart was beating so hard I thought for sure it was audible even over the sound of the radio. Edward's breath against my neck continued to send waves of desire through me like nothing I'd felt in the last nine years, save for one infamous night. My brain continued to fight my heart and body for dominance, reminding me how much fire I was playing with, but I couldn't pull my body away from the warmth of Edward's.

It took the pan I'd been scrubbing for the last five minutes slipping from my fingers and splashing me with soapy water to snap me back in to reality. I placed my hands on top of his and pushed them away from my hips as I turned to face him.

"I can't, Edward. I can't do this."

"I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking," he said quietly, shaking his head as he stepped away.

"Neither was I, obviously," I joked but Edward's eyes didn't rise to meet mine, making me feel like an ass. "Look, it's not that it didn't feel nice because it does, but I just can't. I'm too afraid of what happens after, um, all that. I'm so fucking afraid because I can't stop myself around you. I can't stop myself because it feels so damn good but then you leave and it hurts. God it hurts so bad and I don't think I'd survive it again and I have to survive. I have a child, a business, a life. I can't afford to turn into a crazy, lovesick, catatonic mess again when you leave."

"Where am I going, Bella?"

"I don't know, but I know you'll go and until I know you won't, I can't be doing this," I motioned to the space between us, "with you."

"Bella," he cried, the sound coming out as strangled gasp. "Please don't cut me out. I'll behave. We don't need to do this," he motioned between us just as I had. "I just want to know you again. Just let me know you. Please don't push me away."

"I don't want to push you away, but I can't be close to you either."

"Because you can't trust me," he stated sadly. It wasn't a question.

"I wish I could," I whispered.

"Then let me earn it back, Bella." He stepped forward and reached for my hand but I recoiled, unable to trust myself enough to touch him again. He quickly pulled his hand back as though he'd been burned and took several steps back. "I fucked up. I know I did. Let me show you that I'm sorry, that I won't do anything so immensely stupid ever again. I want to show you that I have learned from my mistakes. Let me show you that you can trust me, but I can't do that if you shut me out. Please, I just want to be your friend. That's all I want."

"I don't know how to do that."

"I shouldn't have come here. I've been pushing you. You keep telling me you need time and I keep popping up. I'm sorry," he said, his head dropping.

I could feel his pain as strongly as my own and my heart ached. "Part of me likes you popping up," I finally admitted. "It makes me believe like maybe you still care."

"I do still care."

"But the cautious part of me is blaring the alarms, holding me back, keeping me from giving into that other part and I just don't know what to do. Which part of me do I listen to?"

Edward brought his hands to his hair pulling at the ends the way he always did when he was stressed. "What if we just stick to email for now? I'd just like to get to know this new you."

"I'm the same old me."

"No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "No, I knew an eighteen year old girl who was an innocent high school senior and loved classic literature. A girl who told off bullies and spent hours at the gym just to support a friend. A girl who loved without fear."

"And that was her downfall," I said with a sharp laugh.

"Maybe. But, maybe she just fell in love with a stupid boy who was so afraid of hurting the girl he loved, that he pushed away the best thing he ever had. Yeah, I know that girl but I don't know the gorgeous woman she grew into, the mother who so clearly lives for her child, or the businesswoman who created something amazing on her own. I want to get to know her and I want you to get to know me. I'm not an idiot teenager anymore or even an idiot twenty-three year old who thinks he knows best for everyone. I am a twenty-eight year old man who has only ever loved one woman and who has seen what life is like without her. I want you to get to know the man who would rather be your friend than nothing at all. So, will you get to know me? Will you let me get to know you?"

There was a lump in my throat the size of Texas and I couldn't even swallow let alone talk and so I nodded, trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall. "Ok," I finally managed to croak.

"Ok?" He sounded thoroughly surprised by my agreement.

"Ok," I reiterated, nodding. "Let's get to know each other. Through email for now," I added. "It's obvious that we have trouble staying 'friendly' in person and the email thing seems to be working alright."

Edward smiled broadly, like a kid whose parents just told him he could have a puppy and I couldn't help but laugh. "I do have some ground rules," I added quickly.

"Ok," he said hesitantly.

"I can't be on the computer going back and forth with you all day," I said, earning myself a laugh from him. "I actually have shit to do around here and I can't have you cluttering up my work email. So, I will give you my personal email and we can stick to that. No constant emailing all day!" I insisted. "My job does not include me sitting at a desk all day like some people."

"I don't sit at a desk all day!" I raised my eyebrow in question and he chuckled. "I don't!" he insisted. "Not all day, anyways."

"Anyway, I will reply to any emails after work or on my lunch breaks and that is it. At work, I need to work. It's still summer and that means wedding season and I'm busy. Too busy to chat with you all day."

"What about IM?" he asked "Or text?"

"What? No. I just told you I can't chat with you all day."

"No," he laughed, "after work. How do you feel about texting or IM'ing after work sometimes? When you're not busy, of course."

"Oh." I felt silly but he smiled at me, putting me at ease. "Uh, I don't know about texting. I have a kid to take care of. I can't sit around like some teenager attached to her phone. I just need some boundaries here. I guess IM'ing would ok since I can control when I sign on, but I'm not online much at home, just a few minutes here or there but sure, if I'm online you can go ahead and IM me."

I walked past him towards my office and hunted down a spare piece of paper. I quickly scribbled my email address on it and thrust it towards Edward. "Here you go."

He folded the paper and slipped it into his pocket carefully. "Thanks, beautiful."

"No! Stop it! No pet names or anything like that. We're friends, just friends."

"Friends can't call each other beautiful?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

I shook my head vigorously. "Nope. You and I can't, that's for damn sure. That's blurring the line."

"Alright then. Email or IM only and only during non-business hours. No pet names. Anything else?"

"I'm sure I'll think of something." I said with a smile. He smiled in return and for that moment in time, I actually believed that maybe everything was going to be ok. "Now, I have a few more things to do before I can go home so…"

"I can wait," Edward insisted but I shook my head.

"No, I need to think a bit. Clear my head, you know? Dishwashing is good for head clearing."

"Bella, it's late."

"And I only live upstairs. I'll be ok. I stay late all the time. I'll be ok," I repeated.

"But…," he began, but I cut him off.

"No 'buts', I'm a grown up and I'm fine here. I'll lock the door after you leave. I just need a few minutes."

He hesitated for several seconds but finally relented, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Alright, I'm going as long as you text me when you get home. You have my number, right? Just let me know you got home, that's all."

I nodded and followed him to the front door. He stalled for a second until I promised, yet again, that I would lock the door as soon as he left and would text him when I made it home. Once he was out the door I headed back to my sink full of dishes though now I needed to empty the tepid water and refill the sink with hot water.

Without the distraction of Edward standing right behind me, I was able to make quick work of the dishes. I considered all the things Edward had said to me just minutes before. Everything he'd said to me, all of his actions over the last few weeks told me that he genuinely cared for me and I wanted to believe it. Oh, how desperately I wanted to believe that it was true but my fear kept holding me back. Maybe this email correspondence would be a good thing. It would give me the opportunity to really get to know the person he'd become in the last nine years without his eyes, or his jaw or that Goddamn hair setting my hormones a twitter and blinding me to reality.

When the dishes were done and left out to dry overnight, I finished up a few emails I'd been neglecting all day while I'd been bantering back and forth with Edward. Within a half hour of his leaving, I was turning off lights and setting alarms as I made my way for the door. As I stepped out onto the sidewalk and put my key into the lock, I could feel him. I looked over my shoulder and, of course, there was nothing but a quiet street and the ever present Seattle drizzle but Edward was nowhere to be found. Yet, I could still feel him out there, waiting. Surprisingly, the thought made me smile.

I locked up quickly and headed around the corner to the stairs leading to my house. I took one more look up and down the street and that's when I spotted it. A sleek silver car that just screamed 'Edward' was parked up the street a little ways but close enough to give the driver a perfect view of the bakery door and the stairway to my apartment.

It was too dark to see anyone sitting in the car but I could sense him. I knew it was him out there, waiting to make sure that I made it home safely. I gave the car a little wave before ascending the staircase to my front door. Once inside I pulled my phone from my pocket and tapped quickly at the screen.

_I'm safe inside now. Doors locked and everything. You can go home now. _

I hit 'send' quickly but realized that I'd sent it too soon. It was missing something. Something important, and I quickly sent one more message.

_Thank you._

* * *

**So it's a tentative step in the right direction. Are we sensing any hope for these two yet? **

**I'm sorry if the formatting for this chapter is a bit wonky. I'm passing the blame on this one to FF. It looks fine when I save it in the doc manager but when I check the actual chapter it's gone all funky again and I'm not sure what else to do. I just hope it's still easy to follow.  
**


	26. Chapter 26

**Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer and no infringement is intended. **

**There is a bit of email banter in this chapter. If you hate that, well I'm very sorry, but this is the last of it so please bear with me. **

* * *

Chapter 26

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Thursday, Aug 30, 2012 12:42 PM  
**Subject:** Favorites

Ok, I figured step one of getting to know each other again would be to go back to the basics. I used to know the answers to these questions but it's been awhile and I figured things might have changed. So, tell me Bella, what are your favorites, book, color, food, movie, tv show, etc.

-Edward

p.s. I know I'm cheating by sending this during working hours but I just had a free moment during my lunch break and couldn't resist.

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Thursday, Aug 30, 2012 6:12 PM  
**Subject:** RE: Favorites

Basics huh? Alright then. My favorite food is still Italian. I can't help it, I love my pasta. Favorite color is still green. Those two haven't changed. As for the others, I have many favorite books but I guess my very favorite book is _Pride & Prejudice_. I don't really watch enough TV to have a favorite, Charlie tends to dictate what we watch which means I watch a lot of Disney Channel yet I refuse to name Wizards of Waverly Place or iCarly as my favorites. That just seems sad. When I get to pick it's usually just the Food Network. I don't know that I have a favorite movie either though I never fail to get sucked into A League of Their Own or Fried Green Tomatoes when they're on TV. I think that's just the girl in me though. I do know that I tend to lean towards dramas or romantic comedies. I rarely watch the shoot-em-up, nothing-but-explosions type of action movies or the raunchy, frat boy comedies anymore. I think I had enough of them to last me a lifetime while I was married to Jake.

Not sure what etc favorites you were looking for. My favorite holiday is Christmas, but not because I like receiving anything, that hasn't changed, but because the look of wonder on Charlie's face when she wakes up Christmas morning and sees that Santa did come is the best thing in the whole world. I also love the 4th of July with its BBQ's, parades and summer warmth. It's just always been a fun day.

I like most music as long as it's good, be it rock or pop or whatever but I'm not a big fan of rap or that newer rock that seems to be just screaming and the torture of instruments. Maybe I'm just too old.

Now it's your turn. Are your favorites still the same?"

Bella

p.s. Don't worry about it. I don't check this email at work so it doesn't matter when you send the email, I won't get it until later anyways. As long as you don't expect an answer until then, it's just fine.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Thursday, Aug 30, 2012 8:32 PM  
**Subject:** RE: RE: Favorites

Fair enough. I've grown to like most food, especially anything spicy. However, the red-blooded American male in me still loves a good steak and some mashed potatoes but only real mashed potatoes not that instant stuff. That stuff reminds me of wallpaper paste.

I still also have too many favorite books to name though I don't really get a chance to read much lately, so I'm a bit out of touch on the more recent literature. I will say I was surprised by your answer, not that _Pride & Prejudice _isn't a great book, but what happened to _Wuthering Heights_? I thought that was your favorite?

I don't watch much TV either. Every time I turn it on, it seems to be either people humiliating themselves for money or desperate women fighting for some loser. I think you're better off with the Disney Channel and Food Network.

I haven't seen a new movie in months, and like you, I've been dragged to too many awful movies as well. I don't mind the action movies as long as they aren't completely brainless. I've known a few frat-boys, as you called them, and you're right on the money with some of those comedies.

I haven't celebrated many holidays lately. It's hard when all your family is across the country. I mean, I came home for Christmas every year and it's always nice, but I haven't experienced that Christmas magic in years and years. I think it's a much different holiday when you're all grown up. It's definitely more of a kids holiday. You are right about the 4th. I never really thought about it, but it is just a big, fun party. What's not to like, I guess? I'm also partial to Easter and Halloween, but only for the candy. I think I have a bit of a sweet tooth. I'm guessing it's different for someone like you who is surrounded by sweets all day.

As for music, I'm 100% with you on some of the newer music. Some is great, some is total crap. I find my listening habits depend on my mood though I'm still quite fond of classical. My friends at Dartmouth thought it was weird when Debussy popped up on my iPod in the car but I say, fuck them. Good music is good music regardless of how old it is. Your daughter isn't into that Justin Beiber kid, is she? I feel terribly sorry for you if she is.

-Edward

p.s. I don't care when you reply, as long as you do.

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Thursday, Aug 30, 2012 9:27 PM  
**Subject:** Holidays, Canadian Popstars, and Literary Choices

It breaks my heart that you've lost the Christmas magic. Truly, I find that to be the saddest thing I've ever heard but maybe someday you'll have kids of your own and rediscover the magic.

Thankfully, Charlie isn't really fond of Beiber and I thank the powers that be for it every single day. If I had to listen to that pre-pubescent asshole sing about love every day, well, I can't promise that I wouldn't pierce my own eardrums just to relieve myself of the misery. She does seem to like every other young, pop-y singer out there though.

I can't believe you remember that my favorite book used to be _Wuthering Heights_. I do still enjoy it but I found that I had enough dysfunctional relationships in my own life that it was no longer as appealing in the literary world and so I cling to the happy ending of Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Silly? Yes, but it is what it is.

Bella

p.s. I'm going to bed now, we bakers are early risers.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Thursday, Aug 30, 2012 10:51 PM  
**Subject:** Dysfunction

Ouch, my dear. While I won't deny that our breakup, and the 9 years since, reeks of dysfunction, I would argue that our actual relationship was anything but, and so I hope it's not your experience with me that led you to abandon your favorite book. To be honest though, I never understood the appeal of Wuthering Heights in the first place. A bit depressing if you ask me.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Friday, Aug 31, 2012 11:27 AM  
**Subject: **RE: Dysfunction

I'm pleading the fifth on what might have led to the change in my feelings towards a certain book and I'm not going to argue that book's merits with you now.

Changing the subject. Tell me what it's like at an Ivy League school. My education consisted of remembering the 5 mother sauces and the difference between AP, bread and pastry flours and my finals were mostly edible. I'd love to hear what it was like at a real university.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Friday, Aug 31, 2012 12:55 PM  
**Subject:** The Ivy League

My education was like any other, I guess. Classes, homework, essays, tests, repeat ad nauseam. I think the only difference is in the subject matter (what is a mother sauce anyways?). I lived in the dorms for a few years and then got an apartment later on. I made a few friends and we spent our weekends drinking and cavorting. I imagine it's same at any college across the country.

-Edward

p.s. I would have loved having edible finals.

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Friday, Aug 31, 2012 4:31 PM  
**Subject: **College Life

And here I hoped the Ivy League would live up to its reputation and be something magical and amazing. I guess the magic part comes later, when you're trying to get a real job. I imagine the 'Ivy League' title works to your favor then, doesn't it?

So, no secret societies of rich kids bent on world domination? Bummer. Hollywood lies again!

Bella

p.s. The mother sauces are: Béchamel, Espagnole, Veloute, Tomato and Hollandaise.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Friday, Aug 31, 2012 5:55 PM  
**Subject:** Secret Societies

Sadly, if Dartmouth was home to secret societies, it appears I did not meet the minimum specifications to join. A tragedy to be sure.

I can't deny that the 'Ivy League' stamp on my diploma probably helped a bit when job seeking. I suppose that's why my parents were so keen to send me. Shockingly, when you go into business with your own mother, it doesn't seem to matter. Such is life, I guess.

-Edward

p.s. I know some of those and some are quite foreign. Are there also father sauces that the mother sauces mingle with to make baby sauces?

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Friday, Aug 31, 2012 8:41 PM  
**Subject: **Mother's Love (and Sauce)

It's true, us mothers don't care what your degree says. If you came from our womb, you can do no wrong. I personally believe my (almost) 8 year old is the smartest thing to ever grace the planet. Don't try to convince me otherwise, it won't happen.

Bella

p.s. Ew, just ew. The idea of two sauces procreating is a bit off-putting isn't it? But, no, there are no father sauces.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Saturday, Sep 1, 2012 9:05 AM  
**Subject:** RE: Mother's Love (and Sauce)

I wouldn't even presume to try and convince you otherwise. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting your child but if she takes after you at all, I'm sure she is an extraordinary human being.

-Edward

p.s. You're right. Very off-putting. I may never look at tomato sauce the same again. I apologize.

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Saturday, Sep 1, 2012 2:41 PM  
**Subject: **Flattery

If you think you can get to me by complimenting my offspring, well then you are 100% correct. She is an extraordinary human being. Much better than I ever hope to be. I think our children steal all of our best traits and leave us with the bad. Natural selection at its finest.

Bella

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Saturday, Sep 1, 2012 7:07 PM  
**Subject:** Genetics

Say what you will, but I saw you less than a week ago and I assure you that she didn't take ALL of your good traits. You still have plenty, at least from what I can tell.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Sunday, Sep 2, 2012 12:22 AM  
**Subject: **Flattery Again

Well, thank you. How do you always know what a girl needs to hear without her saying it?

Bella

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Sunday, Sep 2, 2012 8:07 AM  
**Subject:** Truths

I only speak the truth and I don't know many girls, just beautiful women.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Sunday, Sep 2, 2012 11:13 AM  
**Subject: **Gratitude

Thank you for YOUR truths, even if they are hard to believe.

Bella

p.s. Exactly how many beautiful women are we talking here?

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Sunday, Sep 2 2012 3:11 PM  
**Subject:** Beliefs

Don't you question my beliefs! I've known 3 truly beautiful women in my life. One was my mother, one was my sister and the other I was stupid enough to throw away. It's something I'll regret forever.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Sunday, Sep 2, 2012 6:56 PM  
**Subject: **Regret

Regret is a bitch, I'll give you that. Don't get me started on the things I regret.

Bella

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Sunday, Sep 2 2012 8:19 PM  
**Subject:** RE: Regret

Are you sure? I'd love to hear what you regret.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Monday, Sep 3, 2012 10:56 AM  
**Subject: **RE: RE: Regret

That's an easy answer actually. With the exception of my daughter, I regret most of the last 9 years.

-Bella

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Monday, Sep 3 2012 2:18 PM  
**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Regret

What about your education and everything that led you to owning your own business? Surely you can't regret that.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Monday, Sep 3, 2012 5:47 PM  
**Subject: **Good Point

I suppose you're right. I enjoy what I do. So, my professional life and my maternal life are ok. It's just everything else that is screwed up I guess.

Bella

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Monday, Sep 3 2012 10:18 PM  
**Subject:** Odds

I say that two out of three ain't bad, baby. You are doing better than me. I have an ok professional life but that is about it and only because I work for my mother. There is no personal life to speak of.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Tuesday, Sep 4, 2012 5:57 AM  
**Subject: **Personal Lives

I appreciate you trying to make me feel better and it may have worked if I didn't know that you just moved here from across the country. Maybe you have no personal life here in Seattle, but I don't doubt that you left a hearty personal life behind and in a few months when you've had a chance to settle; you'll have a healthy social life again. I, however, have lived here for years unable to move on. It's a different story.

Bella

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Tuesday, Sep 4 2012 10:16 AM  
**Subject:** Stories

My personal life in New Hampshire was also non-existent. Truth is, you are not the only one unable to move on.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Tuesday, Sep 4, 2012 5:35 PM  
**Subject: **Moving On

I'm sorry but I find that hard to believe. You forget that I've seen you. Moving on can't possibly be hard with a face like that. I imagine the line of girls willing to help you move on is a mile long.

Bella

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent:** Tuesday, Sep 4 2012 9:20 PM  
**Subject:** You're One to Talk

I've never seen this line you speak of but I assure you, if they are there, they are all lacking in comparison to the one woman I've ever truly cared about. I do have to ask, what about your own line? Surely there are an endless amount of men waiting to scoop up such a gorgeous, successful woman like you.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Sep 5, 2012 6:02 AM  
**Subject: **Hilarious

You, sir, are a funny, funny guy. You guessed it; men are lined up around the block for a chance to ask out the emotionally unavailable, overworked, single mother. HAHA!

Sarcasm aside, I hate to break it to you but there has never been a line, not for me anyways.

Bella

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent: **Wednesday, Sep 5 2012 12:20 PM  
**Subject:** Lines

I'm sorry but you are so very wrong. I have always been in your line.

-Edward

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Sep 5, 2012 1:02 PM  
**Subject: **RE: Lines

That is a lovely sentiment and I hate to harp on this one fact but the truth is, you left my line. Several times.

**From:** Edward Cullen  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Sent: **Wednesday, Sep 5 2012 1:15 PM  
**Subject:** RE: RE: Lines

You're not wrong. Physically, I did leave but mentally and emotionally, I never left.

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Edward Cullen  
**Sent:** Wednesday, Sep 5, 2012 1:27 PM  
**Subject: **Mere Sentiments

Your words are lovely but didn't your mother ever teach you that actions speak much louder than words?

Bella

p.s. My lunch break is over, I'm going back to work now. We can continue this later.

For the rest of the day, I worried about how Edward would take my last email. We'd had a fairly pleasant, ongoing conversation over the last week and I didn't want to ruin that but obviously some wounds still run rather deep. I couldn't seem to keep my big mouth shut. I just had to keep dredging up the past and rubbing his face in it.

I threw myself into work, helping Emily with several cakes until it was time to go. It was Charlie's first day of second grade and though Wednesday was her dad's night, I met him at the school to take her out for ice cream as we had every year on the first day of school. Afterwards, I took advantage of a little Charlie-free time to shop for her birthday presents. Her birthday was the next day and I'd definitely left it until the last minute.

With my arms filled with bags and boxes, my hair and clothes damp from the rain, and my checking account seriously lightened, I headed home. I quickly changed into more comfortable and dry clothing and called for take-out, wrapping presents as I waited for my Chinese. By the time my food arrived, the weather outside had turned biblical and the delivery boy looked a bit like a drowned cat as he held out the soggy paper bag containing my beef and broccoli and fried rice.

"Pretty nasty out there, huh?" I asked as I pulled the bills out of my wallet.

"Lady, it's a miracle I found the place. Can't see for shit out there," he said, shaking the water from his shaggy hair. "Lucky for you, I love that place downstairs so I knew where I was going, best Goddamn crème puffs I've ever had."

I smiled and pulled an extra five-dollar bill from my wallet and thrust the money at him as I grabbed my dinner. "They aren't too bad, are they?"

"No ma'am," he replied, shoving the money into a back pocket and then headed back down the stairs and into the deluge.

As I ate, I settled onto the couch, plugged in my laptop and then flipped it open, ready to write out the apology email to Edward I'd been composing in my head all afternoon. He just wanted to be friends and I couldn't seem to stop being a snarky bitch, but I could apologize at least.

I'd just opened my email and hit 'compose' when a little box popped up in the corner.

**edwardac84:** Hey, it's me. Are you on?

**bellamarie: **Yeah, just about to email you actually. Weird.

**edwardac84: **Oh really? What were you going to say?

**bellamarie: **Yikes, put me on the spot why don't you. I had it all planned out for email, not IM.

**edwardac84: **Planned out? Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. People only plan out the emails with bad news.

**bellamarie: **It's not that. I wanted to apologize for being a bitch.

**edwardac84: **When were you a bitch?

**bellamarie: **I keep bringing up shit from the past.

**edwardac84: **That doesn't make you a bitch.

**bellamarie: **I feel like one. You want to move forward, get to know the new, adult versions of ourselves and maybe become friends but I keep dragging us back into the past.

**edwardac84: **You weren't wrong.

**bellamarie: **What?

**edwardac84: **In your email. The 'actions speak louder than words' part. You are 100% right.

**edwardac84: **It's just a little hard when you limit me to emails. It sorta leaves me stuck with words.

**bellamarie: ***hangs head* You're right. Another sign of my bitchiness.

**edwardac84: **Hey, that's my friend you're talking about. Besides, I don't see it as bitchiness. Self-preservation maybe and if anything, that's entirely my fault.

**edwardac84: **You wouldn't need to set limitations and protect yourself if not for all of MY colossal fuck-ups.

**bellamarie: **Maybe, but I should be a bigger person and learn to forgive.

**edwardac84: **Maybe some things are unforgivable.

I stared at the screen for what seemed like forever. It was only five little words but they made a huge impact. The meaning was clear. He couldn't forgive himself either and that made my heart ache. I don't know why but it was one thing for me to be angry with him but another entirely for him to be so angry with himself. I'd thought for so long that I was the only victim but I'd been wrong. He was hurting here too and more than I wanted my own pain to end, I wanted to end his more and I could start by letting things go.

**bellamarie: **Few things are unforgivable. This isn't one of them.

**edwardac84: **Are you saying that you could forgive me?

**bellamarie: **I think I'm starting to.

A bright flash of light and the deafening boom of thunder outside pulled my attention from the screen. Almost immediately after came another booming sound like that of an explosion and then the entire room went dark except for the faint glow of the computer screen.

**bellamarie: **Shit!

**bellamarie: **Power just went out.

I set the computer on the coffee table and rose from the couch, heading to the window. The entire block was bathed in darkness. Using my cellphone as a makeshift flashlight, I felt my way to the hall closet and pulled out the bag of tiny votive candles and the box of matches I kept for occasions such as this. I lit several and placed them around the room before heading back to my place on the couch in front of the computer.

**edwardac84: **Are you ok?

**edwardac84: **Bella?

**edwardac84: **Are you there?

**edwardac84: **Talk to me please! I'm getting worried over here.

**bellamarie: **I'm here.

**bellamarie: **Sorry.

**bellamarie: **Just checking on things, you know?

**edwardac84: **Jesus, don't say dramatic shit and then disappear. Just tell a poor guy that you'll be right back or something.

**bellamarie: **Sorry, not a ton of IM experience here. I was making sure it wasn't just my house without power and whatnot.

**edwardac84: **Is it?

**bellamarie: **No, the whole block has gone dark. There was a huge flash just before and a loud *boom*. I think lightning took out a transformer or something.

**edwardac84: **Are you ok? What about downstairs? I guess the bakery has no power either. Is that going to cause you problems? Stuff going bad or whatever?

**bellamarie: **I'm fine. It's not the first time we've had a power outage. The bakery fridge and freezers are hooked to generators for just this reason, they'll be ok. Everything is ok here, just dark.

**edwardac84: **What about your daughter? Is she ok? I know kids get scared of the thunder sometimes. How is she holding up?

The idea that he was worried about my child touched me more than anything he'd ever said.

**bellamarie: **Thanks for asking but she's not here. Wednesday is her dad's day.

**edwardac84: **That's right. I think I knew that. I'm sorry. But I'm glad you don't have a frightened child to deal with along with everything else.

Even over IM, he made my heart hammer in my chest with his sweet concerns. I was just debating how to reply when the warning on my laptop popped up. I'd only plugged it in minutes before the power went out and it had been all but dead before that. Now it was telling me to find a power source or shut down. _Dammit. _

**bellamarie: **Hey, my comp is yelling at me, it's almost dead. If I disappear suddenly, you know why. Just warning you so you don't freak out if I go MIA again.

**edwardac84: **Seriously? That sucks. Are you going to be ok over there in the dark?

**bellamarie: **Of course. I'm a big girl. I can handle a little dark. I might even have a bottle of wine around here. I'll just drink and watch the rain until I'm ready to sleep.

I didn't get the chance to see his reply as my screen suddenly went dark. Stupid ancient laptop. I made a mental note that it was time to upgrade my computer as I rose from the couch. I grabbed a candle and used it to rummage through my pantry for the wine I'd mentioned to Edward until I finally located it tucked away in the back. _Thank God! _I really needed a drink.

By dim candlelight, I poured myself a very large glass of wine and finished off the rest of my dinner. After that, there was nothing else to do but stare out the window at the rain. It wasn't nearly as nice as it had sounded when I'd mentioned it to Edward.

I was just ready to pack it in and go to bed when there was a quiet knock at the door. I padded over to the door and peeked through the peep hole where I spied a mane of bronze hair. I flipped the lock and threw open the door.

"What are you doing here?" I cried, taking in Edward's rain-soaked form.

"So, I know we said we'd stick to email and whatnot and I know I'm breaking the deal, but I was worried about you. I brought candles, flashlights and more wine, you know, in case you were wrong about having a bottle. Everything you need to weather a storm. I promise I'm not going to stick around. I just didn't know what you had and wanted to make sure you were ok and then I'll go. Someone once told me that actions speak louder than words, so…"

He held out a paper grocery sack filled with supplies, not making a move to enter my home. It was a sweet gesture but I wasn't going to take his stuff and send him back out into the rain. Truthfully, I was beyond happy to see him standing there. My heart was doing backflips and my pulse raced. I took the bag and set it carefully just inside the door before reaching forward and grabbing the lapels of his jacket.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "Now get your ass in here."

* * *

**Looks like Bella is starting to come around. Is this a good thing or is she setting herself up for more pain? I'd love to hear what you think. **


	27. Chapter 27

**I don't own Twilight, just copies of the books and movies. No infringement intended. **

**Hmm, so these two are alone again, in the dark. What could possibly happen? Let's find out, shall we? **

* * *

Chapter 27

"_Thank you," I said quietly. "Now get your ass in here."_

"I'm serious, Bella," he said firmly, not allowing me to pull him into my home. "I'm not here to intrude or force my company on you. I just needed to make sure you were alright."

"And I'm serious too," I replied, tugging harder on his jacket. "It's way too cold and wet out here to stand around and argue, and I'm actually really happy to see you, so listen to me and get your ass in here."

He relented and stepped over the threshold as I closed the door behind him. Edward stepped into the living room and looked around. "I'm an idiot. Of course you have candles and matches and you even found the wine," he said, motioning to the opened bottle and half full glass on the coffee table. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. I overreacted."

He dropped his head sheepishly as water from his wet hair dripped down onto his shoulders.

"Stop it," I insisted as I walked to the linen closet in the hallway and pulled a towel from the shelf. "You weren't overreacting, you were concerned and I appreciate it. Sure, I have everything already but it's the thought that counts. So here," I said, thrusting the towel at him, "shut up, dry yourself off and share this wine with me because more than anything, I'm bored as hell and having someone to talk to is the one thing I didn't already have so, again, I am really glad you're here."

He took the towel gingerly, eying me cautiously as though he expected me to change my mind at any moment and freak out. "Only if you're sure."

"Very."

He brought the towel to his head and began drying his hair as I went into the kitchen and retrieved another wine glass. When I returned to the living room, I found Edward sitting on the couch, his jacket folded over a chair and the towel lying next to it. My mind told me to sit in the armchair across the room but my body moved of its own accord and soon I was lowering myself onto the couch next to him. Even he looked surprised by my choice of seat and, second guessing myself, I curled into the corner of the sofa, putting as much distance between us without switching seats.

Wordlessly, I poured Edward a large glass of wine and held it out to him. His fingers brushed mine as he took the glass from my hand, sending an electric shock coursing through my veins. I yanked my hand way and quickly set to work topping off my own glass to cover my odd reaction.

_What was I doing? _ I was so confused. One moment I was pushing him away and the next I was physically pulling him into my home. I wanted him close but I was afraid of him being there. My heart, my body, and my mind all had very different ideas on the way this should be and I had no idea who to listen to. Well, not exactly. My heart and mind agreed on one thing only, and that was ignoring absolutely everything my body had to say on the matter. That bitch just couldn't be trusted.

"You're not too wet, I hope," I said quietly, trying to curb my anxiety with casual conversation. "Not too cold?"

"I'm fine Bella. I took a cab over so it was just a quick run from the curb to the stairs and I think my jacket bore the brunt of it."

"Ok, cause I can turn up the heat, or get more towels or…" I was halfway off the couch, ready to busy myself with any multitude of things.

"I'm fine," he repeated with a smile. "Besides, good luck with turning up the heat. You know without power, and all."

With that the tension lifted and I chuckled into my glass. "Damn, I guess you're right."

I settled back into my seat, tucking my legs underneath me as I noticed my attire for the first time. Up top, I was wrapped in my favorite baggy sweatshirt but my legs were more exposed in a pair of tiny sleep shorts and knee high socks and when I saw Edward's gaze drop to my legs, I felt entirely too naked. I'd lost quite a bit of the baby weight and had begun working out vigorously as soon as I'd gotten the go ahead from the doctor but my body was still not quite at a level I was comfortable with. At least not a level I was comfortable sharing with a member of the opposite sex. I pulled the afghan from the back of the couch and faked a shiver as I threw it over my legs.

We drank quietly, listening to the rhythmic sound of the rain against the roof. Officially, I was keeping my gaze focused on a candle flickering across the room but unofficially, I was stealing glances at Edward as he sipped his wine. Another loud crack of thunder rattled my home as a flash of light illuminated the room, causing me to jump and nearly spill my drink. Edward leaned forward and set his glass on the table before turning to face me.

"Bella, are you alright?" he said softly.

"What?" I asked. "I'm great, why do you ask?"

"You seem a bit on edge."

"I guess it's just a bit strange, still."

I didn't have to explain further, he knew what I meant. "I don't have to be here, Bella. I can go."

"I'm not sending you back out into that," I cried, motioning to the windows and the storm raging beyond them.

"I'm a grown man, I think I can handle a little water. I have towels at my house too, you know," he said with a wink.

"It's not that," I admitted, "but it's dark, visibility is shit and the roads are awful."

"Isabella Swan, are you worried about me?"

I was thankful for the low light so he couldn't see my blush. "No. Yes. I mean, we might have our issues but that doesn't mean that I'm sending you out into a storm to die in a horrible car accident."

"So is that it?" he said quietly. "The reason you're keeping me here. Is it just concern for my physical well-being?"

"Yes. No. I don't know." I rambled, the alcohol beginning to loosen my tongue. "I told you I was lonely and I wasn't lying, the loneliness is crushing. It's so painful, but I've dealt with it for so long that I don't notice it anymore until it's gone. When you showed up, it left and it's probably horribly selfish of me but that's why I asked you to stay. If you leave again it will hurt worse than before."

"It's not selfish. I understand. Loneliness like that? Something I understand all too well." He grabbed his glass and took one long drink.

"You do?" I asked in surprise.

I'd stopped talking about my feelings in detail with the people around me as no one really understood. When I'd tried to tell her how lonely I felt, Rose's response was that I should get dressed up and hit the bar to find a one-night stand or she'd offer to introduce me to some of Emmett's teammates. No matter how many times I tried to explain it, she didn't understand that as much as I craved physical intimacy, I needed emotional intimacy so much more and that wasn't something you could get from a one-night stand or a bad blind date. My mother was no help either. She would tell me that I would never find a new man if I didn't put myself out there. The problem with that had been the same for years. I never wanted a new man. I wanted the one sitting next to me on the couch but I was scared to let him back into my heart.

"Why do you think I have such a hard time staying away? Bella, being around you soothes my pain too, like balm on a burn."

"I do?" I gasped.

"Yes," he breathed. "Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

I stared into the contents of my glass, unable to meet his gaze as I was assaulted by memories of each time he left. From the corner of my eye, I saw his head drop as he figured out what I wasn't saying.

"Nevermind, stupid question," he whispered. "But, you are not the only one hurting. You're not the only one who has been hurt and you are not the only one who has been walked out on."

My eyes snapped up to meet his in surprise and my heart fell about a million feet. I'm such an idiot. "Who was she?" I asked, trying to hide the wavering in my voice.

Edward's face screwed up in confusion and he looked at me as though I'd just grown three new heads. "Bella…"

"I'm fine," I lied, "You wanted to be friends and we're friends, so I'm listening. Who dared walked out on you?" I forced a laugh, trying to lighten the mood, trying to prove that I was ok with this as I wondered how I could have been such a fool.

"You did, Bella."

Either I had drunk way more wine that I thought I had or I was losing my mind. "What?"

"You left Bella. You walked out on me. Left a note and disappeared from my bed before I even woke up. I was an ass at the reunion, Bella. I was a stupid, stupid ass, I won't deny that, but at least I waited until you woke up. At least I told you to your face that I was leaving."

The pieces started to click together in my mind and I gasped. "Graduation?"

"Yes graduation. Look, I told myself I wouldn't bring it up. That after everything I put you through I didn't deserve to ask, but apparently I can't help it because I can barely remember the night before. I know we were beyond drunk, I remember tequila shots, I remember kissing you, and I remember flashes of what happened after the kissing. All of them really good memories, but then I woke up to an empty bed, a hungover sister down the hall and a one line note from you, blowing me off. I didn't understand. I thought maybe you were just over me already or afraid of the long-distance thing like I was. So, I took my wounded heart to Dartmouth. I spent so many nights there trying to think of a way to make it work. I looked into getting a job and off-campus housing. I was determined to find a way to talk you into taking me back and moving to New Hampshire to be with me. Then all of a sudden you were getting married and I was destroyed. What happened that night, Bella? Why did you go?"

I downed my wine and re-filled both our glasses as I attempted to process Edward's confession, each word piercing my soul. "You don't remember?"

"Remember what? Did we not get drunk and hook up on the night of graduation?"

"No, we did, but do you really not remember what you said?" I asked. His look told me that he didn't. "You kept talking about being 'just friends' and how friends could kiss and friends could hook up and I just went along with it because I was drunk and hurting and just so fucking happy to be in your arms again. Then I woke up sober and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't be the fuck buddy you called for a good time while you were home at Thanksgiving or Christmas while your real girlfriends were tucked away back at Dartmouth. It was the hardest thing I've done but I had to go, for the sake of my self-respect. As much as I loved you, I couldn't let you use me like that."

Edward dropped his head into his lap, burying his hands in his hair. He was quiet for a very long time, tugging on the ends of his hair. I didn't know what to do and so I merely curled up under my afghan and cupped my wine, sipping quietly. After several minutes of silence, Edward lifted his head and let out a tortured moan. He snatched his glass from the table and downed almost half its contents in one swallow before slamming it back down on the table.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" he roared. "Why would I say that shit to you? What kind of an asshole suggests that type of thing?"

"A drunken one," I interrupted, offering up a small smile in the hopes of calming him down.

"I don't know what the fuck I was thinking and I fucked it all up. I should have gone after you that morning. Called you, followed you, and insisted you talk to me. Fuck that, I shouldn't have broken up with you in the first place. I was just some idiot teenager who thought a long-distance relationship was the worst thing in the world. Ha! What a fucking idiot. There are way worse things. Hearing the love of your life plans to marry someone else? That's worse. Having that love in your arms and then having to push her away because you think it's for the best, that's worse. But like an idiot, I was afraid of a distance of three thousand miles! That's nothing these days what with phones and planes and email and fucking Skype."

"Did they have Skype in two-thousand and three?" I asked, earning myself a scowl.

"I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's only a five hour flight. Five hours! That's nothing," he growled. "No, the truth is, I think I used the distance as an excuse. I was just a coward. I was so fucking scared, Bella."

"Scared of what?" I asked quietly, wanting nothing more than to reach out and take his hand but I kept them in my lap, clasped around my glass.

"Prom night, when we had that little accident. It freaked me out."

"I know." Oh boy did I know. Everything had gone to hell with the breaking of one stupid condom.

He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. "No, no you don't, not really. I know you think I was freaked out because I wasn't ready for a kid or to be a dad or any of that, and I definitely wasn't, but that's not what freaked me out, not entirely. What scared the ever-loving shit out of me was how much I liked the idea. I went home that day and I couldn't get the idea of you with a round belly, a belly filled with my child, out of my head. I could see it all, our baby, our wedding, our quiet little life in Forks. What really scared me was how much I wanted it. It scared the hell out of me. But then the more I thought about it the more I realized we were only eighteen. What kind of life could I offer you? A tiny, little run-down apartment because I'd have a shitty dead-end job with no college degree and the three of us living paycheck to paycheck as we struggled just to pay the bills? You deserved so much better than that."

"Edward, you don't know that's how it would have been but even so, we still would have been happy."

"I know. I know we'd have been happy but you still deserved better. When you told me you weren't pregnant I was so conflicted. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. I was a mess."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I breathed. "We could have talked it out."

"I don't know. I didn't want to freak you out or make you think I was some crazy bastard hoping to get you knocked up before we were even out of high school. I felt like I had been given a second chance. A chance to go out in the world and get myself a good education so I could take care of you the way I wanted to, the way you deserved. But, I knew it would take years and I didn't want to hold you back. I just hoped that eventually you would forgive me and when I was worthy of you I would come back and grovel at your feet until you took me back. Except…"

I exhaled loudly and dropped my head. "Except, I ran off and got pregnant and had to get married."

"I don't get it, Bella. I see you now and you're so angry with me. You tell me you can't trust me, that I broke your heart, and I'll own that. I'll own what I've done. I should have talked to you. I should have asked you to wait for me, or worked harder to find a way for you could come with me. But I didn't. I've made some fuck-awful decisions when it comes to you, I don't deny that, but dammit, Bella, it was less than a year before you found someone else. Less than a year before you were ready to marry someone else."

The accusation in his voice nearly tore my heart in two and my eyes filled with tears. "I thought you didn't want me anymore. You threw me away! I never planned for it to go the way it did. Jake was a friend, just a friend at first, but it was obvious that he wanted more. He never pushed me or anything but I thought maybe it would help. I needed to get over you. I needed to forget you, but it didn't work no matter how hard I tried. His kisses didn't feel right, his touches didn't feel right but he was my friend, he cared for me and I needed him. Everyone else was gone. You were gone, Rose was gone and Jake was there. It reached a point where I needed to make it work with him or I would be all alone and I was terrified of being alone. So I did what I needed to make it work and prayed it would be enough to erase the memory of you. I'd have done anything to escape that pain."

"So, you slept with him?" It wasn't an accusation, just a question, but it stung all the same.

"It was New Year's Eve. We were at a party and drinking like the world was about to end. I don't know if I could have gone through with it sober."

Even by candlelight I saw Edward's face take on a disturbing shade of purplish-red as his features mutated into a look of pure malice. "You were drunk? He took advantage of you? I will fucking kill him."

"Stop it!" I demanded. "He's the father of my child and he's a good man who has never, ever hurt me, unlike someone else I know. So, you will do no such thing. Listen to me. Yes, I was drunk but he was probably drunker and I knew what I was doing. I couldn't give myself to him sober, not the first time anyways. I was too hung up on you. I got drunk so I could go through with it. He didn't know that, he still doesn't know that and he never will. If anyone took advantage of someone, it was me. I was taking advantage of his friendship, of his love for me to get me through my own pain over you. When I found out I was pregnant I let him believe that I was in love with him but I married him for the baby, not for love. I did love him, I still do love him, but I was never _in love _with him. It's only ever been a friendly love on my part and it started falling apart way before the reunion. We were distant, practically roommates at that time and after everything happened between you and I, I knew I couldn't hold him back anymore. I couldn't hurt him anymore."

I took a large swig of wine and a deep breath before continuing. "I told him everything and he was mad. Rightfully so, of course, but mad as hell. For months he could barely look at me and we only talked about Charlie. Eventually, he met Vanessa and then he understood what I meant when I told him he deserved someone who could really love him. I know he loves her far more than he ever loved me but it doesn't bother me because she loves him like that in return and that means I did the right thing in letting him go. He's so happy now and he deserves that."

"What about you? What about what you deserve?"

"I don't know what I deserve anymore," I answered truthfully.

"I do," Edward replied. "You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved, to be taken care of, to be worshipped and adored, to live the rest of your life with someone who loves you more than life and who you love like that in return."

"Maybe that ship has sailed," I whispered, wiping away tears.

"Ships come back," he said almost too quietly for me to hear.

"I think I'm too afraid to sail anymore."

"I know. I don't blame you. I've screwed up. I've made mistakes and so have you. I asked you once and I'm asking again. Can we start over. Fuck the past," he stated calmly before downing the rest of his wine. I sat in silence as he opened the other bottle and poured himself another large glass.

I rose from the couch and stepped over to the window, watching the rain as I worked through my feelings. If anything I was more confused than I'd ever been. It had been too easy to convince myself that Edward didn't care but knowing that he had, that my own actions had hurt him in return, was almost too much to handle. We could have had everything ten years ago, if we'd only taken the time to talk to each other about our fears. We were finally talking, but could it work now? So much time had passed. So much hurt had transpired. Could we put everything aside and move forward? My mind still screamed at me to be cautious but my heart took over as I turned on my heel to face him.

"Ok," I agreed. "Fuck the past."

A smile spread across his face as I rejoined him on the couch. "Are you sure?"

I nodded vigorously, "I am. I'm sick of hurting. Let's do this. Let's start over. For real this time."

Suddenly he lunged forward and pulled my hand into his. My heart pounded uncontrollably at his touch and my skin felt as though it was lit up from within. I could barely breathe as he held my hand between his own. "Will you go out with me, Bella?"

"Out?" I gasped.

"On a date," he clarified. "A second first date, if you will. I want to do this right."

I took several deep breaths, feeling my heart race in my chest as I debated his question. However, at the end of the day, there was only ever one answer. "Yes. Yes, Edward, I will go out with you, again. But…" I added and I swear he stopped breathing. "I still need to go slow. I can't rush into the physical stuff yet. The last few times we were _together_ together, well, they didn't end well and it might be awhile before I really trust you enough to go down that path again."

"Fair enough," he replied with the biggest smile I'd seen on him in ten years. "I'll wait as long as it takes for me to earn your trust."

"Ok then," I exhaled. "When are we doing this?"

"When are you free?" he asked with an eager smile.

"Well, tomorrow is Charlie's birthday and I'm working late Friday so I can take Saturday off for her party, but it's her dad's weekend, so I'll be free after the party. Probably late afternoonish?" I offered.

"Saturday night then?"

"Ok, Saturday night," I agreed. My head was swimming. I couldn't believe I'd just agreed to go on a date with Edward Cullen, again.

After that we fell into a comfortable silence. The rain outside continued to pound against the windows and the small votive candles I'd lit earlier were beginning to burn out but neither of us moved to light new ones. We just sat together on the couch, each nestled into our respective sides, sipping wine and lost in the myriad of our own thoughts.

At one point, Edward yawned loudly and announced that he should go home but it had grown late, he'd had a lot to drink and the storm outside had not yet subsided so I insisted that he stay, not taking no for an answer. I offered up my couch for the night and asked him to make himself at home. He did so immediately by removing his button down shirt and laying it over his jacket. I was mesmerized by his toned forearms and the hint of muscled bicep visible from his loose t-shirt, a bit thicker and more filled out than I remembered. Someone had been working out and I was definitely taking notice.

Before he could catch me staring, I excused myself and padded down the hall to the linen closet, retrieving a blanket and pillow for Edward. I took a few minutes to breathe and calm myself before returning to the living room. What I found there nearly stopped my heart.

In the few seconds it had taken me to find bedding for him, Edward had rested his head against the corner of the couch and fallen asleep. I checked the bottle on the table and found both were empty. I'd only drunken two glasses, maybe two and a half, leaving him to down the rest. It was no wonder he'd passed out so easily. He looked so peaceful lying there, I couldn't stop myself from setting the bedding aside and pushing a lock of still damp hair from his face. But it was a gateway touch. Once started, I needed more. I just needed to feel his warmth against me. I sat gently on the couch next to him and lowered my head to his shoulder. He shifted slightly and I felt sure I'd woken him but when I looked up at him, his eyes remained closed and he didn't say anything. He just moaned quietly and lifted his arm, wrapping it lightly over my shoulders and pulling me against his chest.

I placed a hand over his heart just next to my head and felt his heart beating a steady rhythm under it. The lullaby of its beat relaxed me until I melted against him and lowered my eyes, falling asleep in his arms.

* * *

**Aw. I know it might not be what some of you were expecting but it seems these kids might be finally on the mend. I'd love to hear what you think of their little blackout sleepover. Was Bella right to accept his date invite or are you still skeptical of his intentions? Drop me a line and let me know. **


	28. Chapter 28

**I own three kids who are enjoying their last week of summer vacation (thank the Lord!) but I don't own Twilight and there is no infringement intended. **

**Hooray for these stubborn kids finally getting everything out in the open. I think it's time to work on moving on. **

* * *

Chapter 28

The blinding lights of the power being restored pulled me from my blissful sleep. I carefully extricated myself from Edward's arms and set to work turning off the lights before they also woke him from his own peaceful slumber. The clock on my phone told me it was just after one in the morning and I cursed to myself as I remembered that I needed to be up and at work in three hours. I quickly finished resetting the clocks around my home and then focused my attention back on Edward.

His head was resting against the back of the couch, his neck at an odd angle that would surely bring him discomfort come morning. I set the pillow on the edge of the couch and carefully eased his head down on to it. With a little nudge, he brought his legs up onto the couch and I untied his shoes and slipped them from his feet. I covered his body with the thick blanket I'd brought out earlier, tucking it under his chin and then I found myself stuck. His beautiful face rested peacefully against the pillow and I sunk to my knees on to the floor next to him. There a bit of stubble visible on his jaw and I couldn't resist from running my hand gingerly along his cheek. In his sleep he moaned and leaned into my touch, causing my hand to quickly pull away, afraid of waking him.

Before I could second guess myself, I rose from the floor and hurried down the hall to my bedroom. I tried to calm my racing heart as I readied for bed but it was all for naught. For those three hours, I stared at the ceiling of my room. I replayed every word, each touch, and every last interaction Edward and I had ever shared from the moment I fell off that stool in Newton's Sporting Goods, until moments earlier when I stroked his cheek before going to bed. I just needed to make sense of it all. I needed to know how it had all gone so horribly wrong. How two people could get so far from the one thing they both claimed to want the most?

My eyes were still open and my heart and mind were still racing when my alarm went off. I peeked in on Edward who was still sleeping peacefully, before showering and getting ready for work. Just before heading out the door, I pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and the ibuprofen from the cupboard and left them on the coffee table along with a note.

_Edward_

_I had to work early but I'll be back in a few hours. Please make yourself at home._

_-Bella_

Considering how deep asleep he appeared to be, I expected my note might go unread for a while but felt I should leave it all the same. It was only Thursday and I assumed Edward would need to go to work but probably not at four in the morning. Thursday was Ben's day off and my day to work the extra early shift to cover for him. I'd grown accustomed to the early hours and they never bothered me before. With Charlie gone on Thursday mornings it was always easy to hop out of bed and head to work. At least until today, when all I wanted was to curl up next to this gorgeous man on my couch and fall back asleep next to him.

It was only my sense of responsibility and pride in my business that pushed my butt out the door and down the steps to the bakery. Once inside I brewed a large pot of coffee, put on some high energy music to keep me awake and threw myself into mixing batters and kneading dough. Two hours flew by and I didn't even notice when Angela arrived to start her shift.

"Earth to Bella!" she cried over the roar of the music as she helped herself to a cup of coffee.

I used my elbow to lower the volume, my hands coated in flour and bits of French bread dough. "Hey, Ang, is it six already?"

She nodded and sipped at her coffee, her eyes watching me as I shaped out the loaves and placed the sheet pans into the proofer to rise. She didn't say another word until the last pan hit the rack.

"Ok, I'm stumped, what's up with you?"

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"There is something different about you today but I can't put my finger on it. Help a girl out."

I laughed as I scrubbed my hands in the hand sink. "I didn't sleep last night. Are you picking up on my exhaustion?"

"Nope," she replied quickly, "I've seen you tired. This isn't tired. You're, I dunno, you seem lighter today."

"Lighter? Are you implying I was fatter yesterday? Harsh, Ang, I did just give birth you know."

Angela shook her head and sighed loudly. "Sheesh, you think I'm a bitch like that? No, I'm talking emotionally. You look like a weight has been lifted from you or, like, you're freer or something."

"Are you high? Do I need to start drug testing?"

"Bella!" she whined. "Quit deflecting and answer the question. What is up with you?"

I needed an out. I wasn't ready to explain the situation to her and I'd reached a good place to take a break, so I bailed. "Nothing. Look, everything you need is good to go. I've got to run home for a sec and check on something."

Unfortunately, Angela was too damn perceptive for her own good. Her eyes narrowed and I could almost see the wheels turning in her head. "What? You never run home this early in the day and I know it's not Charlie because it's Thursday. So what is it Bella? Something or someone?"

_Damn it!_ "None of your business. I'll be back in a minute." I declared and hurried for the door.

"Oh please God, tell me it's the hot guy with the flowers from last week," she called after me. I scowled and ducked out the door as Angela dissolved into fits of laughter.

Despite my fatigue, I bounded up the steps and opened the door as quietly as I could manage. Edward was exactly as I'd left him, deep asleep on the couch, his face buried against the pillow. I felt horrible for even thinking of waking him but I also didn't want him to be late for work.

"Edward?" I called quietly, kneeling on the floor next to him just as I had the night before.

He didn't so much as stir and so once again, I found my hand drifting to his cheek, stroking it lightly as I called his name again.

"Bella?" he breathed, his eyes flying open in surprise and then immediately slamming shut at the brightness of the sun streaming in through the windows. "Ow. I guess the power is back on."

"It is," I said with a laugh, "but that's the sun, not the lights."

That got his attention. He sat up with a start, his eyes still bleary and his hair a wild tangled mess. It was oddly adorable.

"Shit!" he cried. "I'm sorry Bella. Did I pass out on you?"

"Not _on_ me," I teased. "We weren't that drunk. You did fall asleep when I went to get you a blanket though."

He looked from the pillow to the blanket and then noticed his shoes on the floor by the couch and his eyes grew wide. "Oh God! Did you have to put me to bed?"

"I didn't have to," I answered with a smile. "I could have left you sitting there with your shoes on and your head at a weird angle but that wouldn't have been very nice. So I helped you out a bit."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I feel like an ass."

"Why? I was the one who basically held you captive. Anyways you'd have done the same if it was me. Actually, I think you did put me to bed just a month or two ago."

"That's different."

"It's really not. Anyways, I only woke you up to see if you needed to go to work today."

He rubbed at his eyes furiously and moaned. "Shit. Work. I'm not keeping you am I?"

I looked down at my flour covered clothing and laughed. "Nope, I've already been."

"What time is it?"

"It's a little after six. If you don't have to be anywhere yet, you're welcome to go back to sleep for a bit. I just wanted to check."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I have a meeting at nine and I need to go over some things with my mother before that. I better get going so I can shower and shave or I'll never hear the end of it from her. Thanks for waking me up."

I assured him it was really no trouble and stepped away as Edward pulled on his shoes and continued to apologize profusely. He rose from the couch and tossed his jacket over his arm as he stepped towards me. The both of us stood there for a few seconds in awkward silence, unsure of what to do or say.

"Uh, thank you for coming to check on me last night," I said quietly, breaking the silence as I stared down at my flour dusted tennis shoes.

"Thank you for letting me crash on your couch."

"Sure, no problem."

We fell into another strained silence as the tension between grew thicker and thicker. What was the protocol for saying goodbye to an ex who platonically spent the night? Do we hug? Shake hands? Friendly wave?

"Bella?" Edward said quietly, pulling my attention back to him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess," I replied hesitantly, afraid he want to talk more about what was said last night and it was way too early in the morning to get into anything serious.

"Did you really agree to a date this Saturday or did I dream that?" His face was strained with the worry that he'd imagined the whole thing and I saw him brace himself for my wrath.

"I did."

"I'm so sor…. wait, what?" He gaped at me, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"I said, I would. This Saturday. After my daughter's birthday party."

A wide smile crept across his face as his emerald eyes sparkled. "Wow, alright then. I guess I better get going and I'll call or email you about Saturday?"

I nodded and walked him to the door, still trying to figure out how to say goodbye. Edward answered that question for me, leaning forward and pressing his lips to my cheek softly. "Thank you, Bella," he whispered into my ear. "For giving us another chance."

"Don't you hurt me again, Edward Cullen." I breathed, my voice cracking with emotion, terrified that I was making either the best or worst decision of my life.

"Oh, my Bella," he sighed sadly, resting his forehead against mine. My heart stopped and my breathing stilled. His close presence was causing my head to swim and I needed to fight to keep from becoming a puddle at his feet. I hated that he still had this effect on me. One touch and I was nothing more than naive teenage girl again. I needed to regain control.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," I retorted, pulling away slowly, grasping to regain control of the situation. "I agreed to a date only, just to try and move on from the past, nothing more. I'm not yours, yet."

He stepped back, his eyes full of sadness as they sought out my own. "You're right and it's more than I could have hoped for. Now, I better get out of here or else I'll have to go to my meeting like this," he said, motioning to his disheveled appearance. "So, Saturday?"

"Saturday," I confirmed and then he was gone, leaving me alone in a suddenly too quiet apartment.

I took a moment to steady my nerves, my cheek still on fire from the memory of his kiss, and then headed back to work. The bakery was open now and Angela was too busy with customers to notice my flustered state as I quickly ducked into the back and hurried back to work. I again lost myself in mixing, kneading and frosting until I finished up around noon. Emily arrived as I was cleaning up and after giving her a list of things I needed her to do, I gathered my things and headed out for the day, avoiding Angela and her endless questions about the 'hot guy with the flowers'.

I headed home and changed my clothes but I still had a few hours before Charlie got out of school and I couldn't just sit around at home until then. Instead, I hopped into my car and drove across the city to a large gated community where Felix, the security guard on duty, recognized me right away and waved as I passed through the large gate.

By the time I navigated my car through the tree lined, windy road and parked my car in the enormous driveway, Rosalie was standing in the doorway, Henry cradled in her arms.

"This is a surprise," she said as I made my way up the front steps and leaned in to kiss little Henry on his sweet smelling forehead. "I barely believed Felix when he said you were on your way up."

"I don't know what I'm doing, Rose!" I cried.

She eyed me carefully and then shook her head. "So, you saw him again."

"Saw who again?" A booming voice called from the stairs. I turned and saw Emmett making his way towards us.

"Edward," Rose and I said in unison. Emmett looked confused for a second, racking his memory until he realized who we were talking about.

"Wait. The reunion guy?" he asked. I nodded and his face contorted into a look of pure malice. "That motherfucker."

"Don't you have a football game you should be at or something?" I snapped, irrationally angry with him for speaking about Edward that way.

"We usually play on Sunday, Bella, not weekday mornings," he retorted.

"Bella," Rose interrupted, "why don't you go get Emmett caught up on what I already know while I go put this little guy down and then you can tell us both the rest of the story."

"Fine," I huffed. "I guess a male opinion wouldn't hurt."

I followed Emmett into the living room, plopping myself into the corner of their enormous sectional as Emmett perched across from me on the ottoman. I watched his face mutate from anger to confusion and back to anger as I told him of Edward's visits to the bakery, the hospital and my home just after Henry's birth. Needless to say, Emmett was not thrilled with him using my 'vulnerable' state to 'weasel' back into my life and he certainly wasn't thrilled with me when I defended him for it.

I was just to the part where my need for closure drove me to call and inquire about his marital state when Rose entered, more than eager to hear the rest of the story. Both sat quietly as I went over the more recent email exchanges, visits and conversations. Rose practically had smoke blowing from her ears by the time I admitted to making him spend the night. Emmett, however, was much more subdued by then, his anger giving way to a more quiet contemplation and he said nothing, lost in his own thoughts as Rose began berating me for letting him 'mess with my head'.

"Bella, how can someone as smart as you be so completely blind to what he's doing? He's just telling you exactly what you want to hear so he can get you where he wants you."

"I don't think so, Rose. You weren't there. You didn't hear him. I don't think he meant what he said that night after graduation. He didn't even remember saying it and seemed pretty mad at himself for it when I filled him in. I broke his heart when I married Jake and he couldn't go through with marrying that woman because she wasn't me. That's something to think about, isn't is? It's been misunderstanding after misunderstanding because we didn't just talk to each other."

"Says him."

"Says me!" I insisted. "Rose, I know you don't trust him but I believe him."

"So do I," Emmett said calmly, and both Rose and I turned to gape at him.

"What!" Rose screeched. "After everything he's done to her, you're just going to buy that bullshit story? He's just buttering her up and when she gives in and sleeps with him, he'll just bail again."

"I don't think so, Rosie," he replied softly. "If he was just after sex, I don't think he'd put in this much effort. It's been almost two months and he hasn't even tried to kiss her yet. Right?" he asked, turning to me for confirmation.

"He kissed my cheek this morning," I admitted, "but that was it."

"See?" he said, turning back to Rosalie. "If this was just about sex, he'd have tried to get at least some action or moved on by now. You say he's a pretty good looking guy, right?" Rose reluctantly nodded. "Well, if he just wanted to get laid he'd hit the bar, not spend weeks emailing, apologizing and groveling for forgiveness. It's just too much damn work unless the girl is actually worth it. Not to mention the fact that little B just had a baby, so she's out of the game anyways."

"Hey!" I protested. "I resent that."

"Not forever," he added quickly. "I'm just saying, aren't you on the bench for a bit?"

"Yeah, well it was your son who put me on the bench! But I'll have you know that I've been cleared to play. Not that it's any of your business."

My cheeks burned as I realized I was discussing my ability to have sex with my best friend's husband but Emmett just burst into laughter.

"Well alright, little B! You go get you some."

"Oh hell no you don't!" Rose cried. "Don't you dare sleep with him. Bella, he's just going to hurt you again. Don't you know that?"

"I don't know that, Ro. What if he's telling me the truth? What if he really wants to work this out? I'll never know if I don't give it a shot."

"Fuck, B! What do you expect me to say, 'go ahead and sleep with him'? I can't do that. I can't pick you up off the floor again."

"Rosie, babe, would you rather watch her live like this?" Emmett asked.

"What does that mean?" I balked.

"Come on, little B. You're not happy and everyone knows it. You ain't been happy in a long time."

"I'm happy," I insisted.

"No you're not," Rose admitted quietly. "You say you are. You pretend that you are. You might even talk yourself into believing that you are, but you're not happy. You talk a good game but those of us who love you most know better."

I wanted to protest but I knew she was right. "Then you know why I need to do this. Why I need to at least try."

"You think he'll make you happy now? After a decade of causing you pain and heartbreak?"

"Maybe?" My voice came out as little more than a squeak.

"So you're just going to sleep with him?" Her tone was accusatory and the venom in it took me by surprise.

"No, I'm not going to just jump into bed with him. But he did ask me out on a date and I agreed."

"So then why are you here? You've made up your mind. What do you need me for? To validate your decision?"

"Rosie," Emmett warned.

"What?" she snapped. "She's standing on the edge of a cliff and she's expecting me to help her jump. I won't watch you self-destruct."

Before I could reply, the soft wail of Henry's cries came through the small baby monitor. Without a word, Rosalie rose from the couch and headed up the stairs. I didn't notice the tears running down my cheek until Emmett leaned forward and brushed them aside.

"Don't cry, little B. She's just worried about you. She still feels guilty about the reunion."

That got my attention. "What? Why?"

"She talked you into going and promised we wouldn't leave your side but we did. She thinks it's her fault you even got caught up with him that night. I don't know if she ever told you but we weren't at the bar when he approached you. I talked her into a quickie in the bathroom. You seemed to be having a good time dancing with that one guy and I convinced her you'd be fine for ten minutes. She's blamed herself ever since."

"That's ridiculous!"

"I know. If anything, it's my fault. I didn't realize the extent of the situation."

I shook my head in disbelief. "No, I was a grown woman. I didn't need either of you to babysit me. I was the one who let him kiss me, let him into my hotel room."

"Bella…"

"No, Emmett. It's in the past and I'm trying to move past it. That's what this date is about. Moving on, starting over. I just need both you and Rose to let it go as well. I don't expect you guys to understand but I'd really like your love and support."

"Of course, my little baby oven. Don't you worry about Rosie. She'll come around."

"Thanks Em,"I whispered as he pulled me into his massive arms.

"No prob, little B, but if he fucks this up again, I will kill him and dump his body in the Pacific. I won't even feel bad about it."

"Fair enough."

Rose didn't return and after reminding Emmett of Charlie's birthday party that weekend, I made my way home, praying that I hadn't damaged my relationship with my best friend irreparably.

I had just enough time to pick up the smaller version of Charlie's birthday cake from the fridge at work before it was time to pick her up for school. After our divorce, as Jake and I were working out visitation and holiday schedules, we decided that Charlie's birthday was too special to split up between the two of us. So every year, the three of us have a nice family dinner and give her our presents separate from the big party she had with her friends. When Jake married Nessie it seemed only fair that she be included. This year Charlie decided she wanted pizza, which Jake and Nessie picked up on their way over, making my job much easier this year.

Dinner went well, and Charlie ended up spoiled rotten. Both Jake and I went overboard and I worried about where we would put all her new stuff, especially since I knew Rosalie and Emmett would also spoil her at her party this weekend. Even if Rose was mad at me, she'd never take it out on her unofficial Goddaughter.

"So, Bella," Jake asked as Charlie played with her new toys. "You start sleeping on the couch or something?"

"What?" I asked, confused, until he motioned to the folded blanket and pillow on the couch that I'd forgotten to put away. "Oh."

"Who's sleeping on your couch, Bells? Did Rose finally get that baby, decide she didn't need Emmett anymore and kick him out?"

"No," I said slowly scrambling for an explanation. "I was just watching a movie last night and it was more comfortable."

"I thought you said your power went out last night," he said with a smirk. He knew me well enough to know when I was lying.

"Well, obviously I didn't get to watch the whole thing. Hey, I'm out of wine but do you guys want a beer or something?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Um no," Nessie said quietly, turning to Jake who suddenly had a strange look on his face. He nodded to her and they both smiled broadly.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Hey, Charlie baby, come here. Ness and I have one more present for you."

Charlie dropped her toy and climbed into Jake's lap, her eyes lit up at the prospect of more gifts. "Where is it?"

"Well you can't have it for a few months," Nessie said with a smile. "But I'll take care of it for you until then."

A knot formed in my stomach and for a second, I thought I might throw up, a feeling that confused the hell out of me.

"Huh?" Charlie asked, looking to her dad for explanation.

"How would you like a baby brother or sister?" Jake asked and Charlie's eyes nearly popped from their sockets.

"For real?" she cried. "Like to keep? Not to give away, right?"

My heart sank as I realized the impact my surrogacy had on her. Months of letting her feel Henry kick within me only to give him away had obviously been harder on her than I thought, even though I'd made sure she knew all along that the baby in my belly didn't belong to us.

"Yes," Nessie assured her. "We get to keep this baby but they won't be here until March so we have to be patient."

"Woohoo!" Charlie cheered, throwing her arms around her dad's neck. "I hope it's a girl."

The three of them reveled in the expansion of their family as I sat quietly alone in the corner. In my mind I knew I should be happy for them. Jake was a great dad and Vanessa would be a fantastic mom but something about their announcement bothered me and the fact that it did made me feel guilty as hell.

The sound of my phone ringing gave me the opportunity to escape their happy huddle and I leapt off the couch to answer it.

"_Hello my darling, is the birthday girl around?"_ My mom asked, the sound of her voice instantly lifting my spirits. She sounded so cheerful and carefree.

After my dad passed away, mom had been nearly inconsolable. The only reason she got out of bed and got dressed most days was because I needed her to watch Charlie and she refused to let her granddaughter see her so distraught. Especially when my little girl was also suffering through the loss of her 'poppy', as she called him. Mom worked through her grief and after some time she met a minor league baseball player named Phil who lived in Florida but was in town for a game. They corresponded through phone calls and emails for months until I finally convinced her to move to Florida to be with him. She'd been miserable and lonely without my dad but I knew he'd have wanted her to be happy and though it was hard to watch her move away, I just wanted her to be happy too.

I called Charlie over and handed her the phone as she immediately launched into a spiel about all her new presents, her new teacher and the first few days of second grade for her grandmother. I swallowed my irrational feelings about Vanessa's pregnancy and managed to make small talk about her due date and commiserate about morning sickness until Charlie handed the phone back to me.

I half listened to my mom chatter on about baseball and Florida's heat as Jake and Nessie said their good-byes to Charlie and headed home. As Charlie carried all her new treasures to her room to find them new homes, I found the courage to ask my mom the question I'd needed to ask her for weeks but had been afraid to ask.

"Mom," I interrupted, my voice wavering slightly. "How hard was it for you and dad to put everything aside and start over?"

"_What? Why would you need to ask that dear?"_

"I was just wondering how you managed to get over all the hurt and pain and move on from the past."

"_We're not talking about me and your father are we?"_

"I don't know what I'm doing, mom." I cried as fat tears formed in my eyes. I peaked in on Charlie who was busy reorganizing her bookshelf before stepping into my room and closing the door behind me. I didn't want her to see me crying and worry needlessly.

"_What's the matter baby?" _

Mom listened quietly as I told her about Edward's reappearance and his hopes of starting over. I'd never gone into specifics with her but she'd pieced together enough of the story over the years to understand my concerns.

"_Just take it slow, Bella. Follow your heart and you'll be ok." _

"That's what everyone says but I don't trust my heart, mom," I admitted tearfully.

"_Maybe that's your problem sweetie." _

"What if he hurts me again?"

"_What if he doesn't? Listen, Bella, you just told me that most of your problems were caused by misunderstandings and a lack of talking. So talk to him. If I'd taken the time to talk to your dad all those years ago maybe I would have had more time with him. You've already spent so many years apart because of anger and fear. What good has it done you? Get out of your head before you let your fear keep you from ever being happy." _

"It's just so scary, mom."

"_The best things in life always are, baby." _

I realized then that she had a point. I'd never been more scared than the day I found out I was pregnant and yet my daughter was the very best thing in my life. Opening my own business during a financially troubled time was scary as hell and now I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

"_No risk, no reward, sweetheart."_

"Thanks, mom."

"_Anytime, dear. Now stop your sniffling and go hug my girl for me. Her present should be there in time for the party this weekend so keep an eye out for it." _

I promised her I would and said my goodbyes before splashing water on my face and rejoining my daughter for a good bedtime story.

* * *

**So we're definitely winding down here. There are still 7 or 8 chapters and a little epi left but things are starting to come together for these two. Thanks to everyone for your continued support. It's been incredible. **


	29. Chapter 29

**I'm writing this story all in good, clean fun. All rights and respects to Stephenie Meyer. No infringement intended **

**Well people, it's date night. So let's get to it. **

* * *

Chapter 29

Friday flew by in a flurry of activity. Emily and I had two wedding cakes as well as Charlie's big birthday cake to finish up and then I spent the rest of the evening preparing party favors for the next day. Several nights of restless sleep was beginning to creep up on me but no matter how early I put myself to bed, I spent all night tossing and turning.

Because I couldn't talk to Rosalie about it, I finally broke down on Friday and admitted to Angela that I was going on my first date in several years. She immediately declared everything in my closet inappropriate for a 'hot date' and arrived on my doorstep later that evening with a garment bag containing a little black dress and heels. I made a mental note to talk Ben into finally asking her out. I'd even pay for the whole damn date if that's what it took.

By Saturday morning, I was exhausted and running on a steady stream of coffee and nerves. I focused every ounce of my attention on Charlie's party to keep myself from thinking about my date that night. To make matters worse, Nessie and Rosalie spent the party bonding over talk of nurseries and baby gadgets and I found myself overwhelmingly jealous. Everyone in my life was happy and moving forward while I remained stagnant. I didn't want to be the sad, lonely, single mother anymore.

I pushed my nerves aside, stepped away from the party and pulled out my phone, composing a quick text.

_Looking forward to tonight. What time should I be ready? _

His reply was almost instant.

_Me too. What time can you be ready by? _

Another message followed immediately.

_Sorry. Am I being too eager? I just can't wait to see you again. _

My heart fluttered and a smile crept across my face. I was just about to type out my reply when a familiar voice pulled my attention away.

"That him?" Rose asked quietly.

"Yep," I replied. "Our date is tonight."

"Bella…" she began but I didn't want to hear it.

"Just stop Rose. I love you and I get that you're worried but I'm following my heart and maybe it'll blow up in my face but I still have to try."

"I know," she agreed, taking me completely by surprise. "You are my family, my sister, and I love you. I might not understand but I can respect your decision and I'll be here for you regardless. Well, unless he fucks up. Then you'll have to raise Henry for me because I'll be in jail."

We laughed it off and with a big hug, we were back to normal. Jake interrupted our reconciliation to let me know it was time to cut the cake. I tapped out a quick reply to Edward before getting back to the party.

_I'll be done here in about an hour. Then I'll just need some time to shower and change. P.S. I think I like eager. _

I hit 'send' and then lit the eight candles on the top of Charlie's cake which looked like two giant cupcakes stacked together, complete with oversized sprinkles and a massive cherry on top. Her face lit up as we sang 'Happy Birthday' and she blew all the candles out with one breath. It wasn't until the cake was all sliced and the ice cream was scooped that I was able to check my messages.

_Hmm I'm tempted to tell you to just come as you are so I don't have to wait as long. But I'll be patient. How's 6:30?_

I checked the clock on my phone. It was just after three. There was plenty of time to make myself presentable by then.

_6:30 is fine. I'll see you then. _

It was all I managed to type out before several of the moms approached looking for business cards or asking about pricing. I loved birthday parties. There was no better advertising.

When the cake was finished and the presents were opened, our guests began to scatter. Nessie, Rose and I made quick work of the clean-up as Jake helped Charlie put away all her new stuff. In no time, all evidence of a party was packed away and everyone was on their way out, including my sweet birthday girl, leaving me alone once again, but not for long.

I had an hour and a half to make myself presentable and jumped in the shower the second I was alone. As someone who spent most of their life in jeans and t-shirts with their hair pulled back in a bun, I would need every second of that hour and a half. I took my time in the shower, scrubbing and shaving every inch of myself. I wasn't sure why I went to all the effort since I had absolutely, zero intention of sleeping with Edward yet, but it seemed like a good idea anyways.

My nerves returned the second I stepped from the steaming shower but I silenced them with a rather large glass of wine, sipping the dark red liquid as I tamed my long locks into loose curls cascading down my back. I'd never been good at applying makeup as it was hardly necessary in either my personal or professional lives, but I was capable of making myself look presentable at least. I told myself that lately this man had seen me in pajamas, covered in flour, or only a few hours post-partum. At this point, anything would be an improvement.

There was half an hour to spare as I stepped into the little black dress Angela had let me borrow. I was surprised at how well it fit, hugging my Henry-enhanced curves perfectly and hiding all of my flaws like it was magic. Suddenly just getting Ben to ask her out wasn't good enough, the girl was getting a big damn raise.

The shoes she brought were a bit high for my liking but a decade of being Rosalie Hale-McCarty's best friend had given me more than enough practice walking in them, and I was confident in my ability to not fall on my ass at least. How Angela knew my shoe size remained a mystery but I was glad I wouldn't have to pair this beautiful dress with flip flops or tennis shoes, especially when, as much as I hated to admit it, the heels did make my legs look a million times better. They must have been magic as well. Maybe Angela was some sort of young fairy Godmother in disguise.

With fifteen minutes to spare and nothing left to fill my time, my nerves grew exponentially. I found myself sitting on my couch, clutching my refilled glass of wine and desperately trying to keep myself from backing out. Just when I'd pulled out my phone, ready to call the whole thing off and crawl into bed, the damn thing buzzed in my hand, alerting me to a new text.

_I'll be there in five minutes. _

Oh God, he was on his way. I couldn't back out now. My breathing quickened and my heart began to race. What was I doing? I gulped my wine and headed into the kitchen to place my glass in the sink and then dug through my purse for a mint, not wanting Edward to know that I'd needed to get buzzed to go through with our date. The combination of mint and wine wasn't a pleasant one but it took my mind off of Edward's impending arrival long enough for the alcohol to seep into my bloodstream and slow my heart rate to that of a normal human being. At least it did just until the soft rap on my door alerted me to Edward's actual arrival. I exhaled slowly, gave myself a three second pep talk and then opened the door slowly.

He was wearing a simple dress shirt and slacks, something I'd seen him in plenty of times over the last few weeks and yet, I was still taken aback by how absolutely delicious he looked.

"Wow," he sighed, his eyes grazing over my body slowly. "You look incredible."

"Stop it," I whispered, my cheeks blazing as I turned away embarrassedly, searching for my bag as I strived to regain my composure. I couldn't let him know what he did to me.

"You ready?" he asked as I pulled my purse over my shoulder and turned to face him, blush under control for now.

I nodded and followed him out the door. He waited as I locked the door behind me and then led me to his car, the same sleek, silver car I'd spotted over a week ago on my way home when I'd suspected him of waiting for me.

"You're not very sneaky, you know?" I asked with a smile as he held the door open for me.

"What do you mean?"

"That night you came to the bakery and I made you leave. You were way too easy to spot when I left."

"I know, but I wasn't hiding. I know you walk home alone all the time but that night I wanted you to know that someone was out there, making sure you got home alright. I just wanted you to feel safe," he said matter-of-factly before closing the door, leaving me to mull over his declaration as he walked around to the driver's side.

We were quiet as he pulled the car out onto the road and effortlessly navigated his way through the weekend traffic. The drive was a short one and in a matter of minutes, we were pulling into the driveway of a modest sized townhome. My eyes shot to Edward who suddenly looked quite guilty as he pulled the car into the garage and killed the engine.

"Where are we?" I asked hesitantly, already knowing the answer but needing to ask the question anyways.

"Somewhere quiet where we can talk and get to know each other again," he replied quietly before exiting the car and quickly coming around to open my door for me.

I silently followed him into the house and was instantly met with a delicious aroma. My stomach groaned in appreciation but I pushed that thought aside as I took in Edward's ridiculously beautiful townhome.

"This is amazing," I gasped. "It's like a model home or something."

"Yeah something like that," he replied with a laugh. "This is all mom. I brought my clothes and books and not much else when I moved here. She had it all decorated and furnished for me and, in exchange, I let her use it to show off to prospective clients."

"It's so clean," I exclaimed, following Edward into the spotless kitchen. I instantly felt embarrassed by the state of my own kitchen. I was a clean person by nature but this beautiful kitchen was making me feel like a slob.

"Yeah, well you can't show off a dirty home but none of this is me. I just have to keep it tidy and there is a lady that comes in a few times a week for the deep cleaning."

"I'm jealous," I said with a smile, earning myself a quizzical look.

"Really? I think it's too clean."

"Is that possible?" I asked.

"When you could do surgery on your kitchen table, yeah, I think it is. I've been here for months and it's still so sterile and impersonal. I feel like I don't even live here."

As he spoke, I glanced around the room, noticing for the first time that it was void of all the little tell-tale items of a lived in home. There were no notes scrawled on the generic calendar hanging on the wall. The fridge was spotless and held not a single magnet or post-it or even a fingerprint. There was nothing to give even the tiniest hint of the person living there.

"I see your point," I conceded. "But after living with my clutter for so long, it's nice to see something so clean and pretty."

"I envy your clutter," he said quietly, his voice almost sad as he rooted through a cabinet. "I love your home. It's lived in. It's comfortable and it feels like a home there, not a showroom." He pulled out two wine glasses and filled them before handing me one. "I need to finish dinner real quick. Is that ok?"

"Of course," I said taking the glass carefully. I knew I shouldn't have. I'd already drunk enough at home but I didn't want to be rude or explain my earlier drinking. "I can't believe you cooked for me."

"Why not?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "I've done it before."

"Exactly. I already know you can cook. You don't have to impress me." I smiled at him over the rim of my wine glass, sipping slowly as he busied himself by the stove.

"It's not about impressing, it's about reminding."

"Reminding?"

He nodded. "Not everything in our past was bad. The first night I made you dinner was probably the best night of my life, a memory that has both haunted and comforted me for the last few years and given the opportunity, I really wanted to recreate that night."

Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. "Oh really? Just how much of that night are we planning on recreating?"

The color drained from his face. "What? Oh God! No, Bella. I'm not, I mean, I didn't. Oh fuck. I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention at all. I swear. I just wanted to make you dinner for old time's sake. Nothing more. Just dinner, I promise."

His clumsy apology was cute and endearing and I appreciated the fact that he appeared just as nervous as I was. "Edward, relax, it's ok," I said with a reassuring smile and then decided to try and change the subject. "So, what's for dinner?"

"I hope it's ok, I went a little basic with some steaks, potatoes and salad." He froze for a second and then whirled on his heel to face me. "Shit, you haven't gone vegetarian or anything have you? I didn't even think to ask."

"Steak sounds fantastic," I reassured him. "It smells delicious. Can I help with anything?"

"Absolutely not. Just keep me company?"

"Of course."

While he finished preparing dinner, we talked casually about food, comparing favorites. Since he was still fairly new to Seattle, I gave him a few tips on the best places to shop for certain items and ingredients and before I knew it, he was pulling out a chair for me at the small dining room table lit purely by candlelight. Suddenly it was two-thousand and two again and I was just as nervous as my eighteen year old self had been.

When Edward excused himself to bring out our dinner, I took the opportunity to take several deep calming breaths, telling myself that I was a strong, independent businesswoman and not the same naïve, inexperienced girl I'd been. It helped to steady my nerves, that is, until Edward walked back into the room. Even after everything that had transpired, this man still owned me, body and soul. A fact that both excited and terrified me to my very core.

Dinner was delicious and I enjoyed eating a home-cooked meal that I didn't have to prepare myself. Once I'd begun culinary school I found that everyone in my life expected me to cook for every single holiday or gathering. They all claimed that it only made sense because it was my passion and being professionally trained meant I was much better at it than they were. It was all bullshit, just an easy way to pawn Thanksgiving, Christmas and every other big dinner off on me. The closest thing I'd had to someone else cooking for me lately was the meals Esme sent after Henry's birth. Being fed and cared for was a feeling I'd long since forgotten.

"Can I pour you some more wine?" Edward asked as we finished dinner.

"Oh, no thank you," I replied. "I've had quite enough." It was more than true. I'd had a glass and a half with dinner and the two at home to work up the nerve to come. I was definitely tipsy and any more would only spell disaster.

"I would love a tour of the rest of the house though," I said.

"Certainly." He rose from the table and held out his hand to me. I place mine in his gingerly and allowed him to pull me to standing. Once I'd risen, he released my hand and I mourned the loss of his touch until he placed it against my lower back, leading me from the room gently. Through the thin layer of fabric, the heat from his hand burned deliciously.

He showed me into the living room which was just as gorgeous as the kitchen and dining room. The soft music that had played so quietly during dinner was a bit louder here, courtesy of an expensive looking stereo system just below an expansive flat screen TV. Opposite that was a black leather sectional couch and ottoman. Spanning almost the length of the far wall was a large bookcase filled with books, photos and other odds and ends. I spotted a lovely photo of Alice and a handsome blonde man I could only assume was her fiancé and stepped forward to have a closer look only to trip over my ridiculous shoes. No matter how much practice I'd had walking in heels, combining them with alcohol was always a less than stellar idea. But, instead of falling face first into the massive bookcase as I'd expected, I was steadied by Edward's careful hands around my waist.

"Still the same old Bella," he whispered into my ear, in no hurry to remove his hands from my body.

I turned in his arms and gave him a playful glare for his teasing. His eyes locked on mine and my heart quickened in a mixture of panic and anticipation as I waited for the kiss that was sure to come. However, it never came and I was left wanting as Edward lowered his lips to my ear once again.

"Dance with me?"

I didn't answer but wrapped my arms around his neck in silent acquiescence. His arms wrapped tighter around my waist as I laid my head against his chest. I listened to the rhythmic thrumming of his heart as we swayed in time to the music. His distinctive scent wafted over me, breaking down my reservations one by one, until I no longer cared about the repercussions, I just wanted this man. Consequences be damned.

"Can we finish that tour now?" I asked quietly, lifting my head just enough to look into his gorgeous eyes.

"There's not much left to see."

"I saw a staircase," I replied softly. "Show me the second floor?"

I didn't wait for an answer as I took his hand and led him towards the stairs. I was certain of what I'd find on the second floor of Edward's home and I had to restrain myself from sprinting there. Four years without physical intimacy was a long time but after feeling the heat of a man against my skin again, it began to feel more like forty and my body was aching for him to touch me, kiss me, make me his, even if it was only for the night.

The stairs combined with my shoes proved to be a bit of a roadblock and after stumbling up the first few steps; I kicked off my cumbersome footwear and opted to carry them in my free hand instead. The first door at the top of the stairs was open, revealing a small home office, not exactly my target destination and so I chose to ignore its existence and continued down the hallway.

At last, I came to a large bedroom, the walls painted a rich, warm brown. The room contained a large king sized bed with a tall, black leather frame, flanked on either side by end tables and matching lamps casting a dim light over the room. The bedding was also black with brown and white accents. It was a very masculine room but much more adult than the last room belonging to Edward Cullen that I'd been in. It was just another reminder that the teenage boy I'd fallen in love with was gone, leaving behind a man I was just barely getting to know.

"So, this is my room but I'm guessing you've figured that out." He said from the doorway as I intrusively wandered through his bedroom.

"Is all this you or your mom?" I wondered aloud, taking in the model home décor and pristine conditions.

"Still mom," he said with a smile but there was a hint of sadness just under the surface. It was clear that though this was his home, it was not quite his at all. There was nothing here to give me any hint that the boy I once knew still resided in this beautiful man, and I began to question my earlier resolve.

"It's lovely," I mused, turning my attention to the décor, looking for any scrap of the man I once knew within these walls before I lost my nerve completely. A small silver picture frame on the left side end table caught my eye. I walked round the bed, desperate to see what or who was important enough to keep near the bed where he'd see it first thing in the morning and before falling asleep each night.

"Oh my God!" I cried as I picked up the delicate frame for a closer look. The picture was in black and white but the memory hit me as clearly as the day it had happened. It was of Edward and I at our senior prom but not the standard posed photo like the one I had nestled away in my dresser drawer. It was a candid photo, in black and white, of the two of us on the dance floor. Edward was smiling at me, having just told me how much he loved me and there was a small contented smile on my face as I listened to him. The happy glow on the face of my younger self brought tears to my eyes as leaned against the bed, tortured by the knowledge that I'd not been this happy in all of the nine years since. I barely noticed Edward come around to stand in front of me as I was too engrossed in the picture and the memory of that night.

"You looked so beautiful that night," he said softly.

"Where did you get this?"

"Eric or one of his buddies on the yearbook took it. He emailed it to me a few weeks after graduation."

After graduation? We'd been broken up by then. "And you still framed it? Kept it all this time?"

"I couldn't help it," he admitted bashfully. "I took it with me to Dartmouth, kept it on my desk. When I heard about your wedding, I wanted to smash the fucking thing so much, but I couldn't do it. Instead, I stuck it in a box and the next time I visited my parents, I shoved it under a pile of stuff in my closet there and forgot about it. When I moved back, mom made me sort through all the boxes of stuff she'd brought from the Forks house so she could finally get rid of it and there is was. I couldn't stop myself from bringing it home and placing it there," he said, motioning to the end table. "That was less than a month before I walked into your store that first time. Maybe it was fate, bringing you back to me."

I was speechless as I continued to stare at this small photo finally bridging the gap between the boy I still loved and the man standing in front of me. He'd saved this picture from the trash pile before even knowing I lived just down the street, before knowing my marriage had crumbled, before knowing our reconciliation was even a remote possibility. All of his words from the last few weeks echoed in my mind as I finally became certain of their truth.

I was breathless by the time I finally managed to set the frame back on the table and launched myself into Edward's arms.

"Oh, Edward, I've missed you so much."

* * *

**I know, I know. Another evil cliffie. I'm sorry but you know I never make you wait too long. I like you all too much. **


	30. Chapter 30

**All things Twilight belong to Ms. Meyer. No infringement intended. **

**Ok, time to check out the second half of E &B's date night. **

* * *

Chapter 30

"_Oh, Edward, I've missed you so much."_

Edward wrapped me protectively in his arms and nestled his face into the crook of my neck. "Oh, Bella, I have missed you too, so much it hurts."

I let him hold me for a while, reveling in the feel of his body against mine. His breath on my neck sent shivers through my body. The room melted away until it was just Edward and I and nothing else but it wasn't enough. I needed him like food or water, like oxygen. My hands snaked into his hair as I pulled back just enough to bring my lips to his but Edward turned his face and my kiss fell against the light stubble of his cheek.

"Bella, don't."

I recoiled as if burnt, losing my footing and I had to brace myself against the bed to keep from falling though I didn't much care. All this time and nothing had changed.

"You don't want me." I breathed. "I'm such an idiot. Of course you don't. Why would you?"

He put a hand on my shoulder and tried to turn me to face him but I wasn't ready for that and pushed his hand away. "Don't touch me!"

"Bella, talk to me, please," he begged and brought his hand back to my shoulder. This time, I allowed him to turn me around but I was too humiliated to face him and kept my gaze focused on the floor.

"About what?" I asked. "You go to all this trouble recreating our perfect evening, tell me you missed me, you keep that photo for this long but then you don't want to even kiss me? I don't understand."

"Oh, I want to kiss you," he sighed, "but not like this."

"What's wrong with this?"

"You're drunk, baby."

"Am not!" I retorted. I hated the implication that I was somehow out of control of myself. Sure, I had a bit of trouble with the stairs but I knew what I was doing.

He stifled a little laugh and shook his head. "Sweetheart, I don't know if you can hear yourself correctly, but you're slurring your words and you can't walk two steps without stumbling."

"That's the shoes."

"You took them off ten minutes ago, and even now you are using the bed to steady yourself but it's ok, Bella," he said softly. "I'm not mad or anything, though I am a bit surprised since you only had a glass or two with dinner but I guess a low tolerance is to be expected after pregnancy."

I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd drunk a fair amount before he'd even arrived on my door step and so I chose instead, to prove him wrong and stepped away from the bed. "See," I snapped, "I'm just fine." I took a step towards him but the room began to spin and I had to close my eyes to make it stop.

"All right, that's it. I think it's time for bed," Edward declared, reaching out and steadying me around the waist.

"So now you're just going to send me home? Like a naughty child?"

"Actually, I'm really hoping you'll crash here. Your little girl is gone for the night, right?"

My eyes shot open in surprise but that was quickly a mistake as the room began spinning faster. "You won't kiss me but you want me to spend the night? What the fuck?"

He laughed quietly and gently guided me back to the bed. "Yes, I want you to spend the night but only so I can take care of you, nothing else, though if you'd rather me take you home, I certainly will." I attempted to shake my head but that just made me dizzy.

"OK, sit down for a second, before you fall, and I'll find you something to sleep in."

He stepped away as I sat on the edge of the bed and dropped my head into my hands, trying to figure out how I'd made a wonderful evening go so colossally wrong. In a matter of minutes, Edward placed a large Dartmouth t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants on the bed next to me and excused himself so I could change.

I took another minute to curse myself for overindulging and making a complete fool of myself before sliding off the bed to change. I pulled the sweat pants on first, pulling the fleece fabric up under my dress but they were laughably large and pooled at my feet as soon as I let go of the waistband. I huffed loudly and kicked the fabric from my heels, nearly toppling over in the process. With one hand on the mattress to steady myself, I attempted to unzip my dress but it was proving much too difficult and it was more than I could take. I cried out in complete frustration as the tears I'd been suppressing sprung to my eyes and I fell to the floor, a drunken sobbing mass.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward called from the hall. When I didn't respond he opened the door and rushed to my side. He'd managed to change into a pair of sleep pants and a white tank while I still struggled to get out of my clothing.

"I'm drunk," I finally admitted, "and I can't get out of my dress and I've ruined everything."

"Shhh," he murmured, folding me into his arms as I sobbed against his shoulder. "You haven't ruined anything."

"Yes I have. I ruined our date and I made a fool of myself." I wailed, the tears coming freely now.

"Oh baby, no you haven't. Come on, stand up, let me help you out a bit."

I allowed him to pull me to my feet and rested my head against shoulder as he slowly slid the zipper of my dress down my back. He turned his back to me as I pushed the material off of my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Keeping one hand on Edward's shoulder to steady myself, I pulled the large t-shirt over my head and after taking a deep breath, unhooked my bra and shrugged out of it, letting it join my dress on the floor.

"You can turn around now," I whispered.

He turned and looked me over slowly. I saw his eyes look over to the sweatpants lying across the floor. "They didn't fit," I explained quickly and he nodded in understanding.

Without a word, he pulled back the thick comforter on the bed and helped me into the bed. He pulled the blanket over my body, tucking it under my chin before leaning in and placing a soft kiss against my forehead.

"Good night, beautiful. I'll be downstairs if you need me."

_What? _"No!" I cried, my hand shooting out from under the blanket to grip his arm. "Stay, please. Don't leave me alone."

"Bella…" he hesitated, his face conflicted.

"Please, Edward," I begged. "Don't leave me alone. I can't."

"Shh, baby, it's ok. I'll stay, I'll stay."

Edward walked around the bed and clicked off the light. Seconds later I felt the blanket pull back and the bed next to me depress as Edward lowered his body onto the mattress. Without thinking, I scooted backwards until I found him.

"Will you hold me?" I asked into the darkness. "Just for tonight. Can we forget everything and will you just hold me so I'm not alone? I'm so sick of being alone."

He didn't respond but I felt the mattress move and then his body was against mine, his arms wrapped protectively around me. "You're not alone," he whispered into my ear. "Not anymore."

With his arms around me and his breath against my neck, I finally allowed myself to relax, sinking into the soft pillow.

The smell of coffee and the bright sunlight streaming through the windows pulled me from my deep slumber the next morning.

"Good morning," a deep voice called softly from the edge of the bed.

I cracked one sleep heavy eye open and saw Edward sitting next to me, a steaming cup of coffee sitting on the end table. My head pounding and my stomach lurched. "Oh God!" I moaned, pulling the blanket over my head to block out the light.

Edward chuckled quietly and rubbed my leg gently over the comforter. "You ok in there?"

"No! My head is killing me and it's too bright."

I felt him rise from the bed and then heard the rustling sound of blinds being closed and curtains being drawn. When I dared peak out from under the comforter, the room was dark and Edward had resumed his seat on the bed.

"I'm sorry, I should have thought about it and closed those earlier, but in my defense, I did bring ibuprofen."

Ever so slowly, I rose to a sitting position and held my hand out as Edward shook a couple of pain killers into it. "No," I sighed, "it's not your fault I overindulged. I feel like an idiot."

"What happened?" he asked, concerned. "You drank that much or more when we were at your house the other day and were just fine. I don't understand."

I took a deep breath, finally ready to fess up. "I had a few drinks before you picked me," I said quietly, dropping my head.

"Oh, well that makes more sense," he said with a laugh, trying to lighten my mood. "You really had to hit the bottle to see me?"

His tone was playful but the hurt was there, lying just under the surface. "It wasn't exactly like that. I was just nervous and trying to relax a bit. I really didn't mean to drink so much and that delicious dinner you made was the only food I'd eaten all day. I guess it wasn't enough to keep the alcohol from hitting too hard."

"It's ok, I definitely understand. Look at how much I drank the other night." He said with a small smile as he handed me the small mug of coffee. "I hope you still take it with a little bit of sugar and a dash of French vanilla. I would have picked you up a mocha but I didn't want to leave the house. That, and I was afraid you might toss it on the ground again," he added with a teasing smile.

I took the warm cup in my hand and laughed though it made my head pound more. "I can't believe you remember that."

"Of course I do. I didn't know it at the time but I think I fell in love with you that night."

His eyes met mine and we sat wordlessly for a while, until Edward finally broke the silence. "Ok, well I should let you get dressed and whatnot. I'll meet you downstairs?"

I nodded as he rose from the bed and left the room. I took a moment to compose myself first, popping the pills into my mouth and washing them down with a slow sip of the hot coffee. It was exactly the way I liked it, the way I'd been drinking it for as long as I could remember. It was such a small thing, an insignificant detail but the fact that Edward had remembered after all these years touched me deeply.

After a few more sips of coffee, I was able to pull myself from the bed, freshen up a bit and change back into my clothes. I couldn't help but grimace at the idea of performing the 'walk of shame' at my age but what choice did I have? I could only thank the powers that be that it was a Sunday and none of my employees would be around to witness it.

I finally made my way downstairs to find Edward leaning against the counter, casually sipping his own cup of coffee. "Are you hungry? I could make you breakfast," he asked as I entered the room.

I shook my head. "No, thank you. I don't think I'm up for food just yet."

An awkward silence followed as neither of us was sure what to do or say next. "Um, well…"I began, but the ringing of my phone stopped me. "Oh, I should probably," I mumbled as I reached for my purse and pulled out my phone.

_Rosalie_

"Ro?"

"_Hey, B, you coming over to watch Em's game with me? I'm ordering takeout and I'll get your favorite if you promise to spill all the dirty deets on your date last night." _

"Um, maybe. Can I call you back in a bit?" I was practically whispering into the phone but judging by the small smile creeping across Edward's face, it wasn't doing any good.

"_Oh my God! Are you still there? Jesus Christ, Bella! What happened to not jumping right into bed with him?" _she screeched loudly. Edward quickly looked away and began shuffling the dishes in the sink to look busy. It was clear he'd heard her outburst loud and clear.

"Rose, can we talk about this later?"

"_Fine,"_ she huffed. _"Game starts around one. Your ass better be here and ready to talk."_

"Fine," I reluctantly agreed and hung up the phone.

"So, you have to go?" Edward asked, his voice resigned and maybe a little sad.

"I should," I admitted, dropping my gaze. "It's Emmett's first regular season game and an away game at that. It's kind of tradition for us to watch it together."

"You watch football?" His voice was incredulous and it made me laugh.

"I know, right? Dad would be so proud. I really just do it to support Rose. By the first pre-season kick-off she's already counting down the weeks until the season is over and she can have her husband back."

"You always were a good friend," he said with a smile.

"And she's always been there for me. The least I can do is watch a game with her and cheer a few times."

"Well, I hate to give you up already, but God forbid I stand in the way of tradition. Let me grab my keys and I'll give you a ride home."

"I can take a cab," I offered but that earned me a dirty look. So I finished up my coffee and rinsed the mug in the sink as Edward gracefully ascended the stairs in search of his car keys.

Moments later, I was seated in his car in front of my building and unsure of what to do next. Before I could mutter an awkward good-bye, Edward had killed the engine and exited the car, coming around to my side to open the door for me. I took his hand and let him help me out of the car, taking note of the fact that he held my hand for several moments longer than necessary. He followed me up the stairs and waited as I fished the keys out of my purse and unlocked the front door.

"Thank you," I finally said, my voice not much more than a whisper, "for taking care of me last night."

He pulled me into his arms and I was surprised at how easily I still fit against him, even after all these years, like two puzzle pieces put back together. I let my face rest against his chest and inhaled his comforting scent.

"I want nothing more than to take care of you," he replied, his lips against the top of my head. "Just give me the chance and I'll prove it to you."

I lifted my head from his chest and raised my eyes to his. For a moment, I found myself lost in his eyes and then, as easily as finding home, my lips were on his, soft and imploring. I melted into him, our kiss warm and welcoming, but this wasn't the needy, hormone driven kiss we'd shared so often in our youth. This kiss was soft and gentle and yet it ignited every part of my being but it was over all too soon.

"Will I get to see you this week?" Edward asked, resting his forehead against mine, his hand cupping my face delicately.

"I don't know," I sighed. "I have Charlie all week and this weekend, every night except Wednesday but I've got a busy week and I know I'll end up working late that day to catch up."

"What about your birthday?" I looked up at him stunned that he remembered my birthday was that Thursday and he chuckled. "Why do you always assume I've forgotten everything?"

"I don't know? It's been a long time," I said with a shrug. "Anyways, it doesn't matter. Rose and Emmett are bringing dinner over and that's about as much celebration as I can handle."

"Still not a fan of the birthday, huh?"

I shook my head and laughed. "Nope, most end up a bit disappointing. There was one good one though."

"Yeah?" he said with a confident smirk.

"Yep, I think I was six or seven and my mom got me the bike I wanted." I teased, turning his smirk into a grimace. "I don't know, I guess eighteen wasn't too bad either," I added with a wicked grin.

"Ha ha," he deadpanned. "So, is there no hope for me helping you ring in the big two-eight?"

I wanted to tell him it was ok, that he could come over for dinner but for once I decided to listen to my head for once. "I'm sorry, it's just my daughter will be here and…"

He quickly held up a hand to stop me. "It's ok, I get it. Maybe we can celebrate later. Can I still call or text or email or whatever method of electronic stalking is ok with you?"

"Of course."

"Alright then, I guess I'll just try to be patient."

And he did try, though he wasn't very good at it. He made it all the way until half-time before he texted me. Rose rolled her eyes as I smiled and typed out my reply but she didn't say anything. The fact that Edward refused to even kiss me when I was inebriated had earned him a couple of points back in her book, but he'd racked up quite a deficit over the years and had a ways to go. She still wasn't thrilled that I was giving him another shot but I could tell she was hesitantly coming around.

We continued to text throughout the rest of the game and well into the night. At work we emailed back and forth, sending a few lines here and there whenever one of us had a few free minutes and every evening, after Charlie was tucked away in bed, I would climb into my own bed and call him so his voice would be the last thing I heard before falling asleep.

By Wednesday, Edward's patience had completely run out and he arrived in the bakery right at closing time, carrying bags of delicious smelling take-out from a local Italian restaurant.

"Thought you might be hungry?" he said with a shrug and a sheepish grin.

I still had a mountain of work but I was thrilled to see him. We ate together in my office and then Edward hung around and kept me company while I finished the piping on a couple of cakes. When I was done for the day, he walked me up the stairs and gave me a chaste goodnight kiss at the door before heading home himself.

Edward and I had jumped right into a relationship the first time around and Jake and I went from friends to pregnant in about a month. So, I found it very sweet to be courted properly and to take things slow this time around. With each day of flirting by phone, I found myself feeling more and more like a teenager again and not a tired single mother nearing thirty and damn if that wasn't a good feeling.

On Thursday, Rose and Emmett brought dinner as planned and I spent the majority of the night keeping both of them from mentioning anything about Edward and our relationship in front of Charlie. It was all so new and I just wasn't ready for her to know yet. Edward had been amazing so far but our past was ever present in my mind and it was one thing to put my own heart on the line but I wasn't ready to risk my daughter's.

Over the weekend, our constant texting and phone calls turned to our hopes for the future. Edward hoped to expand his mother's company and bring her success and personal satisfaction in the next year. I expressed my desire to have another child of my own someday. I confessed to Edward the jealousy I'd felt at Jake and Vanessa beating me in the race to give Charlie a brother or sister.

"Do you want kids?" I asked one night over the phone as I lay in bed late Sunday night.

"_I would love to have kids one day,"_ he answered, _"beautiful girls with brown hair and green eyes or boys with my crazy hair and brown eyes."_

My heart leapt as I realized he had included my features in describing his future child but I still had many questions.

"So you never came close?" I asked, hearing the sharp intake of breath on the other side of the line. "To having kids?"

"_With who, Bella? I told you Tanya and I never got that far." _

"I know but people don't always wait until marriage to have kids anymore. I just wondered if you and she ever considered it, or you and someone else," I trailed off.

"_This isn't really about me having kids is it? And I don't, by the way. Bella, I'm not going to lie. I had a bit of a meltdown when I learned of your wedding. I was so mad that you could just move on so easily and I acted out a bit for a while. Eventually, I realized that it wasn't helping and then I met Tanya. After all that, I just didn't have it in me to attempt another serious relationship."_

"Oh," was all I could say after that.

There was an awkward silence for a moment before the subject was changed back to our future plans and I ended up staying on the phone with him late into the early hours. It wasn't until I woke up twenty minutes late on Monday morning that I realized that it might have been a bad idea. I quickly dressed Charlie in the first outfit I found that was clean and pulled her hair into a ponytail. I didn't even have time to make her breakfast, opting instead to pop into the bakery and grab a muffin from Ben for her.

Less than ten minutes after waking, we were half walking, half running down the street to her friend Kate's house. Kate's mom, Carmen, was a God-send. She'd taken pity on my busy, single mother self and agreed to take Charlie to school each morning and watch her afterschool every day until I was finished working. We arrived on Kate and Charlie's doorstep five minutes later than normal and I apologized profusely but Carmen blew off my apology with a smile and a wave as she buckled the two girls into her car.

I hurried back down the street and around the corner. I was late for work but I'd foregone my own shower that morning to get Charlie out the door on time and was in need of a little sprucing up. I'd already told Ben I was running late and he assured me he was fine without me.

After a very quick shower, I was dressed and ready for work. I shoved my phone into my pocket and hurried out the door. I was halfway down the stairs when my foot slipped out from under me and I slid down the last six stairs, my foot twisting under me as I went. I attempted to pry myself up from the bottom of the staircase but an excruciating pain shot up my right leg.

"Fuck!" I cried as I tried over and over again to get my ass off the ground. Eventually I was forced to give up and pulled my phone from my pocket.

"_Hey Bells, what's up?" _Ben asked.

"Ben, I'm outside on my ass at the bottom of my stairs and it hurts to move," I moaned. "Can you come help me?"

He didn't answer but just hung up the phone. Within minutes he was at my side, covered in flour and a little bewildered but he effortlessly scooped me into his arms and carried me up the steps and back into my apartment.

Once Ben had set me carefully onto the couch I pulled the shoe and sock off my injured foot and both of our eyes bulged at the size of my ridiculously swollen right foot.

"Jesus, Bells, what did you do?" Ben gasped. "You better get that checked out. I'll call Emily and see if she can come in today and cover for you."

I nodded resignedly and gave Ben a list of things that needed to be accomplished today to pass on to Emily. I'd hoped to work quickly and efficiently all week so that I could cut out early on Wednesday and actually be able to spend some time with Edward rather than working late, but as I looked down at my foot I could see that hope slipping away.

"Bells, you know Ang and Emily and I will cover the bakery for you but do you have someone you can call to help you out?"

"What?" I asked, lost in my own thoughts.

"You gotta stay off that, boss. You have someone you can call? You need someone to take you to a doc. I'd do it, but someone's gotta watch the store."

"Oh, yeah you're right." I replied quietly, finally listening to what he was saying. "Um, yeah, I have people I can call. Thank you, Ben."

"No prob. I'll go back to work now. I'm sure Ang is just freaking out. And I'll give Emily a call. You have my number. Let me know if you need anything ok?" he said and headed for the door.

"Sure thing. Thank you, Ben."

He gave me a quiet nod and headed back to work as I propped a couple throw pillows under my baseball sized ankle and retrieved the phone from my pocket. I debated on who was best suited to help me out but in the end, there was only one choice. I found the number quickly and dialed, praying they'd be available to help.

"_Hello?" _

"Hey, I really need your help, can you come over?"

* * *

**Theories on who she called? **


	31. Chapter 31

**Thirty-one chapters in, I think we all know by now that I do not own Twilight and infringement isn't intended. **

**Well, some of you guessed who she called and some of you didn't. Let's find out who'll come to the rescue of our Bella in distress. **

* * *

Chapter 31

"_Hey, I really need your help, can you come over?"_

Edward was on his way to work but that didn't stop him from rushing over as soon as I told him what had happened. In less than ten minutes he was walking through my front door. He took one look at me, lying on the couch with my foot propped up on the armrest and rushed to my side.

"Oh baby, what did you do?" He asked, his fingers ghosting over my rapidly swelling ankle. "I know I said that I wanted the chance to take care of you, but this was not what I meant," he said with a shake of his head before quickly scooped me into his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"You need to get this looked at and I happened to know an excellent doctor. Don't fight me on this. I'm bigger than you and I'm illegally parked so we're going now."

He gave me a smile and a wink and I could do nothing but sigh resignedly and hook my arm around his neck.

"I can't believe you're taking me to your dad."

"Why?" he asked as walked us out the door and down the steps. "It'll be fine. He'll be thrilled to see you again and he can get us in and out of there as quickly as possible. Would you rather wallow in the ER waiting room for hours?"

He ended up being completely right. Carlisle was exactly as I remembered him, warm, caring and kind. After carefully inspecting my injured foot he declared that it appeared to be just a minor sprain but he wanted to get an x-ray to be sure. Edward sat by my side and held my hand the entire time. Once the x-ray confirmed Carlisle's diagnosis he sent us on our way with a script for some mild pain killers and strict orders to stay off it as much as possible.

After a quick trip to the pharmacy and into the bakery to touch base with Ben and Emily, I was back on the comfort of my couch. Despite my vehement protestations, Edward immediately put himself to work fixing me a nice lunch, making sure my foot was properly elevated and setting me up with a handful of books and the television remote. Once I was fed and entertained, he announced that he was going to run home and pick up a few things.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Some clothes, my laptop, phone charger and a few other little things," he replied nonchalantly.

My eyes might have bugged right out of my head. "Excuse me? Who said you could move in all of a sudden?"

"Come on, Bella," he sighed. "I know you're stubborn, but you know you need help this week. I know you know that because you called me to help. So please, let me help."

"Do you not realize that Charlie will be out of school in an hour and a half? How am I supposed to explain to her that some guy she's never even heard of is spending the night? She's only eight!"

"Yes, actually I did realize that and your daughter is one of the main reasons I hope you'll let me stay. How are you going to take care of her and yourself? How are you going to make her dinner? Or breakfast? Or get her back and forth to school when you're supposed to stay off your foot? Let me guess, you'll ignore the pain and carry on until you hurt yourself worse and end up in a cast for a month or two."

The more he spoke, the more I knew what he was saying was true. I could try to rest the best I could, but motherhood and rest do not go hand in hand and my baby's needs would always come first. I just couldn't bring myself to admit to him that he was right and I wasn't ready to agree to his staying over just yet.

"Look, I know that you're not quite ready to introduce me to your daughter and I've got a good idea why."

"I'm sorry," I began but he waved me off.

"It's ok, I get it and I know this isn't ideal but let's face it, what choice do you have? Rosalie can't carry you up and down those steps, not with a baby, and football season just started so her husband probably isn't available much these days either. You know that. I think it's why you called me and not them," he arched an eyebrow in question and I knew he was right. "Baby, I'll sleep on the couch and as far as she needs to know, I'm just an old friend helping out with meals and getting you around until you're good as new. It's only for a few days. Please Bella, I just want to help you."

I huffed and puffed for a few minutes but eventually I had to concede defeat. "Fine. But you are just a friend and there will be no funny business."

"What time does Charlie go to bed?" Edward asked with a mischievous smile and a waggle of his eyebrows.

"No funny business!" I repeated.

"Wouldn't dream of it, beautiful."

He kissed me softly on the top of my head and checked one last time that I would be alright before heading out. While he was gone, I called Carmen and filled her in on the situation. She insisted that it was no problem at all to drop Charlie off at my place afterschool. I could almost see the shocked look on her face when I let her know that a friend, specifically a male friend, would be dropping Charlie off and picking her up for the next few days. Apparently, even casual acquaintances saw me as being forever celibate.

After an hour of ridiculous court TV, Edward was back with a rather large duffel bag and a fancy looking laptop case. Carlisle had said if I was careful, I could be back on my feet in less than a week. Judging by the size of Edward's bag, he planned to stay at least twice that but I didn't have the chance to question him on the length of his stay because Carmen and Charlie arrived moments after.

"Mama, what happened?" Charlie asked, taking in my bandaged foot resting under a pile of throw pillows on the coffee table.

"I slipped down the stairs, baby girl. It's OK. I saw a doctor this morning and he says I'll be just fine in a few days so don't you worry," I assured her but that didn't stop her from dropping her backpack on the floor and crawling onto the couch, curling against my side.

"Sweetheart," I said, giving her tiny frame a little squeeze, "Carmen, I'd like you to meet my good friend, Edward."

Carmen stepped forward and shook Edward's hand, exchanging pleasantries, as Charlie eyed him cautiously from the safety of my lap.

"He's just going to be helping me out for a bit until my foot is all better. Just taking care of dinner and helping me get up and down the stairs and, baby, he's going to drop you off and pick you up from Carmen's for me. Is that ok? It's just for a few days because I'm not supposed to walk much."

Charlie turned and looked up at me, uncertainty blazing in her eyes. "If not, we'll work something else out but I promise he's a nice guy. I've known him for a very long time."

She looked him over one more time and he gave her a small smile. I could see the wheels working in her head but apparently something about him set her at ease. She looked back up at me and nodded. "OK."

"Ok," I agreed and held my baby close.

Carmen excused herself after that but not before motioning to Edward behind his back, smiling wickedly, and giving me two thumbs up and mouthing the words, 'good job'. I suppressed my own smile and waved good-bye as she walked out the door.

Once it was just the three of us, Edward settled into the armchair and reached into his laptop case. "So Charlie, your mom told me a lot about you." She lifted her head from my chest and glanced at him as he continued. "And she tells me you like music a lot and that you like to borrow her ipod to listen to music sometimes."

She nodded her little head and bit her lip nervously, a trait she'd picked up from me to be sure.

"Well, when I was packing my bag today I found something and if it's ok with your mom, I'd like to give it to you."

He pulled out a small black device I immediately recognized as an iPod touch. "Edward!" I cried. I knew he was trying to earn a few brownie points with my girl but this was entirely too extravagant.

"It's not new," he added quickly. "It's mine, but I just use my iPhone instead now so I don't need it anymore. I just thought maybe you would like it. I'd rather give it to someone who'll use it instead of letting it sit around in my drawer collecting dust."

Charlie's eyes were wide as plates as she looked from Edward to me and back to him. "Can I mom?"

"Let me add, that I know someone had a birthday recently so we can just think of it as a belated birthday present," Edward said with a devilish smirk. He knew he had me.

"Fine, but only as long as your room stays clean and your homework gets done. If not I will take it away," I threatened.

"Yay!" she cried, practically bouncing off the couch.

"OK, well, it still has all my old music on it so we'll need to reset it and add some stuff you like first. Maybe after dinner we can download some music for you. You don't like that beaver kid do you? I don't think I can help you listen to him. It wouldn't be right." Edward asked with a playful smile, flashing me a sly wink. He remembered our conversation about a certain, young musician and was using it to tease her a bit.

"It's Justin Beiber," Charlie cried, "not beaver!" Both Edward and I burst into laughter but that only seemed to make her angry. "Don't laugh! I don't even like him," she pouted. "I do like Selena Gomez though."

Edward tried to stifle his laughter as Charlie continued to scowl at us both. "Alright then. We'll look for some Selena Gomez and whatever else you like."

"But first, homework and dinner," I interrupted.

She jumped off the couch and plucked her backpack off the floor with more enthusiasm than I'd ever seen before and hurried to the dining room table where she usually completed her homework. With her seemingly occupied, Edward shifted from the armchair to the couch.

"I cannot believe you!" I whispered. "Trying to buy my girl's love."

"I really did find that in my drawer. I wasn't lying but I admit, I figured it couldn't hurt."

"Were you worried she wouldn't like you?"

"Terrified," he admitted. "I know you well enough to know that your daughter hating me would be a deal breaker for you and I. I couldn't take that chance."

"Kinda pathetic," I joked, "paying off an eight year old."

"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

He watched another episode of court TV with me while Charlie finished her homework and then he set to work on dinner. Still trying to cement himself firmly on her good-side, Edward let Charlie choose what we'd be eating for dinner which meant a delicious meal of boxed macaroni and cheese and hot dogs.

"Maybe tomorrow you'll be done sucking up to my daughter and we can eat a more nutritious dinner." I teased as Edward carried me to the dinner table.

"Char," Edward called as he helped me carefully into my chair. "I think your mom is upset that she didn't get to pick dinner tonight."

The two of them laughed conspiratorially. Apparently they'd been bonding over dinner preparations as well. They continued their bonding up until Charlie's bedtime, huddled around Edward's computer as they loaded her new iPod with all her favorite songs. When it was time for bed, Edward carried me into her room so I could help her into her pj's and read to her like I did every night.

Later, as we sat watching the news on the couch, I hassled him again about sucking up to a child but he was unashamed. "She's a good kid, Bella and I need her to like me so you'll keep me around. If that means eating mac and cheese and hotdogs for dinner and downloading a ton of pre-teen pop songs, then so be it. It's better than losing her mother all over again."

I snuggled against him as he draped his arm around my shoulder and we finished watching the news. When both of our eyes began to droop, he carried me down the hall to my room, setting me on the edge of the bed.

"I can help you into your pjs if you like," he said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Haha," I replied. "That is so very kind of you but I think I can manage. Plus, I believe that falls under the 'no funny business' rule."

"Just trying to be helpful."

"I'm sure you are," I said with a smile.

There was an awkward moment where neither of us was sure what to say or do. It was clear that Edward was hesitant to leave my room and, in truth, I was hesitant to let him go, even just down the hall. At the same time, I wasn't ready for him to stay and all that his staying might entail. Deep down, I still had a lot of fear about going down that road. Yeah, he'd been perfect in the last few weeks but I'd fallen for perfect before and been burned by it.

"I'm just playing around babe, I'll be good," he said stepping in front of me. "Good night, beautiful. I'll see you in the morning." He brushed my cheek with the backs of his finger and he placed a tender kiss on my forehead.

"Good night," I whispered, my entire body tingling in response to his touch.

The next morning I literally hopped into the bathroom and got myself showered and dressed before Edward came in to carry me into Charlie's room. I did my best to help her get ready for the day while he cooked us all breakfast. After eating, Edward walked Charlie down to Carmen's house before heading to work, leaving me home alone with a mountain of snacks, a TV remote and a pair of crutches so I could get myself to the bathroom and back. It was ridiculously boring, being stuck at home and on the couch all day, and I couldn't have been more thrilled when they both walked in later in the afternoon.

The next morning I insisted on going back to work. My foot was feeling a bit better and I had a business to run but I couldn't do it with my ass on the couch at home. I chose to take advantage of it being Jake's night with Charlie and worked as late as I could. Edward did the same, trying to make up from losing a day of work as well. It turned out to be a huge mistake on my part because by the time Edward carried me back upstairs, my ankle was swollen and throbbing. Despite trying my best to stay off my feet, I'd still definitely overdone it.

Edward and I opted for take-out and spent the night cuddled under a blanket watching a movie. Even with Charlie out of the house for the night, we kept it fairly PG, simply enjoying each other's company as I alternated ice and heat on my ankle. When the painkillers pulled me under, Edward carried me to my bed and kissed me good-night and even though Charlie was not home, he still retreated to his make-shift bed on the couch.

Thursday I went back to work, determined to take it easy but I was there barely an hour before Jake barreled into my office.

"What the fuck, Bells? Charlie says you've got some new guy shacking up with you."

I was taken aback and less than thrilled with him screaming accusations at me within earshot of my staff and customers and quickly slammed the door to my office. "First off, would you calm the hell down? I'm running a business here Jake."

"I'm not going to calm down, not when there is some strange man living in my daughter's home," he roared. "Charlie says he's a friend of yours but she also said that it's not Emmett and it's not Ben. I didn't know you had any other male 'friends', Bells." He had the nerve to use air quotes for the word 'friends' and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"Wow, I didn't know I was required to inform you of all my 'friends', Jacob," I snapped.

"You do if they'll be living with my kid, Isabella."

"He's not living with us, just staying with me for a few days to help out until my ankle is better, not that I need to explain myself to you. She did tell you I was hurt, didn't she?"

"So, that makes it a good idea to bring some guy you barely know into your home with my baby girl?" he asked, his face red with anger. "Jesus, Bella, what if he's some pedophile?"

"Good God, Jake, is that what you think of me? That I would put my daughter at risk for my own needs? That I wouldn't use good judgment when introducing people to my kid? I trusted your judgment when you introduced Vanessa to Charlie. I'm only asking the same in return. Trust me, Edward is not a pedophile and I wouldn't allow him near my house if I wasn't sure of that."

"Vanessa was different, Bells, and you know it. We'd been dating for months before I introduced them. How do you know this guy isn't a creep? This is the first I've heard of you even dating let along being in a relationship since we split, and suddenly you just pull a guy from thin air and tell me you can trust him around Charlotte? How well could you possibly know him?"

"I've known him for ten years, Jake! So, I'd say I know him pretty well."

He froze as my last sentence sunk in. "Ten years?" he asked. I nodded as he began shaking his head. "It's him, isn't it?" My silence was answer enough. "Fuck, Bella! Are you serious? You left me for this guy four years ago, told me you were in love with him and all that, except he never showed up. Now he finally does and you're just going to take him back, let him move in?"

"He's not moving in," I insisted. "He's just helping me out while my foot is hurt and it's none of your business but I haven't taken him back exactly, we're just testing the waters."

Jake sighed loudly and slumped into a chair. "Good God, Bells, I hope you know what you're doing."

"So do I," I replied. "So do I."

Jake still wasn't happy but he managed to drop it after that and headed back to work, though his words stayed with me. Did I know what I was doing? I could only hope so.

The rest of the week followed uneventfully and I found myself looking forward to my weekend alone with Edward. He'd been nothing short of amazing all week, caring and attentive to both me and my daughter, and I couldn't wait to get him alone now that my ankle was practically healed. Jake, however, managed to continue his quest to ruin my week by calling Friday afternoon. Vanessa, it appeared, was visiting her parents that weekend and Jake's boss had an important client who need his car fixed asap and had left Jake in charge of it.

"_Bells, I know it's my weekend," _he explained, _"but I have to get this done and I have no one to watch Charlie-girl while I work. I'll be done sometime Saturday and I'll come and get her then." _

"Jake, I already took two days off this week and I promised Ben I'd cover Saturday morning in exchange for his working Thursday for me. What am I supposed to do? Get Charlie up at four a.m. to come to work with me?"

"_At least you can take her to work," _he insisted. _"I can't even do that." _

Edward had gotten off early that day and was standing close by as I argued with Jake. He grabbed my arm lightly and mouthed that we would make it work as I listened to Jake go on about how important this job was for him.

"Fine Jake, I'll figure it out," I sighed. "Just call me when you're ready for her on Saturday, ok?"

After hanging up the phone I turned to Edward quizzically. "What was all that about?" I asked.

"I can watch her."

"Excuse me?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Bella, I can watch her Saturday morning while you're at work. It's not a big deal."

"You wanna babysit?" I asked, stunned.

"Sure, why not? She knows me. We've been hanging out all week. We'll be fine and if not, you'll just be downstairs."

"I can call Rose," I added but Edward laughed and shook his head.

"Let me try, Bella," he said with such sincerity I didn't have the heart to say no.

Saturday morning, I woke myself before the crack of dawn and dressed for work. I kissed both Charlie and Edward on their foreheads as they slept before making my way down to the bakery. I finished the rolls, bread and doughnuts at lightning speed before helping Emily put the finishing touches on the wedding cake we had due that day. By two in the afternoon, Chelsea had everything under control and Emily had left to deliver the cake, leaving me free to return home for the day. I hurried up the stairs to find the adorable sight of Charlie and Edward sprawled on the living room floor, both coloring away in front of _Beauty and the Beast. _

"Hey baby," I called as I opened the door and held open my arms for her to jump into. "I missed you. Your dad just called me. He'll be here soon, so go grab your stuff, ok?"

As soon as she retreated to her room to pack her things, Edward was on his feet pulling me into his arms.

"Hi mama, I missed you," he breathed against my ear. "I'm going to head home for a sec, grab a few things, and then I'd like to take you out to dinner. I'll be back in a few if that's ok?" I nodded and he kissed my cheek before gathering up his things to take home.

With him gone, I headed to Charlie's room, hoping to have a moment alone with my daughter before her father arrived. I never could have expected what she'd say to me there.

"Hi mama," she called from her closet where she was searching for the outfit she wanted to take to her dad's.

"Hey baby," I replied, taking a seat on her bed. "What you been up to all day?"

"Oh, Edward and I colored and we watched Nemo and Beauty and the Beast. Oh and he made me waffles and a sandwich."

"Is that right?"

"Yup," she replied matter-of-factly. "Edward says Belle is his favorite princess cause she's like you. You both have brown hair and you both are nice and pretty and smart and you like to read."

"He said that?" I asked, his innocent compliment bringing a smile to my face.

"Uh-huh."

"Well, that was sweet of him to say," I remarked as I placed her pajamas in to the bag.

She nodded and started rifling through her closet, growing very quiet.

"Baby girl, you alright?"

She turned around to face me, a serious look on her little face. "Is Edward moving home now cause your foot is all better?"

"Well, yes, I suppose he probably will start staying at his own house again. Is that what you want?"

I thought they'd been getting along but maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to in the situation. I felt a pang of guilt for letting my own feelings cloud my vision, but she surprised me by shaking her head vigorously.

"No, I want him to stay."

I was stunned. "You do?"

She nodded this time as she handed me a pair of shoes. "I like him. Can you ask him to stay?"

"Sweetie, it's not that easy."

"Can't you just try? You won't know if you don't try." she said, her eyes wide and hopeful as she parroted the words I'd said to her many, many times over the years.

I would agree to almost anything for this kid. "Ok baby, I'll try."

I was in a fog as I helped her finish packing, only snapping out of it long enough to hug her tightly before Jake took her away. Edward was still gone and I took advantage of my time alone to take a nice long shower and clear my head but it was no use. Charlie's words were embedded in my mind and I kept repeating them over and over.

_Can't you just try?_

_Just try._

_You won't know if you don't try._

I gave up when the water went cold, still unsure of what to do as dried myself off and I stepped out of the shower. My eye immediately fell on one of Edward's button-up shirts thrown over the towel rack and without thinking I brought it to my nose, inhaling the smell of him that lingered on the fabric. At that moment, the fog in my head cleared and my fears went silent. It smelled like coming home and, just like Charlie, I wasn't ready to lose it. I wasn't ready to lose him.

I slipped the shirt on and fastened the buttons haphazardly. I'd just stepped out of the bathroom and was toweling my hair when I heard the click of the front door opening.

"Hey babe," he called from the living room. "Are you ready?"

And then finally, without thinking it through or questioning or over analyzing it, I knew I was.

I was more than ready.

* * *

**Sorry if I left you hanging but you know I'm good for a quick update. But seriously, how cute is babysitter Edward?**


	32. Chapter 32

**I'm not Stephenie Meyer. I don't own Twilight. No infringement intended. **

**Seems Miss Bella just needed a little nudge from a very cute, tiny source in order to get out of her own head. **

* * *

Chapter 32

"_Hey babe," he called from the living room. "Are you ready?" _

_And then without thinking it through or questioning or over analyzing, I knew that I was. _

_I was more than ready._

"Sure am," I called, tossing the towel aside as I walked from my bedroom and towards the hall, my pace increasing with each step I took. Edward heard me approach and walked into view at the end of the hall. He took one look at me and his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"I thought you said you were…" his voice trailed off as his gaze dropped lower. "Is that my…?" The last word was inaudible, coming out as a strangled moan.

I all but sprinted the last few feet and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He seemed a bit confused and hesitant but still circled his arms around me slowly.

"Baby, I'm not complaining or anything, but I thought we were going to dinner?"

I pulled back and ran my hand over his cheek, staring into eyes of his. "How about we just stay in tonight?"

I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed slowly. "Bella?" he asked softly. "What are you saying?"

"I love you," I whispered. "I always have. I always will. Even when I didn't want to, even when I wanted to hate you. I have loved you every single day of the last ten years. I'm done trying to fight it. I'm done overthinking it. I'm done being scared. I'm done giving myself reasons to deny myself the one thing I want most and that's you."

He was frozen, in shock, for half a second before cupping my face in his hands. "Oh, Bella, I love you too. I never stopped." Then his lips were on mine, soft and sweet at first before growing into a fevered embrace. My arms locked behind his neck, holding him to me as his hands gently buried themselves in my hair.

After several minutes, we came up for air, both of us breathing heavily as we held on to each other tightly. I slid my hand down the length of his arm until I found his hand and wordlessly began leading him down the hall towards my bedroom.

We reached the side of my bed before Edward gathered me into his arms again. "Are you sure about this? You're not drunk, right? I mean you didn't start drinking while I was gone, did you?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Not a drop," I assured him with a smile.

"Oh, thank God!" he moaned, resting his forehead against mine. "I'm not sure I had the strength to turn you down again," he teased, flashing me a devious smile.

I slapped at his chest lightly in protestation as he lifted me off my feet and sat me on the edge of the bed, stepping between my legs. He cradled my cheek in his hand, stroking it softly with the pad of his thumb. "I love you," he whispered, before bringing his lips to mine.

As we kissed, my hands slid down his chest, flicking the buttons of his shirt open as they went until I could feel the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips. As I ran my hands over his torso, he shuddered in response and pulled away just enough to shrug out of his shirt. My hands drifted to the waistband of his pants and tugged his belt loose. He took over from there, kicking off his shoes and socks before unzipping his pants and letting them fall to the floor, leaving him in only a pair of boxer briefs. His eyes locked on mine as he move his hands to my chest and slowly worked open the buttons of my shirt. After freeing the last button, he moved his hands to my arms softly nudging the fabric over my shoulders.

It was then that I was hit by a giant wave of self-consciousness. I grasped at the edges of the shirt and clamored to cover myself with them. Edward's hands recoiled and his eyes softened with concern. "What is it, love? We can stop. If you're not ready, we don't have to…"

"No, I want to," I interrupted. "It's just…"

"What is it, baby?" he asked, stroking my cheek tenderly.

"I don't look the same," I whispered, my face flushing with embarrassment. "My body, it's not…"

Edward brought a finger to my lip, silencing me. "Shh, I don't care. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. Now stop being self-conscious, because I plan on worshipping every inch of your magnificent body tonight." He brought his lips to my ear whispering, "Several times."

My face flushed again but this time it was something much different than embarrassment. I let him peel the shirt from my body and fell back onto the bed, pulling him down with me in a tangle of limbs, as our lips met once again. I couldn't remember him ever feeling as good against me as he did in this moment. Everything melted away, a decade of pain disappearing with each brush of his hand against my bare skin. We spent an eternity intertwined, content with the simple pleasure of kissing, a privilege we'd been too long denied.

Edward's fingers danced over my skin as he kissed the length of my neck. My own hands glided over his chest, down his arms, and along his back as I reacquainted myself with feel of his perfect body. His arms were bigger than I remembered, stronger. His chest was broader now and peppered with just enough hair for me to run my fingers through, which I discovered made him shiver and moan, especially when I lightly followed the trail of hair down his stomach. His lips were at my neck as I toyed with the waistband of his briefs.

"Ah, ah, ah," he murmured into my ear. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, love."

He sat up slightly and pulled my hands away from his waist, gently pinned them to the bed above my head. He didn't keep my captive for long, choosing instead to let his hands drift down the length of my arms, over my shoulders, and further down my body until they reached my breasts, pert and waiting for his touch.

After four years of no attention, I nearly came undone at the mere flick of Edward's tongue against my pebbled nipple. I let out a ragged moan which only spurred him on. He pulled my breast into his mouth grazing my long neglected nipple with his teeth deliciously. He took his time there, licking, nibbling, and sucking at the delicate flesh until I could no longer stand it and my lips began to grow jealous. I fisted my fingers into his hair and brought his attention away from my chest and back up to my face.

"Kiss me," I begged. "Kiss me, please. I've gone too long without it."

He happily obliged, pressing his lips to mine softly at first but growing hungrier with each second that passed. I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted to drink him in, to lose myself him in, and to give him all of myself. I could spend eternity just kissing this man.

It took his hand, sliding between us and under the thin lace of my underwear, to remind me that there might be something better than kissing. His fingers slipped between my folds, lightly stroking the sensitive skin there until the waistband of my panties proved entirely too constricting. In one smooth movement, he pulled the restrictive lace down my legs and tossed them aside. Edward kissed the length of my body at a leisurely pace until his lips were _there. _

I cried out at the very first touch of his tongue against my most private place and clutched at the blanket beneath me, my back arching off the bed. My extreme reaction to the lightest of touches didn't hold him back, if anything it spurred him on. Within minutes I could feel the long forgotten tension coiling within me, building and building, until I completely fell apart and my body going limp as I fell back against the bed.

"Holy fucking shit," I panted. "I forgot how amazing that could be."

"Been awhile, my love?" Edward asked, a smug, self-satisfied expression across his face.

"You have no idea," I breathed as I tugged at him, bringing him back up to rest against me. He buried his face against my neck, whispering declarations of love as I struggled to catch my breath.

Once I'd come down ever so slightly from my post orgasmic high, I allowed my hands to roam the smooth, muscled expanse of Edward's back until I reached the waistband of his briefs. This time he didn't stop me as I pushed them down over his still perfect ass. He even helped me by kicking the offending garment the rest of the way off and letting it fall to the floor. I wrapped my legs around his waist, craving even more of him but he froze suddenly.

In a flash, he'd pulled away from me and was sitting at the edge of the bed, his elbows against his knees, hands buried in his hair.

"Fuck baby, I shouldn't have let it get this far," he moaned, hands pulling at the ends of his hair.

"What? why?" I asked quietly, my heart skipping a beat as I held my breath, beyond terrified of his answer.

He turned and looked at me, a sad expression on his face. "I don't have any condoms, love. I didn't expect, I mean I didn't think we were, uh, here yet."

I exhaled loudly in relief, my heart resuming a normal rhythm as a tiny laugh escaped my throat. "Is that all?" I cried, practically throwing myself onto his lap. "The doc put me on birth control a month ago and the last person I had sex with was, well, he was you. So…" I trailed off, suddenly realizing that me being naked on top of him was probably not the time or place to ask him about his physical relationships, but here we were.

Edward took my face in his hands, his green eyes sparkling as they stared into my own. "Oh God baby, I couldn't, I mean, after you, after that night, I tried but…"

"What are you saying Edward?" I asked, trying to ignore the strange feeling bubbling up inside of me. It felt too much like hope and I'd long since learned that hope was a dangerous emotion.

"There was never anyone else, after the reunion I mean. When I left I broke it off with Tanya and I just didn't have it in me. I tried a couple of times, went to the bar with friends and whatever, but you were always there, in my mind, and it never felt right. Even when I thought you were married, it felt like I was betraying you or something."

"So you haven't?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Not since you, baby."

I crushed my lips to his fiercely and threw my arms around his neck. My knees were on either side of him and as I rose up onto them, Edward pulled away, questioning me with his eyes.

"I need you," I whispered. "I need you so much right now."

That was all that was needed. He positioned himself underneath me and with our eyes still locked, I lowered myself onto him. After four years of nothing, the feeling of Edward buried within me caused a ripple of pleasure to coarse through my body and I let out a ragged gasp.

Edward wrapped his arms around me protectively and held me tightly as I continued to ride him, both of us whispering our love to each other, over and over again. As I found my release for the second time, I clung to him tightly, my chest heaving against his as I cried out and turned to jelly in his arms. A few minutes later, Edward found his own release and the two of us fell back onto the bed, gasping for air and holding onto each other as if our lives depended on it.

It was several minutes before either of us spoke. Edward broke the silence, his lips against the bare skin of my shoulder as he spoke. "Baby, you hungry? Cause I am fucking starving."

I laughed as my fingers curled in his hair. "I am absolutely famished."

"Alright, let's get some food. I'm going to need you to keep your strength up because I am far from finished with you tonight."

A shiver of excitement coursed through me and I was ready to forget all about food but we weren't eighteen anymore and I suspected that Edward might need a minute or two to regroup the troops, so I put that thought on hold. "Do you want to go out or I could probably find something in the kitchen to cook up, if you want?"

"Hell no, love, I am against anything you'd have to get dressed for. Let's just order in."

"I gotta get dressed anyways," I said with a laugh. "If you think I'm walking around naked all night, you've got another thing coming. Besides, it would make things awfully awkward with the delivery boy if I answer the door naked."

Edward growled, flipping us over until he was pinning my body against the bed with his own. "Fuck that! I'll deal with the damn delivery boy."

"I'm still getting dressed," I insisted. "I'm not a teenager anymore and I gave birth two months ago."

"You're fucking gorgeous," he implored, "but you wearing nothing but my shirt was pretty fucking hot. I guess I wouldn't mind you wearing that. If it made you more comfortable that is."

He slipped from the bed and pulled on his pants before handing over the button up he'd been wearing earlier. I pulled on his shirt and fastened the buttons as he called for Chinese. Fifteen minutes later we were seated in the living room, wrapped in each other and kissing as we waited for our food. When the knock on the door came Edward pulled the afghan from the back of the couch and threw it over my scantily clad self before answering the door.

The delivery boy handed over the bag of food as he took in Edward, shirtless and barefoot, and myself, wrapped in a blanket, both of us with wildly unkempt hair and the boy had the nerve to smile knowingly. Edward thrust a wad of bills at him and all but pushed him from the doorway, slamming the door shut behind him and turning the lock forcefully.

"Little fucker is lucky he got a tip," he grumbled, placing the food on the coffee table before heading into the kitchen to fetch drinks.

We enjoyed a couple of cold beers as we ate, our limbs intertwined as we fed each other noodles and rice and bites of chicken or pork. After eating we took turns opening our fortune cookies and laughing at the sentiments within.

"Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you," Edward read, a huge smile crossing his lips. "I'll be damned if that's not true."

"Rose always told me that you're supposed to add 'in bed' to the end of your fortune," I remarked with a laugh.

"Still true," he remarked. "Your turn, beautiful."

"What breaks in a moment may take years to mend," I read. "Fuck if that's not true," I added with a sharp laugh.

"May take years to mend," Edward repeated, adding, "in bed," as he scooped me into his arms and all but ran down the hall to my bedroom. "We better get on that!"

I squealed in delight as he tossed me onto the bed, realizing that I was happier than I'd been in years just before Edward pounced on top of me. The rest of the evening was a blur of kisses, touches, caresses, licks, nibbles, embraces, and whispers until I succumbed to sleep, wrapped in the arms of the man I loved.

I slept like a rock and woke more rested than I'd been in months. Not quite awake enough to open my eyes, I turned over and scooted across the bed, wanting to spend just a few more minutes laying across Edward's chiseled chest before real life pulled us out of bed. When my arms found nothing but cool sheets my eyes flew open. My bed was completely empty.

A familiar feeling of dread and pain settled into my stomach as I sat up in the bed, clutching the comforter to my bare chest. I immediately turned my head towards the bathroom and cocked my head, listening for any sign of life from within but the door was open and it was clear that no one was in there. From there my eyes moved to the floor where I should have found several pieces of discarded clothing. Instead I found nothing. The room was clean, devoid of any evidence that Edward had even been here.

"No," I gasped. "No, no, no. Not again." I gathered the blanket around myself as I leapt off the bed. My heart was pounding and I felt at any moment that it just might cease to beat altogether as my worst fears began to manifest. I forced myself from the room and down the hall, struggling to breathe with each painful step.

As I reached the end of the hall I could hear nothing but the blood rushing through my head and my own labored breathing. I was near hyperventilation when stepped into the living room. He wasn't there. The couch was empty, the coffee table clear of the beer bottles and Chinese takeout boxes we'd left out the night before. It was all gone. He was gone. It was happening again. _Oh God! _ I could literally feel my heart rip in two as I realized that I was alone.

The first tears were rolling down my cheeks as I clutched the blanket to my chest, a regrettably familiar situation that I had no desire to relive. I felt as though my grief would swallow me whole when a noise pulled me from my internal struggle.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you ok?"

I turned quickly and gasped as I saw him, standing in the archway between my kitchen and living room, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and clasping a spatula.

"You're here," I cried, the tears falling more freely now. I was completely overcome as relief, surprise and elation clashed with fear and heartbreak. It was too many opposing emotions and I didn't know how to cope.

He looked confused. "Of course I am. Where else would I…," his sentence trailed off as the realization hit him.

He dropped the spatula just as my knees gave out and managed to gather me, comforter and all, into his arms just before I hit the ground.

"I thought you left," I gasped, my face buried against his neck. "I woke up and you were gone."

"Shhh, baby, I'm right here," he whispered against my hair as he carried me to the couch, pulling me into his lap. "I'm not going anywhere. Not this time. Not ever again."

He rubbed my back softly as I continued to sob, holding on to him as though he might evaporate at any moment. "I'm sorry my love. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking," he murmured to me as I struggled to catch my breath. "I didn't know. I didn't realize," he continued, holding me tightly as my tears fell freely down his bare chest. "I'm sorry, baby, I'm so, so sorry."

It took the fire alarm going off to pull us both back into reality. My head shot up in fear and surprise as the loud wailing pierced the air. "What now?" I cried.

"Shit," Edward groaned, gently pushing me from his lap and onto the couch, "I was making pancakes." He rose from the couch and cupped my face carefully in his hands. "I'll be right back."

I watched him run into the kitchen and listened as he clicked off the burner on the stove and tossed a pan into the sink. I heard the sound of running water becoming steam as it hit the hot metal and of Edward cursing at the smoke alarm as he waved a kitchen towel in front of it. As soon as the apartment fell quiet again, he was at my side, pulling me back into his arms and whispering apologies against my neck.

"I didn't know, baby. I knew I'd hurt you but I had no idea, until now, just how much I had. I just wanted to surprise you with some breakfast. I'm so sorry but I meant it, love, I'm not going anywhere. I am yours until you order me away."

"The clothes, the bottles, the food boxes, it was all gone, like you'd never even been here," I sobbed.

"They're in the hamper or in the trash. I didn't want you to wake up to a mess."

I'd never even thought to check the hamper for his clothing, just as I'd neglected to check the kitchen for him before jumping to conclusions.

"You aren't leaving?" I asked, my arms tightening around his neck.

"I have nowhere else to go," he replied quietly. "You own me, body and soul. I love you."

The tears sprung back to my eyes but this time they were tears of joy. He kissed them away softly before bringing his lips to mine.

"Show me," I whispered. "Make me yours. Show me you love me. I need to feel it."

He wasted no time in peeling away the layers of blanket between us and carefully pushing me onto my back on the couch before quickly slipping out of his jeans.

"I love you so much," he declared as he pushed into me. "You are mine and I am yours. Always."

Our lovemaking was slow and unhurried and we moved against each other effortlessly. It wasn't a hurried act of lust, passion or need. We were came together as one, locked in each other's embrace, clinging to each other as we gasped for air.

"Talk to me, baby," Edward whispered once we'd caught our breath. "What happened this morning?"

"I don't know," I muttered, embarrassed by my complete meltdown. "I just woke up alone and freaked out. It's nothing." He was here, he was staying, and I was ready to forget all about it.

Edward felt much differently. "Oh no you don't. Bella, every single problem we've ever had, the whole reason we've spent the last nine years apart was because we didn't talk, not when it really mattered. I cannot lose you again, so talk to me."

We talked for hours. I told him about the ache in my heart that never went away, the way even the smallest things would remind me of him. He told me about seeing girls with brown hair from across a room and how his heart would pound with hope and excitement until they turned around and he saw that they weren't me. We didn't shy away from anything as we rehashed our greatest failures. Edward wiped away the tears that fell from my eyes as we talked while I repeatedly pulled his hands away from his hair and held them in my own whenever he grew upset.

By the time we'd dissected every mistake, every stupid assumption, every stubborn show of pride and every unspoken feeling, I was emotionally exhausted. I rested my head against Edward's bare chest and closed my eyes as I listened to his heartbeat.

"One more question," he whispered against my hair.

I shook my head. "I can't," I mumbled.

"It's a happier one, I promise. I just want to know what happened last night. What changed? I'm not complaining, not in the least, but we were taking it slow and then suddenly you were almost naked and leading me to your bed. You said you were done trying to fight it but I feel like I'm missing something. What happened when I left last night?"

I smiled as I thought back on it. "Charlie," I said simply.

"Um, what?"

I laughed lightly as I watched him try to figure out what my eight year old daughter had to do with me taking him to bed.

"She was upset that you wouldn't be staying with us anymore, since my foot is better and all. She actually begged me to ask you to stay."

"Well, that's one way to ask," he said with a smirk and I slapped him playfully.

"I told her it wouldn't be that easy and she asked me to just try, that I wouldn't know if I didn't at least try. I guess that sorta stuck with me after she left. I told you a few weeks ago that we could give this another shot but I've been holding back, still afraid of letting you in again, keeping you at arm's length until I knew what to do. It took my sweet, little girl to remind me that I actually had to try or I'd never know. Then I saw your shirt hanging there, left behind after your shower yesterday and I realized that I wanted that."

"My dirty shirt?"

"Yes," I replied. "I saw your shirt there and I knew didn't want you to go either. I want to step out of the shower every morning and always see your shirt hanging there. I want your favorite foods in my refrigerator and your clothes in my closet. I want to come home and find you on my couch. I want you in my bed. I want you in my life. Once I figured that out, I was able to let everything else go and the rest came easy."

"I want you too, Bella," he breathed, holding me to him tightly. "I've never wanted anything more."

* * *

**Aww I just love these two (though I may be just a touch biased). Know what else I love? Hearing what you all have to say. It makes my heart happy! **


	33. Chapter 33

**Usual disclaimer still applies. SM owns Twilight and this is all in fun. No infringement intended. **

**I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you all liked the last chapter. I know they had a bit of a hiccup but I thought Bella needed to confront that last little doubt she had while Edward needed to understand the real impact his leaving had on her. **

* * *

Chapter 33

We spent the rest of that day positively wrapped up in each other. I sat on the counter as Edward cleaned up after his failed pancake attempt. He refused to let me help at all and so I sat, stealing kisses whenever he came close enough for me to grab. Kissing in the kitchen segued into making out which led us back down the hall to my bedroom. Most of the time. Sometimes we didn't make it that far.

When we grew hungry, we foraged through my fridge for quick and easy foods and curled up on the couch, feeding each other fruit and cheese and crackers. With our energy reserves built back up we happily returned to bed to deplete those reserves. It was a beautiful cycle. Charlie was even spending an extra night with her dad to make up for missing Friday so Edward and I were free to lay about intertwined all night.

The next morning we woke early and showered together. We both ended up being a few minutes late for work but damn if it wasn't worth every second. Edward walked me downstairs and kissed me good-bye before hurrying off to work himself.

"I saw that," Angela called from behind the counter as I entered the bakery.

I knew I wouldn't be able to hide the massive blush that crept across my face but that didn't stop me from trying. "I don't know what you're talking about," I stated as I quickly scurried past her and into the back room.

There was a couple perusing the bagel case so I knew she couldn't follow me but I'd only bought myself a little time. She'd be busy until the morning rush was over but after that she'd be all over me. Angela wasn't usually the type to pry but she'd worked for me for a year and had never even heard me express interest in a man before. So, this was going to be a big deal and I wasn't sure how to explain who Edward was without also explaining at least some of our history. I'd shrugged off her questions about the date she'd lent me clothes for but I wouldn't get away with it so easily this time. I needed to find a distraction for her until I was ready to talk about it. As I headed to my office, inspiration struck.

Ben was just pulling some bread from the deck oven when I approached. He immediately knew I was up to something and his brow furrowed. "What?"

"I need you to do me a little favor," I said sweetly.

"Another one?" he asked with a smile.

"You'll like this one," I assured him and that earned me a snort.

He slid the bread from the peel onto a sheet tray before turning back to me, curiosity piqued. "Alright then, let's hear it."

I pulled my wallet from my bag and fished out a couple of bills. Ben's eyebrows shot sky high as he waited for me to explain.

"I want you to ask Angela out for lunch."

"Excuse me?" He looked at me as though I'd just grown another head.

"Ask the girl out already! I know you like her, so take her somewhere nice for lunch when your shift is over. It's on me. Take your time. Hell, I'll even give her the rest of the day off. Emily will be here in a bit and we can handle the front until Chelsea comes in afterschool."

"Why?" he asked, his face suspicious. "I mean, what do you get out of it?"

I laughed. I didn't want to tell him that I was trying to avoid Angela and her questions about my love life so I had to come up with something else. "Well, I'm sick of watching you two make googly eyes at each other all day and do nothing about it so I'm giving you a push there. And, I owe you big time for last week which is why I'm paying. Consider it a bonus of sorts."

"I don't make googly eyes," he insisted.

"Yes you do," I retorted, "and so does she."

He considered this for a minute before smiling. "She does?"

"Yes! Now take my money and ask her out."

He hesitated for a second, eyeing my handful of cash skeptically. "Ok, Ben, let's make this interesting. If she turns you down you can keep the money and I'll cover an early morning shift of your choosing."

That got him. "Deal," he said, taking the money and shoving it into his pocket.

I smiled to myself as I headed into my office. There's nothing like killing two birds with one stone. Angela's date with Ben would keep her satisfactorily distracted for a while and the two of them could finally quit dancing around their feelings for one another. I was reveling in my brilliant matchmaking moves when the ring of my office phone pulled me back to reality.

"Charlie's Bakery, this is Bella," I answered as I hurried to boot up my computer.

"_Oh good, you're alive," _Rose snapped. _"I won't have to come bust down your door after all."_

"What are you talking about? And why are you calling this number? You never call this number?"

"_Well when you stop answering your cell phone or returning calls, I don't really have any other choice, do I?" _

"Shit. I'm really sorry, Ro." I felt horrible for ignoring her calls but nothing short of a hospitalization would have caused me to burst the love bubble Edward and I had been in.

"_Ok, well what the hell were you doing all weekend that was so important that you had to go M.I.A.?" _

"Um…" I hesitated just long enough for Rosalie to put two and two together.

"_Oh my God! You guys totally did it. What happened to 'he's just staying to help until my foot heals' and 'we're just taking it very slow'?"_

"Well, uh, we sped up a bit," I said, my face growing hot.

"_Good for you, B." _

"Really?" That was the last thing I'd expected her to say. She was coming around to the idea but he was still far from her favorite person.

"_Yeah, really. It's about time you got laid." _

I couldn't help but laugh as she was entirely right there. "Tell me about it. I just didn't expect you to be so cool about it considering who…"

"_Listen B,"_ she interrupted, _"I just want you to be happy and today is the happiest I've heard you in years. Years! I can hear it in your voice. Plus, the guy spent the week making you dinner and walking your kid to school, so maybe I can cut him a little slack. Just a little though."_

"Thanks Ro."

"_Yeah, well, now I'm going to need details. You wanna do lunch today?" _

"Shit, I can't. I finally convinced Ben to ask Angela out and I'm covering the front so he can take her to lunch."

She laughed loudly. _"It's about fucking time. Last time I came in the tension between those two was so thick I could practically spread it on my bagel. How'd you manage that?"_

"How 'bout we reschedule lunch for tomorrow and I'll tell you the whole story. By then I should know how it went."

"_Sounds good. You better plan on a long lunch though because you have lots to tell me and I don't want you skimping on the details." _

"Sure thing, I'll see you tomorrow."

After hanging up with Rose I hurried and dove into work, trying to make up all the time I'd already wasted. As I predicted, Angela readily accepted Ben's lunch invite and hurried into my office, squealing in surprise and delight as she retrieved her purse from my desk drawer. When I told her she could take the rest of the day off so she wouldn't have to hurry back, she threw her arms around me and pulled me into a huge hug.

Giving Angela the day off meant a much longer, harder day for me but I was still in a fairly euphoric state and so it passed with ease. Before I knew it, it was close to five and Edward was walking through the bakery doors, looking like perfection in his suit and tie while I was disheveled and wearing my usual dusting of flour and powdered sugar. Chelsea's eyes grew large as he entered and then even larger when I came around the counter and pressed my lips to his.

"Mmm, you smell like sugar and vanilla and heaven," he moaned into my ear.

"Not unless heaven smells like sweat," I countered with a small laugh.

Chelsea was still gaping at us in disbelief and so I reluctantly extricated myself from Edward's arms. Fantastic. Another person who'd be pressing me for information. Though judging by the look on her face, Chelsea was much more curious about Edward himself than our relationship. _Sorry, kiddo, this one's too old for you and, oh yeah, he's taken!_

"Have you picked up Charlie yet?" Edward asked, sliding his hand down my arm to grasp my hand softly. I laced my fingers through his and led him around the counter and back to my office.

"No, but I was about to. Do you want to come with me? She's not expecting you and it might be fun to surprise her." Then suddenly I realized I'd just assumed he'd be coming home with me, forgetting that he no longer had to and might choose to go home instead. "I mean, unless you had other plans or…"

"You are my only plans," he said, cutting me off. "I'd love to go surprise the kid. One question though, is that 'no funny business' rule still in effect?" His hands were now on my waist, slipping under my thin cotton tee and setting my skin on fire.

"What?" His touch felt so good I thought I might forget my own name.

"Your 'no funny business' rule. Is that still in effect?" he repeated, lips pressing against the base of my ear. "Are you going to relegate me back to the couch?"

"Shit," I hissed in a mixture of frustration and desire as he pulled my earlobe into his mouth, sucking gently. "I don't know."

He pulled away slightly and looked into my eyes. "What don't you know, love?"

"I don't know how to explain us to Charlie. I know she likes you, but it's only been a week and we told her you were just my friend. How would I even begin to explain it if you suddenly started sleeping in my bed? I mean, she's only eight years old!"

"Bella, relax baby," he said softly, taking my face in his hands. "I was just teasing. I don't mind sleeping on the couch until you, no scratch that, until we figure out what to tell her."

"But I don't want you to sleep on the couch," I whined. Then an idea hit me. "Maybe she just needs to think you're sleeping on the couch. I mean, if you're there in the morning, she'll be none the wiser, right?"

A small smirk crossed his face. "So, you want me to sneak back out to the couch in the early morning?"

"Just until I figure out what to tell her," I added, hoping I didn't sound like the worst person in the world for suggesting we deceive my child.

"Ok."

"Ok?" I repeated.

"Yeah, you're her parent and I have zero experience in this department so I'll defer to whatever you think is best. Besides, this way I get to spend most of the night with you. I'll take whatever I can get."

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him before reluctantly letting him go. I hurriedly shut down my computer and said my good-byes to Chelsea who continued to stare at Edward as though he were a thick, juicy piece of expensive steak. _Might have to chat with her about that._

We walked hand in hand down the street until we reached Carmen's home. Edward thought it might be fun to really surprise Charlie and stood off to the side, out of view of the front door, as I rang the bell. Almost immediately the door flew open and I was met with the giggly, smiling faces of Charlie and Kate. Carmen came into view shortly after and smiled as she saw it was just me at the door.

"I see you're feeling better," Carmen remarked as she handed me Charlie's backpack, "since it's you today and not your delicious man picking up Miss Charlie today."

I could vaguely hear the snort that came from Edward just outside as I mouthed a quick 'shh' to Carmen who smiled knowingly. Luckily her comment about Edward went unnoticed by the girls who were saying their goodbyes for the day. I thanked Carmen once again for all her help as I took Charlie's hand in mine and led her out the door.

"Where's Edward, mama? Did he go home?" Charlie asked as we walked down the porch steps.

"Nah," Edward said, stepping into view, "I think I like it better at your house, kiddo."

Charlie's eyes grew wide as she looked from me to Edward and back again. "You asked him to stay?"

I nodded slightly, smiling. "I told you I'd try. I guess it worked."

"Yay!" she cheered as she pulled me closer to where Edward stood and held out her free hand for him.

He looked at me in surprise but took her tiny hand in his. The three of us walked home hand in hand as Charlie told us all about her weekend with her dad and her day at school. It was probably the most content I'd been in years and I couldn't help myself from smiling at Edward over Charlie's head as we walked.

At home, I quickly set to work preparing dinner as Edward helped Charlie with her homework at the table. I was amazed at the simple and effortless routine the three of us had fallen into. Charlie had always been a friendly and outgoing child, a trait she'd no doubt received from Jake and not myself, but the speed in which she accepted and grew attached to Edward astounded me. In only a week, he'd become her new favorite person and I nearly burnt dinner as I got caught up watching him quiz her on her spelling words, a warmth spreading over me, patching up the last few holes in my heart.

Later that evening, Edward made a big show of remaking his 'bed' on the couch as I got Charlie dressed for bed and read her a bedtime story. As soon as she had drifted off to sleep I hurried back to the living room where Edward was reading a book of his own. I plucked the book from his hands and set it aside as I sat down in his lap, straddling him.

"Do you know how sexy it is that you help my daughter with her homework?" I whispered into his ear.

"Not as sexy as watching you cook us dinner," he replied before capturing my lips with his.

He held me tightly against him as he rose from the couch. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me down the hall to the bedroom. Our lovemaking that night was slow and unhurried and though Charlie's sleeping presence just down the hall required us to be a bit more restrained; we still managed to lose ourselves completely in each other.

I'd begun setting my alarm clock just a few minutes early and every morning Edward would slip from my bed with a kiss before padding down the hall to officially 'wake up' on the couch. Our evenings were filled with quiet domesticity but also with more happiness than I'd seen in ten years.

At our lunch on Tuesday, Rose took one look at face and pulled me into a huge hug. "Ok, I give in," she said with a smile. "I am officially on board with anything that makes you this happy."

The happiness spilled over to my work environment as well. Ben and Angela had hit it off on their date even better than I'd expected as I found out Tuesday morning. I arrived to work early and found Angela already there, perched on a stool chatting animatedly with Ben and suspiciously wearing the same clothes she'd left in the day before. Seems I was no longer the only one with an overnight date to explain.

Once she saw me, Angela hopped off her stool and followed me into my office before throwing her arms around me. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," she cried.

"What'd I do?"

"Oh stop it, you know what you did. Ben admitted last night that it was you who convinced him to finally ask me out."

"Yeah, well he just needed a little push," I said, "and I was sick of watching you two dance around your feelings for each other."

"Or maybe you're finally happy and just want to spread love to everyone else."

"Yep, I'm sure that's it," I replied sarcastically, earning a laugh from Angela.

"Oh boss," she sighed, "I just don't think you realize the complete change in your demeanor over the last week or two." She hugged me again before dancing out of the room in search of Ben once again.

By Friday, I officially hated making Edward leave my bed in the early morning but I was no closer to figuring out a way to explain to my innocent daughter why a man who was not my husband was sleeping in my bed. There were only two people in my life that had any experience with this type of thing; my mother, though that was a stretch since my dad was the only one who she ever let spend the night, and Jake when he began dating Nessie. There was no way in hell I was going to ask Jake for advice on how to explain to our daughter that the man I cheated on him with was now sharing my bed. _No thank you_.

After a close call early Saturday morning, I briefly considered calling my mom for advice. Charlie had groggily wandered into my room just minutes before the alarm went off. The creak of my door pulled us both from our slumber and Edward and I watched in horror as she rubbed her sleepy eyes and crawled up the bed, settling in-between us before quickly falling back asleep. We both remained frozen for several moments before Edward carefully rolled out of bed and headed for the living room.

Knowing I sure sure to receive a few questions from her after that, I'd gone so far as to scroll to my mother's number on my phone. However, the embarrassment of discussing my sex life with her got the better of me as my finger hovered over the call button and I decided to wait. Maybe I could buy myself just a bit more time to figure it out on my own before making that mortifying call.

As it turned out, all my worry was unnecessary. Charlie never mentioned seeing Edward in my bed and I assumed she was likely still half asleep when she'd wandered in. But, she had plenty to say on Sunday as the three of us drove to Rosalie's house to watch Emmett's game.

"Mama, why do you make Edward sleep on the couch? He's too big. His feet were hanging over the edge this morning," she said, her voice full of concern.

Edward and I stifled our laughter but exchanged small smiles before turning our attention back to her. "Well, baby, he likes to stay at our house but I don't have any extra beds."

"I don't mind sleeping on the couch, Charlie-girl," Edward said, offering her a smile in the rear-view mirror. "But I appreciate your concern."

"Mom, you have a huge bed! When I sleep over at Kate's house, she always shares her bed with me and daddy lets Nessa sleep in his bed."

"That's a little different sweetheart," I said. "Daddy and Vanessa are married."

Charlie shook her head vehemently in the back seat. "Nuh-uh, Nessa spent the night even when they was just boyfriend and girlfriend and when I spent the night I heard daddy tell Nessa that Edward was your boyfriend."

I blanched and made a mental note to give my ex-husband a call as soon as humanely possible, as Edward nearly choked on the laughter he was suppressing.

"He did, did he?" I finally managed to gasp.

"Yup, so now Edward can sleep in your bed and not the couch, cause it's too small."

"Alright if you say so," I chuckled. "Edward, would you like to sleep in my room when you spend the night, instead of the couch?"

"I would love to," he replied, still trying to keep from laughing as Charlie smiled smugly in the backseat.

Rose nearly died laughing as we recounted the story to her. "God, I love that kid," she sighed as she led us into her home. "You know she takes after me, right?"

Though I was slightly afraid of leaving Rosalie alone with Edward, I had an important telephone call to make to a certain ex and I trusted Rose not to bring up anything unpleasant in front of Charlie.

Jake swore up and down that he didn't know our daughter was listening when he discussed my relationship status with his wife but I sensed that he derived just a touch of satisfaction from my discomfort.

"Just try not to talk about me too much when my daughter is around, will you?" I sighed, already eager to end the conversation and get back to my child, my friend and my love.

"Yep, sure thing. Bells," he said with a laugh.

After my phone call I hurried back to join everyone else. To my surprise, Rose was not only playing nice but she and Edward seemed to be deeply engaged in friendly conversation. Even more surprising was seeing sweet baby Henry nestled in Edward's arms. Despite having been pregnant for the majority of the last year my ovaries still nearly backfliped at the sight of the love of my life holding a baby. It was even sexier than watching him quiz spelling words.

"What's this?" I asked, settling in next to him on the couch.

"Well, I didn't get to meet this little guy at the hospital so I thought it was time to say hello."

As if on cue, Henry immediately farted, his little limbs flailing for a second before settling back down and falling back asleep. Rose and I both laughed as Edward looked at the tiny baby in shock. Charlie, who was lying on the floor surrounded by crayons and blank paper, dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"Oh, it's official," Rose said, "he likes you. He only farts on people he likes."

"It's true," I seconded, with a smile. "Don't get too attached though. He pisses on people he really likes and you don't even want to know what happens to people he loves."

With that Edward's eyes grew wide and he quickly but carefully handed the baby back to Rosalie. Since Jake had already let the cat out of the bag, I didn't think twice about snuggling up to Edward as we watched the game. By the time Emmett and the rest of the Seahawks had achieved victory Henry had been put to bed and Charlie was passed out in an armchair.

"I'm impressed, Ro," I admitted when Edward excused himself to use the restroom. "I can't believe you managed to be nice for the entire game."

"I told you that I just want to be happy and it's obvious that you are now and Charlie sure seems to like him. I can be quite pleasant when the mood strikes," she said with a wink.

"Well, I appreciate it."

"Don't appreciate it too much. I may have mentioned to him that I would remove his testicles with a rusty knife if he ever hurts you again while you were on the phone."

"Rose!" I protested and she threw her hands up in surrender.

"Don't get mad, he agreed to let me."

I scowled but was unable to say anything more before Edward rejoined us and scooped a sleeping Charlie into his arms. As he carried her out to the car, Rose pulled on my arm, holding me back for a second.

"Hey, I am sorry for giving you such a hard time about taking him back. I see what you mean now. I think he's grown up quite a bit. I mean, just look at the way he takes care of your kid without even hesitating. Plus it's obvious that his world revolves around you. I think you guys can make it work this time around."

"I think you're right," I agreed as I watched him gently set Charlie into the backseat of his car and buckle her seat belt. "I think this might be it."

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**So, Charlie is a bit precocious, no? I can't help but love her. She takes after my own daughter, who is almost 7 but seems to be going on 17 most days. **


	34. Chapter 34

**You know the drill. All things Twilight belong to SM and copyright infringement isn't cool and is not intended. **

**I just love all your responses to the last couple chapters. I love that you're as invested in these two as I am. It makes my heart feel all big and squishy. **

* * *

Chapter 34

Now that we basically had Charlie's blessing, Edward all but moved in. He still kept only a few day's worth of clothing at my place at a time, either in an attempt at keeping up appearances or because we hadn't officially discussed him moving in. But, he spent every night with me and, official or not, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I loved falling asleep in his arms and waking up next to him in the morning. I loved the way his arm rested protectively over my body as he slept or the way he kissed my shoulder sweetly and mumbled sleepy declarations of love before letting me sneak out of bed to shower on my early mornings. I just loved sharing my bed with him. It wasn't just in my bed that I enjoyed Edward's presence though. We'd fallen into a comfortable routine outside the bedroom as well.

Though I'd been lucky that Jake had never shied away from his parental duties, not even during those first few months of our separation when he could barely even look at me, the fact remained that I'd been a single mother for many years now. I had my parents to help for a while in the beginning but the last year or two had been a killer. I'd opened a business and then just as it was getting off the ground, I'd agreed to carry Rose's baby while taking care of my own child alone. I didn't realize how hard it had been until I suddenly had help every day.

It hit me the hardest about a week and a half after our trip to Rosalie's house. I'd had a horribly stressful day where nothing had gone right and I ended up working much later than planned which, in turn, made me late to pick up my daughter. When I finally ran up the stairs to my apartment to drop off my bag, I found that not only had Charlie been picked up already, her homework was finished and dinner was waiting on the stove. All that was left for me to do was kick off my shoes, relax and enjoy my dinner but instead I found myself completely and irrationally overcome with emotion.

I quickly spouted off an excuse about needing to change my clothes and hurried down the hall to my room before the tears sprang to my eyes. Edward immediately noticed that something was amiss and left Charlie in the living room with a rerun of _Wizards of Waverly Place_ before following me to the bedroom. He found me sobbing into my hands on the edge of the bed.

"Sweetheart," he asked quietly, kneeling in front of me and pulling my hands away from my face. "What's the matter? Did I do something?"

"You've done everything," I cried.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, love. When I talked to you earlier you sounded stressed. I just wanted to do what I could to make your evening as relaxing as possible."

"I know," I wailed as I threw my arms around him and let him hold me close. "I've just done everything on my own for so long, I'm not used to having help like this. It's overwhelming."

"So, these are happy tears?" he asked hesitantly.

"Well, these are exhausted and stressed tears that I've been suppressing all day but also ridiculously happy tears. Thank you so much for everything."

He held me a minute longer as I composed myself and then wiped the last of my overemotional tears from my cheek. "Come on babe, let's go have dinner. I think you'll feel better once you've rested and gotten a little food in your stomach."

That night, as soon as Charlie had gone to sleep, Edward led me to bed and pulled me close, still concerned over my previous meltdown.

"I'm okay now," I promised. "I guess I'm just not used to having a partner in all this anymore. I actually feel kind of silly now. You went from a single man to taking care of a child effortlessly, and I'm here losing my shit over having a little help. I think I'm just still trying to adjust"

He chuckled lightly, kissing my neck lightly. "Oh, Bella, it hasn't been effortless. I knew coming into this that you had a child and that made you and Charlie a package deal, but that doesn't mean it didn't scare the ever-loving shit out of me. I wanted you so much I would have done anything to win you back. Luckily for me, your daughter is easy to love and she's an awesome kid, she really is. So, that's been easy but the rest has been anything but. I'm still struggling with my place in her life. She already has a dad who she adores and who adores her, that's obvious. I can't begin to take his place, not that I want to, but do I just remain her friend? Do I fill that dad role while she's here or is that overstepping? I really have no idea. So, you're not the only one who's had trouble adjusting. I hope you don't mind me admitting that most days I'm just winging it here, babe."

"Oh thank God!" I laughed. "I'm so happy I'm not the only one who's a mess over this." I appreciated his respect for Jake's role in Charlie's life. It couldn't have been easy for him to accept that this man would always be a part of my life now but the fact that he was willing to put those feelings aside meant so much to me.

"No, my love, we're all adjusting here but I think as long as we keeping talking, we'll get through it ok. If there's one thing I've learned from all our past mistakes, it's to not be afraid to talk about what we're feeling. That's always been our downfall and I'll be damned if I let it happen again. So, you talk to me and I'll talk to you, ok? About everything."

"Agreed," I said quickly, "but I think we've talked enough for tonight. It's time for me to properly thank you for all your help tonight." I rolled over so that I was on top of him and pressed my lips to his. It was all the encouragement he needed.

With her brother and me in a good place, Alice became more comfortable in coming by often. At first it was just a drop in or two to discuss ideas for her wedding cake and then it became lunch dates just to 'catch up' as we fell into an easy friendship. Before I knew it, I was inviting Alice and her fiancé Jasper over for dinner and wedding cake tasting. Jasper was finishing up a Masters degree in history and had been finding it difficult to schedule a time to come in and taste cake with Alice during the day. To make it easier on them I'd proposed a nice informal dinner for the four of us on a Saturday that Charlie was with Jake and instead of making dessert, I brought some cake samples home with me and allowed the two of them to finalize their wedding cake plans on their own time.

That weekend also brought with it my first Sunday family dinner with Edward's parents. He'd let it slip one night that he'd been skipping the weekly family meal in lieu of spending time with me and I decided that I couldn't let him do that. I didn't want him to neglect his relationship with his parents on my behalf, not when I'd give anything to be able to eat dinner with my father again, and encouraged him to resume his weekly visit. He refused to go without me and so I found myself preparing for a visit to Carlise and Esme Cullen's dinner table. Of course, they both welcomed me into their home as if no time had passed at all. Esme even seemed disappointed that we'd not brought Charlie with us and when she remarked offhand how excited she was to finally have a grandchild to spoil, my heart nearly burst. I knew the Cullen's to be good people but for them to be so ready to accept and love the child I had with another man was incredible. I promised Esme that I would be sure to bring Charlie the next time and she promised to hold me to it.

A week later we were well into October and business was slower as we were in-between wedding season and the holidays. I decided to take a Saturday off and spend it with Charlie and Edward. He was taking a shower while I prepared lunch with Charlie's help.

"Mama, are you and Edward going to get married?" she asked as I sliced a tomato for our sandwiches.

"What? Why do you ask that?" I said, attempting to remain unfazed by her question.

She shrugged her tiny shoulders and smiled. "I dunno, daddy and Nessa were boyfriend and girlfriend and then they got married."

"So you think Edward and I will get married because we are boyfriend and girlfriend?" I finished for her.

"Yep," she said with a grin, "and you love each other."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "Well, sweetie, Edward hasn't asked me to marry him yet. But maybe someday."

"How about today?" a deep voice asked from behind me. I turned on my heels and gasped as I saw Edward kneeling next to me holding out a small square velvet box containing a bright sparkly diamond ring.

"What are you doing?" I cried.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I have loved you every day for the last ten years and though I've made more mistakes than I can count, I know that I cannot live without you for another day. I want you to be mine, I need you to be mine, and I pray with every fiber of my soul that you will agree to marry me and to be mine for the rest of our lives."

I turned around briefly to see Charlie with her eyes wide and hopeful. She smiled at me and nodded before I turned my attention back to the man kneeling in front of me; the only man who ever truly held my heart.

"Yes," I breathed. "Yes, of course I will marry you."

I threw myself into his arms and kissed him as Charlie whooped and hollered, jumping up and down behind us. When we finally separated, I turned and saw Charlie grinning from ear to ear with a rather self-satisfied expression.

"Were you in on this?" I asked.

She nodded, smiling now at Edward who was winking at her and giving her a thumbs up.

"I can't believe you enlisted my kid to conspire against me! This better not become a regular thing with you two."

"Not a regular thing," Edward agreed, "only on birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries..."

Charlie nodded as I made a big show of scowling but they knew I wasn't really mad. In fact, I was incredibly touched that Edward had made a point of including her in his proposal. So much that I couldn't help from throwing my arms around him once again.

Before we decided to tell anyone, Edward and I agreed it would be best to discuss the major details such as when we wanted to get married and what kind of ceremony we wanted. Over lunch, Edward confessed that the details were unimportant to him, that he just wanted to marry me and the sooner the better.

"I'll go along with whatever you want, my love, I just want you."

I realized quickly that that was all I wanted as well. I'd been married once already and I didn't need all the hoopla again. Even my previous low-key, backyard ceremony now seemed to be too much of a hassle. I didn't want the wedding, I just wanted the man.

"We could elope," I mentioned. "The three of us could hop a plane to Vegas and just be done with it."

Edward appeared to seriously consider this option but then his face fell. "No, I don't think my mother would ever forgive me if she wasn't there, and what about your mother? Or Rosalie?"

_Damn! _He had a point there. "You're right. I know that I just want a tiny ceremony and I'd like it to be as soon as possible. I think we've waiting long enough," I added with a smile, "but these things have a way of snowballing. Believe me; I see it with brides all the time. They come in looking for a small simple cake at first and then call back a month later needing to revise everything because their guest list has increased exponentially or one of the mothers wanted something more elaborate. I just don't want all that. I just want to be married to you, no hoopla. How do we do that?"

We talked it over a bit longer, discussing what was most important to us in a wedding. I learned that Edward had his heart set on seeing me in a white dress and I couldn't help but admit to myself that I did want to see him waiting for me at the end of an aisle. From there it was just a matter of figuring out how to do this our way. We swore Charlie to absolute secrecy until we were ready to share our news with everyone else. I wasn't sure how long we could keep it a secret but we wanted to try. I just knew as soon as all of our family and friends got involved everything would spiral out of control.

My resolve met its first serious test later that evening when my mom called to chat. I couldn't help but gush to her about how wonderful the last few weeks had been and how well Edward and Charlie got along.

"_Well Bella dear, I'm thrilled for you. It sounds like this is getting pretty serious."_

I looked down at the gleaming, sparkly, rock residing on a very important finger of my left hand. "Yeah, it sure is."

I felt horrible for keeping this a secret from my own mother but as soon as she found out she'd be calling me every day begging for wedding updates.

"_As long as you're happy baby."_

"I am mom, I really am."

Our second test came the following afternoon as we prepared to attend Sunday dinner with Edward's parents. We drilled into Charlie our desire for secrecy but she was only eight and I couldn't help but think we were asking just a bit too much from her.

As it turned out, with my mom living across the country, Charlie had apparently been starved for grandmotherly attention, which Esme was thrilled to provide. The two of them were inseparable and I thought for sure that Charlie would tell her all about Edward's proposal and especially her role in it, but it never came up. Instead they chatted about school and friends and all of Charlie's favorite things while the rest of us just sat back and watched.

"Mom's been hungry for a grandchild for a while now," Edward whispered in my ear just after dinner as we watched Esme and Carlisle read Charlie a story. "She's been trying to talk Alice into to trying for a baby as soon as she and Jasper get married. She'll be turning her attention on us soon enough."

"Well I just gave birth three months ago so she might have to wait a bit," I whispered back.

"How long?"

"What?"

He smiled sheepishly and leaned in a bit closer, his lips right against my ear. "How long might she have to wait for us to have a baby?"

"We're not talking about your mother anymore are we?"

He shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "I'm not suggesting anything, just wondering out loud."

"You want to have a baby?" I hissed. Esme looked up from the book and smiled softly at us before returning her attention back to the story. If she heard what I'd said she gave no indication.

"Not right this minute, my love," he whispered, "but yes, I'd love to have a baby with you. Maybe several, and then in a few decades I can sit with you and listen as you read to all of our grandchildren like that." He motioned over to his parents and smiled. "Don't you want that?"

I did. And even though I knew that Charlie was perfectly capable of giving me grandchildren, I loved the idea of Edward holding our newborn baby, rocking them to sleep, and teaching them to ride a bike or drive a car. I hadn't allowed myself to think thoughts like that since our disastrous prom date and they were much more appealing now.

"I do," I admitted, "but let's figure out how to get married first and then we can talk about all that."

"Fair enough," he replied, placing a kiss against my temple before dropping his voice even lower, "maybe we can just practice tonight?"

"I think that could be arranged,"

We 'practiced' at least three times that night and though I was exhausted at work the next morning, I really couldn't care less. I was on cloud nine and it carried over to every aspect of my life. Work was easier and seemed to fly faster now. When I met up with the brides who came in to discuss cakes I found myself caught up in their excitement and inspired by their loves stories. I even found the time to create two new dummy cakes for the window display in between real cake orders. Emily jokingly wondered aloud if I'd started doing drugs as a way to explain my newfound energy and enthusiasm but Angela set her straight.

"Nah, she's not on drugs, she's just in love," Angela teased.

I couldn't even be bothered to try and hide it. I just smiled and went back to work, letting the girls giggle behind me.

Edward and I managed to keep our little secret for an entire week and though I'd been convinced that it would be Charlie who spilled the beans, she'd been too distracted by Halloween that week to even think about it, and I was the one who ended up letting the cat out of the bag. The ring was my downfall. I hated not being able to wear the beautiful diamond ring that Edward had picked out especially for me. It was a visual reminder that he planned to spend the rest of his life with me and so whenever I arrived home, I pulled the delicate ring from its tiny velvet box and slipped it back onto my finger. I couldn't wear it out in public but I figured there was no harm it wearing it around my home and there wasn't, until Rosalie stopped by unannounced.

I'd forgotten I was wearing the ring until I caught sight of it as I held the door open for her. She hadn't noticed it yet and so I quickly stuck my left hand into my pocket to hide it.

"What's going on?" I asked, trying to slip the ring off my finger but it wasn't an easy task one handed and within the confines of a jean pocket. Rose picked up on it right away.

"I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by for a second. What's up with you?" she asked, motioning towards my pants. "You got an itch or something? That fucker didn't give you something did he?"

I stifled a laugh since Edward had, in fact, given me something but not the type of something Rose was insinuating. "No, Rose. He's clean, I'm clean, everything is good but I thank you for your concern."

"Just checking. So, why are you all fidgety?"

"I'm not," I insisted.

"Yes you are. What are you hiding?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"Bullshit. What's in your pocket?"

"Nothing. Just drop it."

Rose snorted. "Drop it? Do you even know me? I'm incapable of dropping it."

"Rose," I warned.

"Bella," she countered. "I'm not leaving to you tell me what's up. We can do this the easy way with you just showing me what you're hiding. Or, we can do this my way and I will tackle your ass and fish it out of your pocket myself."

"I hate you so much," I groaned and she smiled, quite proud of herself.

I reluctantly pulled my hand from my pocket and held it out for her. She took in the sight of the gleaming diamond on a very important finger and shrieked.

"Holy fucking shit! Is that what I think it is?"

I nodded, unable to suppress my smile as she grabbed my hand and brought it to her face for closer inspection.

"Oh my God! Why are you hiding this? Why didn't you call me like the second this happened? Does your mom know? Does Charlie know? How'd it happen? When'd it happen? When's the wedding?"

"Ok, that right there, what you're doing now, that's the reason I didn't call you, or anyone for that matter," she scowled but I continued, ignoring her. "It happened last weekend. Charlie knows because he enlisted her help. No one else knows but you now and I'd like to keep it that way. I have no idea when the wedding is but it'll be as soon as we figure out how to do it without pissing people off or turning it into some humongous event."

"Nobody knows?" she asked, releasing my hand and flopping into an armchair as if suddenly fatigued.

"Nope," I said, shaking my head. "Once everyone knows it becomes this big 'thing' and I'm trying to avoid that. I don't want a big wedding. Even the tiny wedding I had with Jake ended up being a big stressful ordeal and I just don't want that. We just want to get married, no circus sideshow, no bridal showers, no rehearsal dinners, and no mothers calling me every day to discuss flowers or menus."

"What about Vegas or even a quick trip downtown to a justice of the peace?"

I shook my head again. "We considered it but we thought that might hurt people's feelings if they weren't there for it. We're just trying to keep it simple without everyone getting carried away in wedding fever. Edward's sister is planning a huge wedding in a few months and already it's getting out of control, even for her, and I just don't want that. Neither of us does."

"Alright, so what do you want?" she asked.

"I just want me in a white dress, Edward in a suit, and a simple ceremony in front of only our very closest friends and family. No more than, maybe, twenty people or so and I guess a small dinner afterwards but not a reception or anything, just a nice casual dinner."

"Ok, so tell people that."

"Rose, you know that's not the way it works. Once they find out you're engaged everyone in the family has an opinion, people they just have to invite or traditions that just need to be upheld. If I could find a way to just spring it on everyone the day of the wedding and not give them the chance to hijack it, I totally would."

Rose smiled deviously and took my hand. "B, I think I have an idea."

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**Awww, everything is coming together for them finally. Of course this means things are wrapping up here. Only one more chapter and a little epi left. **


	35. Chapter 35

**No infringement intended. SM owns and I've just been playing around a bit. **

**So, this is it. It's a little bittersweet. I'm glad we've made it this far and I'm incredibly grateful to all of you who came along for the ride but I also love these two so much and it will be sad to let them go. **

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Chapter 35

In less than half an hour, Rose had managed to come up with the perfect plan to give Edward and I the quiet simple wedding of our dreams with no one else being any the wiser. Once he'd come home and we relayed the plan to him, Edward jumped right on board and we set our plan into motion.

We ended up including three other people in on our little plot because we required their help. The first was Emmett, only because I trusted him and I couldn't expect Rose to keep this secret from her husband. He stopped by after his workout and joined our little planning meeting that day. The atmosphere between him and Edward was a bit tense at first. Though Emmett had always believed that Edward had genuine feelings for me and even supported our relationship when Edward arrived back in my life, he hadn't forgotten that Edward had been the reason that he and Rose had found me naked and sobbing on the floor of that hotel room so many years ago.

When I introduced the two, Emmett held Edward's hand tightly, squeezing a bit more than was necessary as he grilled Edward on his intentions. Only when Edward answered the questions to Emmett's satisfaction did Emmett finally release his hand and relax into a chair. "Alright then, what's the plan?"

The second person was Alice, though Edward warned that she was in the midst of wedding planning herself and might go a bit crazy. The fact remained that I needed a dress and Alice had studied fashion design, so I bit the bullet and called her for help. She was thrilled and agreed to keep our secret while also helping me find the dress of my dreams. We spent several nights on the phone discussing it and while I thought she was just seeking information to help in her search, I found that she'd taken all our discussions and designed the dress herself. She arrived only a week later with the dress in a garment bag to conduct a fitting. I nearly cried when I tried on the dress. It was simple yet elegant and absolutely perfect. Alice marked and pinned the fabric and promised that the dress would be ready in time while I tried to keep my composure.

Before she left I asked her if she felt as though our engagement and wedding might overshadow her own. She scoffed and shook her head, telling me that our wedding should have happened years ago and she was more than happy to help set things right.

"Besides," she added, "you two will be an old married couple by the time my wedding comes along. I'll have plenty of time in the spotlight, don't you worry."

The last person we included was Emily. I pulled her aside the next time she was scheduled and asked her to take on the task of my wedding cake herself. I could have done it myself but I had plenty to do already without assembling a cake on the morning of my wedding. As an intern, she was unpaid but I insisted on paying her personally for her time and also for keeping her mouth shut. We listed the cake under a fake name in the books so we didn't arouse any suspicion from the rest of my employees about what she was working on. They'd find out soon enough.

Once we had our accomplices settled and the plan was in motion, I called my mother and finally confessed that I was engaged. I held nothing back, recounting every detail of Edward's proposal before informing her that I'd booked her and Phil tickets to fly out for our engagement party.

Just after my phone call to my mother, Edward and I drove over to his parents' home and told them of our engagement. Esme nearly broke down when she saw the ring on my finger and held me tightly, telling me over and over that she'd always known I was the right girl for her son.

"I just knew he'd never find anyone like you," she cried. "I knew even when you were just kids and I told him over and over again that he needed to find you and win you back."

Esme tried to jump right into wedding planning but Edward told her we weren't going to plan much until after the engagement party and she reluctantly agreed to shelve all wedding talk until after the party. I told Edward later that evening that I felt horrible for deceiving her and that I felt like I was denying her the chance to be involved in our wedding but he assured me that she was getting her wedding planning fill with Alice and that she'd be delighted by our surprise.

So, with the pieces in place, we sent out the invitations for our 'engagement' party to the handful of friends and family we felt were important while Rose took care of the rest of the details for us.

On November eighteenth two thousand and twelve, only three weeks after he popped the question, Edward and I were married in a beautiful and intimate ceremony in Rose and Emmett's living room.

Everyone but our handful of co-conspirators believed they were attending an engagement party right up until the moment Rose and Emmett led them to the flower covered room and announced that it wasn't an engagement party but the actual wedding that they were attending.

With my dad gone, it seemed only appropriate for my daughter to walk me down the aisle and to give me away to the man who'd declared us a package deal. Alice, Charlie and I had gone shopping just days before and found her a sweet white dress to wear for this occasion and we provided her with a miniature bouquet of her own to carry as well. Together in our white dresses, Charlie and I walked down the aisle, hand in hand, towards the man who promised to be mine for the rest of his life

Edward had managed a few surprises of his own as we recited our vows to each other. "Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to hold you in my arms every night and make sure you know that you are cherished every morning. I promise to discuss my feelings with you and to make you a part of every decision I make from now on, no matter how terrified of your answer I might be. Most of all, I promise to love you every minute of every day for the rest of my life. This I swear."

My eyes filled with tears and I took a deep breath readying myself to recite my own vows when we turned his attention from me to the tiny girl at my side.

"Charlotte Rachel Black, I promise to always be on your side, to offer advice when asked, protection when needed, and to listen objectively when all you need is a friend. I promise to always love and respect your mother and to love you as if you were my own. This I swear."

I was completely overcome with emotion when the officiate turned to me, and with tears streaming down my face, I all but whispered my own vows.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, You have held my heart from the moment we met and I promise to be yours from this moment until the day I die. I promise to love you with every fiber of my being and to never take for granted the love we share. To cling to you when the road grows rough and to trust you when the nights are darkest. I will love you every second of every day until my heart stops beating. This I swear."

I barely heard the rest of the ceremony. Tears streamed down my face as I stared into Edward's deep green eyes. The rest of the room was a blur and it was only him and me there in that moment, clinging to each other's hands as the judge spoke of love and commitment. When he finally announced us as husband and wife and invited Edward to kiss his bride I couldn't be more relieved. Edward pulled me into his arms and I hungrily pressed my lips to his. It had taken us a decade of hurt and confusion but we had made it. We'd come through the other side as husband and wife and nothing would tear us apart now. He was mine and I was his, for now until eternity.

When we rejoined our family after the ceremony, I was quite worried that we'd made a huge mistake as my mom appeared to be on the brink of tears. I approached her nervously, feeling like a child who was about to be punished for something.

Instead, she pulled me into her arms and held me tightly, telling me over and over again how happy she was for me. When she finally released me to pull Edward into a hug, Esme took her place, sobbing as told me how thrilled she was to gain another daughter.

Surprisingly, neither mother seemed even the slightest bit upset at being left out of the wedding planning. In fact, my mother confessed that she thought it was a brilliant idea to save ourselves all the hassle and headache of wedding planning. Everyone was impressed that we were able to keep the secret as long as we did, especially when they learned that Charlie had been in on it from the beginning. She reveled in the attention she received from everyone in attendance and the praise they heaped on her for being able to keep her mouth shut. I noticed that she'd become especially fond of Alice. The two of them sat together all night giggling and whispering like old friends despite their sixteen year age gap.

I spent the entire evening in the arms of my new husband. During the casual buffet style dinner that Rosalie and Emmett had catered for us, Edward pulled me into his lap and we fed each other, too absorbed in our own happiness to notice the handful of friends and family members watching us with smiles on their faces.

I didn't let him go until the end of the night as we said our goodbyes. I thanked Ben, Angela, Chelsea and Emily for coming and all four of them told me to take all the time I needed with my new husband, assuring me the bakery would be fine until I was ready to come back. Carlisle kissed my cheek and Esme held me close as they both thanked me for bringing the light back to their son's eyes. I hugged my mom and Phil and gathered Charlie into my arms for a huge hug and kiss, making her promise to be good for her grandma. Edward knelt in front of Charlie to say his good-byes and she surprised him by throwing her little arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back as the entire room let out a collective 'aw' and I very nearly melted at the sight.

After that, there was only one more good-bye standing between me and spending the rest of the night making love to my husband. I just couldn't say that enough. _My husband._ I loved the way it sounded.

"Rose, Emmett, thank you so much for everything. This was so much more than I anticipated. I love you guys," I said, pulling both of them into my arms.

"Hells Bells, it's the least we could do. I'm just glad I had a bye week so I could be here for this shindig. You know I hate to miss a good party, specially when it's in my house."

"Me too, Em," I said with a laugh. "It wouldn't have been the same without you."

"Damn straight," he agreed before turning his attention from me to shake Edward's hand.

I turned to my best friend and nearly fell apart. "Ro, I can't believe you did all this for us." When she offered to hold the 'party' slash wedding at her home I hadn't expected her to create the most magical evening of my life. She'd arranged the decorations, seating arrangement, and catering entirely on her own but it had all been perfect, showing just how well she knew me, possibly even better than I knew myself.

"B, Emmett might be the love of my life but you are my soulmate, my other half. I'd do anything for you. Throwing a party? This is nothing. I love you."

I dissolved into a puddle of tears after that and clung to my best friend both of us sobbing against each other until our men had to physically pull us apart. Edward lifted me into his arms and carried me to his car.

"You look exhausted, my love," he remarked, taking my hand as he navigated the car out of Rose and Emmett's driveway while the most important people in our life looked on.

"I am," I sighed, letting my head fall back against the cool leather of the seat.

"I hope you're not _too _tired Mrs. Cullen."

I smiled brightly at the sound of my new last name. "For you, Mr. Cullen, I am never too tired."

"Good, because the last thing I want to do tonight is sleep."

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it softly as my entire body flushed with warmth. We drove for several minutes in sexually charged silence before I realized we were not heading towards home like I'd expected but instead were driving further downtown. Edward refused to tell me where we headed until we pulled to a stop in front of the Fairmont Olympic hotel.

"What's this?" I asked.

"You didn't think I was just going to take you home did you? Not on our wedding night," he said with a devious smirk. "Besides, I told your mom that she and Phil could stay at our place. I thought it would be easier for Charlie to be somewhere familiar."

I launched myself across the seat and kissed him furiously until the valet just outside the window cleared his throat, politely reminding us of his presence. I blushed brightly and returned to my own seat as Edward exited the car and came around to open my door for me. I'd just stepped from the car when he once again lifted me into his arms and carried me into the hotel.

"Edward, we don't' have any other clothes," I whispered. "I didn't pack a bag or anything." Then as I noticed that we'd completely bypasses the front desk I added, "Don't we need to check in?"

"Already taken care of, my love," he murmured as we entered the elevator. "Alice and Rose took the liberty of packing you a bag and it's been here since I checked in this morning. All that's left is for us to relax and enjoy ourselves."

I don't know how he managed to find our room with my lips attached to his but he did and soon we were finally alone in the most beautiful hotel suite I'd ever seen. Not that it mattered. I wouldn't have noticed if our room was covered in garbage since I only had eyes for Edward.

Once inside, he set me back on my feet and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close as he stared into my eyes.

"I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my entire life, Bella. I don't know why you decided to give me another chance and I know I don't deserve you but I plan to spend my life trying to become worthy of you."

"Just love me," I moaned. "All I ever wanted was your love."

"You have it," he breathed, his hand trailing to the zipper of my gown, pulling it slowly down my back. "I will love you always."

He nudged the lace of the sleeves from my shoulders and the dress fell to the floor. "I've only ever loved you. I will only ever love you."

He brought his lips to mine and lifted me from my feet carrying me to the bed, his lips never leaving mine.

As I fell back onto the bed, Edward let his lips and hands roam all over my body, deftly removing my white lace bra and panties and bringing me to climax at least twice before even removing shirt. When I was more than thoroughly satisfied, I rolled him onto his back and worked to rid him of his clothing before happily returning the favor.

It was only several hours later, well into the early morning hours as we lay panting, sweaty and intertwined that we noticed the champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries that the hotel staff had left for us.

"Well, my beautiful wife, I know we have had a somewhat spotty track record when it comes to alcohol and sex, but I think it's time to change that. What do you say?"

"I think a little toast couldn't hurt."

He smiled and opened the champagne, filling the two glass flutes before handing me one. "Ok, what are we toasting to?"

"To finding love again," I said, holding my glass out. He repeated my words, clinked his glass to mine and we both took a long sip.

"To forgiveness and learning from past mistakes," he added. I tapped my glass to his and we drank again.

"To never letting anything keep us from each other ever again." _Clink. Drink. _

"To spending every moment of every day in love."

"Hopelessly in love," I amended.

We spent the next hour snuggled on the huge bed sipping champagne and feeding each other strawberries before eventually setting all that aside and once again coming together. It wasn't until the pink light of the sun rising filtered in through the windows that we succumbed to sleep, wrapped in each other's arms, finally husband and wife.

Hopelessly in love and determined to never lose each other again.

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**There is still a little epi that I'll post tomorrow but that's about it, folks. *Sad Face* **

**Now, someone mentioned that they'd like to see an EPOV and it wasn't something that I originally planned on but they idea was planted and I've been thinking about it lately. Let me know which scenes/chapters you most want to see from Edward's perspective and I might be persuaded to add a couple outtakes. **

**Also, I have a few other stories that I've been working with and hope to start posting soon. So, keep an eye open for something new from me in the next few weeks. **


	36. Epilogue

**I'm getting a little teary here. When I started writing this I wasn't sure I'd ever even finish. I certainly didn't think I'd ever dare share it. When I held my breath and started posting, I didn't think anyone would ever actually read it. I certainly didn't expect to 100+ people decide to follow or fav it. I would have been thrilled with 2 reviews and the fact that I now have over 200 absolutely blows my mind.**

**Thank you all so very much. You guys are my motivation and your support has meant the world to me.**

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Epilogue

Our honeymoon was short and sweet as we both had too many obligations to keep us away for long but we made good use of our hotel room for the two nights we had it, never leaving the room once and rarely leaving the bed except to shower together. We'd created a little love bubble there and I hated to leave it but I was missing my girl and the real world beckoned. Edward promised to bring me back for our anniversary as we reluctantly checked out of the hotel.

Because Thanksgiving was just days away, I was forced back to work immediately upon arriving home, hurrying to help Ben finish filling the roll and pie orders. Edward spent those days officially moving his things into our home. My mom and Phil had decided to stick around to spend the holiday with us and their help with Charlie that week was incredible.

Thanksgiving ended up being a much grander affair than I was used to. In addition to my parents, Esme had also insisted that Rose and Emmett spend the day with us. So, instead of the usual small dinner with Rose and Em, I found myself at a large table surrounded by family. It was a feeling that I'd never realized I'd always wanted. Luckily everyone's attention was focused on the children, listening to Charlie's stories or doting on sweet baby Henry, so no one noticed the few tears that fell from my eyes.

No one but my loving attentive husband, that is. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked quietly, brushing the tears from cheeks.

"Nothing. I'm just really happy right now."

He smiled and kissed me, drawing our family's attention back to us and I blushed furiously as Emmett whistled and both of our mothers smiled broadly. Then tiny little Henry let out a massive fart from his seat on Rosalie's lap and the room erupted in laughter. The attention turned away from us once again, leaving me free to scoot my chair closer to my husband and steal kisses unnoticed for the rest of dinner.

At Christmas, Edward managed to surprise both me and Charlie with tickets for our very first family vacation to Disneyland. I thought Charlie's head might explode when she learned she'd be spending the rest of her school break at the Happiest Place on Earth. I was even more surprised to learn that Edward had not only planned the trip, he'd managed to conspire with my employees so my business would be taken care of and even called Jake himself to make sure he wasn't stepping on any toes.

"You called him?" I asked later that night as we lay in bed.

"Of course, baby. That's his weekend and I just wanted to make sure it was cool with him before I booked the tickets."

"Was that weird?" I asked. I couldn't imagine it not being at least a little weird. The two of them already had met, of course, and managed to exchange polite greetings but that was always with Charlie present.

Edward chuckled and pulled me against his chest. "I won't lie. It was a bit awkward, for both of us I think, but Charlie's only eight. We have ten years of holidays, birthdays, and coordinating schedules with him plus graduations, her wedding and sharing grandchildren after that. Might as well put the past aside and get along, right? Besides, I got the girl in the end," he said with a smirk and then kissed me.

Disneyland was incredible and Charlie had such a great time that it was all she would talk about for months afterwards. She was still discussing her favorite rides two months later when we attended Alice and Jasper's wedding in February. Unlike our wedding, Alice's was a massive affair attended by everyone Alice had ever met or probably even just said 'hello' too. The morning of the wedding, as Esme and I helped Alice prepare for the day, my mother-in-law pulled me into a hug and thanked me profusely for sparing her all this drama with my wedding. All the planning and miniscule details were driving Alice a bit crazy and in turn she was driving Esme crazy. I knew that in the end it would all be lovely and perfect but part of me was afraid that Esme might strangle her daughter before she ever made it down the aisle. I took it upon myself to make sure Esme's glass of champagne was refilled often but not excessively and enlisted Carlisle and Edward's help in keeping her calm.

A month later, the arrival of Charlie's new half-sister, Leah, proved to be one thing that finally broke her out of her Disney obsession. She just couldn't get enough of that baby, not that I could blame her. Leah was a sweet, beautiful baby and seeing how happy Vanessa and Jake were and how in love Charlie was with her baby sister made my ovaries twinge.

That night as I readied for bed, I washed my face and brushed my teeth as usual and then picked up my plastic packet of birth control pills. What had always been second nature now became quite difficult. I just couldn't muster the willpower to pop the tiny pill from its foil enclosure. Without another thought and still clasping the plastic disc in my hand, I stood in the doorway to my bedroom where I found Edward sitting in bed with a book.

"What do think about me maybe not taking these anymore?" I asked, holding up the pack of pills.

His eyes focused on the item in my hand and then a huge smile broke out across his handsome face. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" I nodded and he closed his book, setting it aside. "Then I say you toss that shit in the trash and get your gorgeous ass over here."

It took three months and as fate would have it, the pregnancy tested showed two lines the very same week I'd decided it was time to expand the bakery. Business had been booming and we were testing the limits of our current location. Now with the imminent expansion of my family as well, I had to face the truth. It was time to move.

Ben, my newly appointed assistant manager, and I spent the summer checking out commercial space after commercial space. Whenever I could steal her away, I dragged Esme along with us. Her renovation and design expertise were immensely helpful when trying to imagine these big, often dreary, empty spaces as an attractive and functional workplace.

It took us until the end of September to find a space that met my big three condition; location, size, and affordability. Despite having looked up and down all of Seattle, our new location ended up being just a few blocks away. That had been the clincher for me as it meant we could likely keep most of our local business.

Once the lease was signed and keys were in hand, Ben, Esme and I spent close to a week walking through the building mapping out what needed to go where and hammering out the design details. At the end of the week I handed the keys over to my mother-in-law and let her and her crew get to work.

With one big change underway, Edward and I were ready to begin looking for our new home. He'd been incredibly patient, knowing I couldn't seriously look at houses until I knew where the new bakery would be. I knew I would never find anything as close to work as I was now, but I still wanted to be as close as reasonably possible. That didn't stop him from pointing out 'For Sale' signs on every decent house we passed.

Our personal foray into the real estate market was much simpler. We spent only two weeks looking at different homes in the area before we found one that was perfect for us. It had four bedrooms, a huge kitchen, and a beautiful backyard that Charlie immediately began dancing around. Best of all, it was only five minutes from the new bakery and close enough to our old place that Charlie wouldn't have to switch schools. That fact alone was enough to make ready to sign on the dotted line.

The next few months were some of the most stressful of my entire life. The bakery renovation was in full swing, Edward, Charlie and I were in the process of moving, and my pregnancy hormones were out of control. Some days I thought I might lose my mind but Edward kept me sane. In the evenings he would cook dinner, rub my feet or sometimes just hold me close and remind me that it would all be over soon.

On our anniversary he kept his promise and booked an entire weekend for the two of us at the Fairmont. Since I was almost six months pregnant, we had to substitute sparkling cider for our champagne but other than that tiny detail, the weekend was spent exactly as our first weekend as husband and wife had been, completely and entirely in bed, wrapped in one another.

Our weekend away recharged my batteries enough to survive the last few weeks of our move and renovations. By Christmas, the three of us were settled into our new home and I received the best Christmas present possible, the work on the bakery was finished and we were on schedule to re-open just after New Years. I don't know how we did it, but somehow we'd survived.

Our peace only lasted a few weeks before I went into labor late one evening, two weeks early. Masen Carlisle Cullen arrived just a few hours later in the early morning hours of Valentine's Day. Though this time around my labor pains started first, Masen kept up the tradition and my water broke as Edward stood in front of me in our bedroom, talking me through a contraction. Esme teased afterwards that she was feeling left out and threatened that if we ever had another baby, she wouldn't leave my side for the last month.

I was smitten with my son from the first moment I saw him and could tell right away that he would be just as handsome as his daddy, maybe even more so and boy, was his daddy in love with him. Edward spent the first few days of our son's life just holding him in his arms and staring at our tiny wonder. More than once, I woke in the middle of the night, my breasts telling me we were overdue for a feeding, and found Edward passed out on the couch with Masen sleeping on his bare chest. I'd never thought it possible to love this man more than I did until I saw him caring for our baby. It was nights like that that had me counting down the days until my six week doctor visit and being cleared to make love to my husband.

Charlie was completely obsessed with her little brother and with a year of practice already under her belt, she was an incredible help. Masen loved his big sister just as much. He gave her the honor of both his first smile and his first laugh, much to the dismay of his father and I, who'd been trying to elicit that type of reaction from him since birth. We'd spent days making funny sounds or ridiculous faces at him only to have Charlie accomplish the task simply by picking him up after school one day and saying hello.

Once the boy started smiling, he never stopped. He was the happiest baby I'd ever seen. Edward and I took advantage of the fact that we both basically worked for ourselves and Masen spent most days at work with one or the other of us depending on who had the easier workload that day. My son soon became the star of the bakery, charming everyone who walked in the door. All the sweet little old ladies of the neighborhood would stop in everyday for a bagel and the chance to coo at and tickle my sweet little boy.

At Thanksgiving that year Rosalie and Emmett shocked us all by announcing the expansion of their family. They'd been secretly filling out adoption papers and had finally been approved. Little two year old Henry was going to have a little sister. Moments later Alice and Jasper announced their own impending arrival. They had planned on waiting until Christmas as Alice was only six weeks along but got caught up in the excitement of Emmett and Rose's announcement and let it slip. As everyone congratulated the two sets of parents to be their eyes fell on Edward and I expectantly. We looked at each other and at nine month old Masen before both shaking our heads vigorously.

"Not a chance!" we cried in unison.

The next few years flew by in a blur. I watched my daughter transform from a beautiful little girl to an absolutely gorgeous young woman. As Charlie entered her teenage years, Edward and Jake formed a surprising alliance, suddenly united in their common goal; keeping every other male as far away as her as humanly possible.

Masen grew up to be the spitting image of his father but with my brown eyes. He continued to be just an absolute delight though he had a mischievous streak as well. Despite their year and a half difference, he and Henry became the best of friends and the two of them together could be quite a handful but I loved the sounds of their giggles and hushed whispers as they plotted against their sisters. Though he was on-the-go all day when night fell, he was all mine, often curling up in my lap for no reason other than to snuggle his mommy. Those were the moments I lived for.

Edward made a tradition of whisking me off to a hotel for the weekend every year on our anniversary. On our fifth he decided we were overdue for a proper honeymoon and surprised me with a cruise, just the two of us. Masen was ecstatic to have a weeklong sleepover with Henry while Charlie spent the week helping out her dad and Vanessa with their second child, a cute little boy they'd named Seth.

It was on our cruise that we conceived our little surprise, a brown haired, green eyed little angel named Elizabeth. She was the polar opposite of her brother, quiet and introspective but she also had the biggest heart I'd ever seen. Where Masen was always mom's little boy, Elizabeth was daddy's girl from the start. She worshiped the ground he walked on and launched herself into his arms whenever he walked in the room and he loved her every bit in return.

Throughout the years, Edward and I remained every bit in love as we'd ever been but our relationship was not perfect. Just as every couple does, we had days filled with stress, anger, and arguments. However, we'd learned from the mistakes of our past and made communication a priority. There was nothing we couldn't share, no problem we couldn't work through.

We'd gotten away from each other once before but now that we'd found our way back together, nothing would tear us apart ever again. He was mine and I was his, the way it should have always been.

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**Well I'm not quite ready to hit the complete button just yet. Still contemplating an outtake or two from EPOV. A couple of you have chimed in on what you'd like to see from his POV but I'm certainly happy to hear what everyone else thinks. Keep an eye out for that hopefully in the next little while. **

**I've also been working on a couple other stories and hope to start posting in the next few weeks. I'd love for you all to come along on a new journey with me. **


	37. EPOV Outtake Graduation

**Hello, my loves. This is the first of at least two (maybe three) outtakes from Edward's POV. This one is basically Chapter 10 from EPOV. I know some of it will be repetitive but this was the easiest way for me to get into Edward's head. **

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EPOV- Graduation

June 2003

I've done it. I've survived high school. I am officially an adult in the eyes of the world. It should be the best day of my life so far. But it's not. My parents are proud, my friends are ecstatic, and I feel hollow. This isn't the way it should be. She should be here with me. We should be celebrating together, planning the beginning of the rest of our lives. But I've ruined that.

I don't hear the speeches, I'm too busy fighting the urge to glance over my shoulder, to seek out her lovely face among the rest of the 'S' last names. I refuse to turn around. If I see her face I will crack. I will rush to her side and beg for forgiveness and then I will ruin her life.

She deserves so much more than I can offer her right now. I'm just a kid with a high school diploma, the ink on which is not even dry yet. I've never even held a job. My parents always wanted me to focus on my studies so I could get into the college they've spent their lives saving money for me to attend. The college on the other side of the country. The college my girl won't be coming with me to.

My classmates talked all morning of finally being free but I don't.

I feel trapped.

I couldn't stay and offer my girl a mediocre life; she deserved so much more than that. I couldn't leave and expect her to wait around for me for years, to put her life on hold for me. Not when I was sure she would grow to resent me for it. So, I'd been forced to make the one decision I felt would harm her least in the long run. I cut out my heart and set her free. I hated myself for it.

I know that I hurt her. I saw it in her face as I spewed some bullshit about both of us needing to be free to enjoy college. I didn't want to be free. I didn't want to go to parties and hook up with vapid girls who didn't have an ounce of the beauty my girl had. But, I didn't want to keep her from experiencing those rites of passage if that's what she wanted. I didn't want to keep her from anything.

I could only hope that someday she would understand my reasoning. That someday, when I was worthy of her, I could throw myself at her feet and beg her forgiveness.

My dad had a medical conference to attend and my mom conveniently decided to tag along. They sent Alice to a friend's house for the weekend, leaving me free rein over the house. Before leaving dad pulled me aside to tell me he was proud of me and to enjoy the celebration, asking only that the house remain intact and that it be cleaned before they returned. He was giving me permission to throw a party. _Ha!_ A party was the very last thing I wanted right now.

I didn't tell Liam or anyone else what my dad said, knowing they'd try to plan a party whether I liked it or not. That didn't stop Liam from trying to convince me to attend someone else's party with him. I blew him off.

Once Alice left for the night, I was alone with my thoughts. I cleaned up my room, trying to clear out some of the junk in anticipation of my upcoming move. I hoped staying busy would keep me from falling too far into depression but the plan backfired. Focusing on the move only made me feel worse and I gave up before ever really getting started.

I ventured downstairs and attempted to watch a movie. It distracted me just fine until suddenly the main character found love. I found a nice safe baseball game to watch after that. Liam called a few times hoping to entice me into joining him at the party. I only stayed on the phone long enough to ask him if she was there. As soon as he told me there was still no sight of her, I'd tell him again that I wasn't coming. Eventually, he stopped calling.

The house grew dark and I found my thoughts harder and harder to bear. I pulled myself from the couch and headed to my dad's liquor stash. I was well-versed in breaking into the little cabinet but I was surprised to find it unlocked. It was never unlocked. Though after his little speech this afternoon, I shouldn't have been surprised. There were several options to choose from but right up front was the one that looked the most appealing. A large unopened bottle of Patron. I never knew either parent to be big tequila drinkers and I wondered for a second if dad had left this here just for me, to aid in my celebration. _Well thanks dad, but it's not celebration I'm after. It's a night free from memories and misery. But this will certainly help. _

I carried the bottle to the kitchen and dug an old shot glass out of one of the cabinets. I stared at the bottle for several moments, praying its contents would bring me relief. I'd just pulled the cork stopper from the bottle when my phone rang. _Fucking Liam!_

I pulled my phone from my pocket, ready to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone once and for all. The name flashing across the display nearly stopped my heart.

"Bella?" I breathed, my voice nearly cracking with emotion.

"_Edward, please don't hang up. I need help. It's important." _

I shoved the cork back into the bottle and rushed from the room, immediately searching for my shoes. "Are you ok?" I demanded. _Please God let her be ok. _

To my surprise she launched into the story of finding my sister, my baby sister, drunk at a party surrounded by disgusting little punks. That meant she was also at a party. My Bella was at a party drunk with strange men and unable to leave. My shoes were on my feet in a matter of seconds. Keys in hand, I was out the door.

"Where are you? I'm on my way."

She spouted off an address somewhere out in Port-fucking-Angeles and I was on my way. My knuckles tightened over the steering wheel as I repeated the address over and over, committing it to memory since I hadn't thought to bring a pen or paper to write it on. I flew down the highway, praying that Chief Swan and his deputies were too busy busting up all the other parties to worry about me and my speeding.

I made it to Port Angeles in record time and found the street with ease, feeling as though my heart was leading me straight to my Bella. Suddenly there she was, a small figure sitting on the curb in front of a large house. I couldn't see her well but I knew it was her, my heart knew it was her.

I threw the car into park and leapt out. "Bella? Alice?" I called out, letting them know I was here. I came around the car and found my fifteen year old sister passed out in Bella's lap. "Goddammit," I cried, pulling at the ends of my hair in frustration. She was supposed to be at a sleepover. I knew she could be a little shit sometimes but what the fuck was she doing at a party like this? She's just a fucking kid.

"Is she ok?" I asked. Knowing it wouldn't take much for someone Alice's size to get dangerously drunk.

"I think so," she mumbled. "Just sleeping. She's been drooling on me for like twenty minutes but at least she didn't puke."

I leaned forward and pulled my sister from her lap and carried her to the car, laying her across the backseat before turning back to Bella. It took everything in my power to keep from pulling her into my arms as well.

"What the fuck happened?" I demanded, needing to know how my sister ended up in Port Angeles and on her way to a likely date rape if Bella hadn't intervened.

"I don't know," she said, "I was inside and then I had to find Rose and I looked everywhere but I didn't find her. I came out front and there she was, drunk as shit with a whole group of gross boys. I pulled her away and called you. That's all I know."

"Alright, get in the car. Let's get out of here," I replied, ready to put as much distance as I could between my sister, Bella, and the 'gross boys' she mentioned.

"Uh, excuse me?" she asked. "I just called you to get her out of here."

Was she kidding me? Did she really think I was just going to leave her here? After everything she just told me? I didn't even know why she was here in the first place.

"Who are you here with? Why are you even here? Whose party is this?"

"I'm here with Rose and Stefan. It's his party," she said quietly.

_Fantastic. _ No wonder she'd been out here alone. "Ok, so they are probably out screwing somewhere," I snapped. "Which means you're basically here alone, drunk and with what you yourself said were gross, sleazy boys. Yeah, not leaving you here."

_Over my Goddamn dead body._

"And where the hell am I supposed to go? I can't go home. I've been drinking. My dad will kill me."

It's true the Chief would be less than pleased if I brought his daughter home drunk but I was sure he would prefer it to the alternative. I knew for a fact he would kill _me_ if he knew I left her alone at a party like this, with questionable people. But I knew I wouldn't be able to convince her to go home and to be perfectly honest, I didn't want to take her home. Not to her home anyway.

"I'll take you to my place. You can crash there. My dad has a conference tomorrow and my mom is tagging along. They left just after dinner."

She hesitated but eventually whispered, "alright," as she slipped into my car. We didn't say anything as we drove away from the party. The only sound coming from Alice's light snores in the backseat. We were halfway home when Bella pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed.

"Dammit," she sighed quietly as she held the phone to her ear before speaking louder. "Hey Rose, something came up and I got a ride home with a friend. Call me tomorrow and I'll explain. Stay safe. Love ya."

_A friend. _I knew it was my own fault that I was now relegated to being an unimportant, nameless 'friend' but it still stung. Even the way she'd said it sounded forced.

I should have let it go but I couldn't stop myself from raising an eyebrow in question. "A friend?"

"Isn't that what you wanted us to be?" she snapped, using my own words against me. I returned my attention to the road and kept quiet for the duration of the ride. My heart ached as I realized for the first time just how upset she was with me and I questioned whether I'd done the right thing.

After pulling into my driveway, I pulled my sister into my arms and carried her up to her room. Surprisingly, Bella followed me up the stairs and, once I'd laid Alice on the bed, she stepped in to remove her shoes. I left the room and made my way downstairs as the love of my life, who was so obviously angry with me, still found it in her to take care of my sister for me. Just another sign of how good she was, how much I didn't deserve her.

I settled into the couch downstairs, unsure if she would join me or if she would just curl up next to Alice. I tried to hide my surprise as she crept down the stairs and came to sit opposite me on the couch. I wished now that I'd flipped on the light switch so I could see her face. Her expression was too hard to read in the dark.

"I'm sorry my idiot sister ruined your night," I said finally, desperate to break the ice.

She stifled a laugh and mumbled something about her night not going so well in the first place before turning the focus on me, asking about my own evening plans. I admitted that I'd been doing this exact thing when she'd called.

"Well that's lame," she said with a forced little laugh. "Though it was probably better than the stupid party I went to."

"So, why'd you go?" I asked, truly wanting to know why she went to a party she'd been so clearly uncomfortable at.

I never expected her to answer but she opened right up, admitting that she just went to get drunk and forget everything. _Forget me, is more like it._ She mumbled something offhand about being groped before delving back into the story of finding Alice but I wasn't listening anymore. I was seeing red.

"Groped? Someone groped you?" I was seething, ready to drive back to that party and burn the whole fucking thing to the ground. Why would Rosalie take her there? And what kind of fucked up friends did this Stefan kid have?

In typical Bella fashion, she quickly began backtracking, trying to write the whole incident off as being no big deal. It wasn't. It was a big fucking deal. She should be free to celebrate her graduation without being assaulted and I was furious at the thought of another man having his hands on her, especially against her will. However, she was upset and begged me to move past it so I would, for now. I'd been given a gift by having her here with me and I wasn't going to risk scaring her off.

"All I wanted was to celebrate my graduation by getting so drunk I forgot everything. Now that plan is ruined so I'd really like to just pass out and forget this night ever happened," she sighed.

My heart broke all over again. She'd gone to the party in search of relief much like I'd been seeking from that tequila bottle in the kitchen. Then I had an idea. Her plans had been ruined by drunken assholes and my idiotic sister but maybe I could salvage part of it for her. I owed her that much. Lord knows I still needed to drink the pain away.

"Hang on just a second," I said and jumped off the couch and hurried to the kitchen, snatching the bottle of Patron off the counter before heading back to the living room. "My sister ruined your plans but maybe I can fix that."

She seemed surprised by my ability to obtain alcohol so quickly and I was forced to admit that my own plans for the evening were quite similar to hers. I offered to make her a margarita, not expecting her to want to just drink the liquor straight as I had planned but she surprised me with her willingness to do shots with me.

We headed into the kitchen and I dug another shot glass out of the cupboard and sliced up a few limes. After we had a couple of shots in us the tension in the room lightened considerably and Bella even seemed to relax a bit.

"Better?" I asked, hoping I'd helped at least a little in brightening her night.

"Much," she replied with a genuine smile, "the company is better here too. No creepers."

My heart nearly exploded. She'd only said my company was preferable to creepy gropers but it was better than being worse. It was clear though that the events of her evening were still bothering her so I took another stab at asking her what happened. She didn't shut me down this time; alcohol had loosened her tongue and she jumped right into the story. As she told me about some guy watching her at the party, my blood began to boil. When she said he had waited outside the restroom for her I was livid. When she talked of him pulling her into a bedroom, I lost all ability to think rationally, but when she admitted to actually letting him kiss her, I snapped.

"You let him kiss you? My baby sis was out there getting taking advantage of while you were off making out with some other guy?"

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and I instantly regretted each word. Bella staggered backwards as if I had hit her and I knew that I'd fucked up. I was angry, yes, but more at myself than her. If I hadn't pushed her away she would have never been in that situation but the idea of her letting some other guy put his lips on her was like a punch to the gut.

She didn't say another word but turned and ran from the house, out into the night. I followed quickly, calling out to her, praying she'd give me the chance to apologize. I breathed a sigh in relief as she spun around but she immediately began reading me the riot act. I accepted every angry word she threw at me, grimacing as I realized I'd basically called her a whore. I could never think that of her. I was just so angry at the world and she had been the undeserving recipient of that anger.

She turned away again and resumed stomping down the driveway but I refused to let her go. Not like this. "You're right," I called, grabbing her arm and forcing her to turn and face me. "You're totally right and I'm an ass. I'm sorry."

"You wanted to be friends?" she spat. "Well, friends don't judge each other and get all jealous."

She was right though I really didn't want to just be friends. I wanted so much more but if she wanted to be friends I wouldn't say no. I would take being her friend over being nothing at all.

I continued to apologize until she agreed to come back inside, promptly declaring that she needed much more alcohol. I hated that we'd come to this point, where she needed to be drunk to hang out with me, but I forced a smile and poured her a drink, hoping I could prove to her that we could remain friends at least. Maybe if I could be her friend, it would be easier to convince her to give me another shot in a few years when I was in a position to take care of her. I didn't want to hold her back but maybe we didn't have to be torn apart entirely in the meantime. Maybe I could still be a part of her life.

With a few more rounds of shots, the anger from our argument dissipated entirely. I watched her carefully as she took each shot, her cute little tongue darting across her delicate wrist as she gathered the salt there. My pants tightened as she wrapped her perfect pink lips around the wedge of lime. The air practically crackled with my desire for her, as my body flushed with warmth, both from the alcohol coursing through my veins and the mere nearness of Bella.

I poured myself another shot, mine always a bit larger than the shots I poured for her, and grabbed the salt. Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed her tiny wrist, bringing it gently to my mouth and licking it slowly, reveling in the taste of her skin. My brain began blaring alarms but I silenced them. I vaguely heard Bella ask me what I was doing. I spoke honestly as I replied that she simply tasted better as I poured salt onto her skin and held out my own lime wedge for her to hold.

I brought her now salty wrist back to my mouth and sucked softly. I almost didn't need the tequila, Bella was intoxicating enough but reluctantly I pulled away and sucked down the liquor. My girl held up the lime for me and locked eyes with me as I bit down on the tart flesh of the fruit. I was playing a dangerous game.

"What was that?" she whispered.

I didn't know how to respond. I'd been the one to push her away. I'd told her I just wanted to be friends and now I was on the verge of blurring that line. My head was spinning. I had no idea what I was doing.

"What? Friends can't hold fruit for other friends?" I asked, trying to shrug off my actions as nothing major, when in truth, she was pulling me under. I began reminding myself over and over that she just wanted to be friends. I'd let her go for her own good. She wasn't mine anymore. _Friends._ I repeated. _Just be her friend._

She smiled at me and my heart nearly stopped. _I was so fucked._ I turned and poured her another shot, still smaller than my own, I didn't want her to overdo it, as I announced it was her turn.

She licked her own wrist and smiled at me defiantly, teasing me, letting me know she was in charge. I laughed because I knew she was in charge. _Friends. _I repeated again. _Just friends. _ She owned me completely but if she wanted to tease me, I could tease back. As she brought the shot-glass to her lips and closed her eyes, inhaling the harsh liquid, I placed the lime in my mouth, biting down on the rind. I fully expected her to scowl and snatch the fruit away from me but she surprised me again, throwing her arms around my neck as she bit into the lime.

I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. She released the fruit and pulled back in surprise. I took the opportunity to let the lime drop from my mouth and pressed my lips back to hers, grateful to no longer have that barrier between us. Her lips were still tangy but that sweet taste that was pure Bella lingered just under the surface, drawing me in.

My world began to spin as I held her in my arms, kissing her with everything I had. The taste of her, the feel of her made everything else go blank. It was just the two of us, the way it should always be. I barely registered her asking me a question and I mumbled something in response, the part of my brain that handled speech on autopilot. All I could focus on was the feel of her skin on my fingertips.

Somehow we found our way upstairs and into my bedroom. I fumbled with her clothing, muttering jibberish to her until I had her lying naked beneath me. The room was spinning. All coherent thought had shut down but when I finally took her, wrapped in my arms, it was just like coming home. I fell asleep with her body against mine. I never wanted to let her go.

It was well into the afternoon when I woke. My head was pounding, my mouth felt like sandpaper but none of that bothered me, none of that mattered, because I was alone. I sat up suddenly in the bed, searching the room desperately for any sign of her. Ignoring the pounding of my head, I leapt from the bed, pulled on a pair of flannel sleep pants and rushed to the bathroom. She wasn't there. I searched the floor. Her clothes were gone. There was no sign that she'd ever even been here.

_Had she been here?_ _Did I dream her being in my bed? _

I scoured my memories. I remembered driving out to the party. I remembered fighting but we'd made up quickly. I found myself growing hard again as I remembered kissing her, touching her, making love to her. It felt too real to be imagined. And there was the fact that I'd woken up naked. I vaguely remembered putting on a condom and decided to check the trash, looking for any proof that my memories were real and not imagined. As I walked across the room, a slip of paper sitting on my desk caught my eye. The desk had been the first and only thing I cleaned last night before giving up. That paper shouldn't have been there. I could see Bella's light scrawl as I neared the desk and my heart lifted. _Of course! _ She'd probably had somewhere she needed to be earlier and left me a note letting me know.

I snatched the paper from the desk greedily, hoping she'd included a time she'd be free again. I couldn't wait to see her again. Instead, her note destroyed my heart.

_Edward-_

_I'm sorry. I can't do this. _

_Love, Bella_

I read it several times before crumpling the paper in my hand and tossing it across the room with a roar. I didn't understand. What the fuck had happened? I rushed down the stairs, hoping irrationally that she was still here, that maybe I could catch her. All I found was Alice wrapped in a blanket on the couch watching TV.

"Did you see her?" I demanded. "Did you talk to her? Is she still here?"

Alice nodded sadly. "She left a while ago."

"Well? What did she say?"

"Um, I asked her if she knew how I got home. I don't really remember."

I growled in aggravation. "Alice, believe me, we'll definitely be talking later but right now, I don't really give a fuck about you! Did she say anything about me?"

My sister looked down at her lap. "Not much. I asked her why she was leaving. She said it was complicated. That's about it. She didn't seem to want to talk about it and she left pretty quickly."

"It's complicated?" I repeated. "That's it?"

"Well, isn't it?" Alice asked. "I thought you broke up."

"We did."

"Why?"

I really didn't want to discuss this with her. "I have my reasons."

"Yeah, well maybe she has hers. I mean, you are leaving soon, aren't you?"

_Fuck!_ She had a point. I was leaving. Nothing had changed. "You think that's why?"

"I don't fucking know, Edward. I can't imagine it's not a factor though. Or maybe she just doesn't like being jerked around. You break up and the hook up with her again the first chance you got. She has feelings you know? We girls don't like being teased with something we can't have. Now, will you leave me alone? My fucking head hurts."

I turned and walked back to my room. Alice's words weighing heavily on my mind. I wanted so much to call Bella, beg her to forgive me. But for what? I was still leaving. I would still be holding her back. I couldn't ask her to be mine yet. I needed to figure out a way to make it work. I needed a plan before I could ask anything of her.

I knew what I needed to do. I would go to Dartmouth as planned but once there I would find a way for us. I would find a job. Find an apartment off campus where she could come live with me. I was going to figure this out and then I was going to come back for my girl.

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**Like I said before, there should be at least one more outtake covering Edward's time at Dartmouth. The news of Bella's wedding and leading up to the reunion. I hope to have that up sometime this weekend. Thanks again for all the support. It has been amazing. **


	38. EPOV Outtake The Phone Call

**Like the chapter title says, this outtake covers that phone call Edward made to Bella the morning of her wedding, everything leading up to that and the immediate aftermath. **

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EPOV- The Phone Call

I'd always been a good student but my freshman course load at Dartmouth was kicking my ass. If I wasn't in class, I was at the library studying or doing homework but I didn't mind it much. I even used my ridiculous schedule as an excuse to avoid going out with my roommate, Alec, and other friends from my dorm but truthfully, it just didn't feel right to go out to the bar and try to pick up chicks. In name, I was single and available, but my heart was most definitely taken and I wasn't going to betray my Bella like that. So, when they went out at night I stayed behind alone, reading, watching tv or often staring at the photo of Bella and I at prom.

Just a week or two after Bella slipped from my bedroom taking my heart with her, an email from an old classmate appeared in my inbox. It was just a casual note alerting me to a few attachments which contained photos of me, taken at some point during the school year by the yearbook team. Most were stupid, me and Liam talking in the hallway, me in the background of a classroom shot, and more of the like. Then there it was, a picture of Bella and I dancing at prom. I had been so wrapped up in her that I didn't notice anyone taking our picture. The sight of us, so happy and in love hit me like a ton of bricks. I damn near deleted the thing that instant; it was just too painful to look at. However, at the same time, it reminded me of my goals. I was going to make something of myself and then I was going to crawl on hands and knees over broken glass until she looked at me that way again. I printed the photo off that day and secured it in a small frame. Alec often made fun of me when he caught me staring wistfully at the picture but he'd never been in love and he just didn't get it.

On the rare afternoon where I found myself with free time, I bought myself a copy of the local newspaper and perused the classifieds. I wasn't sure how I would be able to fit a job into my packed schedule but that didn't stop me from keeping tabs on what was out there, just in case I came across something flexible. I also checked on apartments and rental homes but that was disheartening. Everything was so expensive. How was I ever going to continue my education and work enough to afford off campus housing. I desperately needed her here with me but I couldn't go back and ask her to join me if I couldn't provide her a place to live.

More than once I'd expressed to my father that I'd like to find a job but he continued to scoff at the idea. _"Edward,"_ he'd say, _"your mother and I put aside every extra penny for you and your sister so you could get a quality education. We sacrificed so you wouldn't have to. I worked extra hours so you wouldn't have to, so you could focus on your studies."_

It was always the same with him until my guilt forced me to drop the subject. However, by March I'd reached my wit's end. I called my dad early, hoping to catch him in a good mood, before Alice's antics or stress at work could take its toll. I wanted to inform him of my desire to stay in Hanover through the summer. I could work and save up money and when my sophomore year started, I planned to take a lighter load so I could continue to work. Within a year I hoped I would be settled and able to beg Bella to join me. We'd have a tiny apartment and it might be hard at first, but we'd be together and that's all that mattered to me. Once I was done with school I would find a better job and everything would be great. I just knew it.

First, I just had to convince my dad that everything would be ok and not to freak out and do something drastic like cutting off my tuition. I grew hopeful as he listened intently to my plan, so hopeful that for the first time I divulged my hope for Bella to join me, for the two of us to start a life together. He'd always liked her and he and my mother had married young so he had to understand. Mom had even supported dad through medical school though I hoped it wouldn't come to that for Bella and I. I wanted to be the one supporting her.

"_Son,"_ he said quietly, after I'd finished explaining it to him_. "I thought you and Bella broke up?"_

"We did, but only because I was leaving. Don't you see dad? This is why I need to do this, so I can get her back, so I can make her mine again. I can't ask her to wait for me there, not for so long, but maybe I can ask her to join me here."

"_Edward,"_ he said forcefully, pulling me out of my rambling. _"Don't you know?"_

"Know what?"

I heard him sigh loudly and mutter what sounded like a curse under his breath. _"Son, I hate to have to tell you this, especially now after all you've just told me." _

"Spit it out, dad." I cried, a heavy sense of dread falling over me. Did something happen to her? Was she ok? My heart was pounding, the sound of it echoing off the walls and each second that I waited to hear the news felt like an eternity.

"_She's getting married, Edward. Bella is getting married." _

Married? Married? That wasn't possible. No way was that possible. "If this is some kind of sick fucking joke…" I began.

"_Son, you know I wouldn't do that to you. I only heard yesterday. I don't know the details, I just overheard one of the deputies mention that he was covering for Charlie, for his daughter's wedding. That's all I know. I'm so sorry. I thought you knew." _

"I have to go, dad."

"_Edward, it might be too late. It might have already happened."_

"No dad, I have to call her. I have to hear it from her myself."

I hung up the phone, blood rushing through my veins. This couldn't be happening. My hands were shaking as I dialed her number. It was early there but not terribly early and I just didn't care. This couldn't wait.

"Bella?" I called out as soon as she answered the phone.

"_Edward?"_ she asked, her voice sounding sleepy and confused. I was sure I'd woken her and listened intently for the sound of anyone in the background. I didn't hear anyone and I thanked the powers that be for that one small mercy. I wasn't sure I could handle hearing some other guy waking up next to her.

"Am I too late?" I asked.

"_Too late for what?" _

"You know what Bella. This ridiculous wedding you have planned. Tell me it's not too late," I demanded.

"_Why do you care?" _she snapped and my heart snapped with it. Why wouldn't I care?

"Is it?" I begged. "Are you already married?"

"_No, Edward," _she huffed andI breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't married yet._ "The wedding is this afternoon." _

"Oh thank God," I mumbled, more to myself than to her though it was clear she heard me anyway.

"_How do you even know about it and why do you care?"_

"Small town, Bella," I explained quickly. "My dad heard from someone around town and mentioned it to me." I didn't see why it mattered where I heard it. "Why Bella?" I begged again. "Why?"

"_What is it to you? Why are you calling me? You haven't spoken to me in almost a year." _

My heart was torn to pieces with each word she spoke. She was right. I hadn't called her. I'd come close. I'd held the phone in my hands, fingers on the button so many times but I always held back. If I called her I would have caved. I would have begged her to take me back, to wait for me, to put her life on hold for me. All the things I wanted her to do but didn't have the heart to ask of her. Now it was all blowing up in my face and my entire life was coming down around me. It was too much to bear.

"Doesn't mean I don't care. You expect me to sit by and let you throw your life away?" I was a hypocrite of the worst order and I hated myself for it. Just moments ago I was on the phone with my dad talking about how I wanted her to marry me.

"_Let me?"_ she cried, her voice laced with venom that cut straight to my bleeding heart. _"Let me? You do not control me, Edward Cullen."_

"I didn't mean it that way, Bella." I sighed, apologetically. "I just don't understand why you are doing this. You're too young to get married. Jesus Bella, you're only nineteen. This is insane."

Even as I spoke the words I was in disbelief. Why couldn't I just tell her the truth. That the reason I cared was because she wasn't marrying me. I wanted to scream the words. Cry out that I loved her, that she was killing me, but the words stuck in my throat, refusing to be spoken.

"_It's really none of your business Edward."_

No, but I wanted it to be my business. "Don't do it, Bella," I pleaded. "Don't."

"_Give me a reason Edward. Why don't you want me to marry him?" _her voice was small and quiet. I barely heard it over the pounding of my heart. _"Why Edward?" _she asked again.

I knew this was my chance. It was now or never. My brain screamed at me to tell her. To confess my love, tell her that I'd never stopped, that I would love her for eternity. But my heart refused to speak. It was already bruised, battered, broken and bleeding. If I told her I loved her, if I begged her to wait for me and she turned her back on me, chose this other man who she'd so quickly agreed to marry, I wasn't sure I would survive it. My poor heart would just stop beating and nothing would ever get it started again.

So, instead of coming clean, I chose to protect my heart and prayed she would listen to reason. "Damn it, Bella! You're just too young! You should be in college, going to parties, having a good time. You're too young to be tied down. I just don't want to see you throw your life away for some jackass."

She was very quiet but I could practically feel the chill between us over the phone. I had lost.

"_Is that all, Edward? Did you just call after months of not speaking to me to tell me what to do and insult my fiancé? You're not my father. You think I haven't heard all this from him already?" _ Her anger was palpable, her words hitting me like fists. _"Well, if that's all you have to say, then I'll be going. Busy day here today."_

No! No, no, no. My heart was lying in tatters as I felt her slipping away forever. "Do you love him?" I gasped, just wanting to know she'd be happy at least. I might be able to carry on if I thought she was happy.

"_Edward. I need to go." _

"Do you love him?"I asked again, needing to hear the words.

"_He's a good man and he'll take care of me," _she sighed, her voice flat as if the line had been rehearsed but how could that be? I knew she hadn't been expecting my call.

"You didn't answer the question," I breathed before my pain pulled me under. I snapped the phone shut and promptly threw it across the room where it shattered into pieces. The grief was so intense I wasn't sure I could withstand it. My chest felt as though it were physically being ripped in two. The pain was too much to bear and so instead I gave into anger, slamming my fist into the wall until I was sure I'd broken something but even that pain was preferable to the one in my heart. As I turned away from the wall, cradling my busted hand, my eyes fell on the picture by my bed. That photo of Bella and I that I'd clung to while she was out with someone new. I snatched it from the table with my good hand and raised it over my head, ready to slam it against my desk until there was nothing left.

But, I couldn't do it. It was all I had. By the end of the day someone else would have my girl, someone else would call her his wife, someone else would be on the receiving end of that loving look of hers. But this one was mine. This look was for me and me alone and it was all I had left of her. I couldn't bring myself to destroy it but I couldn't look at it either. Not right now anyway and so I shoved the little frame into a box under my bed just as the dorm room opened.

Alec walked in, taking in the broken phone on the ground and my bleeding right hand. "Your girl found someone else." It was not a question.

"She's getting married," I mumbled, my voice flat and dead.

Alec sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Shit man, I'm sorry."

"Fucking married! I didn't even know she was seeing anyone."

"I know dude. That fucking blows. You alright though?"

I shook my head. How could I possibly be alright? "Not even close."

"No, I mean your hand. It looks like shit."

"Oh, yeah," I mumbled. "I had to hit something."

Alec laughed and nodded. "I know that feeling. Listen, next time go for the interior walls. They're a bit more forgiving than the exterior ones. I'm pretty sure that wall there is straight brick," he said pointing to the wall near my bed, the wall I'd unleashed on. "That'll fuck your shit up."

"I don't care."

"I know but I don't want be writing out your damn assignments for the rest of the semester. So, how 'bout we go get that shit checked out and then I'll buy you a drink or two or ten, whatever you need, bro. A couple painkillers and a good drink will do you good."

Unable to ignore the pain in my hand any longer, I let Alec drag me to the hospital and he hung out with me while I waited for the x-rays to tell us what I already knew. My hand was broken. Luckily for me it wouldn't require surgery but I'd be in a cast for a couple of weeks. Just what I needed. A physical reminder of the day my life ended.

By the time we got out of the ER it was early afternoon but Alec stuck to his word and drove us to a small, dirty, dive bar notorious for turning a blind eye to underage drinking. He bought us a pitcher of beer, most of which I inhaled myself, and listened to my heartbroken mumbling.

As afternoon melted into evening and my buzz intensified, I let Alec lead me back out to the car. Rather than driving back to the dorm he turned the car onto Webster Avenue, also known as 'Frat Row'.

"What are we doing here?" I slurred as Alec parked the car and stepped out.

"I thought that was fucking obvious," he said with a laugh, gesturing to the many, many cars and people lining the street. "We're going to a party."

"I don't wanna go to no party."

Alec laughed again and came around the car and physically pulled me out. "Maybe not, but bro, you sir _need _a Goddamn party. Come on, this is my cousins house, he'll show you a good time."

I followed him up the walkway to a large frat house absolutely overflowing with people. Alec pushed through the throngs until he found a tall blondish guy I assumed was his cousin. Alec pulled him aside and whispered something to him before turning and smiling at me. I was drunk but I could tell something was up.

Alec's cousin handed me a very large glass of something alcoholic and put his arm around me. "Here ya go, Eddie." I didn't question it, just brought the glass to my lips and started drinking. I couldn't really give a fuck what was in it. "I'm Peter. Don't worry buddy, I've been there and we're gonna make it all right."

Peter led me to the middle of the room and let out a loud whistle. Someone behind us lowered the volume of the pulsating music and all eyes turned to us. "Ladies, my boy Edward here just had his heart stomped on today. I'ma need you all to help me take care of him tonight. Show him a good time ok?"

There were some whistles and cheers as the music was turned back up and just like that we were surrounded by girls. "Here you go, my man. Enjoy."

With that Peter stepped aside, leaving me at the mercy of these women before I could protest. This wasn't what I wanted. None of these girls even held a candle to my beautiful Bella. The one closest to me placed a hand on my arm gently and offered a warm smile. "Oh you poor dear," she sighed. "Come sit with me and tell me all about it."

"No, I can't," I protested, trying to extricate myself from her grasp.

I managed to shake her off and wriggle my way free of the rest of the girls as well, shaking my head and shaking off tiny hands as I went. I downed my drink as I ventured further into the house, trying to distance myself from Peter's idea of a 'good time'. In one room I found a crowd of people surrounding a large punch bowl and pushed my way through to refill my glass before heading out again, trying to find a quiet place to sit and drink myself into oblivion.

I was stumbling down a hall when a tall girl with fiery red hair wearing far too little clothing and far too much makeup stepped into my path. "Edward, right?"

I nodded though that only seemed to make me dizzy. Whatever was in my drink was strong as I was suddenly having a hard time standing upright.

The redhead saw the glass in my hand and plucked it from my grasp. "Be careful with these. They're lethal," she said with a laugh before downing the contents of my cup.

_What the fuck? _"K, well if you're done stealin my drinks, I think I'll be on my way."

Red Hair placed her hand on my arm and smirked. "Oh come now, don't be like that," she purred. "I heard you were in need of a pick-me-up and I happen to be good at those. Let me make you feel good, handsome."

With that she stepped closer and pressed her lips to mine. My alcohol addled brain was slow to respond but eventually I snapped out of my haze and gently pushed the girl away. "Stop. Have a girlfriend," I mumbled.

"Not what I heard," Red Hair cooed, bringing her lips back to mine. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice whispered that she was right. I was unattached. Bella was attached. To someone else. She was likely enjoying her wedding night at this very moment.

_Oh fuck it!_

I let the redhead kiss me.

I woke the next morning dizzy and disoriented with absolutely no idea where I was. My hand was throbbing, my eyes were bleary and when I finally managed to pry them open, I realized I was not alone. I was lying on the floor of a small strange bedroom and next to me was a very nearly naked red-haired girl.

_Oh dear God, what have I done? _

I was wearing nothing but my boxers as I carefully slid away from the strange girl and searched out my clothing. I'd just slipped into my jeans when the girl stirred.

"Good morning, handsome."

"Oh, good morning, um…" I was terribly embarrassed that I had absolutely no recollection of her name. There was only the vaguest of recollections of her at all, to be honest.

"Victoria," she finished for me with a knowing grin. _Busted._

"Right, sorry," I mumbled, trying to figure out how to remove myself from this situation when I realized there could be much bigger repercussions to the previous evening than not remembering someone's name. "Did we uh…"

Victoria chuckled as she stood and pulled on her dress. "Relax, we didn't quite get that far. You drank way too much of that punch. I just helped you feel good."

I wasn't sure if it was aftereffects of the alcohol or the implications of this girl's words, but I thought I might be sick. "Look, I'm sure you're a nice girl but…"

"Hold that thought, handsome. I am so not looking for anything from you. Last night was just about having a good time."

Was she basically admitting to being a slut. _Fucking fantastic!_ I made a mental note to hit up the clinic a.s.a.p. as I struggled to pull on my t-shirt and zip up my pants. It wasn't an easy task, considering the cast on my hand, but my motivation to get the hell out of there was stronger and I managed to get into the rest of my clothing quickly.

There was a bit of an awkward goodbye with Victoria before I hurried out of the house and found my way back to the dorms. I reached my room just minutes before Alec wandered in, looking a bit like I felt. That little fucker had the nerve to congratulate me on whatever it is the red-haired Victoria and I had done and laughed as I bemoaned the need for a trip to the clinic.

"Don't worry bro, Vickie's pretty careful but we'll pick you up a shit-ton of condoms before we go out again. Best way to fill a hole in your heart is to fill as many chicks as possible."

It was crude and probably the world's worst advice, but I'd come to expect that sort of thing from Alec after so many months as his roommate. I also had to admit that for at least a few minutes last night, my pain had been lessened, so maybe he was on to something. I decided it was time to shut off my feelings, get out of this room and live a little if there was to be any hope of me moving on. It was time to let go.

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**I totally caved so there will be one more outtake to come. I think it's time we meet Tanya.**

**I still love you all! Big thanks and virtual hugs to anyone and everyone who read/reviewed/supported this story. You guys are the best! **


	39. EPOV Outtake Tanya

**Still don't own Twilight, still don't intend to infringe. **

**This is it. I'm a little misty-eyed. It's hard to say good-bye. Not sure why but this was probably the hardest outtake to write. It covers quite a bit and so it ended up being the longest chapter of all. I guess it's my little goodbye present to you all. A little extra time with Edward. **

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EPOV- Tanya

For weeks after that fateful phone call to Bella on the morning of her wedding, I lost myself in drinking and debauchery. It was a miracle I passed any of my finals. During the day I struggled through my classes, often hungover and always exhausted while most nights I went out with Alec to hit up any bar we could get into or whatever party we could find. Each night I drank until I no longer compared every girl I met to Bella. That wasn't hard, considering the type of places we frequented, most of the girls we met were vapid and superficial but I didn't care. I wasn't looking for conversation, I just needed a way to get out of my own head for a while.

I'd been extraordinarily lucky not to have been left with a physical reminder of my night with Victoria and no matter how much I drank, I was very careful not to tempt fate again. To be honest, most of the time I found I couldn't stand my company long enough to get her into my bed anyway and usually settled for rounding just a base or two in dark corners before moving along.

I ended up staying and working in Hanover over the summer after all. I just couldn't face the idea of going home and spending the entire summer trying to avoid running into Bella and her husband. Mom wasn't happy and though I told her it was just because having a little work experience would be beneficial down the road, I was sure she saw right through me. She told me she understood and promised they would fly out to visit me here instead.

As my sophomore year progressed, I cut back a bit on my partying with Alec. We still went out on the weekends but I didn't want to completely sabotage my future. After all, my future career might be all I ever have, might as well make sure it was a good one right?

By junior year I'd grown sick of the ridiculous girls and stopped paying them much attention. None of them ever lived up to the girl who still held my heart and the drunken encounters were no longer helping the dull ache in my heart. There was just no point in it anymore. I refocused my attention on my studies with renewed vigor. I still hung out with Alec and the rest of my friends on the weekend but we'd all grown up a bit and none of us were as interested in the excessive partying anymore.

I was surprised by how easily I settled into life in New Hampshire. I suppose it was easier once I realized that Forks no longer held anything for me. I'd only gone back once since learning of Bella's marriage. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't bring myself to tell my mother I wasn't coming home for Christmas. So, I spent the week there hiding in the house, avoiding any trip to the grocery store, diner or any public place where I might accidentally run into _them._

As I started my senior year I finally decided that I'd had more than my fill of dorm life and found myself a tiny studio apartment just off campus. It was small but it was bigger than a dorm, it was quiet, and it was all mine. I loved it.

I was not the only one who moved that year. My parents relocated to Seattle and after spending my first Christmas in their new home there I came home excited about starting the last semester of my senior year. Even though I still had my Masters to complete, I was so close to completing this small step towards the rest of my life. I was finally beginning to feel free.

I was just gathering up my things after my advanced macroeconomics class when a silky voice approached me from behind.

"Edward, right?"

I spun around and came face to face with a tall woman with long strawberry blonde hair. She was very attractive, gorgeous most would say though I didn't really look at women in that way anymore. I smiled politely and nodded.

"Hi," she said with a broad smile as she extended her hand, "I'm Tanya, Tanya Denali. So, I'm not going to beat around the bush here, I initially had you pegged as a pretty frat boy just paying his way through a degree here, but based on your comments during class it seems you actually know your stuff."

I stifled a small laugh. She wasn't kidding about not beating around the bush. "Well, you don't exactly look like the typical econ major either," I retorted playfully. _Jesus Christ, was I flirting? _I didn't flirt. Not anymore.

"I get that a lot. You'd think it would teach me not to judge but whatever, that's not why I'm here. I need a study partner and I'd really like one who isn't a complete idiot. I ended up basically tutoring my last two study partners and I don't need another pupil. What do you say?"

I was thrown completely off guard. I wasn't sure what I expected her to say, but that wasn't it. "Oh, um, well…" I mumbled, hesitating.

"Good hell, Eddie, I'm asking you to study with me not go to prom. It's really not a hard question."

She was a bit of a spitfire and seemed genuinely focused on her studies. I decided I liked her. I didn't want a girlfriend but I wasn't opposed to a friend who was a girl. "Alright, I tell you what. You promise to never call me Eddie again and you've got a deal."

"I think I can handle that," she said with a smile.

We exchanged information and set up a time to meet up. Over the course of the semester I found that I grew to enjoy Tanya's company. She was driven and ambitious but also funny and caring. We became fast friends and our study sessions went from the all business in the library to casually comparing notes over pizza and beers.

After our last final we celebrated with friends at a restaurant overindulging in rich food and too many drinks. It was late by the time our little party split up and went their separate ways. Both of us too drunk to drive, I ended up walking Tanya back to her apartment. I'd been to her place plenty of times over the last few months but as she unlocked the door and invited me inside, I recognized that something was different this time. Our friendly banter was gone, replaced with something different, a tension of sorts.

Though Tanya had never indicated that she wanted anything more than friendship from me, I wasn't surprised when she leaned in and kissed me. It felt as though we'd been unconsciously heading in this direction for a while. It wasn't anything I planned or even thought I wanted, but kissing her came easy. She was warm, inviting and I was just so lonely. I didn't even realize how much I missed physical contact until her body pressed against mine.

I woke the next morning hopelessly confused, unsure of how to proceed. Tanya was my friend, one of my closest friends lately and the last thing I wanted was to hurt her but I wasn't sure I could give her my heart. At the same time, I was sick of spending my nights alone. In the end, I decided to just let go, give it a shot and see what happened.

Tanya and I never really discussed it but after that first night together we seemed to just fall right into a relationship. It was easier than I'd expected but while I cared deeply for Tanya, there was always a Bella-shaped wall keeping me from giving her my whole heart. When Tanya confessed her love I merely echoed the sentiment. It felt wrong to lie to her but the truth would hurt her more. If not for Bella, Tanya would have been just the kind of girl I wanted to end up with. Now Bella was out of the picture, why shouldn't I try to make it work with Tanya?

Weeks turned into months and my heart stubbornly refused to catch up with my head but I enjoyed Tanya's friendship and company far too much to hurt her now. She loved me, cared for me, cheered me up when I was feeling down. In return, I played the role of perfect boyfriend. I wanted to be her perfect boyfriend.

Christmas that year brought a few surprises. I went to Seattle to spend the holiday with my family while Tanya went to Alaska to see hers. What I hadn't expected was how much I would miss her. I still wasn't sure she'd ever replace Bella in my heart but somehow she'd carved out her own small piece of it.

When I learned that Bella had married I had been angry and heartbroken but as time went on envy had been added to my feelings on the subject. She'd moved on, found someone else and would have a family of her own while I'd been sure I would spend my life alone. Suddenly I had a different option. Tanya may not have been my first choice, but she was a choice, a good choice. We could make a life together.

I waited until the end of March, until her birthday, and took her to her favorite restaurant, popping the question over dessert. She accepted immediately, throwing her arms around me as the other restaurant patrons clapped and smiled. I was confident in my decision and it should have been the happiest moment of my life but for some reason, with Tanya's arms clasped around my neck, all I could think of was Bella.

We decided on a long engagement. Tanya had her heart set on a big summer wedding but with summer only a couple of months away, it was too soon to accomplish this year. Waiting until the following summer would allow me to finish my MBA and for us to save up a little money for our own place.

My parents flew out immediately upon hearing the news and insisted on taking us to dinner to meet my new fiancé. Dinner went well but my mom seemed subdued and I pulled her aside later that evening to find out why.

"You don't like her?" I asked.

"Oh, Edward, she's a lovely girl. I like her just fine."

"I'm sensing a 'but'," I stated. Mom always prefaced bad news with compliments.

She sighed and smiled sadly. "But I always hoped you and Bella would find a way."

Her words hit me like a freight train and I stepped away stunned. Mom's face fell as she saw that she'd touched a nerve. "I'm so sorry, dear. I should have kept that to myself but it just slipped out. I didn't realize that was still such a sensitive subject. It's been so long."

"It's fine mom," I insisted.

"Oh my boy," she whispered, pulling me into a hug, "it clearly isn't and it makes me wonder if you know what you're getting into."

"I know exactly what I'm getting into, mom."

She shook her head. "I don't think you do. There are clearly unresolved issues at play and I'm just so worried that someone is going to get hurt."

"You worry too much," I said with a forced laugh, trying in vain to put her at ease. "I promise mom, I'll be just fine."

"I never said it would be you," she replied as she stroked my cheek and turned to seek out my father.

My mother's words haunted me for weeks after. Tanya had been thrilled when I asked her to marry me and it was hard to imagine her being hurt by this when she seemed so happy. I tried to write my mother's fears off as just that, a mother simply overreacting, but there was a new nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that she was right. I cared for Tanya but I didn't love her because I was still hopelessly in love with Bella.

_Ugh! _Why couldn't I get this girl out of my head? She didn't want me. She'd moved on the first chance she got. I just wanted to be free of her.

The universe continued to conspire against me in the form of a phone call from my old friend, Liam.

"_Hey man, long time no talk. Wondering if we might be seeing you at the reunion." _

This was the first I'd heard of it, probably my own fault for not bothering to keep my information updated with the alumni committee but in all honesty, who does? Liam apparently.

"Didn't even know about it," I replied.

Liam laughed and gave me the info for the event which was just over two weeks away and taking place back at the Lodge in dear old Forks. My parents were gone and the place held nothing but memories anymore. Memories I'd been desperately trying to forget.

"Yeah, don't think I'll be coming," I chuckled. "It's kind of last minute. I probably wouldn't even be able to get a hotel reservation."

"_It's the Forks Lodge, man, not the Waldorf Astoria. Besides more than half the class still lives in the area. I doubt finding a room will be a problem." _

"Still, it's a long way to go for one night and airfare is expensive these days."

"_Or you just don't want to run into a certain ex of yours. I know for a fact that Rosalie Hale is planning to go. You know if she goes, Bella will."_

That was definitely a surprise. I couldn't imagine Rosalie wanting anything to do with anyone from high school anymore and it just didn't seem like something Bella would be interested in. Not the Bella I knew anyway.

"It's not about her," I scoffed. "She's married now anyways."

"_If you say so."_

I spent the next two weeks trying to ignore the fact that I had a definite time and place where I knew Bella would be. It was dangerous information to have and it was beginning to drive me crazy. Tanya even picked up on my unease, her worries ranging from illness to cold feet. Who knows, maybe it was just cold feet.

The date of the reunion was practically flashing on every calendar I passed, calling out and beckoning me with the promise of seeing Bella again. Each time I would shake those thoughts from my head, reminding myself that seeing Bella meant seeing her with her husband. _No thank you._

The closer we got to the reunion, the crazier I felt and the more worried Tanya became. She even offered to put all wedding plans on hold if it would make me feel better, promising that she could wait until I was ready. I felt like such an ass for causing her to doubt me, even if she was right to do so.

By the night before the reunion, I was sure I was going to lose my mind. I lucked out in that Tanya had gone to Boston for the weekend with some of her girlfriends, leaving me alone to silence the warring factions of my brain with a large bottle of Tequila. I decided the best way to approach the situation was to remain either drunk or passed out until the reunion was over. The more I drank, the more desperate I became. I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I wanted to move on. I needed to move on.

Just before midnight, an idea hit me. Maybe I just needed closure. The last time I saw Bella was naked in my bed. Of course I was having trouble moving on with that memory as my last. In order to get this girl out of my mind and heart I needed to see for myself that she'd moved on. I needed to see her, laughing, happy, and in love with someone else. It would be just the thing to purge her from my mind. The thing that would force me to close that door. It would work. It had to work.

I booted up my computer and shook off the alcohol haze as I searched for a plane ticket. The price was ridiculous, but I actually found a ticket to Seattle leaving first thing in the morning. I couldn't believe I'd been able to book a ticket so last minute. It felt like a sign, like I was meant to do this.

I put away the liquor after that and drank several large glasses of water before passing out. The blaring of the alarm threw me off the next morning and I laid there for several minutes trying to figure out why my alarm had been set when I had nowhere to be that day. Then my eyes fell on the ticket confirmation page that I'd printed off the night before and it all came back to me.

_The reunion._

I strongly considered calling the airline and explaining that the ticket purchase was a complete mistake and seeing if I could get my money back before going back to sleep. I couldn't bring myself to make that call though. In my hands I had a ticket to see Bella. I wasn't sure anything would have stopped me from using it.

As I packed I made a call to Tanya which thankfully went straight to voicemail. It was early and she'd gone for a friend's bachelorette party, she likely wouldn't be awake to get my message until I was halfway to Washington.

"Hey, babe, something came up and I'm going to head to Seattle to see my folks. I should be back around the same time as you. Don't overdo it too much. I'll see you when I get back."

I felt bad lying to her but I wasn't sure how to explain the truth without hurting her. It seemed everything I did was sure to hurt her anymore. Hopefully that would change after tonight.

The cab ride to the airport went quickly and before I knew it, I was on a plane heading straight to Seattle where a smaller plane waited to deliver me to Port Angeles. I was going home. On the plane I developed a plan of attack. I wanted to see Bella, but I didn't want her to see me. I couldn't sit there and smile and bullshit as she introduced me to husband as just her old high school boyfriend, laughing about how young and silly we were. I couldn't stomach the idea of that. I decided the best way to avoid that was to not let her know I was even there at all, which meant I needed to avoid almost everyone else as well. Was that even possible? I hoped that I could sneak in once the reunion was well underway, stick to the back, hide in the shadows until I caught a glimpse of her. That's all I needed. Just a glimpse of her happy with someone else and I could bail, get back on a plane and go home to Tanya with the demons of my past exorcised.

My nerves were beginning to get the better of me once we touched down in Port Angeles. After renting a car, I stopped and bought a bottle of tequila and a small silver flask, knowing I would need more than a little liquid courage in order to follow through with this absurd plan. I drove straight to the Lodge, not wanting to pass anything that might remind me of Bella. It was hopeless though, everything in this little town reminded me of her. Despite all the years I'd lived there before she arrived in my life, Bella and Forks would be forever linked in my mind. It was all so painful that I made myself a vow. By this time the next day I would be putting this town in my rear view and I was never coming back.

It turned out that Liam had been right. Despite not making any reservations, I had no problem getting a room. I took an excessively long, hot shower, washing the funk of air travel from my body and giving myself a silent pep talk. I could do this. Sneak in, get a glimpse, sneak out, drink self into oblivion, and wake up new man. Simple.

I'd turned my phone off during the flight and realized as I stepped from the shower that it was still off. I had no doubt that there was sure to be several worried messages from Tanya by now. I knew I should check them, should call her back and reassure her that everything was ok. But I didn't. I kept the phone off and tucked it into the pocket of my carry-on. I would call her later, when I knew everything was ok. I didn't know anything at the moment.

I took my time getting dressed, well aware that the reunion was just getting underway several floors below me, aware that, if Liam's information was accurate, Bella was in this building somewhere. That thought was the one that had me popping open my just purchased bottle and taking several large swigs before filling my new flask.

A couple more drinks and I found the strength to leave my room. Another swig in the elevator and then I was there. I could see vaguely familiar people lingering in the lobby but quickly made my way to the large ballroom where music was playing loudly. I slipped into the room unnoticed and sticking to my plan, remained near the back of the room, where it seemed the darkest as I began scanning the area for Bella.

I took several more drinks from my flask as my eyes searched the room. She was nowhere to be found. I was just about to give up, sure that Liam had heard wrong and that this entire trip had been a colossal waste, when there was a break in the crowd and suddenly she was there. Even from this distance I could see that she was just as beautiful as ever, possibly more so.

I knew in that instant that this whole trip was pointless. Nothing was ever going to stop me from loving this girl. My heart would always belong to her and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered that there was another girl. A girl on the other side of the country who loved me, who would be there waiting for me when I returned home and who I had never felt the kinds of emotions towards that I was feeling right now. I knew in an instant that what I was doing to Tanya wasn't fair. She deserved to be someone's first choice, not their runner-up. I couldn't spend my life lying to her, making her believe I felt things that I couldn't. I didn't want to be that kind of man.

After promising myself that I would make things right with Tanya, I turned my attention back to the stunning beauty in front of me. She was dancing with a tall dark skinned man who I assumed to be her husband though they didn't appear to be completely comfortable with each other. Bella was holding him at arm's length and looked a little uneasy which I found strange. I took a few steps to the side so I could get a better look at this man who'd stolen my love. I nearly gasped when I realized that I recognized him.

It was Tyler Crowley. I'd known him most of my life. _Tyler and Bella?_ That didn't make sense. I remembered that they'd been friendly, I think they shared a class, but it was always just a casual acquaintance. Could they have grown closer after I left? I shook my head. _No. _That was impossible. Tyler went to Stanford. I remember the day he got his acceptance letter. He'd been so excited that he showed it to everyone he passed. I remember congratulating him and showing him my own letter from Dartmouth.

So then what I was watching was just two old classmates catching up. I breathed a sigh of relief. The music slowed and Bella began to look nervous, clearly not comfortable slow dancing with Tyler. I waited to see if her husband would cut in, or if she would excuse herself from Tyler and go to him. Trying not to make myself known, I stepped away from the wall and quickly glanced around the room, looking to see if anyone else was watching them. I saw no one and no one approached them.

Without another thought, my feet began to carry me out onto the dance floor. I wasn't sure where this husband of hers was but I couldn't resist the chance to talk to her alone. I tapped Tyler softly on the shoulder and asked to cut in. I noticed Bella stiffen considerably at my arrival and it hurt my heart. What had I done to make her so uncomfortable in my presence? She began to look around the room wildly again, no doubt looking for the husband that was sure to come and end our brief conversation. I couldn't believe he'd let her out of his sight at all. She looked breathtaking and I told her so.

She was still frozen, seemingly in shock, but she allowed me to place her arms over my shoulders. My heart pounded with the feel of her in my arms again. She asked me nervously why I was there. Apparently, she'd been checking up on me as well. I decided to go with the truth and told her that I'd come all this way just to see her. I saw her trademark blush spread across her face and my heart leapt, overjoyed at being able to elicit that reaction from her still after all these years. She tried to hide it but I wasn't having that. I knew it shouldn't but it gave me an irrational surge of hope. She tried to write it off as a result of heat and alcohol but I knew better. I knew that blush. That was my blush.

She was still obviously nervous and I attempted to put her at ease, admitting that I'd also overindulged as a result of nerves, showing her the flask I'd hidden in my jacket pocket. Nerves caused by her and her still absent husband. I commented on her missing spouse and she stunned me by admitting that he hadn't come with her.

Knowing that our conversation wouldn't be interrupted by another man's fist in my face made me bolder. Or maybe it was just the alcohol, but I ended up making a suggestive comment about not letting her leave my bed looking as good as she did here in my arms. I shouldn't have said it no matter how true it might be.

My comment brought out the fire in her. She jumped immediately to her husband's defense before surprising me with the fact that she no longer lived in town. I couldn't imagine Forks without her. I also couldn't hide how thrilled I was to have her to myself but that only seemed to make her even more angry. She snapped at me and snatched the flask from my hand, helping herself to a large drink before I could warn her of its contents. She didn't seem to care and took a second drink before I could wrestle it away. I took a shot of my own before tucking the flask back into my pocket.

I pulled her closer, reveling in the feel of her body against mine. It was wrong and I knew it. She was a married woman after all, but I couldn't stop myself. She was like a drug, pulling me under her spell. I couldn't get enough. I nearly stopped breathing when she actually rested her head against my chest. Her arms around my neck tightened, pulling me closer. I couldn't believe what was happening.

I lowered my lips to her ear. "God, I've missed you baby," I whispered, admitting to her the one thing I'd been trying to avoid admitting to myself for the last year.

She pulled away and looked up at me, her warm brown eyes peering into mine. I never wanted to let her go. Her husband could go to hell for all I was concerned. I needed this woman like I needed oxygen. She was drawing me in. I was just about to capture her lips with mine when she mumbled something and then disappeared. Before I knew what was happening she was pushing through the crowds of people, running away from me. I was losing her all over again.

_No!_

I couldn't do this again. I shoved past bodies, desperate to catch up with her. I just couldn't let her go again. I broke into a sprint as I saw her reach the elevator, my hand catching the door just as it began to close. Bella shrank into the corner of the small room as it began its ascent. I asked her why she'd run and she admitted that she'd had to get away, eventually confessing that it was me in particular that she was run from, telling me that she couldn't stand in that room and pretend with me. I was so confused. What were we pretending?

Then she completely floored me, saying the last thing I'd ever expected her to say, that she'd been hurting just as much as I had but she didn't stop there. She continued on, telling me that she'd thought about me every day. She detailed the depths of her pain and I couldn't believe what she was saying. The description of her pain so closely mirrored my own. I felt the elevator slow to a stop as Bella told me that she hurt so much because she didn't think I ever thought about her that way. _Was she crazy? _

The door behind me dinged open but I was too in shock to notice. Bella placed her little hands on my chest and pushed me aside, shooting out the door and down the hall, leaving me replaying her words over and over again.

_She thought about me. _

_She thought about me every day. _

_Every day?_

The doors began to close before I snapped out of it and realized I was alone in the elevator. I stopped the doors and threw myself from the elevator, hurtling myself down the hall to where Bella stood fumbling with her room key. I spun her around to face me and took the card from her hand. I couldn't let her run from me again, not after saying something like that.

She fell against my chest crying, tearing my heart in two. Why did she think I didn't care about her anymore? How could she possibly think that? I took her face in my hand and wiped her tears away; confessing to her she was all I ever thought about.

The next thing I knew her lips were on mine, my body pressed up against hers, trapping her between me and the door but she didn't seem to mind anymore. Her body melted against mine. Vaguely aware that we were making out like teenagers in a hotel hallway, I took the keycard in my hand and inserted into the door. Bella nearly toppled over as the door flung open but I steadied her in my arms.

Once inside, I pulled away. My heart was pounding, my breath was ragged but there was so much I needed to say to her. Five year's worth, but Bella didn't want to hear what I had to say as she threw her arms around me and kissed me again. _Oh well. _Tonight I would just show her my love. I would make her mine again. There'd be plenty of time to talk later.

I woke early, afraid that the previous evening had been nothing but a beautiful dream. My heart leapt as I opened my eyes and found Bella's perfect, naked body draped over my own. It had really happened, she was really here! I reveled in the feel of her skin against mine before reality snaked its way back into my brain. Bella was a married woman and I'd seduced her. I had a fiancé back home, a good woman who I'd betrayed. I knew I should have felt guiltier but I was just too happy. I had my Bella and wasn't giving her back to him, not without a fight.

I placed a gentle kiss against Bella's bare shoulder and was seriously considering waking her for another round of lovemaking when I heard the quiet sound of a phone vibrating. I slid out from under Bella and snatched my pants off the floor before remembering that my phone was tucked away in my own room. The sound cut through the quiet room once more and I followed it to the end table by the bed where Bella's phone lay.

I knew I was invading her privacy but I couldn't help but pick up the phone, curious who might be calling her so early. I should have known. Who else would be calling at this time but her husband, probably wondering why she hadn't called the night before. I should have minded my own business but I didn't.

I looked down at the little phone vibrating in my hand. There was a picture flashing on the display under the title 'Home'. The picture was not the face of a man as I'd been expecting, but that of a little girl. One who couldn't be more than three or four years old with dark brown hair and eyes I'd have recognized anywhere. They were Bella's eyes. It was unmistakable. This sweet little girl was Bella's daughter.

_Bella's daughter. _

She had a child. A young child. A child who was waiting at home for her mother to return. A mother who I'd just been planning to steal away.

_I was a monster. _

Could I really tear this little girl's family apart for my own selfish desires?

I dressed quickly and stepped out onto the little balcony hoping the fresh air might help quiet the voices fighting in my head. The monster who just wanted to keep Bella for himself and the gentleman my mother had raised to respect the sanctity of family.

The more I thought about it, the more I knew that I was completely fucked. Either I convince Bella to leave her husband for me, singlehandedly ripping that tiny girl's family to pieces or I bow out, ripping my own heart to pieces instead but leaving my integrity intact. In the end, I knew the only way I could look at myself in the mirror each day was to do the right thing. I couldn't let Bella harm her child for me. I wasn't worth it.

What followed was the most excruciating thing I'd ever done. I lied to the love of my life, I told her it was just a mistake, I told her to go home, and when all that still wasn't working, I used Tanya once more to make my love hate me. I became Bella's monster to avoid being her child's monster. My heart was broken but at least I could live with myself.

I went straight from Bella's room to my own, gathered up my things and checked out as soon as possible, driving straight to the airport and taking the first available plane ride home. Once home, I drove straight to Tanya's apartment. She wasn't back yet but I had my own key and I took advantage of that time to clear out the handful of things I had left there before Tanya arrived home.

She knew straightaway that something was wrong. I still hadn't checked my messages, hadn't even turned on my phone, but it was obvious she'd left plenty.

"Well, I'm glad you're not dead at least," she snapped as she dropped her bags in the entryway. "Are you going to tell me where you were now? Because I called your mother, I was so worried, but she didn't know what the hell I was talking about."

"I'm so sorry," I began, hating myself for what I was about to do to her. "I lied to you."

"No shit! I just told you I called your parents and you sure as hell weren't there."

"Not just that," I said, shaking my head. "I've lied to you about everything."

"What are you talking about?" she asked before a light flicked on in her head. "Oh God! Is there someone else?"

I nodded and Tanya collapsed to the floor. "I've been in love with the same girl since high school. I lost her then and I thought I was over it but I've been lying to myself, lying to you."

Tanya was hugging her knees to her chest as she looked up at me. "Have you been seeing her this whole time?"

"What? No, she lives…," I sighed and tugged at my hair. "Well, I'm not sure where she lives actually."

Tanya looked up at me, her tear soaked eyes knit together in confusion. "I'm missing something."

"I promised you my heart but it turned out to be something I couldn't offer, because this other girl still owns it."

"So you haven't been sleeping with her while you were with me."

"No, but…"

"But you did this weekend. That's where you went. You went to her." She always was a smart girl but I was surprised by how quickly she was able to put it all together.

I nodded. "It was my high school reunion."

"And you couldn't tell me because you went to see her," she stated.

I nodded again.

"So, you and this girl? You two back together now or something?"

This time I shook my head. "No. It's not going to work out."

"I don't get it. If you're not leaving me for her then why come clean? You could have made something up and I'd have been none the wiser. Why throw this away for something you can't even have?"

Did she really think I could just come home and pretend nothing had happened? "I respect you too much to keep lying to you," I said, "to keep hurting you."

Her tears began falling harder now. "So, you just don't love me."

"I wish I could. I wanted to." I said softly, knowing it was the truest thing I'd ever said to her. I knelt in front of her and pressed my lips to her forehead. "I'm so sorry for hurting you," I whispered.

She didn't look at me as she pulled the diamond ring from her finger. I put my hand on hers to stop her. "No, I bought that for you. It's yours."

Tanya shook her head, tears falling freely. "It was never mine to accept." She placed the delicate ring in my hand and folded my fingers over it. "Please take it."

I slipped the ring into my pocket and stood slowly before gathering up my things and walking out of her life. I could only pray that she would find someone who was worthy of her soon. Someone who would make her forget that I had ever existed.

**July 2012**

**4 Years Later**

I stepped out of the steaming shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. I dried my hair with another towel as I headed to my closet searching for something to wear. Mom was hosting some kind of book club or get together with a bunch of her friends and I was taking dad out to eat so he wouldn't have to hide out in his office the whole time.

I dressed quickly and sat on the edge of the bed to tie my shoes. My eyes falling upon the small frame on my end table, on the picture I found in a tattered box at my mom's house just a couple of months earlier. I looked at this picture several times a day now but her beauty never failed to make my breath catch. I'd made so many mistakes when it came to her, so many assumptions and bad decisions that all I had left was this tiny memory, this moment in time when everything had seemed so right, just before it had all gone wrong. Before I'd done everything wrong. _Oh how what I wouldn't give to go back. For one more chance to make things right. _ I shook that thought off as my phone began to ring. I couldn't think like that. It hurt too much.

"Hey mom, what's up?"

"_Edward, I just found out that Renata is bringing her granddaughters with her tonight and I don't have anything really kid-friendly to offer them. Would you be a dear and pick something up for me on your way here? Cupcakes maybe?" _

"Cupcakes?" I asked, puzzled.

"_Sure, little girls love cupcakes. I'd really appreciate it. You could just pop into that cute little bakery around the corner from your place." _

* * *

**I just couldn't resist adding that last little bit in. Even though I know he gets his happy ending, I felt compelled to get him back to Bella. **

**I hope you don't all hate my Tanya and the fact that she isn't a fake, manipulative, bimbo slut. I think she gets a bad rap sometimes and when I set out to write this story I didn't want to create a villain. Most relationship conflicts don't stem from a third person, they come from the two people in the relationship through misunderstanding, assumptions and lack of communication. My Bella and Edward are their own worst enemies and stood in their own way when it came to their happiness. I wanted to write a story about two people growing up and learning from their own mistakes. I can only hope that some of this came across in my story. **

**Sharing this with you all has been so much more than I ever expected it to be. I literally held my breath when I read the first few reviews, certain they'd be nothing but people telling me how much I suck. (Ok, I admit I still might hold my breath a bit. I can't help it.) The fact that so many of you have told me that you not only enjoyed it but loved my story is just too much for me to handle. I think I've been in a perpetual state of disbelief. **

**Well, until next time :)  
**


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